Chapter 28
TRISTAN
I’ve had so many coffee dates at this place in Hart’s Hill that I know the names of the staff members. They even save a table for me now. I’m sitting at that table now on Sunday afternoon, back to the wall, with Nour across the room and the door sign flipped firmly to Closed.
Two days ago I kissed my best friend against the wall of my house, and now I’m on a date with another woman. I sigh and stop my knee from jogging under the table.
“Tristan?”
The woman in front of me comes back into focus.
Vanessa Waterford. Pale hair, pale green eyes, a beauty mark by the edge of her full mouth.
Attractive, my brain reminds me. My body elicits not one lick of interest. Come on, body.
I will myself to be turned on. I can’t go the rest of my life married to someone else and wanting only Katie.
“I’m sorry.” I give her my most charming smile. “You were saying?”
“I was asking why your bodyguard keeps glaring at us.”
I dart Nour a look. She’s not glaring. She’s just watching me. “She’s intense. It’s her thing.”
“Do you only hire female bodyguards?”
I blink at her. “Pardon me?”
Vanessa sips her coffee and slides her waterfall of blond hair behind her shoulder. “You have another female bodyguard. She’s very pretty. The red-haired one.”
“How do you know about her?” I can’t help the bite to my voice.
Vanessa gives me a weird look. “She’s all over social media.” She slides me her phone. “See?” She taps on an app, then types something in the search bar. Images of Katie fill the screen, some grainy, others clearer, some with me, and some on her own.
“What the hell is this?”
“Uh, it’s called being famous? You’re kinda weird, you know that, right?”
I bark a laugh. “I know. I just don’t really pay attention to these things.”
She wrinkles her nose. “You need someone in your life who does.”
I give her a small smile. She doesn’t sound excited by the prospect. “Maybe so.” I look back down at the phone. “What are they saying? She’s my friend,” I add, like that explains my interest.
She shrugs. “Nothing bad. Just talking about how cute she is.” She pulls the phone toward her. “It made me like you more, actually. That you were willing to hire women for roles like this. It made me think marriage to you might not be terrible.”
Cute.
My brain circles that word, suddenly and violently aware that I am now sharing Katie with the world. These people know nothing about her. They don’t know how hard she fights for every ounce of respect, how hard she works for every bit of her competence. She’s not cute. She’s a force of nature.
“She has tall energy,” I say more defensively than I intend.
Vanessa gives me another small, confused smile, and I don’t blame her.
My phone lights up. Katie’s name is on the screen.
“Excuse me,” I say, before I grab it and scan the message.
Katie
Tristan, help!
Sorry. Nothing is actually wrong. I just got a dick pic.
I compress my lips to stop from laughing, then tell Vanessa I’ll be back and stalk for the bathroom.
Tristan
Was it a nice dick?
Katie
Dicks aren’t that nice.
Tristan
Maybe you’ve been looking at the wrong dicks…
Katie
I came here for HELP, Professor.
Are office hours open?
Something light and fizzy spreads through me.
Tristan
Who’s sending you dick pics anyway?
Katie
A guy from the app. I was trying to see if there was chemistry.
A flame lights in my stomach. I’ll show her chemistry. I force my hand to relax.
Tristan
And? What happened?
She sends a screenshot of the messages. I scan it and groan. She’s so awkward. It’s endearing, actually.
Katie
Do you see?
I’m so bad at this. SO BAD.
Tristan
It’s not you. It’s him. He’s pushing way too hard.
Katie
What does that mean?
Tristan
Sexting is a game.
He’s being blunt. He’s going for it way too fast.
Katie
A game? Seriously?
I grin down at the phone.
Tristan
You’ve never sexted?
Katie
Do you even have to ask?
My grin broadens. No, I don’t. I picture her in the security center, polishing a knife or something and frowning at her phone while she tries to type the perfect sext.
Tristan
How long did it take you to come up with those responses?
Katie
Hours.
I burst out laughing. I can’t help it.
Katie
I know you’re laughing right now.
If you’re so good at it then SHOW ME!
My laughter chokes in my throat. Am I about to do this? I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror. My eyes are bright. There’s a flush on my face.
Tristan
Send me the rest of the messages first.
Katie
You want to see his dick?
Tristan
I want to see if mine is better.
The text flies from my fingers before I can second-guess it. I guess that’s a decent first step.
Katie
Oh
Are we doing it now, then?
Tristan
If you want to.
The words seem to grow in front of my eyes. If you want to. I lock eyes with myself in the mirror. This isn’t practice, you idiot. My reflection seems to glare at me. You just want her any way you can have her.
Katie
What’s your favorite thing about it?
All the breath leaves my body.
Nour knocks on the door. “Tristan? Everything okay?”
“All good,” I croak.
What the fuck? I shove a hand through my hair. What the fuck what the fuck? Am I hard? I glance down to confirm. Yeah, halfway. I can’t go out there like this. But I don’t want Katie to think I’m ignoring her. She’ll be crushed.
Tristan
Well, women seem to like it.
Katie
All men think that.
My mouth lifts against my will.
Tristan
Nah, I know it.
Katie
Rave reviews?
Tristan
Been a while. But last time, yeah.
My pulse is pounding in my throat. My hands shake. I have to leave this bathroom, but I want to sink down against the wall and spend the rest of this date talking to Katie. I imagine how pink her cheeks must be. I imagine the way her tongue dips over her lips when she’s concentrating.
Are her nipples hard? Is she turned on?
I want to turn her on.
I don’t want some asshole from the app texting her.
I want it to be me.
Katie
Proof?
Oh fuck. My breaths are coming short now. Is she asking for what I think she’s asking? No. Mirror-Tristan looks like he’s been doing drugs all night and hasn’t slept. Mirror-Tristan doesn’t give a fuck what his date thinks. He wants to rail Katie into next week.
I need to cool this off, and fast. Katie is new to this. She wants the practice. She doesn’t need me making things weird.
Keep it light, Tristan.
Tristan
I was told I last a long time. Unless I’m really turned on.
Katie
What turns you on?
You. That’s the only thing in my brain. I’m fully hard under my slacks, and it’s all I can do not to stroke myself.
Tristan
Sometimes I have these dreams…Has that ever happened to you?
I don’t wait for an answer. If I go down this road, I’ll end up doing something obscene.
“Sorry about that,” I say to Vanessa when I get back to the table. “I have to go. Work stuff.”
I give Nour the signal that we’re done here.
I feel terrible for barely paying attention.
I thought about Katie the entire time. I wished, in the darkest part of my heart, that she’d been on this date with me.
Even if I can’t have her. Even if it goes nowhere.
I don’t want to get coffee with anyone else.
Guilt makes me agree when Vanessa suggests that we see each other again.
“Maybe you can introduce me to your bodyguard friend. I want to meet the people who are important to you.”
I grimace, then turn it into a smile. I’d rather chew glass than share any of the time I have with Katie with anyone else.
“Sure,” I say mildly before I stalk to the car, raise the privacy divider, and pull out my phone.