11. Crystal
11
Crystal
Rabbie wasn’t kidding when he said his nan is a nosy old woman, the round of questions she was firing at me had me sweating. After receiving the third degree from her, we finish the rest of our meals, listening to her complaining about one of her neighbours. I just nod along, and keep my mouth shut. Rabbie starts to clear our empty plates, and I try to help him, but he waves me away.
“A guest never clears plates,” he smiles at me.
Great, now I’m stuck with the old bag.
As soon as Rabbie disappears into the kitchen, I look back at Mrs. MacNee who cranes her ear towards the kitchen, and as soon as the faucet turns on and a sound of whooshing water and clattering plates come from the kitchen, she sprays me with more questions.
“How are you liking it here in Crossmackie?” She eyes me.
“It’s okay, I don’t really like small towns, being from one myself. I prefer the hustle and bustle of a big city.”
“Good, a girl like you doesn’t need to be in a small town like Crossmackie.”
A girl like me? What does that mean?
Fuck this, I know she doesn’t approve of me being around her precious Rabbie. I don’t like her snooty tone, so I decide I’m going to have a little fun, and stir the pot. I try not to stoop low to this type of pettiness, but she’s been nothing but rude to me as soon as I walked in here. I saw the judgemental look she gave me when I took off my jacket. It reminds me of my mama, and I’m sick of it.
“Although, Crossmackie does have its charm. I can see why Dylan wanted to stay. So many braw lads here,” I wink at her.
Mrs. MacNee gasps at me and grabs her pearl necklace. Yep, she is that kind of old woman who wears a pearl necklace. Satisfaction starts to warm in my belly that I’m getting under the wrinkly skin of this old bag.
“What are your intentions with my grandson?” She hisses quietly.
“I don’t know what you mean, I just work for him.”
“Hmm, I’m sure you do. But I noticed the way you look at him. I don’t think he’d be interested in a girl like you.”
Her words cut deep, and reopen some of the scars I’ve desperately spent years trying to heal. It’s hurtful when your own mother tells you these types of things, but to hear it from a complete stranger hurts just as much. Mrs. MacNee doesn’t know, but yet she’s made her assumption, and it’s pissed me off. She said it again, a girl like me.
I’ve finally had enough of people judging me, and basing their opinions of me before they’ve gotten to know me. Mrs. MacNee did it because she doesn’t like the way I dress or I look at her grandson a certain type of way. My mama judges me because I refuse to live my life how she wants me to live it. I wouldn’t usually speak to an elderly woman like this, but I’ve had enough.
“Listen, you old crow. I’m just working for him, but you clearly think I’m some hussy trying to seduce him.”
Mrs. MacNee, blinks at me in shock and I think for once I’ve made her speechless. I also see a little bit of respect flash across her face. I think she’s never met someone as forthright as me. I spent my whole childhood and teenage years being polite to the women in my family, who would constantly put me down. When I moved to Boston, I vowed I would never let anyone speak or treat me with disrespect. I refuse to take shit from people.
I mean, she isn’t wrong, I am trying to seduce him, but I’ll be damned if I’m going to let an old fart like Mrs. MacNee judge me for it. Everyone in this town needs to stop worrying about what’s good for Rabbie and let him live his life the way he wants to.
Rabbie returns from the kitchen carrying a tray of tea and cake, and Mrs. MacNee beams a smile at him, as if butter wouldn’t melt. I’m keeping my eye on that old woman.
We sit and eat our cake in silence, Rabbie leans his leg against mine, and I try not to choke on a mouthful of cake. My stomach does a somersault and my mind races with questions. What does this mean? Is he into me, or is it just friendly?
My thoughts are quickly dashed by Mrs. MacNee dropping a bomb on the already weird evening.
“Your mother called me on the telephone today.” She doesn’t look at Rabbie as she blurts out this news.
Rabbie stops eating his cake, his fork suspended in mid-air. His leg that was gently pressed up against mine slowly retreats and I’m left feeling slightly cold.
He blinks at Mrs. MacNee as if he can’t believe the words that just came out of her mouth.
“What did she want?” He finally asks.
“I dunno, I didn’t give her a chance to ask. Probably, what she always wants, money.” Mrs MacNee puts another piece of cake in her mouth, her face is stoic, and this conversation looks boring to her.
I see the hope on Rabbie’s face slowly disappear and a look of disappointment replaces it. His shoulder’s sag and he pushes the rest of his cake around on his plate, my heart aches for him. Dylan did mention that his mum wasn’t around but never went into detail and now I’m getting a small glimpse into his childhood.
I don’t know why but I lean my leg against his, I guess to offer him some comfort. I know I want to have casual no-strings attached sex with this man, but I still have a heart, especially when it comes to family trauma. He must’ve forgotten for a second that I’m here. His head snaps up to me and a mortified look on his face appears, probably because I’ve witnessed the conversation about his mom. His face flushes a deep red, and his adam’s apple bobs.
“It’s getting late, we should head home. Thanks for dinner, Nan. I’ll call you tomorrow when I get a break.”
He stands, and leans down and gives his nan a kiss on the cheek. She grabs his face and looks him in the eyes.
“Please, don’t let this bother you. I love you, my braw laddie.”
“I love you too,” he says softly.
He grabs my leather jacket off the back of the chair, and holds it open for me. How he’s remaining calm, and gentle, right now is beyond me. His face is calm but underneath I can sense a flurry of emotions.
“Thank you, for a lovely evening, Mrs. MacNee,” I give her a genuine smile.
I can see the worry written all over her face, and I now see why she is very protective of him. I try to portray in my smile to her that I’ll make sure he’s okay, but she must not see it because her worried eyes are fixed on Rabbie.
She walks us to the door, and Rabbie rushes us out into the fresh air and waves quickly back at her. We walk down the street, and he takes in big gulps of fresh air. I walk with him in silence, and wait for him to initiate the conversation. I’m here if he wants to talk about it, but I won’t force it. I know this must be a hard thing to talk about with people he hardly knows. I shouldn’t be getting too involved, but he’s quickly becoming a friend, and I want to show him that I can be trusted as a safe space for him.
“Sorry about that. That’s the first time my mum has reached out in years.”
He runs a hand through his shaggy blonde hair, and sighs.
“You have nothing to be sorry about,” I bump my shoulder against him.
He stops in the middle of the street, it’s dark now and there isn’t a soul around. Crossmackie is a ghost town on a Sunday.
“I do. The way my nan treated you, the way I rushed you out the door. I was feeling like the walls were closing in on me, and I just needed some fresh air.”
I wasn’t expecting him to be so direct. I at least expected to coax him a little. I’m not used to a man talking so openly about how he feels. I’m now starting to understand why everyone thinks Rabbie is so precious. Because he is. He’s so genuine and soft but also masculine and charming.
“Don’t worry about your nan, she’s clearly from a different time. I completely understand why she was so standoffish. I can handle a little judgement from older women, it’s nothing new to me. And your mom, I know it must be hard for you, but it’s not your fault. I hope you know that. ”
He stops in his tracks, and I think I see his lip quiver. With his hands in his pockets and his shoulders up, I can tell he’s uncomfortable. He doesn’t really know me that well, but I can somewhat relate to him when it comes to this kind of stuff. I will never understand what it felt like to be him when he was a child, but I understand the feeling of never being good enough. The small understanding smile, and the slight nod of his head confirms that he knows I can understand in a small way how he’s feeling.
He shivers as a gust of wind blows past us. “Thank you, I really needed to hear that.”
We start walking again, we’re walking closer together now. So close that I can feel the heat emitting off of him. Our fingers lightly brush, and the energy buzzes away in me, it makes me hyper. I try to take my mind off the rush of having him so close.
“I’m sorry about being there when you found out about your mom calling, it should’ve been a private conversation.”
“No, I’m glad you were there.”
He nudges his shoulder against mine which seems to be our signature move at the moment. My mind can’t wrap itself around these little gestures, surely this is just friends comforting each other about their fucked up situations and nothing more. I try not to let my thoughts get too carried away, because this is not the time to be thinking about jumping into bed with him.
He lets out a small sigh as he looks up toward the dark sky. “I–I just feel so stupid. A small part of me deep down was hoping that she was calling to ask about me.”
My heart breaks into a million pieces for him, here is this incredibly kind and generous man wishing to be loved by the woman who brought him into this world. I’m suddenly feeling guilty for the way I’ve been sexualising him, and just seeing him as some really hot guy I’d love to hook up with. I’m starting to see that he’s got depth to him. He’s complicated, and complex. He’s hurting, but still tries to be the happy guy that everyone sees.
“Oh Rabbie, that’s not stupid. She’s your mom, of course you’ll always seek that love and acceptance from her. For what it’s worth, your nan did a great job in raising you. I can see a lot of people love you in this town. It’s about the family you create, not the family you come from. You clearly have that here.” I grab his hand and squeeze. “I don’t know how you’re not mad at the world, I know I would be.”
Touching him is setting my limbs on fire, but being here for him is more important. He looks down at my hand in his, and then back up to me.
Jade green eyes land on my lips.
My heartbeat picks up pace.
I let go of his hand.
He coughs and rubs his chin.
“I was mad when I was younger for a long time but then I realised if I wasted my life being mad at them, then they’ve won. They chose to leave me, and I chose to not let it ruin my life.”
“You’re a good man, Rabbie. I couldn’t let that shit slide, you’ve already won,” I smile up at him.
“I try to be. I know you’ve only been here for a couple of weeks but even my closest friends couldn’t have said it better. Thanks, for being a good friend,” he nudges my shoulder again.
My breath hitches, and my heart pounds in my chest. Friend. I try to ignore that comment at the present moment . I suddenly see why everyone loves him, and I feel ashamed to have thought I could treat him like one of my casual hookups.
“You’re welcome, now come on, it’s freezing,” I laugh.
Rabbie lets out a booming laugh, and I’m scared he’s going to wake up the whole town. It’s not late, but it feels like it’s midnight because it gets dark here at four o’clock. His laugh warms me, and I’m glad I can make him feel joy in a dark time like this.
“Finally, the cowgirl from Tennessee admits that it’s cold.”
I roll my eyes at him, and a small smile forms on my lips.
“Come on, I’ll race ya back to the bakery,” I tease him.
“There’s no way you can run in those boots, but you’re on!”
“Sugar, I learnt to walk in cowboy boots. I can definitely run in them,” I wink at him.
He looks down at me, my heart starts to race with adrenaline.
“On the count of three - one, two, thr– HEY!”
I push his side and he stumbles, I get a head start. The damp ground makes it harder for me to get ahead, and before I know it, he’s hot on my heels. The pure adrenaline of being chased by someone as sexy, and masculine, as Rabbie has me giggling in a high-pitched squeal.
“You wee cheat,” he finally grabs me by the waist and spins me around just as I reach the back door of Sweet Treats.
“I won! I won!”
Both our eyes lock as we huff and puff from the quick sprint and giddiness. I think maybe he could kiss me, by the way his eyes keep darting from my eyes down to my lips. His adam’s apple bobs up and down, and his chest is rising and falling.
A small piece of his hair has fallen in front of his face, and I reach up and gently move it out of his eyes for him. That impulsive move breaks whatever moment was going to happen between us. Damn it, I went too far.
“Come on, let’s get out of the cold,” he turns around and unlocks the door.
We walk through the dark kitchen of the cafe and up the stairs to the flat in silence. We enter the warm flat and stop outside our bedroom doors, we linger a little too long. I feel like an idiot for brushing his hair out of his face, I hope he doesn’t think I was trying to make a move on him. I’m not that desperate to make a move on someone who’s had a shitty night.
“Goodnight, mo beag .”
There he goes again, calling me that in Gaelic. It makes my skin tingle in all the right and wrong places. Hearing him speak in his native language is such a turn on. I could sit and listen to him speak Gaelic for hours. I need to remember to ask someone to translate it for me. My head starts to hurt, is he doing all this because he sees me as a friend or more? Rabbie seems like that type of guy who is overly nice to everyone he meets.
“Night.” I barely get out.
We both turn and enter our bedrooms, closing the doors quietly behind us. I sink back against the door and order my heart to stop beating so fast. I’m kicking myself because Dylan was right, Rabbie isn’t the type of guy for casual hookups. After tonight it’s clear that we’re both on different pages. It’s a shame because there was weird, electric tension between us tonight, I know he could feel it too.
He called me a friend. I cringe at the thought, I’ve been crushing on him this whole time. And even if he is interested in me, things could get messy because I’m not looking for anything serious. The last thing I’d want is to hurt him, he’s too sweet and kind to fuck around with. The quicker I can get the website finished, the quicker I can get out of here and not be around him.