Chapter 24
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
NATE
My eyes are covered behind the blindfold, but I can sense her. Feel her almost, as she walks into the room.
I imagine her fingers trembling as they curl around the pole, the sound of her shaky inhale that fills her lungs.
“You doing okay?” I ask softly, wanting to make sure that she was okay with this. As much as I was excited by this, she always came first.
“Yeah...” her voice cracks and I can hear how nervous she is and my heart swells deep inside of my chest.
“You don't have to do this,” my voice is loud as it bounces off the light-colored walls, I know I kept asking her and telling her that this didn't need to happen, but I just wanted to make sure she knew this wasn't a deal breaker. We could sit here and talk about our childhoods if that’s what she wanted because I would do just that for her. I would reach into the depths of my empty chest and carve out my hollow heart, laying it bare for her to see just how unloved I was, I would pour my darkest secrets out to her if that's what she wanted.
“Can you put the blindfold on me?” her words confuse me, but I agree to her question, because if this is going to make her feel more comfortable, than who am I to say no?
“Yes,” I whisper and stand on shaky legs, my own nerves rippling through me, the excitement that once was there is now consumed by the riptide swirling deep inside of my stomach.
I slowly remove my blindfold and see her eyes squeezed shut. I focus on just her face for a moment, and I will never tire at looking at how beautiful she really is.
Stepping towards her, my breath is on her face, and I don't miss the way it catches at the back of her throat. Lifting my knuckles, I brush them softly against her cheek bone.
“You look...” I trail off because she is too much.
Her lips part as fast, ragged breaths escape them. I curl my hand around the back of her head gently and slowly pull her towards me as I slip the silk band of the blindfold over her head before letting my hand drop.
One final glance over her pretty face, and I smile as I slip the blindfold over her closed eyes.
I don't move, just watch as her breathing slows, her fingers tightening on the pole and once I know she is okay, I let my greedy eyes roam over a body I have only dreamed about, fantasised about.
Dusty blue lace lingerie clings to her curves. Full, rounded tits pushed into a fuckable cleavage, and I am salivating just thinking about sliding my cock between them.
My cock pulses in my pants and I groan. The urge to jerk off is becoming tempting, but I don't, not yet anyway.
My hungry eyes roam over every inch of her delicate and flawless skin before I am on the apex of her thighs. The want to fall to my knees and kiss her there is overwhelming.
But again, I resist.
For now.
I step back, evident bulge in my pants and drop to the edge of the bed and I watch as she begins to move to ICFTI – James Gillespie.
She's slow, hips swaying from side to side as she rolls her waist to the music. My heart is racing, eyes focused on her.
My tongue darts out as I run it across my top lip, my palms clammy as I rub them across my jean covered thighs.
The need, want, urge to touch her makes my skin tingle, but the thought of having her hands on me makes my blood run cold. I am not sure why, but I have always struggled with people touching me.
Sure, she’s placed her hand a few times on my chest but inside I was begging her to stop.
Maybe if I fell in love…
But I have never been in love.
Never wanted to be.
Until…
I swallow past the moan that is harboured in my throat.
There have been girls that have appeased my appetite, my tastes... but only a few.
Letting my eyes fall from her lips, they trail down every inch of her.
Full tits, curvy hips, thick thighs.
I am sure she is every man’s desire and that makes the blood burn under my skin, scalding my veins at just the thought.
Never will another man touch her.
Never will another man desire her.
Never.
Not whilst she belongs to me.
My wife.
Shuffling on the edge of the bed, I groan.
She gasps as her back arches from the pole before she turns, and lowers her upper body, her ass on show and I sink my teeth into my bottom lip as I notice her delicate ass creases and I am desperate to run my tongue under each one.
I can't stand not to touch her. Can't stand to not wonder what her perfect skin feels like under my fingertips.
It's too much.
She moves so erotically, and I know it's because she is blindfolded. Because she thinks she is alone, but she knows full well that I am sitting here, watching, calculating, foaming over every single move she gives me.
Pushing to my feet, I watch as she stills when she hears my shoes dust across the floor.
“It's okay,” I whisper as she rolls herself up, her back to my front and her fingers curl around the pole. My breaths are shaky as I finally close the small space between us, my eyes close as I inhale her sweet scent, my hand gliding around her hip, skimming across her stomach as I pull her closer to me and a whimper leaves her mouth. “You're delectable, James,” I dust my lips up the column of her throat, teasing my lips against her throbbing pulse point as I plant a whisper of a kiss there.
She begins to move, her round and peachy ass grinding over my erection that has hooded my jeans.
“I don't like to be teased, James,” and my tone is a little urgent now as I dig my fingertips into the warm, soft flesh of her stomach.
“I think you do,” she just about manages, her voice soft.
“You think a lot of things Little Ember ,” I grin as I trail my lips down to her shoulder, softly nipping at the bare, sensitive skin beneath my lips and I don't miss the way her breath hisses through her teeth, the song flicking over to Call Out My Name – The Weeknd and she pauses for just a moment. “But the truth is, you don't know. You can think all you want,” I kiss where my teeth have left a small indent in her perfect skin, “but you don't truly know.”
And I hear the shudder of her breath as my hands trace across to both of her hips, holding her still and pushing myself into her ass so she can feel just how hard I am.
How hard I am for her .
Turning her around, I press her into the pole as one hand grips her chin, turning her face up slightly and I slant my mouth over her lips.
“I am desperate James.”
She's panting, her hands lift to my chest, but I pull back.
“For?” her voice is weak and my cock throbs. She would be submissive. I can tell by her body language and that excites me, a thrill sparking deep inside of me.
“You, James.”
“But...”
“I know, and I won't touch you, I just wanted you to know how much I want you, need you, crave you.” I brush my lips against her jaw line, my warm breath tracing where my lips pressed.
“Nate,” she whispers as I tease my lips against hers.
I step back and want to pat myself on the fucking back for resisting her.
Her chest is rising and falling, her fingers tightened around the pole and after a moment or two, she begins to dance, and I take my place back on the bed and that's how we stay until the timer goes off.
“I'm just going to...” she whispers, and I nod, knowing full well she can't see me.
She keeps her head down and lifts the blindfold just enough to see the floor as she tiptoes off and closes the door, and once I know she's gone, I push to my feet and unlock the door, peeking down the corridor to see if anyone is out there, before stepping back inside the room and pushing the door two.
Letting my head tip forward, I glance down and I am grateful that my hard on is beginning to soften.
Not that I should care.
My wife turned me on.
But I know for certain as soon as we're back home, I needed a cold shower to jerk off. That should help.
I fear my cock will be raw by the time my hand is finished, but I can't go near her.
I must not give into my needs.
One slip up and I could fuck the whole thing.
I can't let her in, because once I do, the walls will crumble and that's when my deepest, darkest secrets will seep out of me.
And I can't do that.
I have to protect myself.
I can jerk off for a year, it's fine. Sure, I have girls that could help but I wouldn't do that. Our marriage may be a farce, but it's still a marriage and infidelity is not my thing.
It's her and only her.
Even when this ends, it will still be her.
It's always been her.
I hear the door close, and my head lifts to the direction of the noise, her wide blue eyes pin to mine and my heart stutters in my chest.
She gives me a soft smile and my heart hurts because it doesn't even reach her eyes and that's on me.
“You okay?” I ask, running my hand around the back of my head because I needed to keep my hands busy. Because in truth, all I wanted to do was to brush the back of my hand against her skin, to tuck that loose strand of fiery red hair behind her ear.
But I couldn't.
Because with each little touch, it's another layer off the stone that encases my heart.
And it scares me to death.
No one has ever made me feel the way she does.
“Yeah, I'm fine,” she nods, huddling the lingerie in her arms.
“Here, let me take that.”
But she just walks towards the door, head held high, and I think I may have fucked up somewhere.
“James...” I call after her as she rushes down the corridor, she turns quickly, a thunderous scowl hanging on her brows.
“Leave me alone for ten minutes please,” her voice is sharp but I don't let her see just how much it's bothered me so I give her a soft nod and let her walk away. I watch her dump the lingerie in the trash can at the end of the long, narrow hallway then push through the heavy double doors and back towards where the rest of the gang are no doubt waiting, or not.
I keep walking, but my steps falter when I get to the trash can, my face turning down, my eyes slicing to the blue, lace lingerie. Rolling my lips, my cock twitches against the zipper of my jeans, and before I can even stop myself, I swipe up the lace panties and bring them to my nose as I inhale her scent deeply, my head tipping back as her scent makes me feel euphoric, my skin tingling as my eyes close.
The sound of a door closing and giggling brings me back to reality. Stuffing them deep into my back pocket, I turn and see a giddy Keaton and Arizona.
“’Sup?” I lift my chin and even just slipping that word past my lips makes me guilty as sin.
“’Sup?” Keaton laughs, his arms wrapped around Arizona as she walks in front of him, his chin resting between her neck and collar bone.
“You kids have fun?” I twist my lips, my hand running through my hair and I give it a small tug at the root.
“So much fun,” Arizona's smile grows and Keaton places a kiss on her cheek.
“Great, I'm glad,” I thumb them then push through the heavy doors, letting them swing closed behind me and seek out James.
She is sitting with Amora, sipping on some weird looking cocktail and I walk over to her like a dog with its tail between its legs.
Titus greets me with a pat on my back and his eyes are all dilated and weird.
“You doing okay?” my brows knit as I look up at him before letting my eyes graze to James.
“Think I am high.”
“From?” my sights still pinned on her.
“Amora,” and Amora rolls her eyes, cheeks all pink and rosy, eyes all twinkling.
“Lovely,” I groan, looking over my shoulder as Keaton and Ari walk into the room and he instantly drops her from his arms as they link fingers, swinging their arms up as they walk with a little spring in their step.
Connie is over at the bar, Kaleb is clinging onto her, head buried in her neck, and I smile.
I am so happy for them both.
Truly.
The door bangs and I see Reese and Killian stumble through it, belly laughing and I twist completely to look at them, Killian's mouth pulled as if he has slept with a coat hanger in his mouth, his toothy grin on show and it just reminds me of the picture of Keaton and Ari's wedding photo that was plastered all over social media.
I am not a jealous man. At all.
Well... maybe, sometimes, but not when it comes to my friends, my family . Each and every one of these men deserve these women.
We have all been dealt a shitty hand somewhere in our lives and each and every one of us helped in the situation, picking each other up piece by piece and fixing us back together.
We may not be perfect, but we're not broken anymore.
We're whole.
And we done that.
We fixed each other.
We bonded over our trauma, and that makes us closer than friends.
We're one.
“Hey,” Kaleb squeezes my shoulder and I snap from my thoughts.
“Hey,” I murmur the word before he stands shoulder to shoulder with me.
“You have fun?” and he nods his head in the direction of James and my head bobs.
I wasn't lying. I did have fun. Just not as much as I wanted and I can't help but think she wanted more from me, but I couldn't do it.
The risk outweighs the pleasure.
It's not a risk I am willing to take.
“How about you?”
“So much fun,” his brows wiggle and I snort a laugh out of my nose.
“I’m glad.”
My eyes count around the room and Dex and Sage are nowhere to be seen.
“Where is—” and I am cut off by Dex and Sage bursting through the door, still trying to get dressed, shit eating grins on their faces. “Never mind,” I twist my lips into a smirk and my shoulders vibrate as a chuckle encases me.
Connie swoops in under Kaleb's arm and they fall into conversation before I watch Titus scoop Amora up and place her on his lap, her hands either side of his face as she lowers her lips to his smiling mouth.
And it just leaves me and James.
Both staring at each other.
The burning tension building as the seconds pass.
No words are exchanged and I realize then that I probably wouldn't win in this.
So what do I do?
I swallow the pride away and step cautiously to where she is sitting, nose turned a little higher in the air.
“Hey,” my voice is quiet as I sit next to her on the edge of the stage and her eyes stare straight through me.
“I felt cheap in there,” she finally admits, whispering through the tears that are sitting on her bottom lash.
“I didn't mean to make you feel that way,” and her lips press into a smile just as a tear rolls down and before I can even catch it, she swipes it away with her fingers.
“I know,” she nods, and finally she looks at me, “but you did, whether you intended to or not...”
I sigh, my hand is in my hair again as I run it through.
“You understand why I said it though, don't you?” Her chin wobbles. “We both know what will happen...”
She sniffles.
“I don't want to fuck this up,” I whisper, leaning in a little closer to her so my words only reach her.
“I know,” she lets her head drop and the urge to grip her chin and tip her head back is burning my fingertips.
“There is too much at stake, you hired me James, hired me to do a job... let me do it,” the words burn on my tongue as I speak them and in that moment I truly hate myself.
She nods.
Not even attempting to look at me and I don't blame her.
“Who wants another round of drinks?” Connie calls out loudly as the crowd shift towards the bar and it's back to being just me and James.
“I'm sorry James,” my lips turn down as I will for her to look at me.
But she doesn't.
And with one heavy exhale, I stand and walk towards my friends and just hope she joins us soon.