Chapter 18 Mile Eighteen #2
Liana raises her head, “And telling people they are pretty is nice.”
“Especially when it’s true.” Ray looks from his daughter to me. “She is pretty… Very pretty.”
“Thanks.” Shifting in my seat, I blush.
“Look, Jensen, another subject to add to your court,” Anker teases, causing the flames claiming my cheeks to turn fiery.
“Of course,” Garrett mutters gruffly.
I’m not sure if the heat cascading within me is from the embarrassment from Ray’s compliment, or from my complicated feelings at Garrett’s clear jealousy.
Apparently, it’s not just Miles he doesn’t appreciate…
It’s any man showing me attention. It’s possessive.
It’s barbaric. God, why is it turning me on? I have issues.
“Sorry. Now I’m saying the inside words out loud.” Ray clears his throat. “We should get back to my parents. I’ve gotta get this one to her moms’ later.” He plops Liana on the ground. “Enjoy your meal. Congrats on the race.”
“Thank you.”
“Bye!” Liana calls, skipping away.
“I hope to see you again, Jensen.” With a quick nod, he turns to follow his daughter.
“Please, please tell me he’s single, so Jensen can live out my single dad romance fever dreams with that Adonis.” Kayla whines dramatically.
“He is. Liana’s mom is his best friend. He donated the sperm, so she and her wife could have a baby. It’s not your typical sperm donor situation. Deridder is really involved and shares custody,” Anker explains.
“Yes! Yes! All this!” Kayla claps.
“I’m not sure how I feel about any of this,” Anker grumbles.
“Especially because I don’t think the single daddy trope is what Jensen is going for.” Catherine’s jest is wink-filled.
Perhaps her subtlety is waning a bit. Catherine is Team “Go for It” about me and Garrett. She and Kayla are up-to-date—minus what happened at the finish line. Kayla wavers back and forth. She cautions me to protect my heart, but also likes Garrett.
“What trope is she going for?”
Ignoring Anker, Catherine flicks her wrist and goes on, “Although, maybe hot single dad is a good option for Jensen. He seems respectful but not scared to make a move.”
“I have to…” Garrett rises, his chair’s screech loud. “Bathroom.”
“Just as I thought.” Catherine leans back in her chair, no doubt a triumphant expression covering her face.
I aim my narrowed gaze at my friend. It’s clear she hit her mark. Guess my bestie plans to prod both of us to “go for it,” and not just me.
Garrett moves away from our table so quickly that I barely register he’s left until Anker snarks, “Small bladders the older you get.” Garrett is mad.
There’s no question about it. But at whom?
Miles? He’s gone. Ray? He did nothing. At me?
Besides us not yet having the conversation we need to have, I’ve done nothing. Himself?
Fuck this! Garrett doesn’t get to be a sullen child about another man showing me attention—no matter what almost happened at the finish line.
“Bathroom!” Unfolding my cane, I shoot up from my chair.
“Do you want—”
“Nope. Got it,” I interrupt Kayla and move at a brisk pace toward the bathrooms inside the café.
Angry heat boils inside me. He doesn’t get to do this. He doesn’t get to almost kiss me, ignore me, and then be a petulant manchild when someone else shows me attention.
With each step, my resolve burns away any hesitation.
This isn’t a trope. This is my heart. I want Garrett.
It’s terrifying, but I’m not going to keep doing this.
I won’t wait, and I won’t play this hot and cold game anymore.
I’m cannonballing into the deep end. I may sink to the bottom, but I know I can swim my way back up.
I’ve done it before. I just hope I don’t have to again.
“Jensen,” Garrett rasps as I enter the small alcove where the unisex bathrooms lie.
“Don’t Jensen me.” I jab a finger into his chest. “You don’t get to do this. You don’t almost kiss me, pull away, barely look at me, and then act like a spoiled child who’s angry that someone else is looking at their favorite toy. I’m not a toy.”
He leans in, his mouth inches from mine. “I never said you were.”
“You’re acting like it.” I purse my lips.
“How am I supposed to act when minutes after we almost kiss, your brother shows up with flowers from another man? A man who clearly wants more, and whom you’re still speaking to? The same man I watched you pine over for months. Only to have another man flirt with you not twenty minutes later.”
I toss my hand in the air. “You’re jealous?”
“Of course, I am.” He moves closer, causing me to back into the wall.
“I don’t like literary fuckboys bringing you flowers because I want to be the only man bringing you flowers.
I don’t like other men—even my friends—telling you you’re pretty because I want to be the only man that makes you blush like that. ”
“Garrett…” My breath stutters.
“I’m jealous of any man who looks at you. Who makes you smile. Makes you laugh.” His hands come to my waist, holding me in place. “You are what I think about when I wake up and before I fall asleep…” He brushes his lips up my throat in a slow, sensual lick. “Not to mention you haunt my dreams.”
“Garrett…” I whimper, my body melting against him.
“Fuck, all I want is to drag you into that bathroom, press you up against the wall, kiss you until the only air you breathe is me, and then plunge myself so fucking deep into you that I don’t know where you begin and where I end.
That there’s no question.” He skates his nose along my jawline, inhaling deep. “So sweet…”
“No question of what?” I moan with the bite of his fingers into my hips.
“That I’m yours.”
The featherlight brush of his lips over mine causes a shudder to rip down my spine.
My entire body thrums with need. My blood heats and skin burns for his touch.
No man has ever made me hurt like this. The need for him is a deep ache.
So is the fear that I may never have enough of him.
Every minute with Garrett leaves me both satisfied and endlessly wanting.
I trail my hands up his torso, over his sculpted chest, along his throat, past his jawline, and cup his face. A quiet, pained groan escapes him with my slow march up his body, confirming I’m not alone in this. The knowledge that he aches for me as much as I do for him makes me drunkenly emboldened.
“Do it, then.” Head tipped up, determination curls my lips. My words are a hopeful dare.
“Jensen…” He swallows thickly.
“Take me in there and make me yours.”
“I…” Shaking his head, as if breaking a trance, he releases me and steps back.
“Garrett?” I croak.
He scrubs his hands over his face. “This isn’t a good idea. We… I lost control… I’m sorry. I shouldn’t… I’m sorry.”
“You just said… Why?” My whisper is pained. Any quieter and he may hear my heart breaking. I knew this would happen. It’s what held me back. I warned myself, but I still didn’t listen. Here I am, again, wanting a man who, for whatever reason, doesn’t want me back.
“I’m not good for you.”
“That’s bullshit.” I narrow my eyes. “This isn’t about not hurting me.
It’s about protecting yourself. I can’t imagine what losing Val was like for you, but you don’t get to do this.
You don’t get to use protecting me as an excuse for playing mind games with my heart, making me think you want me one moment and then you don’t the next,” I hiss.
“I’m not… It’s not about not wanting you.” His words are filled with sorrow.
As much as his pain slices into me, it’s a mere prick to my own. This is a sad song I’ve heard before.
“And that’s the problem. You want me, but you’re too scared to do anything about it… Want me. Don’t want me. Either way, it’s the same ending.” The ache surging in my chest causes my words to come out scratchy. “I’ve been here before, and I won’t do it again.”
“What are you saying?”
“I don’t think you should be my guide anymore.”
“Jensen—” he steps close. “No,” he croaks.
“Yes.” I inhale deep, my expression steely. “Otherwise, I may keep waiting for you to change your mind, and I won’t do that again…” Tears prick in my eyes, their sting further blurring my vision.
“It doesn’t need to be like this… I can still be your guide. We can still train together—”
“No, we can’t…” I sniffle, trying to hold back my tears. The emotions boil over inside, resembling a pot left too long on the burner.
Though, isn’t that what I’ve done? Catherine warned me at the start of this to be careful, but I still played with the fire of my feelings for Garrett. It’s my fault that I got burned. I should have listened to my head, ignoring my heart, and stayed away.
“Jensen…” He scrubs his hands down his face. “I…I don’t want to hurt you,” he says, his voice gravelly.
“Too late.” I swallow against the twinge in my throat. “I don’t think we should train together anymore.”
“No.”
“Yes.” I meet his stare and push as much icy determination into my own as I can. Even if this shreds the already tattered pieces of my heart, I know this is what’s best.
“Jensen, don’t do this,” he says, his tone desperate.
“I’ve made my decision… I’m sorry.” With a shuddered breath, I grip my cane and straighten my spine.
“Now, I’m going to go into the bathroom to cry, wash my face, and then come back to our friends.
We’ll smile and pretend this didn’t happen because I don’t want to ruin this for them.
Tomorrow, I’ll find someone new to train with. ”
“No.”
“It’s for the best.” I push away from the wall and move to the bathroom door.
“Jensen…please,” he says softly, gripping my elbow and halting my steps.
“Turnip,” I whisper.
It’s too much. My resolve is already crumbling with internal protests not to do this. That I’m strong enough to have him as just a friend. But I’m not. The idea of only crumbs of Garrett twinges dully inside me.
There will always be a part of me that will want this man. I know that deep in my bones. This isn’t a sappy love song where he’ll realize we belong together by the last note. He may be the man I’ve been waiting for, but I won’t wait anymore. Not for someone. Only with someone.
“Turnip.” He releases me.
With a deep breath, I open the bathroom door and step in. “Goodbye, Garrett.”