45. Jace
JACE
Producer: “Will you tell us what happened with Kieran yet?”
Jace: “No.”
LM
You awake yet? B is still out like a baby despite falling asleep first again last night.
Ilaugh at the text from L. Kieran was already in the bathroom getting ready when I woke up this morning, but god, I wish I’d woken up with him in my arms. I have a feeling we’re going to pretend last night didn’t happen even though I know he was only giving in to our insane chemistry and sexual tension, nothing more.
So, I’m respecting his privacy and waiting for him in our bedroom while reminding myself that this relationship isn’t real.
Still, I can’t stop replaying last night in my head and wondering if there’s any chance of a repeat. Even if it takes a little fighting to build that tension back up, I want it. He’ll deny it meant anything, I’m sure, but I felt something between us.
And I want more.
I thought offering to help him, however I could, would give us the best chance at moving forward—and I still intend to do that—but maybe a little teasing and taunting when we’re alone wouldn’t be a bad idea either.
Kieran has seemed so tense and stressed this entire time, I’d love to be the person he unloads some of his frustrations on.
Hell, I’d give him as many orgasms as it takes to finally get him to relax.
God, I hope we hook up again.
JR
Not sure what’s worse—finding out you’re dating a straight man or finding out you’re dating the person who’s hated you for the last thirteen years.
Obviously, there’s no one I’d rather be with than Kieran, but I don’t want L to think I’m a total stalker, so I leave out the teeny tiny detail that I might have never gotten over him and very much have followed his every move since high school.
I still can’t get over the fact that a straight guy signed up for this show, though.
LM
I’ll take my relationship, thanks. It actually isn’t so bad.
For my friend’s sake, I hope that’s true.
But I’ve been the supposedly straight guy hooking up with another man before, and I know it’s one thing to be with someone privately—even if there are cameras around—and another to actually claim your sexuality in front of the world.
I’ll definitely be keeping an eye on BB tonight when we meet the other contestants on the show.
I just hope that L doesn’t get hurt in the process.
JR
We’ve made it through our first few days, we got this.
LM
Yeah, we do. Excited to finally meet you later! Gonna be so weird but cool, haha. Can’t believe I still don’t know what you look like.
JR
Big dude, brown hair, and beard.
LM
HA. You just described me too.
I’m looking forward to meeting L, and I guess the other contestants to an extent, but mostly, I’m curious how Kieran will act around me in public.
Will he want us to lean into the couple act or pull away?
Yesterday he was pissed I touched him, but that ended with his back against the wall and my mouth on his cock, so who knows.
He’s mentioned feeling like past partners were only into PDA for the perks of being with a celebrity, but I don’t give a fuck about that, and I hope he knows that.
I really wish we were in one of those cheesy fake-dating movies where the couple has to kiss in public to sell their fake relationship.
At least then I’d get to kiss him for real.
Maybe I still will though. Maybe if we make it all the way to the altar like we plan to, I’ll get to kiss the man of my dreams then.
Kieran eventually comes out of the bathroom, but the fake smile on his face, even in our room away from the cameras, makes it obvious that he doesn’t want to talk about what happened last night.
We quickly move into the main area of the apartment, going through the motions. I cook like the day before, Kieran puts on his makeup in the kitchen, and we occasionally chat, but none of it is deep or meaningful conversation like it was yesterday when he actually let me in for a while.
If someone didn’t know him, they’d think everything was fine. But it’s clear to me that he’s lost in thought, locked behind the walls I thought I’d started to break down.
The whole time, I can’t stop wondering if he’s regretting last night.
If giving in to the tension between us ruined whatever we had before it even had the chance to become something real.
He didn’t seem to hate it in the moment—hell, he seemed to really enjoy himself—but now I can’t tell if he’s frustrated at me, at himself, or both.
I know I can’t ask about it on camera, and the wait until we’re finally alone again tonight is killing me. We waste the afternoon watching TV, sitting right next to each other but not cuddling like yesterday. The distance between us feels bigger than it should, and I hate it.
The producers dropped off name tags to our apartment with our initials and names in bold, black ink before we headed up to the rooftop bar the show created.
We’re the first couple to arrive, so we claim a love seat while we wait, continuing our small talk.
Yesterday we talked about things that actually mattered, and I don’t know how we get back there.
Anytime I try to dig deeper, he gives me his polished camera smile and a brush-off answer.
I’ll keep trying though. Or maybe I just need to stop being so nice when we’re alone and call him out again. He seemed to like that last night.
Earlier, when I asked him how he wanted me to approach touching him for this event, he said “Fine, just don’t overdo it,” so I’ve been keeping my hands to myself. For now.
Finally, another couple walks in, and we focus our attention on them.
“Hi, I’m Rachel, or RR,” the girl says, smiling. “And this is my partner, Keith. Or KA.”
“Nice to meet you, I’m JR or Jace, and this is my partner, Kieran. KD,” I say.
Kieran offers her his best on-camera smile, then another couple walks in and we all turn toward them.
Other than LM, I’ve honestly forgotten everyone else’s initials by now. Well, I know BB for Liam’s sake, but I’m all in with Kieran, and I haven’t thought about anyone else since pretty much day one of this experiment.
Then a third couple walks in, both attractive men who look around our age, and I’m guessing the one in a flannel might be my friend given his hair color and beard when the slightly larger blond man announces himself.
“Hey, I’m Blake, also known as BB,” he says, flashing a huge smile before slinging an arm around the other’s shoulders.
“And this is my partner, Liam, or LM as you might know him.”
Huh, maybe this straight guy won’t be so bad after all. “That’s my friend I’ve been texting. Want to come with me to introduce ourselves?” I ask Kieran. He nods, so we stand and approach Liam. “Hey, man! It’s so good to finally meet you.” I laugh awkwardly, pointing to my name tag. “I’m Jace.”
It’s so strange that we’ve been talking and know so much about each other without ever meeting.
I guess that was the whole point of the show, but the moment I saw Kieran waiting for me in our apartment, it was like something clicked, like, of course it was him, so the blind aspect of the show seems so distant to me now.
“Liam.” He smiles back. I introduce Kieran and start to tell Liam a bit about who Kieran is, but Liam is obviously distracted.
I glance behind me and see an attractive woman, I think her name was Rachel, talking to Blake.
They’re standing close together, her hand on his arm as she leans in.
Liam looks like he’s seen a ghost as he mutters, “I’m sorry, one second. ” Then he’s walking away toward them.
Honestly, I get it. I was worried about the “straight” man, too.
“What’s going on there?” Kieran asks me in a low tone as we both turn to watch the drama unfold.
Liam hasn’t quite made it all the way to them when the woman’s partner joins their conversation, and I think Blake might be in the clear.
But then she quickly dismisses that guy and turns her attention back to Blake.
Liam is probably close enough to overhear them, though they don’t seem to have noticed him. He takes a small step back, like he’s shocked by something, before turning and quickly storming past us, muttering “I’m not about to be dumped in front of the cameras” before completely leaving the bar.
“Shit, did he really just leave?” Kieran whispers to me.
“I think so. Fuck, I wonder what he overheard.”
Blake glances back at us, and I do my very best to glare at him.
I’m not sure exactly what was said, but I think it’s pretty easy to connect the dots here.
The “straight guy” who matched with a man, now found out one of the other people he was talking to earlier in the process is the hot woman he was hoping to meet here.
And now, at the first opportunity, he’s running to her.
So much for him announcing his partner when he came in. What a jerk.
He looks around the bar before he seems to excuse himself from her and make his way over to us. “Hey, did you see where Liam went?” he asks after looking at my nametag. He seems concerned, but I’m not convinced.
I cross my arms and stand up straighter, trying my very best to look intimidating when I answer.
“He said something about not wanting to be dumped in front of the cameras.” My anger is obvious in my tone, and I know it might not be my place, but Liam is my friend, and he doesn’t deserve to be treated like he’s a second choice.
“What the fuck were you and Rachel talking about?” I ask.
“Are you really planning to dump him for the first girl to throw herself at you? I know you thought you were straight, but that’s low. ”
Blake looks at me like I’m speaking another language.
“What the fuck are you talking about? I don’t want her. I want him. Where is he?”
Maybe I’m projecting, picturing my teenage self and feeling guilty about the way I treated Kieran in the past, but I’m just not buying this guy’s innocent act. “Probably packing up his things before you humiliate him further,” I spit out.
He turns and runs for the door. Maybe he really does care about Liam. I hope I’m wrong about him, but that whole exchange was far more dramatic than I was anticipating for tonight.
“Damn, I know you said reality shows can be really scripted, but I don’t think this one is going to need to be,” I say with a laugh, turning to Kieran.
It takes me a moment to process the look he’s giving me, but I think it’s…
appreciation? And maybe it’s wishful thinking but there might even be some heat in his gaze.