41. Jace
JACE
Producer: “Obviously your meeting was not what we were expecting, but it wasn’t clear to the audience what happened.
Kieran seemed upset. You immediately tried to apologize.
What were your initial feelings when you saw him: excited, shocked, maybe even disappointed?
Come on, Jace, you’ve gotta give us something. ”
Jace: “Uh, shocked, disappointed, and excited all sound accurate.”
“Get up.” A familiar voice wakes me from the deep sleep I must have been in. Kieran. I bolt upright in the bed, nearly colliding with him as I do.
“Shit. Sorry, I’m up! Am I late for something?” I ask through a yawn as I rub my eyes, and everything that happened yesterday comes crashing back. I’m in bed… with Kieran.
Fuck, I wish he wanted to be sharing a bed with me.
I put my glasses on in time to see him roll his eyes, his makeup already perfectly in place again. What time did he wake up? “Nothing specific, but we need to form a plan before we go out there and are on camera again today. We need to make sure we’re on the same page,” he reminds me.
“Yeah, of course,” I quickly agree as I move to stand from the bed. I slept in my underwear, proud I only hesitated for a moment before taking off my shirt in front of Kieran, but this situation doesn’t have room for vanity.
I don’t usually think of myself as self-conscious. Plenty of people are attracted to bigger guys, and my body more than holds up for my job, which keeps me active and strong.
But being around Kieran again stirs up old high school memories and drags my dad’s old insults back to the surface. It took years to eat without hearing his voice in my head, measuring how “healthy” every bite was. But I got there, eventually.
That’s what I tried to remind myself of last night. I’ve still got the catcher’s ass from all those years behind home plate, and I’m still strong. I just no longer have a six-pack because I’d rather eat all the good food NYC has to offer.
Even so, I can’t help wondering what Kieran really thinks. My physique is so different from the last time I was this exposed around him.
He’s always been gorgeous, and looks great in all his videos, but in person, his beauty is radiant.
It’s hard to tear my eyes away from him.
After I put yesterday’s outfit back on since I still don’t have my luggage in here, I turn back to face him where he’s now sitting cross-legged on the bed, staring at me expectantly.
I’m not sure what he wants me to say, though. “So, what do you want me to do?”
He continues to stare at me for another moment before taking a deep breath.
“I said it last night, but I’d like to emphasize why I didn’t storm out of here and take the first flight home.
I’m not sure if you know what a beauty influencer is, but I have over twenty million followers on YouTube, and, like, three times that on TikTok.
I make a lot of money from my videos, but also from endorsements, appearances, and products. ”
“I know,” I say without thinking, belatedly realizing that maybe I shouldn’t have admitted that so readily.
His brows furrow as he gives me a questioning look. Then he shakes his head like he’s trying to clear it, muttering, “I guess I was naive to think I’d escaped hometown gossip.”
He looks upset by that thought, so I give him a little more of the truth. “Kieran, I haven’t been to New Jersey in thirteen years. I know that because I’m a fan. I’m one of those twenty million followers,” I admit with a chuckle.
I was hoping that might make him feel better, but he only looks more confused.
“You’re… a fan?” he repeats like he can’t possibly comprehend the idea.
I nod, not really sure what else to say.
This moment doesn’t feel like the right time to admit just how big of a fan I am.
“But you used to… never mind.” He shakes his head again.
“Okay, so you understand why I can’t risk the show’s editors painting me as a villain, right?
If you’ve earned fans here with your big-cuddly-protector vibe and cute cross-stitching and whatever else you’ve done.
I don’t want them to hate me if we break up on the show. ”
“Okay. So, you want us to pretend to be together for the cameras?” I clarify. Selfishly, I kind of love this idea, even if it would be pretend. Any time I can get around Kieran feels like a win.
“Exactly. We can make up an excuse about why I freaked out last night and say it in front of the cameras. Then we’ll be the cutest couple that we can be to make sure people like us.
After the show is over, we’ll have control of the narrative again and can decide when it’s appropriate to announce that things didn’t work out between us in the real world. ”
It sounds like a decent plan. But as I think through the specifics of what remaining on the show would look like, the reality of what he’s asking sinks in.
“So, you want to pretend to marry me?” Definitely not the marriage I wish I could have with him, but I’d still do it.
Kieran’s eyes go wide at my question like maybe he’d forgotten that detail, so I answer before he can change his mind. “Okay.”
He stares at me for another moment, eyes even wider, brow quirked. “Okay?” he repeats back, sounding shocked by my answer. “Why in the world would you agree to that?”
“If that’s what you want me to do, then I’ll do it. I meant what I said about whatever you need.”
Kieran runs his hands through the long stands of his dark hair before he starts to twist his earring like he can’t sit still.
After another moment of silence, he shakes his head again.
“Fuck, I forgot that part because I was so surprised it was you. I guess it would have to be an actual marriage. You’d really do it? ”
“Of course.” I promise. “I'll never make up for what I did back then, but I can at least try to make things easier for you now. I’d love the opportunity to try to repay some of the kindness you showed me. My life is infinitely better because you were a part of it, and I hate that you have the opposite opinion of me. Let me add a positive chapter now.”
“See, if you said anything like that, I’m sure the audience loves you,” he grumbles.
“I doubt it when the producers kept having to remind me to talk out loud.”
Before he can respond, there’s a loud knock on our door.
“Hey, it’s Jay. I’ve been sent to remind you to spend as much time as you can in the public spaces where there are cameras. Neither of you answered our texts.”
Kieran gives me a final questioning look. “You’re sure about this?” I nod. “Okay.” His shoulders fall as he lets out a deep breath. “Then it’s showtime.”