52. Kieran
KIERAN
Producer: “What’s one thing Jace has done that surprised you since blind dating?”
Kieran: “Everything.”
The last two weeks feel like they’ve lasted a lifetime.
From meeting and falling for JR, to being heartbroken and pissed off when I found out JR was Jace, then agreeing to our fake relationship plan, hooking up multiple times, and realizing I don’t actually hate him anymore—I actually kind of like him—it’s been a lot mentally and emotionally.
We’re finally back in New York City, and I’m on my way to my apartment.
I can’t wait to be there. I miss Freddie like crazy, and I’m grateful Liv’s been taking care of him, but I want him curled up on my lap for the next two days.
I forgot to ask Jace if he’s allergic to cats, but he didn’t say anything when I told him about Freddie so I’m just going to hope he’s not.
Unfortunately, we can’t just stay holed up at home with Freddie though. I had to submit date ideas to production before the show, but it turns out I was asked to be a part of creator awards ceremony tonight.
I’m actually kind of surprised the show jumped at the chance to stick Jace and me in a publicized event.
I thought the point of these reality shows was to keep your relationship hidden until it aired so nothing was spoiled.
Maybe that’s why they said for Jace to not walk the red carpet with me, but still, we will be there together and it’ll be obvious he’s my date.
Nothing like throwing him straight into the madness that is my life.
I’m nervous to see if being in an unfamiliar environment where people treat me differently will make him act differently, but then again, he’s been surprisingly consistent the whole time on the show.
Who knows, maybe he’ll handle tonight better than I will.
Before we left this morning, Mitch and Jay handed us back our phones and ran us through the schedule.
Even though we’re both in the city, my visit is technically first. I’m supposed to meet up with Olivia, have some one-on-one time with her where we go over my new product samples that should be in while Jace gets dragged into interviews for the show.
Then the three of us will go to the event together, smile for the cameras, and pretend this isn’t awkward when I tell her I’m fake-dating her ex-boyfriend even though I know she won’t care.
Tomorrow, he’ll meet my parents—or re-meet them. But an awkward run-in at a Mexican restaurant fifteen years ago while Liv and I were fighting over him doesn’t exactly count as a proper introduction. The fact that I still remember it at all is kind of embarrassing.
After the two nights at my place, we’ll go to his place, and I’ll finally get to meet his uncles.
To say I’m overwhelmed is an understatement.
I didn’t even bother turning my phone on while we were at the airport, but I did finally give Jace my phone number and told him to text me.
I figured I’d turn it on when Jace and I separated for the day because I didn’t know what was going to be waiting for me, but I could only imagine a million notifications—and I was close.
I’m scrolling through everything at a very high level while I’m in the car being chauffeured to my house by the show, but nothing looks urgent, or even that important.
Olivia was set to handle everything, and just like I expected, she seemed to have nailed it.
If there was a fire while I was disconnected, I’d have no idea.
It’s funny, when I first got to Atlanta and production took my phone, I felt like I was going to implode, but honestly, I’ve hardly thought about it since forming my connection with JR. I had a bit of anxiety about not being able to check in with Olivia, especially about Freddie, but I was so immersed in our new little world that it became far more of a distant thought.
Especially because the show did give an emergency number to our immediate family in case anything happened and they truly did need to get ahold of me.
As soon we pull up to my building in Manhattan after what feels like hours of being stuck in traffic, I grab my bags and walk past my doorman who eyes me curiously as I’m being followed by a couple of the crew members. But all I can focus on is how good it feels good to be back here.
Jace and I never talked logistics, but it didn’t seem that important since we never agreed to actually date after the show. We’re only doing it for show, but maybe we should talk about a few of those things on these visits… just in case the producers ask us in an interview.
Fuck, I hope his interview goes well today.
I make it to my apartment and unlock the door, and the minute I’m inside, Freddie meows his way over to me. I pick him up and cuddle him in my arms.
“I missed you, little dude,” I coo, giving him a kiss. “Did Liv take good care of you? I know she did.”
I notice one of the two-man film crew that’s here with me smiling from behind the lens, and I give Freddie another kiss before setting him back on the couch.
“Alright, time to get ready for this event and wait for Olivia to get here,” I say out loud.
I have no idea if they’ll use this footage of me wandering around my house, but once I’m showered, I start on my makeup, and when I look at the time, I realize we need to leave soon to get to the awards.
Kieran
Where are you? I’m going to have to leave without you so I can be there to meet my boyfriend before he’s thrown into the chaos without me.
A second later, my phone rings, and it’s her.
“Hey, Liv.”
“Kieran! Oh my god, today’s been a mess.
” Her voice is breathless, like she’s been running.
“I’m late. I was hoping I’d still make it to you before, but I'll have to meet you at the event. I know, I know, I swore I’d be there to get ready with you, but the eyeliner samples got lost in the mail, and I had to go to the lab to pick them up since this is our only night together for another week or so.
They were supposed to be ready hours ago, but of course, they weren’t.
I’m almost home, but I need to get ready there since I didn’t bring my dress with me.
I’ll meet you as soon as I can. I can’t wait to see you! ”
“Breathe, Liv, it’s okay. It’ll all be fine.” I laugh as I shake my head with a smile on my face at how fast she talks when she’s stressed. “At least Freddie was here to greet me when I got home,” I say, petting him in my lap.
“I made sure to bring him back this morning, thank god he didn’t get dragged into this mess.
I promise I’ll be quick. I can’t wait to hear everything, and obviously I want to meet your new man!
Just wait for me if you get there first, okay?
I’m so close to home, and I’ll get ready as fast as possible. ”
“I appreciate you. It’ll all be okay!”
“Glad you’re so calm. Ah, I’m excited to see you! Okay, love you, bye!”
I hang up and just sit here for a second, staring at my phone.
Liv really has been the best friend and the best assistant I could’ve asked for.
I was just really hoping to have a chance to talk to her today before she saw Jace again.
I’ve really missed being able to talk to her about all the little details of my life, and navigating this situation with him has been so much more difficult without her there to talk me through everything I’m feeling.
I finish getting ready after a few final touches, and my phone vibrates again, but this time, it’s Jace.
Jace
I’m on my way, can’t wait to see you!
My stomach twists in that stupid, traitorous way it always does whenever he’s involved.
Nerves and… something else. Because the truth is, I missed him today.
I kept wishing he was here to meet Freddie and see my house, just hang out and get ready with me, even when I tried to tell myself I didn’t.
I might’ve let it slip once to the cameras that I wished he was here with me, too.
It’s only selling our fake relationship more, that’s all.
When it’s time to go, I head back down to the car that’s waiting to drive me to the event. It’s at a theater, and it seems like I beat both Olivia and Jace here. There’s a small room set up for people to wait before walking the red carpet, so I find a spot off to the side and pull out my phone.
I text Jace to let me know when he arrives since I don’t want him to go through this circus alone.
Olivia walks up moments later, glowing in a red dress that looks absolutely stunning on her, and flashes a pass at the security guards.
She spots me, and—as quickly as she can in heels and her dress—she sprints over and wraps around me the second she’s within arm’s reach.
“Oh my god, I missed you so much,” she blurts into my shoulder. “Please don’t ever leave me again. I swear, with the stress, I’ve aged years in the past few weeks—you owe me Botox.”
I laugh, squeezing her in a hug. “Wow, I feel the same way myself, we can go together. You look perfect, as always, though. And thank you, seriously. For everything. I could not do this without you.”
She waves me off. “Yeah, yeah, you can thank me later. So, let’s get to the good stuff. Tell me everything. Who is he? What’s the deal? I need the full download before he gets here.”
I open my mouth, prepared to warn her that she actually already knows him. And dated him. But that’s the moment I see Jace talking to the security guards, looking around, completely lost.
Shit, did he text me and I missed it? But I glance at my phone and confirm he didn’t respond.
I swallow. “Well… that’s actually him.”
She turns to look, and her mouth drops open. “Wait a fucking minute. Is that who I think it is?”
I can’t help the high-pitched chuckle that escapes. “Yep, now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go save him.”
Jace looks handsome as hell. His wide shoulders fill out his navy suit perfectly, his brown hair is curly and perfectly styled, and it even looks like he trimmed his short beard for tonight.
I’m also very into the slutty little glasses he’s currently wearing for this.
He seems to only wear them some of the time, but I am a complete sucker for them.
“Hey, Jace, you look amazing,” I say as I approach him.
Jace smiles that easy smile as he steps closer and pulls me into a hug.
My pulse feels like it just doubled as I think of all the ways this could unfold with Liv in a minute.
I’d wanted to tell her before they saw each other because I have no idea how she’ll react.
She knows what happened in high school. She was there the last time I saw Jace; she knows how things ended and how heartbroken Jace left me.
But as we walk back to where she’s standing, she plasters on a smile of her own. “Hi, Jace. Good to see you.”
“Hey, Liv,” he greets. “You too.”
“Uh, Kieran, can I have a word, please?” she says, not bothering to wait for an answer as she drags me away from him to the very back corner of this makeshift space, away from everyone else.
“Oh my god!” she squeals, eyes wide with her obvious confusion. “How the hell did you end up with Jace Ryan?”
“Shh, keep your voice down. I didn’t know that’s who I was talking to at first. Turns out, he was on the show too,” I say, letting that hang, but I know she wants more.
“He’s not… he’s not the same as he was when we were eighteen.
I’ve told you about how different he was when we were alone back then, but now…
he’s different even from that. He’s been—” I shake my head, trying not to sound too much like I’m defending him.
“I don’t know. He seems like he’s changed. ”
Olivia grins, tilting her head like she’s eating this up. “Holy shit, K! I am so happy for you! As long as he doesn’t hurt you again. I will ruin him if needed,” she threatens.
Her words make my cheeks heat, and I laugh, rubbing the back of my neck. “Yeah, well. I sort of told him this had to be fake…” My voice trails off at the admission.
Olivia raises a brow. “Fake?” she whispers, scrunching up her nose like the word tastes funny in her mouth.
“Yeah,” I confirm. “I told him it had to be for the cameras. I couldn’t risk breaking up with him immediately and then getting endless hate on the internet from people who don’t know our history.
I didn’t know how they’d edit it, and you know my image affects everything.
I hated him for all these years and that was my initial reaction, but now…
I don’t know, Liv. It’s been horrible trying to figure this out on my own. ”
Her laugh is quick and sharp. “Oh, Kieran. You already sound like you’re in deep.”
I roll my eyes, but she’s grinning, and that’s worse because it means she sees something I’m still trying to hide from myself.
“I’m serious,” I argue, but it comes out weaker than I mean it to. “I don’t know what to do.”
“What’s the worst outcome if you see what happens and tell him you want to date him for real?”
The words hang there, heavy and terrifying, but I force myself to answer. “We don’t work out and everyone hates me and my livelihood is ruined. You know how public breakups on social media are. It feels like a risk.”
Olivia tilts her head, reading me the way she always has, her voice gentler now.
“The world already thinks you’re dating, or they will when the show airs, so the relationship being real or not wouldn’t impact public opinion if you break up.
You don’t have to figure it out right this second.
Just… maybe don’t shove the possibility back in the box before you even know what’s in there. ”
I think about what she’s suggesting, and at this point, it really is about deciding if I’m willing to risk my heart again on someone who’s already shattered it.
I’m not sure if I really have a choice though. Jace seems to have broken down every one of my carefully constructed walls, and I’m afraid my heart might already be his for the taking. “Okay,” I finally agree.
“Now, let’s go back and see your man! I can’t wait to meet this new and improved Jace who’s obviously stolen your heart.”
Fuck. Is it really that obvious?