30. Crystal
30
Crystal
It didn’t take me long to plan the launch party, everything was pretty much ready to go. Parties in a small town like Crossmackie don’t take months to plan like they would in Boston. There wasn’t much to do apart from organising some decorations. The days were starting to fly by now, and my departure back to America was looming over me like a dark cloud. I didn’t know when I would be coming back to Crossmackie but the thought of leaving Rabbie at all makes my chest ache.
When I came to Crossmackie all those months ago my initial plan was to see Dylan, get the website done quickly, hopefully have a fling with Rabbie, and then be on my merry way. But then I started to get to know Rabbie, and I started to purposely stall on the website to stay longer. I’m not proud of it because Rabbie really needed the website done and quick. I couldn’t leave without seeing where it went with him, and I’m glad I stuck around. I was only intending on being here for a month, but it has now turned into months. Crossmackie has definitely grown on me. Growing up in a small town where the gossip and the chit chat was rife, I couldn’t stand to be in another small town. But the people here are different. They’re kind, and generous. Not once have I seen any malicious gossiping or rumours being spread. And don’t get me started on everyone stopping to say hello to me whenever they see me, whether I’m sitting at my table in Sweet Treats or at The Drunken Duck or even just on the street. They’re always happy to see me, which took some getting used to. The thought of going back to Boston after visiting my family in Tennessee fills me with emptiness. There’s nothing for me in Boston anymore.
My thoughts about the future are interrupted by the fluffball jumping up on the table. I’m up in the flat today, with most of my work done it made sense for me to give up the table for a paying customer. The cat purrs and blinks slowly at me, I try to recoil in disgust but she nudges her head and rubs up against my hand. This cat is relentless, it follows me around everywhere. I keep finding white cat hair all over my stuff. She’s still rubbing her head against my hand when I finally give in and pat her, trying to get her to leave me alone, but she still lingers.
“You’re a pest, did you know that?”
Great, now I’m talking to the fucking cat.
She meows at me, and rolls over on the table showing me her belly. Her big fluffy tail swishes as she tries to paw at me. Silently telling me to stroke her belly.
“If I pet you this once, will you go away?”
Edie blinks at me and wriggles around in front of me. I gently stroke her soft belly and she closes her eyes, purring louder.
“You like that?” I say in a baby voice.
I instantly checked myself, and wondered where that came from. Could this cat be growing on me? Surely not, I hate cats but there’s something there when I look into her golden eyes. Our moment is ruined when an incoming video call pops up on my laptop. She quickly scurries off leaving me to answer the call. I haven’t spoken to my mom on the phone since Thanksgiving day when I told her I couldn’t continue with our relationship with how it was going. She’s sent me a few text messages but we haven’t had a proper conversation.
I haven’t forgotten the look on my mom’s face when I laid out years of feelings I had towards her nitpicking and being overbearing. I never thought she was doing it to be malicious, but the constant belittling and mean comments finally broke me. I’d always bite my tongue and do what I was brought up to do and respect my elders but I needed to set this boundary for my own mental health, and start to heal from it. I hope for our relationship’s sake that she’s going to work at being better and stop trying to force me into being someone I’m not. I’m not the perfect southern woman she wants me to be, I never will be. I take a deep breath and answer the call.
“Hey Mama,” I say with a smile.
“Hey baby girl, how are you?” She asks with a smile.
“I’m good, thanks. Sorry I haven’t had a chance to call you since Thanksgiving, I’ve been busy finishing the website for Rabbie. It’s finally done, we’re going to have a launch party next week so I’ll be coming home the day before Christmas Eve,” I tell her.
She frowns but it’s gone within a split second and replaced with a small smile. I’m holding my breath, waiting for the guilt trip about not coming home sooner, or a comment on my appearance. But nothing.
“That’s wonderful, baby. I’m proud of you, your first website. I can’t wait to see it live. What date will you be returning to Boston, will you be going back for New Years Eve? I know you always have some fancy party to go to.”
The thought of New Years Eve in Boston hadn’t even crossed my mind, and the thought of going out in the city to some pretentious bar doesn’t fill me with excitement like it would’ve done months ago.
I don’t know why but I’m nervous to tell my mom about my recent change of heart and potentially wanting to come back to Crossmackie. I don’t know how she’s going to take it, she didn’t take me moving to Boston well, and that’s still in the states.
“I don’t think I will go back to Boston for New Years Eve. I think I want to come back here,” I say in a panic.
My mom’s eyebrows shoot up, and I can see she’s putting two and two together. The only reason why I would want to come back to Crossmackie would be if there was someone special that I’d want to bring in the New Year with. She softly smiles at me, and it takes me by surprise. I was expecting her to give an unwanted opinion on the topic.
“I’m happy for you baby. He’s a lucky man,” she smiles.
I can feel a goofy grin spread across my face as I think of Rabbie. I can’t believe that me, the commitment-phobe, is falling for someone.
“I’ll tell you everything when I’m home for Christmas.”
“I’m looking forward to it. I won’t put the star on top of the tree until you’re home.”
My heart warms at my mom’s little tradition she started since I moved away. She always lets me put the star on top of the Christmas tree when I come home. I look around Rabbie’s flat and realise he hasn’t got a single Christmas decoration up and it makes me think back to all the times he would’ve wished for a normal Christmas growing up. His flat is too small for a proper Christmas tree but I could get him one of the mini ones and put up some fairy lights, and maybe a garland over the mantel. I want to make it look cosy and festive for him. He’s been so busy lately, he deserves to enjoy Christmas too.
“Mama, I’ve got to go. Thanks for the call, I can’t wait to see you at Christmas and have a glass of your famous eggnog,” I blow her a kiss.
“Okay baby girl, I love you,” she blows a kiss back.
“I love you too.”
I end the call and lean back in my chair, my heart is racing but in a good way. That was the first positive conversation I’ve had with my mom in years. She made the effort to be supportive and not critical. I saw a few frowns a couple of times but she refrained from giving me unsolicited advice. I could scream with how happy and content I feel right now. Everything is falling into place for me. My relationship with my mama is on the mend, I’m enjoying my job and I’m falling in love, which I never allowed myself to think would be possible.
Rabbie is always thanking me for showing him that his demons aren’t as scary as he made them out to be, but I need to thank him for opening my eyes, and filling my heart. It feels like I have purpose again. My life might’ve looked great from the outside when I was living in Boston. Dating copious amounts of men, and going out to the fanciest bars with friends, but in truth I haven’t heard from a single person from Boston since I’ve been here, and it’s not bothered me once. That life was getting stagnant and unmeaningful to me.
Rabbie is never far from my thoughts, and I want to show him how much I appreciate him. I grab my jacket, and rush downstairs. Rabbie is rushed off his feet with lunchtime service, but he isn’t too busy to give me a quick smile. I quickly walk over to him and give him a hard kiss. He leans into me, and kisses me back. He wraps his arms around my waist, and pushes against me. Whenever we kiss we forget the world around us, and it’s just us two in our little bubble. It pops when Nellie dings the bell for another food order for Rabbie to make, she leaves it on the order rack that is near the little opening to the kitchen.
A cheeky grin spreads across his face as he looks down at me.
“You’re distracting me,” he kisses me again.
“You’re the one who kissed me back,” I playfully argue with him.
“You kissed me first.”
Another ding coming from the front of the cafe, another food order.
“I better get back to work or I’ll have some very hungry customers on my hands.”
“Okay, I’ll be back soon. I need to pop out for a bit.” I try to act as unsuspicious as possible.
His soft smile creates creases around his big green eyes. He tucks a stray strand of hair behind my ear, and gives me one last kiss. Every time he tucks my hair behind my ear it makes me weak at the knees. I never knew a little gesture like that could drive me crazy. I leave him to get back to work, and take one glance at him as I step outside, he gives me one more smile and a little wave before he’s focused again.
* * *
I knew trying to find Christmas decorations in a town as small as Crossmackie was going to be a challenge. I messaged Dylan and told her my plan, and asked her to meet me at Bits and Bobs. She told me she had some spare decorations at Thistle Down and that she would bring them with her. I remember Fiona mentioning that they were selling garlands, wreaths and some trees that were from Thistle Down Farm, I hope there’s some left for me to buy. I quickly rush off towards the shop and through the door, the little bell rings over the door.
Bits and Bobs is the only grocery store for the village, it’s stocked with most of the produce from Thistle Down Farm, Sweet Treats, and other local farmers. It has that farmers market vibe to it with crates of fresh fruit and vegetables on display, and a few aisles packed with jarred food such as pickles, relishes and jams. Out the front of the shop there’s usually a flower stall but because it’s close to winter the blooming flowers from summer have been replaced with wreaths of holly and Christmas trees of all sizes. I spotted a few left when I came in the door.
I wasn’t surprised to find Hamish in here standing at the counter talking to Fiona, he never leaves her side. I guess he has every right to be here anyways, because the MacTavish brothers own Bits and Bobs. I’ve watched them carefully over the couple of months that I’ve been here, and they’d be a great couple. Everyone can tell they both feel a certain way about each other. But I’m not one to get involved in something like that, hopefully it will happen for them eventually, one of them just has to make the first move which is the hardest part. They spot me as I walk through the door, and Hamish straightens up.
“Hey Crystal,” Fiona smiles.
“H-hey, here to buy more stuff for the launch party?” Hamish stutters.
“Actually, I’m here to buy the smallest tree you have and some decorations. Rabbie’s place is looking a little bare.”
They both look at me surprised with their eyebrows raised, and I start to wonder if decorating his flat is a bad idea. I don’t want to overstep. I shift uncomfortably.
Fiona can sense my uneasiness and offers me a warm smile. “That’s such a cute idea, he never decorates for Christmas.”
“A-aye, he’ll love it. I’ll leave you ladies to it,” Hamish winks at me and Fiona and walks out the shop with a wave over his head.
Now that I’m feeling more relaxed about the idea of decorating Rabbie’s flat, the giddiness to go nuts is bubbling to the surface. I remind myself that I need to rein it in because I don’t want to freak Rabbie by going crazy with the decorations. If it was up to me it would look like Christmas threw up in his flat, but I need to tone it down and not scare him off.
Christmas is my second favourite holiday. Thanksgiving tops it slightly, only because of pumpkin pie. I look around Bits and Bob whilst I wait for Dylan to get here. I fill a basket with some Christmas cookies, I’m not even going to attempt to bake them because that would turn out disastrous. I grab some ingredients to make mulled wine. Now that I can make, I know my mama’s recipe by heart. I can’t wait for Rabbie’s flat to smell like Christmas from the spices and the wine. I pick out a long garland to run along his mantle, and a small wreath to hang on the wall.
Fiona helps me carry all the stuff over to the counter with just as much excitement as me. “Och, Crystal, he’s going to love this.”
“I wanted to do something nice for him. He deserves it seeing how hard he works.”
The bell above the door dings, and Dylan comes in with two large bags full of fairy lights and small decorations. When she told me she had some extra decorations left, I thought she maybe had a bit of tinsel left, not enough to decorate another house. I eye her with amusement, because I thought I was a Christmas lover, but Dylan worships Christmas. She starts planning for the festive season well in advance, at least seven months to be exact. I shouldn’t be so surprised that she has this much extra.
She narrows her eyes at me. “What’s so funny?”
I try to hide my smirk, and grab the bags off her. “Nothing, I was waiting for you to help me pick out the tree.”
She claps her hands together and the excitement is too much for her to contain as she rushes me and Fiona out the door. The wind has started to pick up and it looks like it could snow later today which would make my plan even more special. The wind wraps around us, whipping my hair into a tangled mess. The trees at the front are way too big to fit into Rabbie’s flat, not to mention I don’t even know how I’m going to sneak all this past him.
I flick one of the spiky branches of a tree taller than me. “These are way too big. What’s the smallest one you have, Fi?”
Fiona’s eyes snap to me, and her face softens. I didn’t mean to shorten her name, it just slipped out, a habit hearing everyone else call her that. She pushes the larger ones at the front out of the way, whilst me and Dylan peer behind them. That’s when I spot it, the perfect one at the very back, crumpled and squished. I reach through the scratchy pine needles and grab the small tree and pull it to the front. It comes up to my knee and I know it will look perfect on Rabbie’s deep windowsill. No wonder it was hiding at the back being squashed by the bigger trees. People in Crossmackie have big enough houses for normal sized trees. It’s the saddest and limpest looking Christmas tree I’ve ever seen, and I love it.
Dylan props one of the floppy branches up with her finger, and lets it drop. “Crystal, you can’t use that, look at it.”
Dylan’s idea of Christmas is squeaky clean, perfect, not a single pine needle or bit of tinsel out of place. I don’t mind the more ugly looking decorations or the flaws because that’s what Christmas is to me. It’s a time to look back on memories and laugh about them. Hopefully, in the future Rabbie and I can look back at this and laugh about the ugly little tree.
“Why not? It’s the only one left that is small enough to fit on his windowsill. Besides, it has a certain type of charm about it.”
The wind is picking up, and Fiona pulls her jacket tight. “Come on, let’s go back in and bag everything up for you.”
We filter back into the shop safe from the blistering cold, and I start to wonder how on earth am I going to get all of this stuff past Rabbie and into the flat without him noticing. I know that as soon as he sees me coming through the back door of the cafe, he’ll want to stop what he’s doing and talk to me. Then he’ll see the bags and get curious, and then the surprise will be blown.
The plan starts forming in my head, I’ll get Dylan to go in the cafe, he always comes out the front to speak to her. I’ll get her to stall while I run up the stairs and start decorating before he finishes for the day. I run the plan by her while Fiona wraps the little tree in some brown paper, and puts the rest of the stuff in bags. She slides them over the counter towards me.
I fish my card out of my purse. “How much do I owe?”
Fiona shakes her head at me. “Nothing, it’s on us.”
Us meaning the collective of the group, and I can’t let her do that. I haven’t really paid for a single thing since I’ve been here. I don’t want people to think I’m taking them for a free ride. I wave my card at Fiona and she backs away from the counter with her hand raised.
“Fiona, I can’t let you do that. Please let me pay.”
“Dinny be daft. We all have eyes, and we’ve seen how happy you make him. Anyways, it’s for Rabbie, everyone and anyone would do anything for him.”
I huff out an exasperated sigh.
A small laugh escapes her. “Buy a few rounds at the pub later and we’ll call it even.”
“Deal. I plan on getting you so drunk for this.”
Fiona winks at me. “Oh no, because that would be the worst thing in the world.”
Dylan and I say our goodbyes to Fiona and rush back out into the freezing cold. It’s safe to say that fall is officially over and winter is here, and I think it’s finally time for me to admit defeat and buy some jeans or at least some stockings to wear under my denim shorts because my legs feel like icicles. I go over the plan with Dylan one more time before I head around the back of the cafe and wait until the coast is clear for me to quickly run up to the flat without Rabbie seeing me. Luckily for me, Rabbie always leaves the backdoor to his kitchen open because it gets too hot in there with it closed, and I can see into his kitchen from the end of the little lane behind the Sweet Treats. I make it round the corner just in time to see his tall, beautiful body disappear into the front of the cafe. I make this my chance to pick up my pace and sprint inside before he comes back into the kitchen and catches me. As soon as I make it safely upstairs, I drop the bags and the tree in the living room, and pull my phone out. I text Dylan letting her know I made it upstairs safely and she doesn’t need to stall anymore.
I spent the rest of the afternoon decorating the living room of Rabbie’s flat. I hung up the wreath on the wall, and laid the garland on the mantle with the fairy lights that Dylan lent me. The small, sad excuse of a Christmas tree sits on his windowsill. I was pleased with myself that I managed to decorate it with some mini baubles and left over tinsel from Dylan’s stash. Edie even came in to investigate and was particularly interested in the little tree. It didn’t take her long to sit next to it, gently swatting at the baubles with her fat fluffy paws. Admittedly she looked very cute doing it.
I finish just in time to lay out cookies on a plate, and turn down the mulled wine that has been simmering away on the stovetop. The flat smells delicious, and homely. I quickly give the room a once over, happy with the results I find myself eager to see Rabbie. I’ve been up here most of the day, and he still thinks I’m out. He must think I’m with Dylan at Thistle Down Farm. Usually if he knows I’m up here, he’ll always find an excuse to come up and see me at least a couple of times throughout the day.
I rush down the stairs taking two at a time, the excitement is too much for me to contain. I land at the bottom of the stairs with a soft thud, and Rabbie’s surprised face snaps up from his afternoon inventory checklist. I knew I’d find him exactly where he was, bent over that stainless steel island, forearms straining against the metal. I will never not be able to look at that kitchen island the same after that night. His face goes through a couple of emotions, the last landing on a large smile spread across his beautiful face.
He pushes himself up from the island, his rounded shoulders contort as he stands. “When did you sneak in?”
I try not to make it too obvious that I’m checking him out, and that I’m thinking about round two on the kitchen island.
“A while ago.” I admit.
He tucks the pencil behind his ear and rounds the kitchen island, his smouldering eyes not leaving mine. I try not to squirm under his gaze but, fuck the way he’s looking at me has me feeling hot and flustered.
“And you didn’t say hey to me? That’s rude, mo beag.” He closes the gap between us, and my mouth suddenly feels dry.
“I have a surprise for you,” I blurt out.
His eyebrow lifts and looks at me with suspicion. I’m trying to contain my excitement but I keep bouncing from one foot to another. I link his large hand in mine, and lead him to the stairs up to the flat.
“Come on, I’ll show you,” I rush him up the stairs.
He does as I say and follows me, he gently pats my butt as we walk up the stairs, and a pool of heat starts to settle in my belly. I open the door to the flat, I made sure I closed the door to the living room so he couldn’t see down the hallway.
“Is this surprise in the bedroom?” He whispers in my ear.
He sends a shiver down my spine when he talks to me in his lowly Scottish accent.
“You’d like that wouldn’t you?”
“You have no fucking idea.” He nibbles my ear lobe and a giggle escapes past my lips.
“Close your eyes,” I turn around to face him and grab both of his hands.
“Now we’re talking,” he jokes.
“I’m being serious,” I smile back at him.
He closes his eyes, and I love seeing how relaxed he is. He still has a soft smile on his face as I lead him down the hallways to the living room.
“No peeking until I tell you to.”
“Yes, boss,” his smile grows wider.
I slowly open the door to the living room and lead him in and let go of his hands. I back away from him because I want to see his reaction when he sees what I’ve done. I’m nervous and excited at the same time. Rabbie hasn’t really expressed that he loves or hates Christmas but I feel confident he’ll love what I’ve done to his flat.
“Okay, you can open your eyes.”
My heart stops as he slowly opens his eyes, and scans the living room. I turned off the large fluorescent light, turned on the table lamps, and lit lots of candles. I’d switched on the faux fire under the mantle to give it that extra cosy vibe. The little fairy lights twinkle over the fire, and the tinsel and baubles on the tiny little tree shimmer in the low light. It feels really intimate and cosy in his tiny flat, and the smell of the mulled wine tops it off. Once he’s finished taking in the room his eyes land on me and they’re glossy. I thought I saw a quiver in his lip as he swallowed.
“I thought I’d do something nice for you, since you’ve been so incredibly thoughtful since I got here.”
He still hasn’t said anything, he looks shocked and I start to worry I’ve overstepped.
“Crystal, I–This is everything. Thank you,” he closes the gap between us and wraps me in his arms.
“You like it?” I need confirmation.
“I love it. No one has ever done anything like this for me, ever. Nan never really decorated for Christmas, we only had a wreath on the door and a few decorations. Never a tree.” He kisses the top of my head.
I sigh a sigh of relief, and melt into him.
“Speaking of trees. Sorry, but that was the only small one left.”
He leans back and looks me in the eyes, and I can see the little boy who dreamed of this, and my heart breaks a little to know that he never got the perfect family Christmas growing up. He spins me around so my back is to his chest and wraps his large arms around me. We’re both looking at the sad little tree sitting on his windowsill, with Edie curled up next to it.
“It’s got character,” he kisses my cheek.
“Yeah, but it’s not perfect. I wish I could’ve gotten you a better one.”
“It doesn’t need to be perfect because life isn’t perfect either.”
He sniffs the air, and sighs.
“Did you make mulled wine?” He asks, his voice laced with shock.
I nudge him with my elbow, and he huffs out a laugh. “Don’t act so surprised that I made something. To answer your question. Yes, I did make mulled wine. It’s my mama’s recipe. Sit down and I’ll pour us a glass.”
He sits down on the sofa, and looks around the room in complete awe, and the look on his face is everything. To see him so happy, and to finally do something nice for him fills me with so much gratitude.
I hand him a glass of mulled wine, and he looks up at me. He reaches out for me and pulls me into his lap. We both sip our drinks and watch the flicker of the fire, and the twinkling fairy lights. His arm around my waist tightens as he buries his nose in my neck.
“I can’t thank you enough. You don’t know how much this means to me,” he whispers into my neck.
“You deserve it,” I lean in closer to him.
I knew at that moment I would do anything if it meant I got to see him this happy. Seeing the innocent look on his face makes me see how much this means to him. To me Christmas is just another holiday, but this is so much more for Rabbie. He didn’t get the picture perfect white Christmas like most of us. I would give him the world if I could, he’s that deserving of it.
His fingers are making circles on my stomach, the gentle strokes are stirring up the heat pooling in my belly. This man can rile me up with a simple touch. I shift in his lap and I can feel his hardness through his jeans. His nose is buried deep in my neck and hair, and I try my hardest to not squirm under his touch but my senses are so sensitive and heightened around him. I shift in his lap and he groans against my ear.
We’re meant to be going to The Drunken Duck like we do every single night, because what else is there to do in this small town.
“We’re meant to be meeting the guys,” I say through my heavy breaths.
He’s ditched his mulled wine on the side table, and both of his hands are roaming around my body.
“I think I’d rather stay in and fuck you on this couch in front of the fire,” he whispers in my ear.
My stomach drops, and the buzz in my veins intensifies at the thought. I lean forward and put my mulled wine on the coffee table in front of me, and as soon as I’m back in his lap, he flips me over and now he’s over me caging me in. He runs his hand up and over my bare leg, and smiles to himself.
“What’s so funny?”
“I love that you’re too stubborn to admit that you’re freezing in these shorts, and refuse to wear anything but them,” he hooks a finger through one of the loopholes.
“Hey, I look great in these shorts.”
“You look better without them, lose the shorts mo beag. I need to taste you.” He unbuttons them, and slowly undoes the zipper.