53. Jace
JACE
Producer: “When you’re around Kieran, how do you feel?”
Jace: “Complete.”
Ican’t believe I’m at this event right now with Kieran. I’ve admired him for years through my screen, and now this award show is probably going to honor him in some way. I actually don’t know what it’s for, but it feels like he should get an award. He deserves all the awards. My man is talented.
Okay, he might not officially be my man yet, but no one here knows that.
Kieran and Liv have been gone for a few minutes now, and I’m sure they’re talking about me.
I hope my presence doesn’t cause another fight.
I know that’s an egotistical thought, but I hated all those years ago when I came between them.
Olivia was so sad, and Kieran obviously was too.
It's been over a decade, though, and they are still best friends, so I’m sure they’re fine.
She’s probably just surprised, that’s all.
After what feels like an hour, but is more likely only another minute later, they finally walk back toward me, both smiling, and I feel like I can breathe again.
I immediately reach for Kieran’s hand, giving him a little squeeze.
The production people that drove me here warned about avoiding PDA since the show hasn’t aired yet, but we’re in a room that seems pretty private, so I feel like this is fine and I really don’t care. I need to touch him, so I do.
“How was your day? Did the interviews go okay?” he asks me.
“Yeah, it was fine, we can talk about that later though. I’m so excited to be here supporting you. Is there anything I should know?” I check. I want to make sure I can be the best boyfriend possible for him.
“Yeah—”
“Oh my god, Kieran Delaney? I can’t believe it’s you!
” I turn my head, and Kieran drops my hand immediately.
It looks like someone slipped past security into this private section.
The man has his phone camera out, obviously taking pictures of everything around him, and is beaming at Kieran.
He comes close enough to reach out to touch his shoulder, and Kieran’s smile falters.
It’s like the light in his eyes flickers out as he glances down at the contact.
“Hi, yeah, it’s me,” he says with a smile I know is fake.
“Oh my god, we have to take a picture!” the man announces, grabbing Kieran’s hand and pulling him in toward him, and jealousy flares through me. He flinches again, and it’s so subtle that I’m sure this guy has no idea Kieran isn’t enjoying this interaction. But I notice.
“Kieran isn’t doing photos right now,” I interrupt, turning him down in as polite a voice as I can manage for Kieran’s sake.
Kieran whips his head at me, eyes wide in surprise.
But then he gives me a small smile, only lifting the corner of his mouth really, and the gratitude in his gaze is clear as day.
He pulls his hand back, placing it in his pants pocket, out of reach from the guy. “Thanks, babe,” he whispers to me before turning to the other guy. “I’ll do a selfie, let me see your phone.” The guy eagerly hands Kieran the phone who takes one quick photo and hands it back.
“You need to go,” a man in a security uniform says, escorting the man away.
“Does that happen a lot?” I ask when they’re gone, and Kieran reaches for my hand again, lacing our fingers together.
I guess I’ve known he was famous for years now—I’m in the fan groups, I see the comments.
But it’s one thing to participate in it behind a screen.
Fame is such an abstract concept to apply to someone you already know, and seeing it firsthand is something else entirely.
“All the time,” Liv answers.
“Usually, I don’t mind it at all and am happy to do it.
When I say I love my fans, I mean it. But every once in a while, someone gets grabby like that, and it feels…
invasive.” He bites his lip, like he’s just putting the pieces together.
“I think I’m realizing now that maybe I was so touch-averse because people only ever touched me in public.
It always felt like it was for them—not for me—and every time, it took a little piece of me with it.
I don’t know…” He glances at me as he trails off at the vulnerable admission.
“Thanks for stepping in, though. No one’s ever done that for me before. ”
“Of course. I hope you know I’d do anything for you, K,” I promise, giving his hand a quick squeeze.
I’d love to know what he told Liv about our arrangement, but I know better than to ask during this event full of cameras and strangers.
Kieran suggests we get in the line for the red carpet, and while we’re waiting, I ask Liv about her life, and we all catch up.
Kieran handles the carpet like the professional that he is while Liv and I hang back.
I’m relieved by how easy the conversation is; she doesn’t seem to be holding onto any bad feelings from our past, and she even smiles as she looks between us, as if she likes the idea of us being together.
Kieran is presenting one award and is up for another.
There’s a catered meal before any of the awards begin as the host gives speeches about the evolution of influencers and content creators.
It’s wild to think about how early Kieran started posting things compared to so many other people here.
The fact that he’s stayed so popular and relevant for so long is a testament to how incredible he is.
I can’t believe I’m here right now as his date.
I can’t get too in my head about that though.
I do really think I could be a great real partner to him.
I’d love to be the one at his side, protecting him and keeping him safe.
Not that I think he really needs that. He’s gotten himself here all on his own.
But he shouldn’t have to do it on his own if he doesn’t want to.
I’m really hoping he doesn’t want to.
He sneaks away to present, and when they forget to deliver his dessert in his absence, I give him mine, earning a smug smile from Liv. I don’t know if she knows we’re not actually together, but it definitely seems like she’s a fan of us as a couple, so I’m counting that as a huge win.
Kieran doesn’t win his award though, so apparently the judges are idiots, but he doesn’t seem upset at all.
I don’t think he stops smiling the whole time.
After the awards wrap up, there are a couple of other influencers who approach Kieran in a more respectful manner to introduce themselves, and a few more he already knows that he catches up with.
He even introduces me as his partner to a few—asking them to hold off on saying anything publicly until after the show airs.
He fills in gaps for me in stories I don’t know, and looks to me during conversations with the people I’ve never met to see how I’m reacting to what they said.
None of it feels fake.
I know there are cameras everywhere, but I’ve seen the way Kieran acts when he’s in front of the cameras versus when we’re alone, and this hasn’t felt like he’s putting on a show.
When the night wraps up, I’m thankful to be able to head out with him. I loved seeing him in his element, but I also want to get some alone time with him too.
“Are you sure you don’t want to come back with us?” Kieran asks Liv as we’re leaving the venue.
“No, it’s been a long day, and I have to get up early. Let me know what you think of the eyeliner samples though.” She gives me a hug goodbye, and I think she might only be going home in an attempt to give us privacy, but maybe that’s more of a hope than anything. Either way, I’m grateful.
The camera crew from Love Without Labels, though, insists on filming me going to Kieran’s house for the first time.
“Do you guys really need to film me seeing his place? That sounds like boring television,” I point out on the drive back, eager to be alone with Kieran again.
“Trust us, once you see where he lives, you’ll get it,” the cameraman assures me.
“Plus, he’s got the cat,” the other person from the show adds. “He’s cute.”
I laugh at that. “I can’t wait to meet Freddie.” Kieran beams at me.
“I was hoping you weren’t allergic.”
“Not that I know of,” I assure him, really hoping I’m not, but my lack of being around animals isn’t very telling.
When we pull up to a swanky newer building on the east side of Manhattan, I realize why they wanted to film this.
Kieran has money. Like, live in a fancy four-bedroom apartment in New York City kind of money.
The doorman greets us as we enter, as does the person at the desk in the lobby, both of them addressing Kieran by name.
He responds casually, and I attempt not to look completely awestruck by how nice this building is as we make our way up to his apartment.
This is by far the nicest home I’ve ever been in.
I look around and take in all the details, the hardwood floors, the marble countertops in the kitchen that’s probably the size of my entire apartment.
The four bedrooms. I thought my place was nice because I have a bedroom and not a studio.
I chuckle to myself as I have that thought.
Kieran is going to be in for a rude awakening when we go stay at my place.
“K, this place is amazing,” I tell him. “I’m so proud of everything you’ve built and earned.”
He eyes me a little skeptically, but he also seems amused as he smirks. “Thanks.”
“I mean it. You might not have won that award tonight because apparently, the judges have questionable taste, but I hope you know how spectacular you are.”
Just then a cat appears, jumping right into Kieran’s arms.
I don’t think I’ve ever been jealous of an animal before, but it’s definitely happening now.
“Freddie, I’d like you to meet Jace.” Kieran is looking at me expectantly as he holds the cat in my direction. I have no idea what he’s expecting though, I’ve never been this close to a cat in my life.