43. Jace #2
“Well, yeah, but I mean, tell me about your life. What are the things you love about it or the parts you wish you could change? I had no idea that you and Olivia are still friends. Why isn’t she ever in the videos?
What should the person you’re dating know that other people don’t?
” I try to tell myself that I’m asking these questions because I want to be a good fake boyfriend, or whatever we are at this point on the show, and not because they’re things I’ve wondered for years.
He’s quiet for a moment. And I turn to face him again as I wait for the bacon to finish. His piercing gaze is assessing as it meets mine. I don’t think he expected me to ask him anything real, and I hope he isn’t upset about it.
“I love all of it,” he finally answers on an exhale. “It doesn’t matter that I’ve been doing it for so long now, most days I’m still shocked that people want to watch my videos,” he says with a self-deprecating chuckle.
“They’re so good.” I can’t help but tell him.
His mouth twists to the corner like he’s holding back a smile as he says, “Thanks.” For a moment, I think that’s all he’ll give me, so I’m thrilled when he goes on.
“I think my favorite part will always be the comments from people telling me that I’ve inspired them to do something that might be scary, but makes them happier.
The people who are inspired to embrace their true selves. ”
He’s playing with his ear piercing, twisting it around like I’ve noticed him doing when he’s being vulnerable, like he needs the distraction to put himself out there.
“I know some people might look at my channel and think that what I do is silly or pointless, but the people who say I’ve changed their lives for the better make me so fucking grateful for the life and the job I have. ”
“You’re amazing,” I tell him, making sure to hold his gaze as I do. I’m not complimenting him for the cameras or because I think it’s what a fake boyfriend would do. And I can only hope he understands how much I mean it.
He bites his lip before shifting his gaze behind me. “I think the food’s ready.”
I hurry to get everything plated. Kieran managed a totally different makeup look during our conversation, and now has dark navy eyeshadow with a bit of a shine to it, and it makes his eyes really stand out.
“I love when you wear that color,” I admit when I can no longer take the silence between us as we’re eating.
He looks down at his shirt. “Black?”
“No, sorry, I meant your eyeshadow. The deep blue looks great with your eyes.”
He looks confused for a moment before he gives me a genuine smile. “Thanks, J.”
After our late brunch, Kieran and I move to the living room and turn on the TV. Kieran goes to sit on the opposite end to me, but I push my luck. “Would you want to sit with me? I really have been told I’m a good cuddler.”
He hesitates for a moment, probably psyching himself up to play his part. “By who? I need names,” Kieran teases as he settles in under my raised arm, leaning against me as he pulls a blanket up to cover us.
“Are you doubting my references or threatening my exes?” I joke back.
“I think you already know the answer to that,” he says with a wink that has my stomach doing cartwheels. This isn’t real. I try to distract myself by pulling up the approved streaming service.
“We have to watch reality TV,” Kieran suggests, and we pick the first show that we find. I’m trying to pay attention, but Kieran is cuddled up with me on the couch, and I can’t focus on anything other than how perfectly he seems to fit under my arm.
“Was that your phone?” he asks, and I realize my show phone has been vibrating so I pull it out to see a few missed texts from LM. “Who the hell are you texting?” Kieran asks, sounding offended.
“It’s one of the other contestants, not anyone outside of the show,” I explain with a laugh.
“You’re still talking to one of your other dates?” He sounds even more confused now, so I rush to explain.
“No, no, not really. LM and I were never really dating. We clicked platonically right away, and agreed to keep talking so that we weren’t going through the process alone.”
“And you’re sure they’re not into you?” he pushes. He’s really nailing the jealous partner look, and I wish more than anything that it wasn’t for the cameras.
“I’m sure. They’re very invested in their partner, BB.”
He finally settles back into me. “Huh. That’s cool.”
I quickly send LM an update about how things are going.
That—surprise—I actually knew KD and he’s not a fan of me, but we’ve agreed to move on beyond our past and see where things go.
They update me that both he and BB are cis men, but that BB apparently thought he was straight—which, what?
Why would you sign up for this show?—and that BB had assumed he was talking to a woman the whole time.
But somehow he’s still all in and wants to date LM.
I don’t think either of our situations were what the producers had in mind for the season, but it’ll end up being entertaining, I’m sure. I show Kieran that part of the text, and he bursts out laughing. “Maybe our meeting wasn’t the worst one.”