Chapter 29
KATIE
Istare at the texts from Tristan, then dart a glance at Gio, who is hunched over his phone, watching a video on some gun he wants to buy.
I shouldn’t be doing this.
But my blood feels like champagne as I pretend to work.
I want Tristan so badly that my hands shake when I pick up my phone to text him back.
“Gio, I’m gonna head upstairs for some more coffee.”
He grunts, and I flee, my pulse pounding as I take the steps to my apartment and open my door with unsteady hands. My shoes are off and I’m in my bed in thirty seconds flat.
My face is hot as my fingers fly over the keyboard. I’ve never sexted before, and it feels better than drugs.
Katie
I do. I’ll wake up on the verge of coming.
I’m shocked at my own boldness. I stare at the words on the screen, heat crawling over my cheeks.
Tristan
What do you do when that happens?
My stomach jumps at his response.
It’s 4:03 p.m. He must be in the car back home.
I’m so incredibly turned on that I shift on the bed. I don’t know what to say. Do I tell him the truth?
I bite my lip.
Confident girls ask for what they want.
I want to be confident. I want to be bold and I want to feel the way it felt when I kissed Tristan back. Like my body was coming untethered from the earth.
What if I didn’t worry about being too bold? What if I just went with it?
What’s the worst that could happen?
Katie
Sometimes I touch myself. I come really fast when that happens.
Tristan
God, I bet you do.
The breath catches in my throat. I can almost picture him saying that. In my head, he’s just as into this as I am.
Tristan
What do you dream about?
Oh god. My hand fists the duvet. The last one was about him, after that insane kiss against the wall. I’m so not telling him that. I’ll just tell him it was a stranger.
Katie
Last time I dreamed about going down on a guy.
Tristan
Do you like that?
Katie
I did in my dream.
Tristan
Did you let him come in your mouth?
I scramble for my vibrator, turn it to the lowest setting, and slip it between my legs. I’m going to come so fast like this. My body jolts as it hits my clit.
Katie
On my chest.
Tristan
Would you let me come in your mouth?
I moan into the silence of my room and turn the vibrator up. It’s so good that I whisper a curse into the darkness, then screw my eyes shut and picture Tristan.
Tristan
Katie?
I’m sorry. Did I go too far?
I want to howl. I don’t want to be this uncertain, unskilled girl. I want to be a force of nature. I want to be the kind of woman who demands attention and knows exactly what to do with it.
Katie
I would. I mean, I’ve never swallowed before. I might be terrible at it.
Tristan
No, you wouldn’t. You’d be so fucking good.
The vibrator slips through the wetness between my legs. Desire is spiraling hot and tight in my stomach.
Katie
I believe in being the best at everything I do.
Tristan
I know you do. I’d be gentle.
Katie
Would you?
I’m barely making sense now. My orgasm is just out of reach, and I’m typing with one hand.
Tristan
With you? Absolutely.
I’d let you control the pace. I wouldn’t come unless you wanted me to.
But if you did, I’d shoot down your throat. On your face. On your tits.
Wherever you want me.
Oh holy shit. I’m remembering what those women talked about at the bar. Use me for whatever you want. I don’t know what to say back. I feel hot and loose and my belly is twisting with need. I can’t fake being a cool, confident girl right now.
Katie
I want that.
My phone buzzes. I reject the call immediately. I’m coming. I’m coming so hard against the vibrator that my vision blurs. “Fuck.” I turn my head into the pillow, my body twisting and arching. “Fuck,” I groan again. When I finally relax, my body is loose and light.
I pick up the phone to see Tristan’s text on the screen.
Tristan
You what?
Shit. Shit, shit, shit. I went too far. I let him see how much I want him. I scramble to type something normal.
Katie
You know…with a guy.
I want to feel free like that. Uninhibited. Insatiable.
Tristan
Right