12. Rabbie
12
Rabbie
After last night, I wake feeling flat and anxious. The bombshell my nan dropped on me was shocking to say the least. My nan hasn’t heard from my mum in over five years, and my dad even longer. My mum would always turn up by herself when she came asking for money, because she knew my nan hated my dad and would never let him step foot in her house.
I feel like a fool for thinking she was calling to ask about me. I’m twenty seven years old. Why would it be different from all the other times? The wee lad deep inside me has been hoping all these years that she would call to tell me that she missed me.
I cringe at the memory that Crystal was there to witness my fucked up family drama. What was meant to be a nice Sunday dinner with my nan and Crystal, turned to shit. I invited so I could get to know her better, especially now that we’re living together.
I expected her to freak out and run, I’m shocked that she didn’t seem phased or uncomfortable by it, she took it in her stride. Especially when my nan was giving her a hard time with all the questions.
And the way she made me feel when we were walking home, usually my friends are quick to acknowledge it, and brush over it as if it’s a hard topic for me.
As if it’s a touchy subject to talk about my parents, and how they don’t want anything to do with me. They think if they mention it, it will shatter me into a million tiny pieces. I’m stronger than they think, I’ve got by this far on my own. I accepted the abandonment a long time ago, but sometimes my friends feel guilty talking about their perfect families, it makes me feel worse. It’s the giant elephant in the room when it comes to talking about their families, but I’d rather them talk about it. But they never talk about stuff like that with me, and it makes me feel like a freak that nobody loves.
I thought Crystal was going to pry and start asking questions as soon as we left my nan’s house, but she waited and listened when I was ready to share. She offered a safe space for me to open up, and it knocked me off my feet. She said all the right things, I felt seen.
Then it quickly turned light and happy between us, which I was grateful for. I hate it when it always has to be deep and sombre. She saw that I didn’t want to dwell on it and made it her mission to shift our moods.
After we raced each other back to Sweet Treats, and she moved my hair out of my face, I was so close to kissing her. The urge I had to feel her soft plump lips against mine was so intense, it took every will in my body to fight back the need to kiss her. I didn’t want the first time I kissed her to be associated with that memory. Wait, now I was thinking about when our first kiss will be?
I wish I wasn’t so fucked up in the head when it comes to relationships. I wish I had the balls to actually make a move and not get in my head about it. The fear of rejection is so overpowering, it makes me retreat every time I think I could be brave enough to act on my feelings.
I toss and turn in bed before I give in to frustration of having an extra half an hour in bed, and get up. My body clock always wakes before sunrise without fail, and I woke up extra early this morning after such a fretful night of sleep. I make sure to get dressed before heading out into the kitchen. I usually sleep in my boxers and don’t worry about getting dressed until I have to go downstairs to start work. But, having Crystal staying with me, I want to be respectful of sharing a space with a woman. That means no walking around my flat half naked, and definitely not leaving the toilet seat up.
I sneak out of my bedroom and down the hall to the kitchen, trying to be as quiet as I can because it’s early, and I’d hate to wake her. I’m still half asleep when I head into the kitchen, and find her half naked making herself a bowl of cereal. I rub my eyes to make sure I’m not dreaming.
Her eyes lock with mine, and I try my hardest not to let my eyes gravitate south to her perky round breasts in a small strappy top, and the shorts leave little to the imagination of how perfect her arse would fit in my hand. Her pyjama set, if you would even call it pyjamas, are very cute; white with little red hearts all over them.
I silently thank myself for getting dressed before I came out to the kitchen, as I can already feel my cock harden as I can see small little peaks form under her top. Her nipples are stiff from the brisk morning, and my mouth waters from the thought of warming them up in my mouth. Would she let out a soft little moan as I sucked on those little peaks?
The silence is deafening, and I’m pretty sure she’s caught me checking her out by the smirk on her face. She folds her arms and that pushes her breasts further up, and now I definitely can’t take my eyes off them. The urge to graze my fingers over the soft curve of her collarbone and down over her breasts is too much.
She finally turns around to grab her cereal, and I quickly take the chance to rearrange my erection before she finds out that I really am a pervert. I hired her to create a website, and I’m here drooling over her in a teeny tiny top and shorts. Talk about being professional. Who am I kidding? I think professionalism went out the window when I invited her to stay with me.
“Good morning,” she smiles at me as she sits down at the table.
“Morning, do you ever sleep?”
She smirks at me as I make myself a bowl of cereal, and sit down across from her at the table.
“I’m an early bird, what can I say?”
We sit and eat our cereal in silence, and I can’t stop stealing little glances. She looks beautiful in the morning, her hair is tied back in a long braid that travels down her back, and she has little stray strands framing her face. Her eyes are a little puffy from sleep, and her lips look even plumper which I didn’t think was possible.
The sound of our spoons clanging against the bowls echoes around the room, and I can feel my anxiety growing. She knew I was checking her out, and I hope she doesn’t feel uncomfortable by it. I didn’t expect to see her those goddamn sexy pyjamas that I want to rip off of her.
And if I thought my fantasy couldn’t get any more detailed, she had to go and drink the milk from the bowl. Milk runs down from the corner of her mouth down her chin, and I think my cock is about to burst out of my jeans. She looks at me with a sheepish smile as she wipes away the milk. My mind is running wild with all the scenarios of seeing Crystal on her knees, with her red painted nails wrapped around my cock, fucking her mouth. I silently curse my cock, and Crystal’s sexy fucking pyjamas. I will have to deal with my painful erection later. I will myself to think of something else to ease the tension in my body, and in the room.
“What’s on the agenda for today?” I spoon a mouthful of cereal into my mouth.
What is wrong with me, I sound like some stuffy businessman with a stick up his arse. Her rose-coloured lips turn up at the corners, and I’m glad my nervousness has amused her.
“Well, I was thinking I could take those pictures of you working today,” she raises an eyebrow at me.
The thought of my picture being taken makes me retreat into my insecure self, and I want to run away and hide from all responsibilities. The look on my face must tell Crystal that I’m nervous about it because she places her small, soft hand on top of mine. I look down and almost laugh because the difference in size between our hands is comical. She squeezes my hand, and my attention snaps up to her. Her big green eyes tell me that I can trust her. The warmth and firmness from her grip grounds me, and I feel a blanket of safety wrap around me.
The gesture sends my mind reeling. Surely, she’s just being a good friend and reassuring me. Fiona and Dylan grab my hands all the time when they talk to me, but it never feels like this. It feels like someone has lit a thousand firecrackers off in my stomach whenever she touches me.
“Only if you’re comfortable, I’m not going to force you to do it. But if you’re happy to do it. I’ll be in the background taking pictures of you whilst you work. There won’t be any awkward posing for photos. You can put music on, and pretend I’m not there,” she gives my hand an extra squeeze.
Impossible.
I look up from our hands into her green eyes, and back down to our hands, and she lets go as if she just got an electric shock from touching me. She sits on her hands like a child who can’t control their impulses.
“Okay, I’ll do it for you,” I smile at her.
Her bare shoulders twitch for a sec, and I wish I could run my fingers over her soft skin, and slip down the straps on her top and kiss every inch of her exposed chest.
She interrupts my daydream of her supple breasts with a small cough, god it must be so obvious to her that I’m a pathetic loser who’s drooling over her in cute little pyjamas. I look down at my cereal to hide the shame of getting caught. I think she’s about to call me out on it but I’m relieved when she changes the subject.
“I think it will look great on the website, you’re already an impressionable and likeable guy. And having a few pictures of you on there, will really help people understand you and your business. It will make it more personal.”
I’ve never had someone say that about me, well apart from my nan and my friends, but they have to say stuff like that because they love me. Crystal has only known me for a month and she thinks those things about me.
I try to accept the compliment, but thoughts of my mum from last night come rushing back. If I allow myself to get too close, too attached to her, it’s going to trigger the issues I have with people abandoning me when she eventually leaves to go back to Boston. I swallow a spoonful of my cereal, and smile at her because that’s all I can give her right now. She must mistake my silence for reluctance.
“I promise it won’t look tacky. They will be candid photos, and if you don’t like them I will delete them, and we can come up with something else.”
I can see she really cares about making the perfect website for me, and is putting in so much effort to make it happen. She’s being so patient with me. She knows a lot about graphic and web design, her knowledge and expertise is reassuring. I knew she’d be great when I only picked the colour scheme for the website and trusted her to come up with the rest. I trust her opinion on what she thinks looks best on the website. Her driven attitude towards her work is inspiring, I can tell she loves what she does.
“I forgot to tell you, but you’re doing a great job with bringing the vision of the website to life.”
The sun slowly rising filters through the window and frames her face just in time to catch the most genuine, beautiful smile spread across her face. I can feel the pride pouring out of her as she smiles at me.
I watch her throat move as she swallows. “Thank you.” She barely whispers.
“I should go start getting ready for the day, I will be down a little later to take some pictures.”
She stands and walks over to the sink to wash up her bowl, I allow myself quick little glances of her perfect arse in those little shorts. I take mental pictures and store them in my head for when I have to deal with myself in the shower later. I’ve been content with being on my own for so long that I forgot how to act like a normal gentleman around an attractive woman. She must think I’m such a weirdo for gawking at her.
I bow my head and shovel cereal into my mouth as she walks past. My head snaps up, and she gives me a cute little smile. My eyes are too busy watching her that my spoon completely misses the bowl, and I’m spooning thin air. Crystal giggles to herself as she disappears down the hallway.
Very smooth, Casanova.
I finish my cereal, and head downstairs to start my morning. I have a few batches of scones to make and some pies for Mac at the Drunken Duck before we open for service. I put the radio on through the Bluetooth speaker in the corner and get in the zone. This is the only space that I can truly take my mind off things, except for one person.
Crystal has been a distraction since her very first day. I’ll be working away, trying to stay focused and she’ll pop up in my head. It’s been a blessing and a curse, because sometimes I need the distraction and others I don’t. At the end of the day I find myself excited to see her, and find out how her day was. Ever since she took the spare room, it’s been nice having company. Edie’s great, but it’s nice to have someone who can actually talk back to me. I’ve never had this feeling before, and I don’t know how to process it.
Even if nothing happened between me and Crystal physically, I’m still glad that I’ve gotten to know her a little bit.
I’ve managed to get a batch of scones made and in the oven and I’m fully dialled into my work. I’m kneading out my second batch of scones, when I get a waft of that familiar sweet vanilla scent. I look up, at the same time, Crystal takes a picture of me on her camera. I blink and I feel my face heating up. I’m not used to this kind of attention, and I don’t know how to feel or act.
“Keep working, that picture looked great. I’m not here, remember,” she points the camera at me.
Her guidance is just what I needed, she told me she’s not here, but I can feel her presence a mile away and my body is on edge. I get back to work, but I feel rigid and robotic. Crystal can see that I’m uncomfortable and puts the camera down on a shelf and walks over to me.
“What’s your favourite song to listen to when you’re working?” She asks, her green eyes searching mine.
I’m confused by this question and then I realise she is trying to make me feel relaxed. The dread starts to set in because someone learning your music tastes like reading someone’s journal.
“I don’t really have one, I’m happy with the radio playing.” I lie.
I never listen to the radio, but I’ve been playing it since Crystal has been staying with me. I don’t want to expose my music choices to her as she walks through my kitchen every morning. She narrows her eyes at me, and instantly knows I’m full of shit. An AD comes on on the radio, and the fast voice and crappy music has me wincing. That’s all the confirmation she needs to persist that we put music on.
“I think we should put it on so you can relax, and I can get some good shots,” she smiles gently at me. “Where’s your phone?”
I hold my dough covered hands up to her, and shrug.
“Um, it’s in my front right pocket.”
She looks down to my crotch, and backs up. Her eyes are dark, and I have to mentally tell my cock not to betray me whilst she steps close. I get a whiff of her delicious vanilla scent. My body is so strung tight that I’m worried one touch from her is going to make me snap. She reaches into my jeans, and I have to close my eyes and hope that my cock behaves himself. He seems to have a mind of his own these days. Just having her this close to me is making me crazy. She fishes my phone out of my pocket and steps back, and I let out a long, shaky breath that I’d been holding in.
She tucks her hair behind her ear nervously, and her cheeks have turned a soft shade of pink. Is she nervous around me, or is she uncomfortable?
She slides my phone open, and opens Spotify to find my playlist. If this is a way to get a girl you’re crushing on to run a mile, this is the way to do it.
“Bake it like no one’s watching?”
She looks up, and bites on her lip to hide her smile.
I feel my face flush, and I want to die from the embarrassment. She scrolls through the playlist and she can’t help but smirk at the screen.
“Britney Spears?”
Oh god.
“The Pussycat Dolls?”
Kill me now.
“TAYLOR SWIFT? You’re a closet swiftie?” She teases me as she looks up from my phone.
“Alright, alright, can’t a man like Taylor Swift?” I try to grab the phone off her, but she holds it above her head which is fucking cute because she’s a foot smaller than me.
“Which song is your favourite? I bet it’s Cruel Summer.”
She runs away from me around the stainless steel island, the playful look on her face has my blood rushing and in a good way. We’re at a standoff on either side, her chest is rising and falling. She’s loving this as much as I am.
“Wait until I tell the guys you’re a pop princess.”
“You wouldn’t dare.” I try to hide my smirk. I don’t care, the guys know my music taste. She gets distracted by scrolling through the playlist, and that’s when I take my chance. I make a quick lunge for her around the island, and I manage to cage her in by putting both my hands on the island. I have to practically crouch down to get on eye level with her. Being this close to her is intoxicating, mix that with some playful banter and my head is spinning. She stops mid scroll, and eyes roam my face. I wish I could tell what she’s thinking. She holds my phone behind her back, and I try to grab it out of her hand.
“Hey! Your hands are covered in dough, and we’re meant to be taking professional pictures,” she giggles.
The word professional is like a cold splash of water to the face, a reminder that I need to keep this a working relationship because of many reasons. All of a sudden our silly little game feels stupid and inappropriate. I take a step back from her. I put on my business owner hat and start taking this seriously.
“You’re right, sorry. Go ahead and take your pictures, I’ll try and relax,” I lower my hands and go back to making the scones.
She stands still for a second, and I can’t read her facial expression. I hope I didn’t cross a line, I don’t want her to think I’m being a creep chasing her around the kitchen when she’s trying to take pictures.
She clicks play on the song, and picks up her camera. I wish I could read what’s going through her mind, but she’s waiting for me to resume my work so she can take pictures.
I tried working on the last batch of scones as normal, but all I could think about was how close we were and how badly I wanted to kiss her. Trying to pretend she isn’t in the room with me is impossible, Crystal is one of those people who turns heads wherever she goes, and she’s been the focal point of my life since she got here.
After what felt like a hundred photos, she finally stops pointing the camera at me.
“I think I got what I need. I think I’ll work upstairs today,” she gives me a weird half smile.
Her sudden change in demeanour has alarm bells ringing in my head. I definitely crossed the line by chasing her around the kitchen, and creeped her out. I want to talk about it and apologise but Nellie and David turn up and ruin my chance.
“Okay, make sure you come down for lunch a little later.” I try to give her a smile, when deep down I’m freaking out.
“I will,” she turns and heads up the stairs to the flat.
Fuck, now I’ve freaked her out by being inappropriate. I got caught up in the playful banter, I’m such an idiot. I need to apologise to her as soon as I get the chance, but as soon as Nellie opens the front door to the cafe, I’m busy for the whole morning.