46
Headspin
Amanda
A weight is holding me down.
It’s heavy but not uncomfortable.
Faint puffs of warm air hit my hair from behind. A hard body cradles mine.
I’m languid with warmth. The male presence behind me has a trickle of desire running through me. The last time I was asleep with a man…
My eyes open in confusion and widen with surprise.
An arm is tucked under mine so a hand can rest on the mattress by my chest. That hand is holding onto a gun that’s familiar and very close to my face. Uncomfortably close. It isn’t pointed at me, which is its own blessing. But I can count the ridges along the barrel way too clearly to be comfortable.
It strikes me that this is Jake cuddling me. He’s holding the gun as if it’s a security blanket. Not that I can say anything. I’m doing the same thing with the baton. It’s pressed into my chest as if I was afraid someone was going to take it away in my sleep. Jake’s grip looks casual in comparison.
He’s not awake yet, I don’t think. His breathing is steady against the back of my head. He’s pressed against me so hard that my body is tilted to bear some of his weight. Someone is a cuddler, and I’m here for it. Maybe a little snuggle will soothe my anger to a more passable level.
Except he’s a pillow hog. I’m barely holding on to my spot, and I’ve got a crick in my neck. How long has he been sleeping like this? I wonder how numb his arm is from bracing my head up. The thought makes me smirk. I get a sore neck and he gets a numb arm. I call this petty vengeance good.
I stay where I am, pretending that I’m worried about waking him when he’s had so little sleep. In reality, I’m soaking it up for as long as I can. I can go back to being a badass when he wakes up.
It’s still dark outside. Why aren’t the metal shudders up again? They were active when I went to bed. Strangely, I don’t have a sense of alarm about it so I let it go.
I wonder what time it is? How much sleep have I gotten? Not enough, I bet. My body is in lazy mode, but my brain’s wheels are spinning without mercy. For a second, I think about going downstairs and wearing myself out in the gym. It’s a pipedream. There might be Matthias stooges out there still.
That’s what I’m telling myself, but I just don’t want to get up. I’m comfy, and bullshit can stay outside those doors.
“I can see the steam rising from your ear.”
I startle at Jake’s soft voice. He doesn’t sound asleep at all. Or even groggy.
“Why are the shutters gone?” I ask in a dull, lifeless tone. I clear my throat, hoping it will help me sound more badass.
“It’s past five. Everyone is awake and getting ready for another wonderful day.”
Yay. Look what I’m not doing.
“Did you have an energy drink before bed? Tell me your secret.” He’s seriously starting to piss me off. Did he even sleep? Is he running on fumes? I need proof he’s not superhuman.
He chuckles softly. The arm beneath my head shifts until his hand comes around to cup my shoulder. It has a cocoon effect that’s pretty pleasant.
“How long are your arms,” I wonder out loud. Is he part octopus? He and Ace have a lot in common.
“Longer than your little frame,” he assures me.
I scoff. “Little.”
“You have the most pleasing proportions I’ve ever seen.”
Is that a compliment? Or a subtle way to say I’m not as little as he’s claiming.
“Especially this.”
He shifts his hips to press firmly against my well-cushioned butt. I can feel him starting to get an erection. My eyes widen. I want to protest, but it feels good. It brings the light feeling of desire up, my nipples peaking in reaction. I can’t remember a time that I had easy banter like this in bed. And the erection proves he likes me being here with him.
Or he’s got a great imagination.
I hate myself sometimes.
“When we get up for breakfast, can I keep my hand in your back pocket? I want to feel your ass for as long as possible.” He makes it sound so reasonable.
“Sure,” I agree without thinking. I’m stuck wondering if I can sit down before he pulls his hand away. I’d enjoy watching him squirm.
“Thank you.” He sounds way too gleeful for the words.
“Is your taste testing getting old?” I let out a weak laugh.
“Never. This is an obsession I’ve fantasized about in my lonely bed for months.”
“Tasting food like an old-time poison detector?” I stare at nothing in confusion.
“No,” he chuckles, his hips shifting away from me. I’m disappointed for a second, and then he presses against me again. He was readjusting his erection. I can feel him against my curves as if he’s branded there. I scramble for something else to think about as my panties get damp.
“We haven’t really known each other for months.”
“In the beginning, it was purely physical, no matter how much you ignored me.”
What?
“Are you talking about the class?” I ask, bewildered. He had three women all over him. I’m not falling for this. Not to mention, he recommended I move to a treadmill. None of these things lead to fantasy land. It’s making this a lot less erotic. Why did I want easy banter again?
“I know what you think I did there. I admit I made mistakes. You didn’t fall for the usual taunts for attention.”
“What the hell are you talking about?” I’m too tired to translate Jake speak, and I’m getting more irritated.
“Gathering up your pretend friends to lure you over. Being friendly when I’d rather lead them into oncoming traffic. The rest was just us trying to keep them away from men who were in committed relationships. Cade is too nice.”
I scoff at that. Too nice, my ass.
“I know, right?” He twists my mockery to his advantage, choosing to see it as an agreement.
“I’m sure the side benefits of all your hard work made it worth it.”
His arms tense around me at my mocking tone. The move is made a touch more concerning when his hand tightens over the gun. My body stiffens up in response.
Was I not supposed to bring up the fact that I’ve heard all about the monster in his pants? Although from the feel of him, he’s a normal proportion. People exaggerate. I’m relieved. The stories were nightmare fuel.
“There were no benefits ,” he says grimly. “Those rancid whores never stepped a foot near us outside that class.”
My eyes widen at the description. He’s certainly not shy about how he feels. Note to self: don’t bring this up ever again. He sounds ready to hop out of bed and hunt them down. That would be cool but kind of pointless.
“Did they claim they did?” His tone has gotten even darker, demanding an answer. The shifting of the gun in front of me helps an answer pop out.
“Yes?” I meant it to be firmer than that.
He spits out something in German that I have no hope of understanding. All I know is he’s pissed off.
“Lies. All lies. Pathetic miscreants.”
The slew of derogatory slurs that follow is eye-opening. Wow. Maybe he should go back to German. I don’t know if I want to hear what else he has to say.
“A prop for weak egos. If you had taken our suggestion to move out of the class, we would have followed you, and that would have ended it.”
“You told me to hit a treadmill,” I grumble as old anger stirs inside me. Not something cold. This one is red-hot and filled with barbs.
“Your stance was abysmal. You were going to hurt your knees. Lighter activity would have helped you gain the endurance needed for martial arts.”
That smacks my anger in the face with a gentle tap. I don’t know what to do with it. I feel like I just got chastised, and instead of making me madder, I’m left feeling sulky.
“Maybe if I had gotten help, that wouldn’t have been an issue,” I fume.
“The sweats were smothering you. You can’t wear such heavy clothing doing strenuous exercise. You needed to hydrate more.”
“Are you fucking serious right now?” I gasp in outrage. “It was my first time in a gym since high school!”
“I am serious. Are you saying my concern for your health is a joke ? I can assure you, it isn’t.”
I’m not the only person getting pissed off. The knowledge is startling and shifts my point of view. I’m taking a second look at his actions and Cade’s for the first time. It’s a little uncomfortable.
It was a subtle hint to get out, but for better reasons than I imagined.
“Why didn’t you say all of this before?” I would have taken it better than the ‘hey, get out’ attitude.
“Cade wanted you safe quickly. You appeared vulnerable to insults. The tactic would have been effective. He didn’t count on how stubborn you are. I told him it was a mistake. He was too busy trying to convince himself you might be a wolf in sheep's clothing to listen.”
I don’t know what to say. I’d call bullshit, but it sounds too right to be a lie.
“I’ll make you a regimen to follow. The gym downstairs is ready to be used. I’d recommend panties and no top.”
“You pervert,” I try to twist and see his expression, but he won’t let go. He adds more weight to my back, almost moving me onto my stomach. The move shifts his erection to the seam of my ass. He keeps talking as if nothing is happening, but my breathing is getting rougher. He’s right there.
I shouldn’t even be thinking about it.
“True. It is self-serving. If I have a schedule for you, I can watch you exercise without anyone else knowing. If not in person, then through the cameras. My own personal motivation to get home. I’ll start you off three times a week. Light exercise. Just enough to make you bounce.”
I don’t have any comebacks for that. What do you say to a man who’s determined to keep you safe and healthy while watching your curves bounce at the same time? And he’s lightly rubbing himself all over my butt as if I wouldn’t notice.
“I’m not doing that,” I sputter out helplessly.
“A tank top would be fine. Wear white.”
“No!”
“Why not?”
“I’m not walking around this place in underwear. Period.” I think that will be the end of it. I had no idea that Jake would happily argue with a wall until it bends to his will. All while tormenting me with his erection. Why am I not protesting that again?
“There is a changing room and shower in the gym.”
“No,” I try to sound firm but my voice is shaking. I’m busy concentrating on not moving.
His lips settle near my ear. He’s effectively caged me in. The gun has moved away from me to make room. I’ve subconsciously shifted the baton away, too.
“I haven’t put a camera in there. No need to see any of the others showering. I’m feeling motivated to change that.”
“I said no, Jake.”
“We can start slow. Once a week you can surprise me. Don’t tell me which day.” He nuzzles into me, slowly applying enough weight to shift me again. I’m almost on my belly.
I start cracking up helplessly at this odd seduction technique. “No.”
“I think I have enough cameras for the angles I’m imagining.”
“Jake.”
“I should buy more.”
He sounds so serious. Nowhere in this mansion will be safe by the time he’s done. I’m surprised it isn’t that way now.
“I’ll tell you where a few of them are so you can play back.”
Interesting idea. My hips move, applying more pressure to the heat of him behind me. I’m pressed belly down with his weight on top before I can blink.
“No.” I have to turn my face to the side so the word can come out unmuffled.
“I’ll text so you know I’m watching. Or not. Keep the mystery alive so it doesn’t get stale for you.” He nips my neck and drags his tongue across it like he’s soothing the sting away. My ass moves on its own, meeting his taunting rub over my pants-covered skin.
“You aren’t serious.” The amount of heavy breathing I’m doing is embarrassing.
His arms are pulled from around me, and he braces himself to sit up. The lack of heat is a little uncomfortable. For a second, disappointment washes over me, and I’m calling myself an idiot.
Then he sits back on his heels, and his hands cup my hips. His fingers tighten and then move up underneath my shirt to smooth across my skin. I didn’t bother with a bra when I went to bed. He explores my skin, lightly dragging his nails all the way back down to the band of my jeans. His fingers curl into it and pull me back to meet him.
Is this happening right now?
Unsatisfied with the angle, he moves his knees between my thighs, spreading them wide.
When he pulls me back again, he groans at the contact, thrusting a few times before he releases me again.
“Take the top off for me,” his voice is rough, his breathing getting choppy.
Ok, this is happening right now.
I hesitate, my thoughts trying to overwhelm me and shut this down. In absolute defiance of my own brain, I take my shirt off.
He doesn’t hesitate to let his hands wander. He touches every bit of me he can reach. His chest meets my back as one hand cups my breast and rolls the nipple. My breath sighs out of me. His hand is a release of tension that has me rolling my hips under him. He plants soft kisses across my shoulders, flipping my hair out of his way. He settles his teeth at the juncture of my neck and spends time there biting and kissing at random intervals.
The feeling of his squeezing hands and the plucking of his fingers over my nipples has brought my arousal from ignorable to ready for more. I don’t protest when his hand disappears and begins working on the snap of my jeans. His chest is heaving against my back as if he’s losing control.
He rears back, thrusting himself against me as both hands yank the fabric apart. They dive inside, startling me. I didn’t think he would have enough room. Then I hear the fabric tear. My eyes widen when his fingers settle over my core outside the silk panties and start caressing me.
His hips still, and I can feel a shudder work over him.
“ Aus. Jetzt. ”
Before I can ask him what he’s saying, he disappears. I’m frozen in place with surprise with no idea what’s going on. I hear the rustle of fabric, and then his hands are back, roughly working my pants over my hips, dragging my underwear with it.
I start helping him, rolling to my back to work the denim off.
He gets distracted at the sight and fondles my breasts as I struggle. He looks dazed as he leans down and sucks a nipple into his mouth. I gasp and wrench out of the pants, my shoes falling off the end of the bed.
“Jake,” I whisper. A hint to get the hell over here that he ignores.
He keeps sucking, switching nipples. His hand caresses down my body and finds my thighs open. His fingers delve through my curls to play in the moisture there. Two fingers thrust inside easily and stay still. The heel of his palm grinds against my clit until I’m gasping for air.
I clench his hair in one hand, tugging him away. He transfers his attention to my lips, kissing me with a wet heat that drags a moan out of me. At the sound, his fingers move inside me.
“Let me feel your pussy flutter,” he murmurs against my lips.
My eyes meet his in surprise. The darkness there sweeps me under. In the shadows, it’s easier to see him as he is. There aren’t any lights to distract from it.
He stares into my eyes as his hand works magic below. In seconds, he has me writhing to meet the thrust of his fingers. Grinding against his palm every chance I get. My whole body is straining for it.
“ Schlie?en ,” he mutters and pulls his hand away.
“No,” I moan. I was so close.
“Yes. Changed my mind,” he snaps back and kneels between my thighs. He lines himself with my entrance, his heat searing me.
He’s inside me on my next breath. The stretch has me moaning again, my hips working to get as much of him inside me as I can.
He grips my hips, pulling me up on his thighs and powers into me. The shock of it has my body shuddering.
“Yes, that, yes ,” he grits between gnashing teeth.
His body is straining, his muscles defined. All of his focus is on where we meet so roughly. He’s deep inside, slapping against my clit quickly. The speed and force of his body has me in awe.
He’s fiercely focused on making me cum, and every move drives the feeling higher inside me. I’m soaking wet, making the snap of our bodies coming together sound dirty. Just when I think I’m about to orgasm, it mellows and starts building again.
He changes the angle of his hips until every thrust has him slamming into the very end of me.
My back bows and my hands reach up to grab onto the pillow below my head. To hold onto anything to keep myself steady in this onslaught of pleasure.
“Oh yes.” My eyes open to his wide grin as he watches me. “Soon, ja ? Match me.”
I can’t answer him with anything more than a moan, my eyes falling shut again. He laughs in a breathless way that’s filled with triumph. The sound breaks off with a grunt, and his thumb circles over my clit.
The added sensation has me bucking under him.
“Jake!”
My body curls as an orgasm rips through me. It’s as fierce as him, tearing me apart from the inside out. He doesn’t slow, riding through it with a groan. His pace gets unsteady, his back curving as he speaks in a rough language I don’t understand. I’m lost to the words as his body jerks against me.
Heat fills me, and he pounds it inside mindlessly. As if his cuming wasn’t the end goal. He keeps going. Even when my body goes slack and he begins to soften. His rough movements become softer glides as he slows. He’s panting so roughly as he settles over me, still thrusting. His lips meet mine with a gentleness that surprises me.
My arms flop over his neck to keep him close as his tongue twines with mine.
“So much better than my imagination,” he mutters, spreading his kisses over my jaw.
My brain is a calm white noise in the background as I catch my breath.
He rests on me, not giving me all his weight, setting his forehead against mine. My hand runs down his back limply, and he shudders.
“Shower with me.”
He gives me a quick kiss and pulls away. A soft sound comes from my throat as his body leaves mine. It feels like a separation that shouldn’t happen, startling me. I barely know Jake.
I barely know him.
What the fuck did I just do?
He’s naked, strolling to the bathroom while I lie on my back like a turtle that’s too stunned to struggle. My gaze is fixed on the ceiling with wide-eyed horror.
No condom. None. No brains used at all. Mom would be so proud.
I cringe at that thought.
“ Meine Seele ,” he calls gently. I can hear a hint of laughter in his tone.
I slowly turn my head to stare at him. I blink at the picture he makes. Naked, leaning on the doorway to the bathroom with his arms crossed over his chest. I blink at his cock, and my eyes widen even more. That’s a lot more than what it felt like on my ass.
“Amanda. Shower with me.”
My eyes dart up to meet his. His tone is amused. The rest of him isn’t. In fact, he looks like he’s rallying for round two.
“I’m not having sex in the shower. I’m accident-prone enough. I’d rather be shot than survive breaking a dick in half.”
His lips curve into a grin. It’s uncomfortable to see. More malicious and taunting than actual humor. Or maybe that is his sense of humor. Seeing him as he is instead of the cover I’m used to peering past is startling.
“That’s fine. I appreciate the concern. What has you hesitating?”
My brows furrow. Does he really have to ask? I had sex with his boss not even a week ago. I’m living on borrowed time. I’m trying to maintain my focus so I can take out bad guys. And he’s sexy as hell in that pose. He has to know it.
Jake wants more than a few quick rounds of sex. He isn’t like Gabriel, getting off and running. He’s making sure he stays right where he is without compromise. Seeing him surrounded by all the things he’s bought for me gives me an odd twisting sensation in my chest. It’s not pleasant, but it isn’t bad either.
If I needed a reminder of how short my lifespan has become I have Jakob on my left and a gun on my right in all the wrinkled sheets.
“There’s nothing wrong with living, imp. I want that for you. To play and rage as much as you like. No life is guaranteed.”
I blink at his dark tone. He sounds like he’s about to ask me for my soul.
He straightens and offers me his hand.
“Live with me,” he raises a brow. “Live with us all. Take everything you want. No one will mind. That I can guarantee.”
I can do selfish. I haven’t done that in a very long time.
My eyes narrow on him as I roll out of the bed and take his hand.
“Lead on,” I smirk.