33. Jace
JACE
Producer: “What makes you feel loved?”
Jace: “Growing up, I had no idea that love could be offered without expectation. As an adult, I’ve felt the most loved by the people in my life who offer unconditional support. The people who I know will always be there for me even when I make mistakes.”
The last speed date finally finishes, and Andy’s excited face is back up on the screen. “You did it! The first round is officially over! Can you believe it? Some of you might have already talked to your future spouse.”
Wouldn’t that be something? I know it’s a long shot, but I fucking hope so. Today has reminded me how much dating sucks.
“Any guesses on who it might be?”
It might sound crazy, considering how little I know about them at this point, but KD immediately pops into my head.
Honestly, they were the only one that I felt that spark with. LM seemed cool, but talking to them felt like I was hanging out with my uncles. I was instantly comfortable, but I’m not nervous that they won’t want to talk to me again the way I am with KD.
I think K would be the only one with any chance of distracting me from my Sparkles obsession. Do I really think we’ll get married after our first conversation though? Not really. But I guess that’s why we’re here, right? To see if that’s a possibility.
“Here’s what happens next,” Andy continues.
“After you take a break to eat and decompress, spend some time reviewing your notes and thinking about who you’d like to talk to again—and who you’re ready to say goodbye to forever.
You can request up to ten people to match with for the next round.
Make sure to rank your top three for a better chance of connecting with them again. ”
Ten seems like a lot of people to have connected with. Wait no, focus. I’m here to unplug from the outside world, and maybe even find someone who can finally hold a candle to Kieran. I can’t do that if no one wants to talk to me again, so I should probably submit a full list.
Andy leans toward the camera as if he wants our full attention before he goes on.
“If both of you request each other, you’ll be able to directly send messages in our app so you can plan your next date, which could be as soon as tonight.
While you absolutely can message whenever you want, we strongly encourage you to plan daily dates if you want to stay matched.
If you need prompts, we have some in the rooms, and you can find additional prompts on your app. ”
Where were the prompts in the first round? I really could have used those.
Andy says something about twists and giving people second chances, but I’m distracted trying to replay the dates from today.
Most of them really do blur together in my memory.
He claps his hands, drawing my attention back to the screen.
“Once everyone’s results are submitted on the app, you’ll get a message from the producers with your matches.
” He says something else about the top three, but I’m still stuck on ranking anyone beyond my top two choices.
Andy finally wraps up the video, saying, “Best of luck, everyone! Remember, love is love. Follow your heart, ignore labels, and let’s see where it leads you!”
I grab the journal—not that I think my notes will be much help—and head back into the main space to make a late lunch. Pasta is pretty much all I can handle so I start boiling water as I flip through what I wrote down. At least I got everyone’s initials. That has to count for something.
The phone they gave us pings—gross, where is the silent option on this thing—and it’s a notification stating we can now see other people’s vibe boards. Which is admittedly a lot more helpful than most of the notes I took.
After taking a break to focus on making and eating my lunch, I rip out a page from the notebook and write numbers one through ten on a clean page.
Obviously, KD goes at the top. LM was cool too and even though I didn’t feel a romantic connection, I’ll gladly talk to them again.
Maybe things will change after more time together.
I take my time going through each of the boards, and with the few things I did have written down, I slowly fill in the rest of the numbers before submitting my final choices in the app.
I’m sure they need time to go through everything, so I consider taking a nap but decide to see if they’ll let us watch any sports while we’re here instead. I’m surprisingly nervous about the pairings, and I don’t think I could actually fall asleep.
What if I don’t match with anyone?
That nagging fear grows louder in my head, but I remind myself that KD and I seemed to have a connection, and all I need is for them to have ranked me in their top ten, which seems likely.
I breathe a little easier seeing that the TV does have both NHL and NBA games to stream. I didn’t really get into sports other than baseball until I was living with my uncles, so I’m a New York fan and settle in to watch the Dragons hockey game I missed last night.
I’m so focused on the game that I almost jump out of my seat when my phone makes that ping sound again. There’s a message from the producers, but it’s not about the matchings I’m expecting.
Producer Jay
I know it’s day one and it’s probably been a lot to take in, but please remember to say as many of your thoughts out loud as possible so the audience can know what’s going on.
Riiiiight. The cameras. “Sorry,” I say even though I have no idea where the cameras are. When I signed up, excited about the fact that I’d be in the bubble of the show, I never really stopped to consider that I was putting myself in the spotlight to do so.
All my social media accounts are under the name JJ.
No one I actually know follows me, and I pretty much only use them to interact with Sparkle’s content and his other fans.
I’m a moderator in a few fan pages, so I’ve talked to a lot of people online through that, but I’ve never met any of them in person or shown my face.
Due to the show trying to gain traction when this is over, I do have to create new public social media accounts so they can tag me in content and fans of the show can find me.
It’s kind of wild to think about people I grew up with seeing this. My sister knew I was going on the show, and I gave her the important dates for if I actually make it all the way to getting married, but she’s the only person I talk to from before.
Most days I feel like a completely different person than the confused asshole teenager I used to be, but I’ve never been able to close that chapter of my life completely.
Not with the way things ended with Kieran.
I know he blames me for whatever David said and did in the woods, and even though I would’ve never instructed David to do what he did, I know my fear and insistence to keep us a secret is what led to David confronting him in the first place, so it is my fault that it happened.
I still hate how much my actions hurt him. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to move on from it entirely when I’ll never be able to properly apologize.
My phone pings again, and this time, it actually is the matches. I see the message from the producers again, so I attempt to react “out loud.”
My smile is genuine as I say, “My top choice was KD, and it looks like we’ve matched.
” I’m not at all surprised that my list isn’t very long when I felt like I was putting people randomly on there toward the end.
“I have four matches. LM was also in my top three, and we matched, as well as AP and SJ.”
Now that we can message people, I go right to KD’s contact and send an invite link where they can see my availability to schedule a date. I think the producers are trying to avoid us talking about the other contestants with each other, so this way, K can just book a date, and I can accept. Easy.
I chew on the corner of my thumbnail as I debate sending an actual message or if I should wait to see if they schedule something.
I let out the breath I didn’t realize I was holding when the date invitation comes through from KD moments later.
They request to have a date in the first available time slot, and I eagerly accept.
I share my calendar with my other matches so they can plan dates if they’d like, but I grab the notebook and head back to the date room. I don’t want to be late.
Our first conversation went by so quickly, once I got over the initial shock of their initials matching Kieran and the vibe board having makeup, it was so much better than any of the other dates.
Now I’m nervous, worried that I’ve built it up too much in my head.
I’ve been telling myself to focus on how great being here, away from social media, is.
But I think I’ve been doing that in an attempt to protect myself from being disappointed if I don’t meet anyone special.
I really would like this social experiment to work. I’m so tired of being alone.
“Hey, JR. Are you there yet?” Their robotic voice comes through the speakers, and I already find myself smiling.
“I am. I’m glad we matched. The first conversation left me wanting more,” I admit, but I hurry to continue so they don’t feel obligated to agree. “So KD, what’s your favorite thing in your day-to-day life?”
They laugh, probably because I’ve repeated their question from earlier, but I want to know their answer too.
“Probably hanging out with my cat. I just have the one, in case you were picturing someone with, like, twenty in their apartment. Although, sometimes I’m jealous of those people.
” I laugh at the honesty in their answer.
“See I made myself sound old there, too. I know we’re not supposed to talk ages, but swear I’m not elderly,” they add.
I laugh again, feeling very excited about this connection. “I won’t get specific either, but I promise I’m around the average age for people on these types of shows.”