36. Kieran
KIERAN
Producer: “What’s the biggest red flag you’ve ignored in your previous dating life that you’re more aware of now?”
Kieran: “Probably not believing people when they show me who they really are.”
Somehow, it’s already day five, which I’m reminded about because production sent us a message that we have to submit our top two picks by tonight. It’s almost funny, because for me, there’s no decision to make.
JR is the only person I have left.
When I came here, I thought I’d keep my options open because this was the one place where I could get to know people without questioning their motives. But even with all that freedom, it didn’t take long to realize I only had one person I actually want to keep talking to.
Every other conversation felt like small talk. JR was different from the start, and they’re the only one I can imagine meeting in two days.
I don’t technically know if I’m the only one they’re still talking to, but I have a hunch.
And if I’m right, I wish the show would bend the rules and let us move in with each other early.
I’m over waiting. I want to kiss them, touch them, and see if the chemistry is there physically as well.
I want to share our space, attempt cooking together, and cuddle on the couch while we cross-stitch.
I want to compare whose is better when we finish, and actually hear their laugh while we joke around.
The thought of another two nights in separate rooms feels like a waste of time, but they structured it this way for a reason, I suppose.
Today’s twist is “planning” our own dates. We each get to request props that the producers will deliver to the other person to use during our time together, but since we sort of covered that base early when I asked them for a surprise hobby, I’ve got a new spin for today.
But first, I need to get ready.
I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss filming, it’s such an integral part of who I am at this point. So, when I pitched my date idea to the producers, I also asked them to bring me a camera. I figured I’d give them some bonus footage of a “get ready with me” clip.
Who knows if they’ll actually use it, and I really don’t care either way.
I’m bored and this sounds like a fun way to pass the next hour until I meet with JR for our date.
I really do enjoy the full process of putting on makeup, seeing how each new product can change the whole vibe, deciding how I want to present myself to the world for the day, and then bringing that look to life.
I grab all my makeup from the bathroom and bring it into the living room area that has a full-length mirror hanging from the wall.
I set up the camera in the best possible spot I can think of before making sure everything I need is in the frame, then I turn it on and sit down cross-legged in front of the mirror.
“Hey, Sparkle’s fans,” I say, smiling into the lens. “Today we’re doing a very special Love Without Labels: Isolation Edition look. Step one: bring your entire makeup kit from home. Obviously.” I laugh, gesturing to the spread in front of me.
“Now, we all know the real first step is to prep the skin. This is my ride-or-die, my holy grail, my—” I pause mid-sentence and grin as I hold up my favorite moisturizer. “Actually, I probably can’t name-drop brands here, so… just moisturize first, okay?”
I add a layer, then start working primer into my skin with practiced motions. “You know, some people here probably pass the time by working out—they even messaged us about a gym we could use—but this sounds like a way more fun thing to spend my time doing.”
Talking to the camera and filming myself getting ready is second nature to me, so I move through my routine easily.
When I usually do social media “lives,” I typically engage with the audience and their comments, but since I don’t have that option, I just talk like I do in prerecorded content.
“I wonder what JR will think of my makeup tutorials. I wonder if they’ve ever seen a video of mine?
Heard of me? Or maybe they watch all my videos.
Or what if they had an ex who watched my content?
Oof, that could get awkward fast.” I cringe slightly at the thought as I finish applying my concealer.
“This is Love Without Labels, but… I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little nervous about the makeup thing.
I’ve already decided to go all in on one match, so what if we finally meet in two days and they’re turned off by it?
I know that wouldn’t actually be about me—that would be on them, and they clearly wouldn’t be my person—but still.
That worry comes from way back, from some of the stuff you long-time followers already know. ”
I grab one of the eyeshadow palettes I brought with me as I continue.
“And if you’re new to me, I started wearing makeup my junior year of high school and was bullied relentlessly for it—surprise, surprise.
The early 2010s were not friendly to me.
It sucked, and when I thought maybe I was past it, things got even worse.
I almost quit wearing makeup all together, but the comments I received on my YouTube channel really motivated me to not let some small-minded bullies break me. ”
Pausing for a moment, I tap the excess off my brush.
“This isn’t the first time I’ve told that story—it’s become a big part of my brand.
I’ve heard from thousands of other people over the years who’ve messaged me about how my videos helped them feel seen or gave them the push to try something they’d been afraid to do, and I can’t tell you how much that encourages me to keep going, despite all the trolls.
“I’ve thought about sharing this with JR. I almost did when we were talking about not feeling like we were good enough growing up.
But the thing is, telling them why I was bullied likely means saying it was for wearing makeup, which could give away my gender since a woman wearing makeup is far more common and they wouldn’t typically get called out for wearing it.
And I actually want to stay in this experiment.
I like what we have, and I want to see it through.
So that means not risking a conversation that could lead to potentially being kicked off.
” I pause for a moment. “Don’t worry, I got you, Andy,” I say with a laugh.
I finish the look by filling in my brows, adding eyeliner, mascara, and a touch of chapstick.
“Alright, Sparkle’s fans, that’s today’s Love Without Labels: Isolation Edition look.
Don’t forget to like, subscribe and—well—wish me luck.
I’ll need it.” I give the camera a little wave before getting up to hit the power button.
“That was fun,” I say into the room and all the other cameras that are filming my every move.
I pack up my makeup and check in with the producers to confirm everything’s set for the date.
They give me the green light, and a minute later, I’m walking toward the date room—feeling both ridiculously excited and nervous. I hope this works out like I’d planned.
“JR?” I ask as I enter the room.
“Hey, K. I’m here,” they respond, and I immediately feel at ease about this whole thing.
“Okay, so I might have gotten a little carried away with the whole date-planning thing, but I’m excited. You’re going on a scavenger hunt in your apartment,” I tell them, not wanting to hold it in any longer.
“No way.” They laugh through the voice distortion technology. “I was wondering why the producers told me they needed me to go into the bathroom for five minutes so they could prepare for today’s date.”
Now I’m laughing too. I hadn’t thought through what they’d tell J while they were hiding the clues, but I guess that’s one way to do it.
“Do you want to get right into it?” I ask eagerly.
“Of course, sounds fun.”
I had hoped they’d like my idea, but hearing they’re actually into it is a relief.
I know some people might think the whole thing was a little over the top, but J easily going along with my plan feels like yet another confirmation that we’re a good fit.
“Alright, there are three clues and no help,” I say with a smirk, knowing I’d totally help if J needed it, but it’s honestly all pretty simple.
“There should be an envelope on the table in your date room with the first clue. Also, we might need to be on the phone for this, so I can still hear you when you’re in your apartment. ”
“Okay, I’ll read this then go out there and call you,” they reply. “The first clue says: Find the thing you’d need if we were going to share our perfect Sunday morning.” There’s a moment of silence, then I hear them say, “Easy.”
Next thing I know, my phone is ringing, and I pick it up.
“I’m heading to the bedroom,” they say.
I laugh to myself over how much fun this is already proving to be.
“I’m pulling the covers back, but I’m not seeing anything,” they say, walking me through it. “Let me check the pillows, hang on.” I hear what I assume is rustling through the pillowcases, looking for a note that’s definitely not there.
“Hmm, well, I’m not seeing anything here,” they update me, and I can’t help but laugh.
“Read it again,” I instruct, trying really hard not to give them any additional clues.
“Well, I don’t think I can find you, so I went to the next thing I could think of which would be the bed. I’d want to be wrapped around you on a Sunday morning. Hmm, the thing I’d need… in the morning…” They trail off. “Okay. I think I’ve got something!”
I laugh to myself again. “Care to share with the class?” I prompt. I can’t imagine JR talks to the camera much when they’re alone, they seem like more of an internal thinker, but I really want to know where their mind just went.
“I’m thinking coffee. We both talked about spending weekends in bed drinking coffee. Is that it?”
“I can’t just tell you, are you looking?
” I grin, knowing as long as they check the right spot, they’ll find exactly what they’re looking for.
We talked about our mutual love for coffee and staying inside the apartment on the weekends.
J talked about working in person and having a commute every day in the city, and that on the weekends they like to take the mornings slow.
I told them that since I’m a workaholic, I usually wake up, make coffee, then get back in bed to do some light work.
“Found it!” they confirm excitedly, and my smile somehow grows.
“Awesome. I was thinking when we get to meet, assuming we will, we can spend the morning drinking coffee in bed together. So you easily could’ve been right when you walked into the bedroom too.”
“I’d really like that. It sounds perfect.
” Every time I talk about what we’ll do when we’re together, my stomach fills with nervous, excited fluttering, and every time they confirm they’re looking forward to it as much as I am, my daydreams about our future feel more and more like plans than fantasies.
“The next clue says: Your perfect meal for a rainy fall day. That one is easy.”
Since J’s already in the kitchen, I know it’ll be a matter of seconds before they find the clue.
“Yup, found it!” they say quickly. “Mac and cheese is the perfect comfort food.”
“I never disagreed with you.” I laugh, remembering our conversation from the other day. “I just said that tomato soup and grilled cheese is also a great choice.”
“Tomato soup just doesn’t sound good, but I know, I know, I promise I will still try yours.” I swore I had the best recipe.
“I’m holding you to that, I swear I have the best recipe. Alright, what does the last clue say?” I prompt.
“Find something that makes you think of me when you see it, hmm… Is this one intentionally vague?”
“It is,” I confirm. “You can find anything in your apartment that reminds you of me, and then the production team will bring it to me so I can see it. Then they’ll give you the thing I already picked out for you and we can compare.”
“Oh, awesome. Umm, what’s the perfect thing to pick,” JR says, and I am dying to know what they’ll choose. “Okay, what screams ‘KD’?” they wonder aloud. “Do I go with emotional, random, practical, hmm.”
“You can’t tell me. That’s the fun of the challenge. This is your test, JR,” I joke.
“Great, no pressure.” I hear movement and what I assume is some sort of clanking around for a little bit. “Maybe this. Or, wait, no, this. I think I have it.”
“Oh, yeah, what is it?” I prod.
“Guess you’ll just have to wait and see when production brings it over to you. Maybe I’ll hang onto it for just a little longer,” they say with a laugh.
“You should know by now I don’t have that kind of patience, come on, J,” I beg.
“Alright, alright, I’m handing over the goods now. They gave me yours wrapped up, so I’ll head back to the date room to open it, and I’ll hang up here.”
“Okay.” The call ends, and it’s a moment before JR is back in the room and we’re able to talk here. I’m anxiously awaiting the final scavenger hunt item’s arrival, though.
A few minutes later, there’s a knock on the door to the date room before Mitch comes in holding something behind his back. “Here you go,” he says, showing me the item, and I break out into a huge grin. He smiles back at me and walks out of the room, closing the door behind him.
“Oh my god, is this the cat you cross-stitched the other day?” I burst out laughing. We’re so in sync already.
“Yeah, I did my best, but I was a little too distracted by the person on the phone to pay too much attention to what I was doing.”
“No, this is great, I love it,” I confirm, and my face hurts from smiling. It’s a lopsided gray cat with a few threads poking out. It’s cute and chaotic, and I really do love it. “It’s perfect.”
“Well, I didn’t want to just pick a random object. I figured if you had this, you’d be able to remember our new hobby.”
“I’m keeping it forever,” I promise, setting it down carefully beside me, my chest buzzing in that way it has been lately with equal parts excitement and disbelief that this is actually happening.
“Did you open yours?”
“One sec… No fucking way, we picked the same thing! That’s amazing.” They also laugh. “You’re definitely the artist in this relationship, mine was not this good.”
This relationship. Fuck, I love hearing them say that about us.
Two more days.
That’s all we have left before we can both decide to move in together, before I can see them for real, before what feels like the start of my forever.