Chapter 77
HARPER
Isit in my favourite window seat and stare out over the garden.
Alex has just left with Enzo. He’s coming back tomorrow, wanting to give me time with my family.
I’ve fallen in love with him, but I’ve not allowed myself to admit it until now because I was too scared to think about what it meant. Brooke knew, but she’s no longer in the picture. She’s gone, relegated to a moment in time. I’m all Harper again, and I have other responsibilities.
“How are you doing?” Elijah says, coming up to stand next to me.
To others, his size is intimidating. To me, he’s simply my big brother. The same big brother who used to throw me up in the air, play hide-and-seek in the gardens and give me piggyback rides.
“Honestly?”
He nods.
“I’m lost, Eli. As Brooke, I knew who I was and could be myself. I held down a normal job, made friends without strings attached and even fell in love. But as Harper… all those insecurities from my past, they’re back, and I’m not sure what to do with them.”
I draw my legs up, and he sits down next to me, wrapping an arm around my shoulders and pulling me against his enormous chest.
“Can I ask you something?” he says.
I laugh.
“When have you ever asked?”
His arm tightens for a moment.
“Are you in love with Alex Bianchi?”
I nod, my throat thickening as I finally admit the truth to someone other than Alex and myself.
We sit in silence.
“Was he the kind of man you’d have brought home to meet us if all this hadn’t happened?”
I nod again. “But I’m scared. Our entire relationship was built on lies, deceit and, at best, half-truths.
” I rub my eyes before looking up at him.
“You of all people know the damage that causes. What happens if every time we argue, he throws it back in my face? He says none of it matters, but what if, once he’s had time for everything to sink in, he finds it does? ”
“Does he love you?”
“He says he does.”
“But you don’t believe him?”
“That’s the weird thing. I totally believe him. He’s an amazing man.”
Eli frowns. “Then what’s the problem?”
“What if love isn’t enough? What if he decides my past is… too much? His reputation is everything. He’s the CEO of a luxury brand.”
“And you’re Harper Frazer!”
“I wish he’d never said those words. Then I’d never know the full extent of what I’m losing when he comes to his senses,” I say.
“But why do you think you’re going to lose him?”
I sigh.
“Let me ask you something. How much of Brooke was Harper? I mean the real Harper? Not Harper Frazer, but Harper the woman?”
“You make it sound like they’re the same person,” I say, my brows furrowing.
“That’s because they are.”
“I don’t understand,” I say, turning slightly and putting a little distance between us.
“Harper Frazer is the mask you’ve worn since you became aware of this family’s standing. She’s the woman who studied hard, behaved a certain way…”
I bark out a laugh, raising my eyebrows.
“It’s strange. Alex practically said the same thing.”
“And you don’t believe him?”
“I don’t know, I think you’ve got Harper Frazer muddled up with Kat. Don’t you remember the rebel Frazer, the one who was in the press every weekend? Creating havoc?”
Eli shakes his head.
“I’m not talking about the other mask you donned after Dad died, the one you used to conceal your inner turmoil and pain.”
I swallow past the lump.
How does he know?
“Don’t look at me like that. We all knew what you were doing, and we wanted to help, but as your family, we also knew you had to work through your demons. You’re smart, resourceful, independent and focused. The Rebel Harper was exactly that, a persona designed to mask your pain.”
I flinch.
“I don’t understand what you’re saying.”
He smiles, and I realise the stress he wore like a mask is gone. The man sitting next to me is the man he would have been had Darra never existed.
“What I’m trying to say is, don’t underestimate yourself. Brooke is you, and you are Brooke, you are also Harper. Alex Bianchi probably knows the real Harper Frazer better than any of us. He got to know the unfiltered, unmasked version of the woman you are.”
“He said the same thing.”
My gaze drops to the floor as I take in his words.
Is it possible?
Is Brooke the person I would be without my last name? If it hadn’t been for the stress of the situation, I would have been more open, gone out for coffee with my new friends, gone to dinner and held hands with my boyfriend in public.
“He sounds like a sensible man.”
“But Eli, you of all people know how dangerous it is to get into a long-term relationship because of a baby.”
Eli shrugs. “That’s a completely different argument.
And let me say, there’s one major difference between your situation and mine.
I never loved Darra, not the way I should have or needed to.
I was young and in lust, and she was always there.
I’m not sure if you remember, but we’d split up before she announced she was pregnant with Lottie.
I’d already called time on our relationship, knowing there was no future. ”
“But what if Alex—”
“He’s not a child, Harper. He’s a grown-arse man, older than me,” he says, his lips twisting.
“But we won’t dwell on that. From what you’ve said, he wants to get to know you, the real you.
Relationships take time and effort. And if the worst happens and it doesn’t work out, he can still be a father to this child without you being together.
I’m not saying it will be easy, but it can be done. ”
I rest my cheek against the cold glass of the window and stare out at the flower-filled garden.
“If it helps, when Pen told me she was pregnant, I was over the moon. I’d have flown halfway around the world and begged her to come back to me.
I couldn’t wait to bring a child into the world with the woman I love.
That’s the difference when you truly care for someone.
And Alex came all this way without knowing. He came for you.”
He grips my shoulder, squeezing gently before standing up.
“Whatever happens, Harper, you have a family here who loves you and will love and welcome your baby. You’re not alone in this, and you never will be. We’ll all support any decision you make.” He smiles. “I hate to say it, but Alex seems like a good guy.”
I rise onto my knees and throw my arms around him.
“When did you get so wise?” I sob into his chest.
“Hey, I’ve always been wise,” he says, prompting me to pull back and stare up at him. “Okay, okay, maybe not always. It happened when I pulled my head out of my arse and opened my eyes, letting a wonderful woman in.”
“Thank you,” I say.
“Anytime, kiddo.”