Chapter 15
I have a lot to think about on the way to the BART train.
In the last twenty-four hours, I’ve been assaulted and blackmailed by elven nobility.
Promised to rescue a schoolgirl from vampires.
Committed multiple crimes. Was saved twice by a ferocious Monster Hunter (who actually hit on me!).
Got my hands on what is apparently one of the most powerful artifacts in existence.
Had sex for the very first time (which turned out to be completely imaginary!).
And now I’m off to meet a powerful druid to learn how to destroy the artifact’s enchantment and free the spirit trapped inside.
For someone who, for over two decades, has been literally the most boring person on the planet, it’s a lot to take in.
But am I thinking about any of that right now? No. Because I’m thinking about my mother. Which is just how she likes it.
Typical.
I take a seat on the BART train heading toward the druid’s house in Antioch and realize this is the first moment I’ve had to actually breathe.
The Obligation is still squeezing my insides with its scalding fingers every chance it gets, but I can’t tell you how good it feels to just sit quietly for a few minutes.
Collin is perched next to me on the barely padded plastic double bench.
He’s been silent since we left Mom’s penthouse.
And it’s not like he said a lot while we were there, either.
Even though I know he’s not human, now I’m afraid I’ve screwed up somehow with him.
(Not that I have any idea how!) We have the front car all to ourselves, so I can talk to him in my normal voice without coming off like a lunatic to strangers.
“So… my mother didn’t seem surprised that I had the watch or that I was able to steal it…” I begin.
“No,” he says. “She did not.”
“Do you know why?”
“I wouldn’t expect much happens in San Francisco without her knowing,” he says, sounding distracted. “Her work grants her access to many sources.”
“Sure,” I say. “Maybe somehow she heard the watch was taken. Even the elf said something about his contacts telling him. But it’s weird that she would think that I could do it, right? She’s always acted like I’m completely useless.”
“Mm.” Collin’s lips are tightly pressed together.
“Any guesses why she’d believe I could?” I probe.
“A few,” he says, frowning. And before I can continue our game of Twenty Questions, he raises his hand to stop me. “Your mother is dangerous, Alvin. Way more than you think.”
I snort, and raise my eyebrows at him, trying to lighten the mood. “Oh, I know, Collin. Trust me.”
His gaze hardens. “No, you don’t. She’s been awful to you, but before you were born, she was something else. She killed people. A lot of people.”
I frown back. “You mean, when she fed?” (Mom always said that killing was more trouble than it was worth when draining humans. Drew too much attention. But maybe she didn’t always feel that way.)
“No. I’m talking tens of thousands. In one go.
There’s a whole civilization that named their most fearsome demon after her.
That was less than a hundred years before she completely destroyed them.
Eisheth Zenunim, one of the Four Queens of Hell in Kabbalistic tradition, was based on her legend.
” He shakes his head, his jaw tight, frustrated.
“I’m meant to be the cleverest thing going.
I should have sorted out some way to keep you from her.
And now I let her know you have the watch. ”
I scrunch my face, trying to square the idea of my superficial, petty mother—whose greatest concern in life is not being embarrassed by me in public—being some kind of epic, unholy terror.
It’s hard to accept. She did say she used to be a lot stronger before she had me, that the pregnancy drained her.
That she couldn’t change her form for the whole nine months, and even after getting that power back, she remains just a fraction of what she was.
(Yet another thing that made me a terrible son in her books.) But killing thousands? Engaging in genocide?
Still, when it comes to my mom, I guess anything is possible.
“You think we shouldn’t have told her about where to find that tiara?”
He snorts out a quick, dark laugh. “No. She’d have found it, anyway. We just saved her a couple years, and she’ll still have to fight to get it back.” He presses his shoulder against mine with affection. “Alvin, it’s you I’m worried about.”
The weight of him feels nice, even though I know it’s basically just a hallucination. And now he’s smiling, which feels even nicer, since it shows that he’s not pissed at me or whatever. In fact, he’s even worried about me.
Well, maybe I’m a little worried about me, too.
“So, how did she know I could find you? For that matter, how did the elf know? I mean, if Mom was telling the truth, even the Dragon King with all the resources in the multiverse hasn’t been able to do that!”
“Fair questions, Alvin,” he responds. “Another good one is why did a woman ask you to save her child from the same vampires who were using me? That’s one I’ve been asking myself.”
He’s changing the subject. But, for the moment, I play along, happy to not think about my (possibly legendarily) evil mother for a moment. “Good point. And why’d that happen on the very same day the elf blackmailed me into stealing you?”
Collin nods, thoughtful. “The very same day I was finally going to give the vampires what they wanted…” He purses his lips. “I don’t know the answer to that, Alvin. These aren’t the kinds of questions I’m meant to ask.”
“Of course, the biggest question is why me? Why am I mixed up in this? I’m literally nobody.”
He turns to face me. “Alvin, you’re not nobody! You’re willing to risk your life to save Emma. You’re willing to risk your life to save me. The real world isn’t like in films. True bravery and self-sacrifice is a rare thing altogether.”
“You know what I mean. The reason it’s ‘risking my life’ to do those things is because I have no power.
No magic. No actual skills.” Time to get us back on track.
I turn my own body toward the Irish boy, so he can see I need to hear the answer.
Our knees touch. “Even the elf thought I was too weak. So, why wasn’t my mother surprised I could work with you? ”
He looks away and exhales a slow breath.
“I can’t read minds, Alvin. I told you.” He stays silent for a beat, and I become afraid that’s all I’m going to get.
But then he continues. “But yes, I have an idea why she might have thought you could do that. I’m not sure, though, and I don’t want to say anything until I am. ”
Well, that’s a hell of a tease! (And not the first time he’s teased me with something like this.) He can’t realistically expect me to just let that lie there!
“Is it… something bad?”
Collin nods. “You might think so.”
My heart sinks. So it is something awful. Something I don’t know about myself. Something even worse than being born a monster that wants to suck the life force out of other people, and who will make them like it while he does it.
“As in… I could eventually become an evil, genocidal archdemon like you say my mom used to be?”
I’m dead serious when I say those words, so I’m surprised when he rolls his eyes and straight-up guffaws in response. “No, Alvin. You’ll never be anything like her. You’re too good a person.”
“Then what?”
He squeezes his fingers together, pensively. “It takes two people to create a child. I think this has something to do with your father.”
My blood chills several degrees. Learning about my father is something I both want and very much don’t want.
Mom deliberately changed the subject whenever it came up.
The most I got was that he was a rich man traveling on business and they only spent one night together.
You’d think I would have pushed for more details, but even as a kid, I’d feel this sense of dread whenever he came to mind.
Maybe there was a reason for that.
“What about him? Who…” I swallow hard, steeling myself, as a sense of panic rises in my throat. “Who was he?”
Collin’s eyes flick up and to the right. He holds them there for a long pause.
His breath pushes out in a long hiss, and he shakes his head.
“I honestly don’t know. No matter how many times I ask, I can’t get an answer. The most likely explanation is that it’s not human knowledge, and never was.”
“And if my father was human…”
“Then chances are I’d know. Unless my power was being blocked by magic somehow—but I’m not sure what could do that.”
“You think you know what he was, though…” I’m holding my breath.
“I have a hunch based on circumstantial evidence. But I could be wrong, and then I would have upset you for nothing.” He looks over at me, wary. Like he’s hovering over a bomb, afraid of cutting the wrong wire. “Do you still want me to tell you?”
Something deep inside me screams no.
I punt. “Whatever it is, you think Mom knows.”
His lips purse, eyes narrow. “It’s clear she’s had suspicions about something. And now seeing you with the watch has confirmed them. I’m not sure what she can do with that information. Hopefully, nothing. But the fewer hooks this woman has in you, the better.”
He’s not wrong about that. And maybe he’s also not wrong about holding off on telling me who he thinks my father is. For now, anyway. I mean, it’s not like I don’t already have enough drama in my life at the moment.
The thrumming panic inside me starts to recede.
“Whoever my dad is, you really think it’s okay for Mom to know and for me not to?”
His face brightens—probably because he’s realizing I’m letting it go. “I don’t see how you knowing now would change anything. And I promise, if it becomes something I think you need to know, I will tell you. Maybe at that point, I’ll have more information, so it won’t feel like a bad thing at all.”
Well, that at least sounds hopeful.
“All right. But you’re forgetting that you’re going to be set free today!” I say, just as happy to change the subject. “I mean, I should probably come up with a few smart questions to make sure Rafa can get Emma to safety, but then I’m breaking you out.”
“Right.” The blue in his irises darkens. “Well, that is a lovely thought.”
I touch his shoulder. “You don’t think this druid will have the answer?”
“I’ve been trapped in this artifact for ages. If there is a way to get me out, I doubt it will be easy.”
My face falls a bit at that. He notices and immediately takes my hand in his, rubbing the space between my thumb and forefinger with his own thumb.
(Which makes my stomach do a little jump.
But not in a bad way.) He then tilts his head and squints up at me, affable, all storm clouds blown away.
“But ‘not easy’ doesn’t mean ‘impossible.’ And, like I said, you’re very brave for even trying.
Look, we won’t have to hop trains for at least forty minutes.
Why don’t you try to grab a bit of kip?”
“Kip.” I’ve never heard that word before, but somehow I still understand, and the moment Collin says it is the moment it hits me.
I am exhausted. It’s been more than twenty-four hours since I slept.
And whatever boost of adrenaline I’ve been riding on since facing off against Mom, it’s clearly wearing off.
I’m having to work to keep my eyes open.
“You’re right,” I say.
I take out my phone so I can set an alarm, but Collin places his hand over the screen. “You’ve no need for that. I can wake you up.”
I glance over at him, and he grins broadly at me, all tension from earlier gone.
The morning sunlight from the large, plexiglass window behind him shines through his curly blond hair, giving him a halo.
His eyes gleam bright as sapphires from the light of the opposite window. I suck in a breath, a bit dazzled.
He takes my shoulders and turns me so my back is toward him. “Here. Rest against me.”
I’m not entirely sure how he thinks this is supposed to work, but he pulls me back so he can lean against the wall of the train car, and I’m in his arms, my feet up on the bench.
His surprisingly strong biceps flex against my shoulders as he settles me in, and I feel his tummy rising and falling against my back.
No one has ever held me. Not like this. (Hell, even the brief hugs I got today were more than I’ve gotten in my whole life, and those were being forced on me in a creepy vampire house!) So, this feels totally new and frankly really cool.
I get that I’m probably not being smart by agreeing to do this.
In the real world, I must be the one who’s actually leaning against the window frame, which would be unforgivingly solid and awkward like this.
I bet it’ll give me the mother of all neck cricks.
But at this point, after everything I’ve just gone through, I don’t have the energy to protest. And, if I’m being honest, being this way with Collin just feels so comfy.
The wool of his green shepherd shirt is thick and soft behind my head, like a pillow. I start to drift almost immediately, and my thoughts become drunk with grogginess. It makes me want to ask stupid questions. Or, at least, the one stupid question I can’t let go of.
“Do you think… Do you think Mom could have actually meant it when she said she loved me?”
Collin is silent for a moment. And then his words come out as a whisper. “It’s hard for me to think of anyone who really knew you not loving you, Alvin.”
I smile, content. It’s easily the sweetest thing anybody has ever said to me. And I really do feel so warm and safe, cuddled up here in his arms.
It’s almost enough to make me forget it’s not real.