31. Jace
JACE
Producer: “Describe your ideal partner in three words.”
Jace: Don’t say Kieran “Sparkles” Delaney, don’t say it. “Loyal, kind, steady.”
Iwish I could text my uncles about Andy.
The show’s host is like a cartoon character come to life with how fucking enthusiastic he is, and I could barely hold back my laughter during the welcome interview and promo we had to shoot for the show.
Joey would probably roll his eyes at how over-the-top he was during that whole interview, but I know Patrick would have loved every second of it.
He would’ve tried to match his enthusiasm to see if Andy would turn it up even more in response.
Fuck, I miss them already. It’s been years since I’ve lived in their actual apartment, but moving out into my own place in the same building didn’t exactly result in seeing them any less.
Living on my own just meant that my dates got to sit through their interrogation once we were officially dating instead of over breakfast after the first overnight.
I still eat meals with my uncles whenever we’re all home, watch sports with them, and wander into their place whenever I’m bored.
Patrick is even my supervisor now. This will be the first real time off I’ve had since I started as his apprentice all those years ago. I might not have pictured my future as a structural iron and steel worker when I was pulling out of the draft, but I love what I do.
It’s a physically demanding job that also requires mental focus, and I always feel accomplished at the end of the day knowing how hard I’ve worked.
Seeing all the finished structures I was a part of building throughout New York City always makes me happy.
I love knowing I’ve contributed to the ever-evolving landscape of such a historic place.
It can be easy to feel insignificant in a city with so many people, to feel lost in a world where so few people really know me.
But thinking about families still living and working in buildings I helped create hundreds of years from now or how many people have crossed bridges I worked on, it reminds me that everyone is important, and we might never know exactly how many lives we positively impact, and that’s okay.
I am definitely a little homesick right now, eagerly awaiting the dating portion to start.
We’re in Atlanta now to film even though the casting was done in New York.
If we partner up with someone, we’ll continue the second half of filming in New York, but I guess building their studio and filming here was cheaper.
Everything is cheaper outside of the city I call home, but I don’t see myself ever leaving it.
I’ve got a great gig with my union. I tend to volunteer for a lot of overtime, and have never taken time off, so I had banked enough hours to be here without risking my job.
I just hope being here works out. I love the idea of the show. After things settled, and I became more comfortable with my new life in NYC, I really embraced my sexual identity.
I’ll be the first to admit I have daddy issues, and I’m sure all the men I dated in those early years after coming out would agree.
Without my dad’s toxic presence, I could finally let loose.
I’ve calmed down quite a bit from my nightclubs and hookups every weekend phase, and eventually remembered I’m attracted to women too.
I was worried that dating a woman would make me less queer somehow.
That it would invalidate everything I went through with my dad, and even with Kieran, if I ended up with a woman.
But now I know that isn’t true. I’m bi, I’ve always been bi, and I always will be.
The gender of my partner doesn’t change that fact.
I’ve wanted to find my person for a while now, and that’s why I’m here.
I’ve seen the relationship my uncles have, and I want that too.
I’d love to have someone to come home to after a long shift, to just hang out on the couch with.
Or to check out a new restaurant or bar with Joey and Patrick instead of third-wheeling all the time.
But wanting something doesn’t always mean you’re ready for it.
I thought my last partner, Amanda, might be different. We dated for almost a year. But even though she was also a Sparkle’s Tutorials fan, and she liked that we watched the videos together, she eventually accused me of “caring more about a stranger on the internet” than her.
I probably should’ve mentioned at some point that I used to know Kieran—that I was the first one who ever called him Sparkles—but I’ve learned the hard way that if my partner already thinks I’m obsessed with a celebrity, admitting I actually know them only makes it worse.
Sure, maybe if I didn’t spend every second of my free time on his social media, I’d have an easier time staying in a relationship.
But that’s easier said than done. I’ve tried that, I really have. I always fail.
It’s just that, none of the people I’ve dated have compared to the version of Kieran I’ve built up in my head.
I’ve spent years torturing myself with what-ifs, imagining the way things could have played out differently if they hadn’t ended the way they did between us in high school, picturing what could have happened if they hadn’t ended at all.
That’s way more fun than any healthy adult relationship I could have.
Kidding, but this is why I work so much overtime.
And it’s also why I’m here. I’m going to get over my obsession in a setting that will hopefully help me to make a connection with someone while I’m isolated from the outside world. I can’t obsessively check his social media if the show’s taken away my phone.
Might have been an extreme way to break the habit, but desperate times and all that.
I need to stop thinking about him now that I’m all settled into my apartment. My vibe board is ready to go, and it’s almost time for my first blind date. This is a once-in-a-lifetime experience, and I do want to give it my all.
I’m in my two-bedroom apartment. One room is for sleeping, and the other has been converted into a “date room.” The dimly lit room has a loveseat set up in front of a TV screen.
There’s a desk off to the side with a lamp, a journal with a pen, and water.
I grab the bottle, taking a sip as I get settled on the couch.
We’ll be in here a lot today as we talk with each of the other seventeen contestants, so I’m glad I actually fit comfortably on the couch.
I’m a pretty big guy and cramming myself into a tiny chair all day would not have been ideal.
The TV screen lights up with a video of my new favorite TV host, Andy, his comically wide smile still in place.
“Welcome to Love Without Labels!” he starts.
“You’re about to embark on the most exciting and unique journey of your lives.
This isn’t just any dating show—this is about making true, lasting connections that go deeper than physical attraction, gender, or age.
Are you ready to open your hearts and minds? ”
I sure hope so.
“Here’s how this works,” he continues. “You’ll stay in your date rooms for the duration of the morning.
Each of you will get ten minutes with every other contestant for a speed date.
Your voices will be modified to stay anonymous, and remember, no names or gender-revealing pieces of information.
Use only initials and write down notes to help you eventually narrow down your connections. ”
There’s dramatic background music and everything as Andy leans into the camera, dropping into a more serious tone.
“Now, a few things to remember for this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity: be open, be vulnerable, and don’t hold back.
The only way to find a true connection is to be yourself.
The producers will be there to support you every step of the way, and I’ll be checking in regularly.
So… who’s ready to fall in love!?” Then Andy throws his arms open, giant smile back in place as he nearly shouts.
“Good luck, everyone, and remember: love is love! Now, let’s get started!
” The video ends with a swirl of rainbow glitter and the show’s logo.
This is it. The screen changes to what must be my first date’s vibe board.
“Hello?” the robotic voice startles me. I knew they were distorting our voices but it still catches me off guard, and I have trouble focusing on the conversation I’m supposed to be having to quickly “get to know” this other contestant.
But we only have ten minutes, and before I know it, the screen goes back to the show’s logo with a two-minute countdown to the next date.
I guess I’m supposed to take notes in the journal, so I finally pick it up and try to remember the initials of the person I just talked to…
BB? Maybe? Whoever they were, I don’t think I’ll be ranking them very high if I’ve already forgotten what we talked about. Not that I did much talking.
After the eighth date that goes pretty much the same way, I’m about ready to give up on this whole experience. I’m almost halfway done, and I can’t name a single standout connection. How do they expect us to click with anyone in ten minutes?
The next vibe board comes on the screen, and I laugh at how opposite to mine it looks. There are farm pictures, fruits and vegetables, and a bunch of random seasonal things that make it clear this person is into the fall season.
My board, on the other hand, has a lot of city images, bridges and buildings, some of which I actually worked on.
I also put food on there, but none of it is very healthy.
I tend to eat out a lot because my uncles and I can’t cook.
There’s also craft beer, and pictures of basketball and hockey, my preferred sports to watch these days.
I think their intention was for us to include pictures of our hobbies, but I don’t think internet stalking my high school situationship counts as an actual hobby.
“Hey, I’m LM.” That distorted voice starts again, and I can’t help but comment on it.
“L, are you already as sick of the robot voice as I am or am I just not cut out for this show?”
A strange distorted sound follows that I belatedly realize must be a laugh.
“Yeah, this process has been a little overwhelming,” L confirms, and I relax a bit.
I’ve already determined that I’m struggling to learn anything about the other participants in the short time we’re given, so I might as well just talk about how weird this situation is.
“You could say that again,” I agree, sinking further back onto the couch as I set down my notebook I’ve been struggling to even use.
“I’m JR, by the way. Sorry, I know we’re supposed to be talking about our interests and stuff, but we’re not even halfway done and there’s only so many times that I can explain that I like the city. ”
That laugh sound comes again. “The ten minutes is a bit rushed,” L comments. “But I can’t imagine this round lasting days if they tried to extend it.”
“Shit, that does sound worse. Okay L, it’s official—you’re smarter than me. I need to stop complaining and remember how happy I am to be here.” I say that last part aloud even though I’m mostly reminding myself.
The rest of our conversation is easy and it definitely puts me at ease. I wouldn’t say our connection feels romantic in any way, but I’m grateful that L was able to put me in a better headspace. I wouldn’t mind talking to them again.
I’m feeling a lot better about the next few people I talk to. The conversations, although still rushed, do feel a bit more like typical first-date small talk than the pained silence I found myself in during a few of the first dates.
The next vibe board pops up and my “don’t think about Kieran” plan is immediately abandoned. Not only does this person have the same initials, but there’s makeup on their board and video icons. It’s mixed in with cat pictures, art supplies, and images of New York.
I force myself to take in a deep breath before my thoughts can get carried away with the coincidence.
I know that there are probably tens of thousands of people in New York whose first and last names also start with K and D.
Plenty of them wear makeup. Art is a very common hobby, and a lot of those people probably know how to record a TikTok.
There’s no reason for my heart to be racing or the incessant what-ifs to be running through my mind.
“Hey, JR. I’m KD.” That robotic voice is back, but this time, I’m less annoyed. I can’t think about anything other than the similarities between this KD and the man I came here to forget.