42. Kieran
KIERAN
Producer: “What’s the messiest thing fans don’t know about your past?”
Kieran: “Why in the world would I tell you that?”
Iopen the door and see an unfamiliar face smiling back at me.
“Hi, Kieran, I’m Jay. I’ve been the one assigned to Jace this whole time.”
“Nice to meet you,” I greet, keeping my voice polite but clipped. I’m still distracted, running through my mental checklist of how I want to play today.
“Alright, so… we didn’t get the footage we were hoping for last night. We don’t know what happened and we kind of need to. Or we need you to redo your meeting so that the viewers aren’t left with so many questions.”
“I think we’d rather just move forward,” I say with a smile, hoping he’ll drop it, but that’s when Mitch rushes into the apartment too.
“Kieran, we shouldn’t have let you just storm into the bedroom and stay there all night, and we’re probably going to get our asses chewed out for that. Can you give us something to use? Just a quick interview explaining why you reacted the way you did. If it’s good, we won’t need to film it again.”
Jace is standing quietly beside me, and when I glance at him, he’s already looking at me, obviously letting me take the lead. Maybe we can pull off our hastily made plan after all.
“Define good?” I prompt, turning back to the producers, and I’m met with a huff from Mitch.
“Jace, can you tell us anything? What’s going on here? You must know each other from somewhere. Hookup gone bad?” Jay prompts.
“What the hell? No.” I feign shock at the suggestion, swallowing down the truth that, yeah, that’s exactly what happened. But we’re not about to share that part of our history.
“Nope,” Jace echoes, popping the p, still following my lead.
Mitch doesn’t blink as he stares me down, but I won’t give in that easily, and I only smile even wider.
“Then we’ll have to reshoot it,” he finally states flatly.
“Of course you will,” I murmur with obvious false cheer. Fucking “reality” TV.
Jace snickers beside me, and when I turn back to him, he just flashes me a smile before schooling his features.
“Well, go freshen up, and then we’ll be waiting for you to pretend it’s the first time you’re meeting,” Jay instructs. “Unless you want to keep the intro and do an interview?” he offers again.
I turn around, heading back into the bedroom. Jace follows me after grabbing his bag that was still out there and shuts the door behind us.
“I can’t believe they’re making us redo this,” I complain, crossing my arms now that there aren’t cameras.
“So, what exactly are we going to do when we pretend we’re meeting?” he asks, looking at me for direction again, and I can’t quite wrap my head around Jace so easily handing me the control.
“Fuck, I don’t know. Do we act excited? I think we should.
I was so excited yesterday morning, and nervous and hopeful about us.
” I ramble before I realize what exactly I’m admitting, so I rush to continue.
“Normally, I’d think that’s how people would act when they’re meeting their perceived future spouse. ”
“Okay, I can do that,” Jace confirms easily with a big smile, and I seriously can’t get over how weird this is as I go to the bathroom to start getting ready.
I pull out the same palettes I used yesterday and recreate the look as closely as I can, and when I’m satisfied and feel steady enough to face the camera, and Jace again, I open the bathroom door.
Jace immediately jumps up from the bed where he must have been waiting.
He turns to face me fully, and his jaw falls open as he rakes his eyes over my body.
“Wow,” he says on an exhale, and I roll my eyes.
“You don’t need to get into character yet. The cameras aren’t in here.”
“Character? Kieran, I’m being serious. You look incredible.” His eyes are pleading for me to believe him. But I remember how convincing he was when we were eighteen, too. A couple of compliments aren’t going to prove to me he’s changed.
And even if he has, that doesn’t erase our past. Jace could be a fucking saint now for all I know, but that doesn’t mean I should just give in to him, even if it feels like my body has some invisible tether to his whenever we’re in the same room.
Not to mention the annoying and persistent voice in my head, reminding me how only twenty-four hours ago, I was convinced JR could be my future and now I’m throwing it all away.
Fuck.
“K, I have so much I want to say to you whenever you’re ready to hear it,” he continues. “You’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen.” The way his voice catches makes something twist in my stomach.
He sounds genuine, and that’s the problem.
Because all those times when I thought we were growing closer back then, he proved to me I didn’t matter.
That’s the Jace I have to remember right now, not the one looking at me like I’m the only person in the world.
I can’t let the hopeless romantic side of me that was planning a wedding yesterday get the best of me.
But I also want to know what he’s going to say.
“Jace, I want—”
“Are you ready yet?” Mitch asks through the door, slamming his fists against it.
Right. I need to focus on the filming we’re about to do so we can move on from this meeting fiasco and start selling the picture-perfect reality television couple we’re planning to be.
“Ready?” I ask, swallowing down the emotions he stirred up.
“Whenever you are.”
I open the door into the main living space, and Mitch and Jay are waiting for us, as promised.
“Okay, so, we already got you both walking down the hallway yesterday, so all we really need is for Jace to open the door from outside. Oh, do you have your bag?” Jace goes back to grab it while they continue directing me.
“Kieran, you need to stand…” Mitch trails off as he comes to move me back into the kitchen area. “Here.”
“Remember, you’re excited! You are meeting your future husband after all!” Jay cheers.
“We got it,” I assure them.
Jace walks back out into the hallway with Mitch and Jay, and I stand awkwardly in the kitchen, hyping myself up to be excited about this.
A second later, the door opens and Jace walks in.
“K?” he questions, immediately slipping into character even if it sounds super fake.
“Yeah, it’s me,” I exclaim, and cringe because it feels way too forced, and that’s going to seem even more weird to the people watching. “Sorry, can we do that again?”
“Yeah, no problem,” he agrees easily, turning to walk back into the hallway.
This isn’t a big deal, I remind myself. Except it is.
Because the second this airs, everyone from our hometown is going to watch it.
I can’t even begin to imagine how that’ll go over.
There’s no way we can pull off this scripted introduction.
Someone from back then will sell their story about what we were like in high school.
Social media warriors will eat up this super-fake meeting.
Fuck.
“Wait,” I call out, stopping Jace. “I don’t think we can do this. At least, not this fabricated, happy version we’re trying to sell… Come back into the bedroom. Quick.”
He swiftly follows me into the bedroom with his big, long strides, and the second we’re closed in, I rush to explain before Mitch and Jay can yell at us again.
“This whole thing is a disaster, obviously. And I feel like an even bigger mess without Olivia to consult about what to do, but I’m now realizing that once this phony redo of our meeting airs, our hometown is going to bash the hell out of it and it’ll probably come back to bite me.
I think we need to do the interview instead. ”
“Okay, sure.” He shrugs. “Wait, you and Olivia are still friends?”
“That’s what you took from all of what I just said?”
“I heard you, and I’m down to do what you think is best, but that’s really cool you’re still close after all this time. I’m happy for you.”
I stare at him with what I’m sure is a confused expression for another second before reminding myself to focus.
“We can talk about that later. Let’s go tell them we’ll answer their questions.
” I let out a sigh. “Shit, this is such a mess. I hate not knowing what the right thing to do is, and feeling like no matter what I decide, I’m choosing wrong,” I vent out loud to Jace as I’m processing this situation.
I do usually have Liv help me make decisions, but I can’t talk to her until the next phase of the show when we go back home, and it’s making this whole situation harder and more complicated than it already is.
“You’re not choosing wrong,” Jace assures me. “But you’ll never make everyone happy; it’s not possible. So, what do you want to do. What is your gut telling you is the right thing?”
I take in a steadying breath, allowing the exhale to calm my body before I answer.
“Let’s do the interview; keep it vague. We can just say we know each other and leave it at that.
I’m sure people from our hometown will still probably run their mouths about high school, but if anything, that’d just justify the actual meeting.
We should focus on moving forward as a united front now. ”
Jace nods and turns to update Mitch and Jay on the new plan.
As much as I hate the idea of being on the same team, of relying on Jace-fucking-Ryan of all people, thirty-one-year-old Jace does seem to be very different from the Jace I remember.
When I walk out a moment later, I hear Mitch say, “Great, we already have questions prepared just in case the rerecording didn’t go well. Follow us.”
Jace starts to follow them down the hall, and my eyes—the traitors that they are—go straight to his ass.
His thick, perfectly rounded, ass. The kind of plump catcher’s butt that makes me feel like it was created for the sole purpose of tormenting me.
His jeans cling to him like they were custom fitted, pulling tight with every step.
I should look away, but I don’t.
My gaze trails higher, taking in the rest of him. He’s every inch the attractive golden boy I remember—just older, thicker, and a hell of a lot more distracting.
The elevator dings, and I remind myself to focus on this interview.
We follow Mitch and Jay onto another floor where a small lounge with a couch and a camera are already set up. The second I sit down, a mic gets clipped to my shirt, and Mitch settles into the chair across from us.
“Alright, lets dive in,” he says brightly. “Did you know each other before the show?”
I glance at Jace, just long enough to see him patiently waiting for my answer, then back at Mitch. “Yeah,” I say, keeping my voice even and offering the camera a smile.
“Can you tell us more?” he prompts. “Kieran, you seemed upset when you realized JR is Jace.”
That’s because I was. My smile doesn’t falter as I answer in a polite, polished, interview ready tone. “I was surprised, but I’m ready to move on and move forward with him.”
Mitch doesn’t miss a beat, sounding annoyed. “Could you at least repeat the question back so I have something usable?”
“Yes, we used to know each other. We met before the show,” I say with my best camera-ready smile. “I was surprised that JR was Jace, and I handled that initial reaction poorly.”
“Well, where do you see this going after such a… memorable introduction?”
“Definitely forward. After we had a moment to let the surprise settle, we decided to start fresh. We reconnected in the blind part of this process for a reason. Whatever’s in the past, is in the past, we’re here now, so…
” I turn to meet Jace’s eyes and he gives me a small smile.
“I’m ready to move on and give our relationship a real chance. ”
The lie tastes bitter. I haven’t even finished mourning what could’ve been with JR, and now I’m sitting here pretending to be excited about a future with Jace.
“Yeah, I definitely think we can make it work,” he adds with a bright smile back at me, really selling it.
He doesn’t appear to be struggling the way I am.
Jace seems eager to go along with everything I suggest, as if this performance could somehow make up for everything that came before.
Maybe it can make him feel better about himself.
But for me, it’s just proof he still knows exactly how to pull me back in.