49. Jace #2
We’re sitting at the kitchen island because apparently it has the best lighting in our small apartment.
Kieran even set up a ring light he packed, positioning it behind the camera.
I’ve seen him use one in his behind-the-scenes videos, but I didn’t expect he’d bring one here, to a show where we’re already filmed all day.
But it feels more like I’m in one of his real videos, so I’m glad he did.
“Okay, Jace, I guess we haven’t really talked about labels so I’m not sure what to call you. Are you my boyfriend? Are we sticking with partner? Are we waiting to see where things go?” he asks in his confident camera voice. This is all fake for him, I remind myself.
“I really hope you’re my boyfriend. And I’m hoping to upgrade that title soon,” I say with a cheeky grin at the camera.
He probably thinks I’m talking about getting engaged for the show, and I am, but I’m also hoping to solidify the title so he no longer adds the word “fake” when he thinks it.
Kieran smiles at me and then gives a knowing look to the camera.
Hopefully he thought my response to his question was alright.
“Well, you heard it here first! This is my boyfriend, Jace, who I knew growing up and was unexpectedly reunited with on the show,” he says casually. “But, we’re not going to get into the details of that here. Right now, I’m going to do my boyfriend’s makeup for the first time.”
This isn’t real.
This isn’t real.
This isn’t real.
Yet.
But my god, hearing those words—my boyfriend—with cameras rolling, knowing it’s permanently out there with everyone else in the world about to hear him call me that too?
I’ll never recover. I’ll replay it a thousand times in my head.
My pulse is pounding because there will forever be evidence of this moment, and even if it’s fake, I get to be what I’ve always wanted in this moment: his.
“I’m so excited,” I can’t help but comment, earning an amused grin from Kieran.
“Alright, Jace, what are you hoping for with your look today? Are you wanting full glam drag queen with your eyebrows glued down, or are we embracing your facial hair and going with a more masculine look? Maybe somewhere in between?”
I think about it for a moment, weighing my options.
“I definitely want you to do something that makes it obvious I’m wearing makeup,” I answer.
I already put my contacts in before we started so my glasses wouldn’t distract from whatever he ends up doing.
“But other than that, whatever you think would look best. Or just whatever you’ll have fun doing. ”
Kieran gives me a small smile and nods before turning back to the makeup he’s laid out on the counter.
“Cool, that gives me a lot to work with. I’m going to have fun with it, which is kind of the whole point, for me at least.” He takes a moment to assess my face, slowly focusing on each feature.
I’d like to squirm in my seat and hide the evidence of what his full attention does to me.
Thankfully my lap is out of the camera’s shot—at least the one he’s intentionally filming on—so moving around would only draw attention to the erection I’m sure is obvious in my grey sweatpants.
If Kieran does notice… good. I smirk to myself as I think about the possibility of making him squirm on camera knowing I’m hard just from being close to him.
“I think I’m going to do something in the middle,” he finally says, completely unaware of the dirty turn my thoughts have taken.
“I love your beard and strong features so I’m not going to hide any of those, but I would like to do something that’s a little…
traditionally more glam than my signature styles. ”
“That sounds great,” I agree. “Do you need me to do anything?”
“No, just sit there and look pretty,” he teases.
I chuckle, wishing that he really meant that.
Maybe he does. I shake out my shoulders, trying to relax, as he grabs the first product to put on my face.
“Jace, is it safe to say that you don’t have an elaborate skin-care routine?
” he asks as he smears something on my cheek.
“Why? Is there something wrong with my skin?”
He laughs, and the genuine sound is a balm to my soul, replacing any doubts or worries I’m having with a feeling of comfort and joy.
I think about every time we made each other laugh during the blind portion of this experience.
To think it was him, and that perfect sound each time, is kind of mind blowing.
I remind myself of my vow to earn as many laughs from him as I can for the rest of our time together.
“Everyone should have a good skin-care routine. Don’t worry about it. I’ll make sure to get one set up for you,” he promises casually, like we’re a real couple who would do things like look out for each other’s skin.
I’m trying not to focus on how close he is to me, so I close my eyes, but it’s impossible to ignore the feel of his breath fanning across my face or the way the air seems electrically charged between us.
I don’t need my eyes open to know exactly where he is.
The connection that’s always been between us is as strong as ever.
He moves through his routine with ease. I love experiencing him like this, so in his element, so happy, and so carefree. Even though it’s obvious he’s aware he’s on camera with his perfect posture and witty remarks. It’s also clear he was made for this.
“I’m going for a full-glam look here,” he reminds the camera. “Jace already has amazing dark eyebrows, so I’m just going to brush them out a little bit. Do you mind if I bring out my tweezers?” He directs his question at me.
I shrug. “Whatever you’d like, darling.” His eyes widen at the nickname, but he rolls with it, and it feels like another small victory.
Until he actually starts using them. “Oh shit! Oh my god! What the!” I whine, fully squirming now in my chair.
“It’s just tiny little eyebrow hairs,” he says with a laugh.
“Okay, well, I didn’t realize you were a sadist,” I tease. “You make this look painless in your videos.”
“Beauty is pain,” he jokes. “But for real, you do have great eyebrows. I’m only plucking a few…
Okay, perfect.” He turns back to the camera as he lifts an eyeshadow pallet and explains what it is.
“So Jace has these gorgeous, warm brown eyes that remind me of melted chocolate with caramel, and I think a high pigment shiny gold eyeshadow is really going to make them sparkle,” he says with a dramatic wink at me.
“Are you finally going to admit where you got that name?” I tease.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” he says innocently before turning back to the makeup, going on about the different shades of gold and browns that he’s putting around my eyes.
The smile on my face feels permanent. This really is fun.
I’ve always had such a great time when it was just the two of us, but this is so much better than those stolen moments in the woods.
Even if there’s still the layer of pretending, I feel like, in this moment, we’re both the true versions of ourselves.
And I can’t help but think about how perfectly we fit together.