61. Jace
JACE
Producer: “What are you most excited for in the future with Kieran?”
Jace: “Everything. Absolutely everything.”
I’m still not convinced this is actually happening.
But if it was only a dream, I’m pretty sure I’d be able to clearly see Kieran walking down the aisle instead of squinting through the blurred edges of my vision as I fight back tears.
Kieran’s parents are walking him toward me in front of all our family, friends, and the Love Without Labels crew in this fancy ballroom that’s decked out for our black-tie wedding.
I left all the decor options up to Kieran because I trust his creative vision way more than my own, and he chose black for almost everything.
The room is dramatic and dark in a way that feels romantic and moody, making the pops of color that much more interesting.
It’s perfect for us and our love that started off so unconventionally but still managed to end up here.
Kieran is stunning in his all-black tux, the sparkly lapel pin a perfect nod to the clothes he used to wear that earned him his nickname.
His makeup today is bold enough to make it obvious he’s wearing it, to feel like him, without distracting from his naturally gorgeous features.
And his smile as he approaches me lights up the entire room.
I’ve never been able to look away from Kieran; the pull I’ve always felt to him has only grown stronger as we’ve gotten to know each other again over the last month.
And now, for the first time, I realize I won’t ever have to stop.
Kieran asked me to marry him, for real, for us, because he couldn’t bear the thought of losing me.
I’m still struggling to wrap my mind around the fact that my plan actually worked.
That I somehow convinced Kieran that I’m good enough to be his husband for real.
When he finally gets to me at the front of the room, I can’t hold back any longer and reach for his hands to hold in mine as we stand across from one another.
“Hey, Sparkles,” I say quietly, only for him to hear.
His shoulders shake with his silent laughter before he mouths back, “Hey, hot shot.”
The officiant launches into their speech about marriage and, the entire time, Kieran and I are lost in each other’s gazes.
I’m blown away by the warm affection, the love, the awe shining back at me.
We didn’t prepare custom vows because we hadn’t planned to keep them, but as I have that thought, I realize between our two proposals, we’ve already said a lot of what would likely have been in them anyway.
We repeat back everything that we need to, and each promise we make is easy.
I’ve loved Kieran for half of my life. We’ve already been through so much together, and I feel like we’ve learned from it all.
I’m not saying I assume it will all be easy from here on out, but I’m confident that we’ve become a team, and can get through whatever life throws our way as long as we do it together.
The “I dos” are a blur, and as soon as I hear “You may now kiss—” my lips are already on his. It’s just as amazing as every other kiss with Kieran has been, and it probably goes on for a little longer than appropriate, but it’s our wedding day, so we can do what we want.
Everyone claps and cheers, and I really do feel like we’re in a movie as we run out through the crowd holding hands.
We’re whisked away to another room for pictures with Kieran’s parents and my uncles and sister, while most of the guests get to enjoy cocktail hour, and then finally we’re able to join the party.
We cut our cake. Kieran shoves some in my face and even though I make it look like I do the same, I ensure it’s a much smaller piece right into his mouth to avoid messing up his makeup.
We dance to a song that talks about slowing down time to adore their partner, even calling them “Darling,” and it hits me that even though Kieran had been claiming this was fake up until last night, the wedding he planned for us is full of small details that are very specific to us and our relationship.
I think we were both planning for a real future together long before then.
Kieran dances with his mom, and Joey surprises me when he asks me to share the next dance with him.
By the time Patrick cuts in to finish out the second half of the song with me, the music changes from the sentimental slow song that had been playing to a much more upbeat pop hit, and he starts awkwardly dancing around me.
The smile on my face feels permanent. Everyone laughs at Patrick’s over-the-top attempt at dancing, and he effectively gets everyone to join us on the dance floor before the song ends.
Kieran and I find each other again, dancing and singing with all our friends, and when our gazes lock, and he smiles at me in a moment that is so full of joy, I have to fight back tears again.
When Kieran and I first met, my life was full of so much hatred.
My dad hated that his dream didn’t work out “because of me,” so he spent every moment forcing it on me instead.
Worse than that, he tried to teach me to hate anything and anyone that was different.
I was never good enough for him, and I used the way he treated me as a model for how I should treat everyone else.
When I was that scared, misguided teenager, I was horrible to this man who I love, but he never let the hatred win.
He has always let love and joy rule him.
I am so fucking grateful that I was able to learn from his example, and that he forgave me, not once, but multiple times, and helped me to become the person I am today.
I take his hand, squeezing it as I nod away from the dance floor for him to follow. His smile never falters as I lead him away from the crowds and outside of the ballroom. “Are we sneaking away to our room?” he asks, tone full of amusement.
“We certainly can,” I say with a laugh. “But I wanted to talk for a moment first if that’s okay.”
“Of course, husband.” He smiles up at me.
I bite my lip at the title I don’t think I’ll ever get used to.
“I know I apologized when we met on the show, and that you’ve now seen my apology that I wrote when I was eighteen.
And we talked about what happened with David, but not really about all the shit I did before we ever hooked up. I’m so sorry.”
“I love you, Jace. I forgave what you did a long time ago, even if it was nice to hear you say it.”
I let out a big exhale. His continued acceptance lifts the smallest layer of my guilt away.
“Well, I was thinking about how we didn’t write vows, but I wanted to thank you for forgiving me, and I wanted to say that I don’t think I’ll ever truly deserve your forgiveness, but I promise to try.
I promise to spend every day working to be a man worthy of you and your love. ”
“Baby, you already are,” he assures me, and more tears start trickling down my face. He lifts his hand to cup my face, wiping them away with his thumb. “Come on, hot shot, I think we were at the party long enough. Let’s go upstairs.”
We sneak away and head up to the suite we’re sharing tonight without anyone chasing us down a hallway.
The heat that’s always been there is as strong as ever, but right now there’s something more with it. The lust in Kieran’s blue eyes is accompanied by so much love.
I know I haven’t exactly been subtle about how much I care about him, but this still feels different. We’ve been together for weeks, yet somehow we’ve both been holding back the truth that it’s more than just sex.
The teasing and taunting though, it’s part of us, and I love it. But I’m also realizing we don’t need it. I feel freer and more comfortable in our relationship as I acknowledge that we’re choosing the dynamic that we both enjoy so much, but we aren’t dependent on it.
I look at my husband, the man I’ve been obsessed with for half of my life, and take a moment to appreciate that this is our wedding night. Then I grin, because I know neither of us would ever settle for something as boring as quiet missionary sex in a dark room.
“What are you waiting for, baby?” I ask. “Just because you’re my husband now doesn’t mean you need to pretend like you’re not desperate for my cock. The ring on your finger doesn’t change the fact that you’re still my filthy little cockslut, does it?”
His eyes flash with amusement and lust before Kieran starts to slowly undress.
“I’m not the only one who’s hard right now,” he points out with a wink as he slowly walks toward the bed.
“I think you’ve been hard all night.” He pauses at the foot of the bed, leaning against it while working open each button of his shirt.
“Have you been imagining what you wanted to do to me tonight?”
As he gets the final button open and shrugs off his shirt, my jaw practically hits the floor as I see what he’s been hiding under his tux.
“Fuck me.” I let out a deep groan as I take in my husband standing before me.
Kieran is wearing a… harness? I’m not totally confident what to call it other than the hottest thing I’ve ever seen.
It’s made of black lace with straps that go across his chest and torso, highlighting his slim build and strong physique.
It manages to look both masculine and delicate in a way that seems so perfect for him.
I wonder briefly if he had it custom made.
It was completely hidden under his tux, which was definitely a good thing, because there is no way I could’ve gotten through today had I known what he was hiding underneath it. I’ve never seen anything like it.
My throat goes dry, my cock already straining against the front of my pants.
“You’re… you’re going to kill me,” I mutter, dragging a hand down my face, like that’ll stop me from staring at every single strap hugging his body.
“You’ve actually been sitting next to me eating cake, saying vows, and dancing while wearing that? ”