20. Rabbie
20
Rabbie
To say my mind has been elsewhere the last couple of days is an understatement. Since my mum turned up after years of no contact has kept me up late at night, overthinking every single thing. Running on no sleep has started to affect my work, this morning I put salt instead of sugar in the first batch of scones. Luckily I always taste test the first batch to make sure they’re perfect. After biting into the scone, and nearly throwing up in the sink I knew I needed to get my head straight.
I was just starting to enjoy my day and forget about the issues going on in my personal life when I saw my mum across the street from the cafe. My safe space suddenly felt exposed and I needed to get away before I had a full blown panic attack in front of all my customers.
After I retreated to the kitchen it felt like the walls were closing in on me, and I felt my throat tightening. Struggling to get a handle on my panic attack I slumped down on the back step trying to gulp in air. My vision was going black and fuzzy, and I thought I was going to pass out. Then I felt her soft firm hand in the middle of my back, and I instantly started to calm down.
It’s like Crystal has a supersonic radar, when I need her she pops up out of nowhere. I wish I could tell her how much her presence calms and grounds me. I knew why she came to see me, but when she kept the conversation light, I was beyond grateful. I don’t know how I’m going to cope when she finally returns to Boston, it leaves my heart feeling hollow. Even though it won’t go anywhere romantically, I feel like I missed my chance with that. I still see her as a good friend, and I will miss her when she leaves.
After she left, I felt clear headed and steady to remain working for the rest of the day. The cafe got a late afternoon rush which took my mind off things, and before I knew it we were packing up to close the cafe.
David has returned from a day of delivering and is doing the stock take in the storeroom. I cleaned the kitchen at lightning speed, I’m eager to finish early so I can get to Thistle Down Farm and see Crystal.
I head out the front to help Nellie and David with cleaning. She’s been keeping an extra close eye on me today. Everyone in the town knows my mum came to see me, and I know the people in this town are looking out for me. But now I’m starting to see why Crystal dislikes small town gossiping. I was never one to get too caught up in the gossiping but this is more than drinking too much and making a fool of themselves. This is my life and now I can’t help but feel that it’s been broadcast around town. I feel like I’m living in a fish bowl and everyone who greets me now gives me a pitiful look. Like the one Nellie is giving me now, she knows me well enough not to ask questions.
“We got some good tips today. Looks like we’ll be able to do something nice with them,” she says, as she shakes the tip jar.
“Aye, although we wouldn’t have as many if it wasn’t for your brilliant customer service skills,” I smile at her.
Nellie is the face of Sweet Treats, she’s always got a smile on her face. Even when the tourist season is in full swing and we get some rude city slickers she manages to keep her cool. I wouldn’t be where I am without her.
We cleaned the cafe in record time, and I’m excited to get to Thistle Down Farm to see how Crystal’s day was.
“Enjoy your Thanksgiving dinner, see you tomorrow,” Nellie gives me a soft smile.
“Thanks, Nell. See you both tomorrow.” I nod at her and David.
“I never understood Americans and their Thanksgiving dinner putting marshmallows on top of sweet potatoes,” David continues on.
Nellie rolls her eyes at David.
“Come on you, Rabbie wants to go,” he shoves his coat at him and pushes him out the door. I silently mouth thank you to her, as she returns a cheeky smile.
I lock up the cafe and make my way to Thistle Down Farm. The sun is setting making the trees look like they are on fire by the way the leaves glow in the last of the autumn sun. Most of the stress of the last few days melts away as I pull into the farmyard. All the family I’ve ever loved and needed are in that house waiting for me.
I take a second outside the door to gather my thoughts. I can hear the hustle and bustle inside. The faint sound of laughter coming from inside makes me smile to myself. This is all I ever wanted when I was a wee lad, was a house full of people, my people. It makes me feel blessed that I’ve got such an amazing support system. Crystal was right, it’s the family you create, not the one you come from.
I take a step into the chaos, and though it might be loud in here with everyone chatting and rushing around to help, the noise inside my head quietens. This is where I belong.
“Uncle Rabbit! You’re here, we’ve been waiting for you,” Ruby comes running over to me and hugs my legs.
“Hello, mo chroí, sorry I’m late. What did I miss?” I squeeze her tight.
“Oh lots of stuff, Aunty Dylan and Crystal put marshmallows on sweet potatoes. I love marshmallows but not vegeta-bulls.” Ruby talks a million miles an hour.
She’s the cutest little girl in the world, and I laugh at the same comment that David made.
“R-ruby, let Uncle R-rabbit walk in the door,” Hamish stammers.
“Hello mate,” I clap him on the back as Ruby grabs my shirt and drags me into the large open living room. The large farmhouse table has been set with autumnal decor. Tiny pumpkins and gourds litter the table with a large garland of red, orange and golden leaves running down the middle. Tall candle sticks, and beautiful plates line the length of the table for our large group of ten. Dylan and Crystal have out done themselves, it looks amazing and very festive.
Everyone but Dylan and Crystal are gathered around the fire, I can hear the faint sounds of pots and pans clattering in the kitchen.
“There’s my braw laddie,” my nan beams.
She’s sitting in an armchair in front of the fire. I bend down to kiss her on the cheek. She’s been calling me every morning and every night since I told her that my mum is back in town. She’s worried for me, but I keep reassuring her that I’ll be fine. I can see she’s also worried because it is her daughter after all, and obviously their relationship is strained too.
“Happy Thanksgiving everyone,” I greet the rest of the group.
Cam pours me a dram of whisky and clinks his glass with mine as we take a sip.
“How are the girls getting on?” I ask, eager to see Crystal.
Cam shifts and looks to the kitchen door and gestures to me to be quiet.
“There’s been a little bit of bickering coming from the kitchen, I’ve been kicked out a few times when I’ve been in to see how they’re getting on. I don’t dare go back in, Dylan threatened to take my serving of turkey away if I went in again.” Cam looks slightly scared as he looks at the kitchen door.
A small smirk forms on my lips, because Cam is such a big burly man who has a permanent frown on his face. For him to be scared of his sweet, delicate girlfriend is comical.
“I’ll go pop my head in.”
“At your own risk. I’m bloody starving. Dylan hasn’t let me eat anything all day, so I’ll be snagging your portion of turkey,” Cam warns me.
I can’t help but smile at his warning because this is what families do, they bicker and argue over pointless things on the holidays. I never had this growing up.
I pop my head in the kitchen to find Dylan zooming around the kitchen, whilst Crystal is sitting at the kitchen table flicking through a cookbook. Her eyes meet mine and a huge warm smile spreads across her face. She jumps up from the table and rushes over to me. Dylan barely notices I’m there, as she’s stirring pots on the stove.
“Hey, happy Thanksgiving,” I smile at her.
“Hi,” She looks down at her feet, her smile now a distant memory.
“How was your day? Are you a pro at peeling veggies?”
Crystal holds her hands up to my face, and her dainty fingers are covered in band aids.
“What do you think?”
I want to grab her hands and kiss every single band aid on her small hands. She looks so cute when she looks up at me from underneath her long black lashes. A small smile forms on my lips.
“Aww no, that’s okay. Cooking isn’t for everyone. You’ll get better with a little practice,” I try to cheer her up.
“I sliced my fingers a few times, then Dylan put me on stirring duty but then I burnt a pot of gravy then she just told me to sit at the table and keep an eye on the timer for the turkey. But that’s not even the worst part,” she still looks sad.
“What’s the worst part?” I ask.
“Dylan forgot to get ingredients for pumpkin pie,” she huffs as she folds her arms.
Dylan rolls her eyes, she’s looking a little stressed and Crystal pouting seems to push her over the edge.
“There were a million dishes to cook, besides there’s pecan pie for dessert. We always had pecan pie on Thanksgiving in my house. It’s not the end of the world that you don’t get your precious pumpkin pie. ” Dylan snips at her.
“Yes it is the end of the world. It’s not Thanksgiving without pumpkin pie. Besides pumpkin pie is way better than pecan pie,” Crystal sticks her tongue out at Dylan.
It’s funny witnessing them have this little spat, they truly are like sisters. I try to hide my smirk before I get my head ripped off by one of them.
“I might have something that will fix this little problem,” I smile.
“No offence Rabbie, your scones are amazing but they aren’t part of a traditional Thanksgiving meal,” Crystal pouts
“Thanks, but I think it’s even better. Close your eyes,” I tell her.
Crystal hesitates for a second and eyes me with suspicion. I wink at her, and she relaxes and closes her eyes. Her eyelashes flutter against her freckled cheeks, and I take a mental picture of how beautiful and soft she looks. I try to memorise every little freckle on her face, her curly red hair hanging over her forehead. I only allow myself a split second to get lost in her beauty before Dylan notices me.
I put the bag I was holding down on the table and take out a dish, I place it in her hands, and her brow creases.
“Okay, open your eyes.”
I watch her as she opens her eyes, her beautiful greens land on me first and then down to the dish in her hands. Her eyes widen and her mouth forms a cute smile, a smile so pure and genuine I want to take a picture of her to remember this moment forever.
“Oh my fucking god!” she squeals.
Dylan is distracted by serving up the Thanksgiving meal to understand what is going on. Crystal is giggling with giddiness and this is the highlight of my day seeing the look on her face.
“Rabbie, you made me a pumpkin pie,” she beams at me.
“Happy Thanksgiving.”
Seeing her this happy was worth the days I spent trying to find the perfect recipe. Suddenly all of the stress from the last week has gone, the sheer joy on her face makes everything that is going on in my life seem less important. Seeing the smile on her face is everything I could need right now.
Dylan shoots me a smirk, and raises an eyebrow at me. I try to act as if this is what friends do. I’d been planning to make her one since she told me about pumpkin pie the first night she stayed at the flat.
“This is the best Thanksgiving ever. Thank you Rabbie,” Crystal hums with excitement. She reaches up and kisses me lightly on the mouth. It’s barely a kiss but I still feel her lips on mine as she backs away. I’m frozen in place.
“I’m going to put it with the pecan pie on the side table in the dining room,” she rushes off in excitement.
Crystal rushes out the door, and I can hear her happily telling everyone in the other room that I made her a pumpkin pie.
I look over at Dylan who is serving up food and shaking her head with a huge grin on her face.
“What?”
“Nothing, it’s just I’ve never seen her so happy,” she looks at me.
I don’t know what Dylan means by that but, warmth spreads through me to see Crystal so happy. I would do anything to keep a smile on her face.
After Dylan has served everyone a plate, we all sit together at the table. Dylan has outdone herself. The meal is delicious, and by the time it gets to dessert I’m almost too full. Dylan serves everyone a small slice each of pecan and pumpkin pie with whipped cream. Everyone makes small sounds of satisfaction as they each eat their dessert. As a Thanksgiving tradition, Dylan makes everyone go around the table and tell everyone what we’re thankful for.
“I’ll start. Our First thanksgiving together.” Dylan says as she sits in Cam’s lap.
“Now you Cam.” Dylan kisses the top of his head.
“Our first Scottish winter together.” Cam smiles up at Dylan.
“Rubes?” Cam pokes his niece.
“New Crayons.” Ruby chimes in.
Everyone laughs at her simple answer.
“Being home.” Grannie Jo smiles at everyone.
“Tilly, your turn.” Grannie Jo nudges my nan.
“Having my friend home.” My nan says as she clinks her glass with Grannie Jo’s.
My nan looks at Rosie.
“Seeing my babies happy.” Rosie smiles over at Cam and Dylan.
“Hamish?” Rosie tilts her head to the side.
“F-friends.” Hamish gives Fiona a soft smile.
“Fi, y-your go.” Hamish stutters.
“Aye, Friends.” Fiona copies Hamish as she sips her drink.
They both look at each other with sheepish smiles. I wish they would hurry up and tell each other how they truly feel about each other. It’s my turn, I suddenly feel nervous with everyone looking at me.
“Rab, it’s your go.” Fiona looks at me.
Everyone is waiting for me. I look over at Crystal. There is only one thought that pops into my head.
“Family,” I smile at her. Crystal softly smiles at me, and nods in understanding. This is my family right here. I don’t need my mum or my dad to have the traditional family. All the people who care about me are in this room, and that’s all I could ever ask for.
It’s Crystal’s turn and I find myself sitting on the edge of my seat eager to hear what she’s going to say. A big smile spreads across her face as she looks at me.
“Pumpkin pie.” She winks at me as she puts the last bite of pie in her mouth.
Everyone is watching us stare at each across the table with big grins on our faces. No one says anything but I think they can see the chemistry between us. It’s a shame that we both agreed to only be friends. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about that night in the hot tub.
My nan breaks the spell between us, and shatters the light mood.
“I heard what you said to Rabbie’s mum the other day,” she says directly to Crystal.
Crystal’s head snaps to my nan and then back to me to check if I’m okay. I nod to her to let her know I don’t care about the topic of conversation.
Crystal shifts in her seat. “Yeah, I know she’s your daughter, but I meant what I said,” Crystal sits up straight ready for whatever my nan is going to say to her.
“Dinny stress, hen. I’m glad you were there for him,” she smiles at Crystal.
I see Crystal’s shoulders relax and I’m silently chuffed that my nan is slowly warming up to Crystal, she even called her ‘Hen’.
We spent the rest of the evening sitting in front of the fire drinking whisky and having light conversations. I look around the room, and smile to myself. Ruby is fast asleep in Fiona’s arms. Hamish is stealing little looks at his daughter and his best friend cuddled up together. Cam and Dylan are in their love bubble, she’s curled up in his lap and they’re quietly whispering to each other. My nan, Rosie and Grannie Jo are in deep conversation about something. I glance over at Crystal, she’s staring into the fire, deep in thought, rolling her whisky glass between her hands. I wish I could tell her how much I like her. And, how I don’t want her to rush off back to Boston when she’s finished with the website. But there’s something stopping me. Fear, rejection, abandonment. I wish I had the courage to tell her that since she’s been here, I’ve been the happiest I’ve been in a long time.
I just think I’ve about gotten away with staring at her unnoticed, when her big green eyes float up to mine. I feel the heat rush to my cheeks, the way she’s looking at me right now. I could scoop her up and kiss her in front of everyone. It’s driving me crazy. She yawns softly, and it’s the cutest thing; seeing her in a food coma with glossy eyes.
“I think it’s time we head back, I have an early morning,” I say as I stand.
Crystal stands a little too eager, and I have to bite back a smirk.
“Nan, Grannie Jo? Would you like a lift back?” I ask them.
“Och no, my braw laddie. I’ve got at least one more dram of whisky left in me,” she holds up her glass. I scoop down and give her a kiss on the cheek.
“I’ll drop them off,” Rosie smiles at me.
Crystal and I say goodnight to everyone, and we make our way out into the cold night air. We both stand still outside and take in a lungful of air at the same time. We both let out a sigh and laugh at how in sync we are.
“Come on, let’s go home,” I say to her.
Home, because it feels like home with her there.