Chapter 28 #2
I’d read many an account of people who’d remembered snippets of their former lives, but they’d said it was like a hazy dream in some ways.
Realistic, and they’d known they’d lived through it, but they were emotionally one step detached from it all.
Prince James didn’t act detached at all.
He acted like a veteran fresh from a battlefield.
Come to think of it, even his reactions resembled those of a veteran returned from war.
No one could approach him quietly from behind, otherwise they’d be wheezing around the hole in their throat while he apologized for his reflexes.
The way he’d reacted to this disaster, like it was entirely his fault it had even happened, had also raised question marks in my head. Why would he feel so when ninety-nine percent of the population blamed Prince Victor?
And then him knowing off the top of his head who my favorite authors were, when not even my coworkers had seen any of the books I’d brought with me to work? Knowing I kept a suit in the closet? That was where questions stopped and theories started. There was no way for him to know that information.
But even when I didn’t say a word, this man saw me. Heard me. He reached out to me, again and again, even when I rebuffed him. James Kronenscheld, against all reason, wanted me as his lover. Every action, every breath, every glance at me made his feelings abundantly clear.
I was tired of denying the fact that I wanted him, too.
I’d reached the point where I couldn’t see him as just a prince.
I saw the man—the person who gave too much of himself and didn’t ask for enough back.
A man who would do all he could to make sure those closest to him were properly loved and pampered.
He was the epitome of the kind of man I wanted for myself, and if he hadn’t been both my boss and royalty, I wouldn’t have hesitated to say yes to his first date proposal.
Spending so much time at his side had made something else clear to me.
This man’s heart called to mine. I couldn’t explain it any other way.
When I was with him, a sense of rightness embraced me.
When I was alone, a feeling of discontent dogged my footsteps.
I liked my alone time, so that was odd in and of itself.
And it wasn’t that I wanted all of James’s attention, I’d be happy reading while he was in the same room with me.
I couldn’t even explain the feelings to myself, really. I just wanted to be with him.
I was still of two minds about tangling with royalty, because I don’t actually want to be that high profile, but…
James. I wanted James. I was tired of trying to deny that to myself.
I craved this man’s company, his smiles, that soft expression on his face when he looked at me.
I wanted him dearly enough that I was willing to navigate the pitfalls of dating him.
If I’d learned anything, it was that James the man needed me. Not just wanted me—needed me.
It was about time I answered the call.
All that said, I had many a question to pose to him first, and this time, I wasn’t willing to let him slink out of answering. I was tired of wondering, and wondering, and him acting weirder by the day. Time to learn the truth.
Which meant stopping by a liquor store first.
James, unlike most nobility, was not much of a drinker, but I’d seen him enjoy a glass or two of a sweet white wine. I bought a bottle and carted it up to the palace, stopping in the kitchens first for a late dinner, as it was nearly nine o’clock in the evening.
I dropped the bottle off in my rooms, then went hunting for a certain enigmatic prince.
Who was in the office. Still. When he should have stopped working three hours ago.
I’d feared as much, but it left me completely exasperated.
Apparently he really wouldn’t rest unless I rode herd on him.
He was the only one still there, toiling over something, a gas lamp glowing on the desk, all the other lights in the room off.
He glanced toward the door when I entered, then paused altogether, straightening while giving me a smile.
It looked tired, the man himself even more so.
Even if I didn’t get answers tonight, I’d have to stop him. He needed rest.
“Edwin,” he said happily. “Checking in before bedtime?”
“Stand up.”
He looked bemused at my order but stood regardless. Him doing whatever I told him to was another weird thing, honestly. It should be completely the opposite, but from day one, he’d always responded so.
I owed him a thank-you before I started shaking him for answers. The second he was free of the chair, I pulled him toward me and bear-hugged the stuffing out of him.
He made a happy noise in the back of his throat before hugging me tightly in return. “I’ve made you happy.”
“You bought me books.”
“You refused the book I tried to buy you before.”
“A fact I now regret,” I admitted. “Feel free to buy me more books.”
He softly chuckled against my head. “If this is what I get when I buy you a book, I’ll buy you every book in the world.”
I spoke against his chest, the words likely muffled, but I wasn’t willing to let go of him.
He’d made me far too happy to even consider doing so.
“When I saw my library absolutely ruined, it felt like I’d been stabbed in the heart, and the wound’s been oozing blood ever since.
Seeing those books today, the wound finally started to scab over. Saying thank you is so inadequate.”
“I saw the pain in your eyes.” James’s arms tightened around me a bit more. “I’d do anything to erase it.”
Nimus, this man. It’d be so easy to fall in love with him. I needed to clear the air and put us on the same footing. I didn’t want this limbo we were in any longer.
And I still wanted answers.
Stepping to the side, I pulled free of his arms to turn the lamp off.
“Oh, am I done for tonight?” James asked with amusement.
“You are. I have a bottle of wine in my room, and you’re coming with me to help me drink it.”
“Twist my arm, twist.” Grinning, he stuck out an arm.
I didn’t twist, but I linked arms with him and pulled him with me. As always, he came along without any fuss. I had the impression that it didn’t matter where I led, James would always follow.
We went straight to my rooms, which were in the lower section of the palace with a not-so-glamorous view of the kitchen gardens. Quiet, at least, and that was all I wanted—a quiet place to speak to him.
The staff accommodations weren’t large or fancy.
A small sitting area, an en suite bathroom to the left, and a bedroom to the right.
It was meant for live-in staff or stayovers on very long workdays.
I’d claimed this one after being promoted to head secretary, and it was, in a sense, my home away from home.
It didn’t have a ton of personal touches, but I had some books here, as well as a few pictures my sister had drawn for me on the walls.
Sitting James on the sofa, I went to my very small sideboard and opened the wine.
I poured us both a glass, which I brought back to him, sitting sideways so I could face him comfortably.
I had no intention of actually drinking my own, partially to keep a clear head and partially because alcohol didn’t agree with my stomach.
I didn’t want to have an upset stomach for the next several days.
All right, I’d start this conversation out easy. Even if I wanted to squeeze answers out of him, that wouldn’t be the right tactic. I wanted him comfortable enough to answer all my questions.
James pointed to the glass in my hand. “Don’t drink that if it’s going to cause you issues.”
“You know my stomach can’t tolerate alcohol well?”
“Sure, you told me.”
Bullshit. I had not. Just something else to add to the tally of things that Did Not Make Sense. I chose to ignore it for the moment.
“Ruffy and Naomi did an amazing job,” I said while putting my glass down. “I’m honestly impressed. Some of those titles have eluded me for years.”
“So they said when they reported back to me. I have to praise their ingenuity. I would never have thought to look through an estate sale.”
“Nor I. What instructions did you give them, anyway?”
“I gave them a list of authors and basically said search everywhere. Every bookstore, every secondhand market, everywhere. I put a bounty on the list to give them extra motivation, which has worked swimmingly well. They’re clearly thinking outside the box in order to get coin from me. The scamps.”
Look at his grin. He was clearly proud of them. Proud of himself, too, for that matter.
Time to segue into my real question. “How did you know so many of my favorite authors?”
“Well, you’ve shown me what books you read during your lunch breaks.”
“No, I haven’t.”
James froze, body language that of a man caught out. I wasn’t sure if he even took a breath.
I watched his expression carefully while I spoke. “I haven’t shown anyone here in the palace what I’m reading or even talked about books. No one here’s really interested in the novels I like. So how did you know?”
His eyes had flared wide in the classic Oh Shit expression, lips parted as if he were trying to form words and utterly failing. James looked away, to some other corner of the room, and sipped his wine. A tactic for buying himself a second to think, no doubt, or make up some plausible lie.
Only I wasn’t done.
“While we’re on the subject of what you know when you shouldn’t—you had the whole palace layout memorized the day you came here.
Don’t claim otherwise, you navigated fine without any input from anyone else.
You knew every runner, every maid, every knight before being introduced.
I’ll swear to that. You knew where my house is without me telling you.
And with the way you’re acting, I’d swear you knew that Wrath was coming.
It’s why you’re so guilty about not preventing the disaster. ”
“Shit.” James put a hand over his eyes and slumped sideways against the back of the sofa. “I underestimated how sharp you are. I should know better.”
“Yes, let’s talk about how you know me so, so well despite us working together less than two months.”
He peeked at me through his fingers, green eyes wary. “Edwin, I can answer you but…it’s going to be hard to believe. You’re a very practical man and this stretches incredulity to the breaking point.”
“Right now? I think I’ll believe you. Too much of your behavior makes no damn sense.”
“I hope so. I just…” He let out a gusty sigh and put the wineglass down on the tea table. “It’s been too difficult doing all this. I need my person. You’ve always been my person.”
Again, a statement that made no damn sense. But did make perfect sense.
“You told me you battled the Demon King.” I spoke simply, locking eyes with him. “You said you knew your Tasks in this life. But you weren’t speaking of a previous incarnation, were you? You’ve regressed. You’re repeating a life you’ve already lived. Tell me I’m wrong.”
“No, you’re entirely correct. Of course you’ve figured it out.” James’s mouth screwed up into a tired smile. “Don’t look at me like that, I’ll explain. But for this to make any sense, I’ll have to start from the beginning.”