Chapter 25
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
JAMES
The evening creeps around and I am grateful to be home. My skin burns, my fingertips tingling and my body aches.
But not because I danced. It's the weight of what I have gotten myself into.
I'm such a fool.
Heat flames between my legs and I am desperate for release.
I really thought this afternoon would have been it, the moment we kissed, but everything he said made sense.
He is thinking like me.
It would be reckless.
But so fucking good.
I know he would love me in the best way, spending time on my body, not rushing me at all. Just the way his lips pressed against my pulse point, just the way they feathered down to my collar bone, my skin was on fire and he had barely touched me.
I was weak for him, and I know he is having to be the strong one for both of us. Because if it was down to me, I would have fucked it all off and got with him the second I could.
Especially in that room.
No one would have known.
We would have been each other’s dirty little secret but I know it would have been a mistake.
Turning the faucet off, I peel my clothes from me and sink myself into the bath under the hot water. Our evening was going to be chill and Nate had gone out to grab takeout for us.
Neither of us wanted to cook so he suggested Chinese and I wasn't about to turn it down. I was famished.
The hot water causes my skin to explode in goosebumps and my muscles relax under the water as it washes over my body and I feel my breaths labour. My clit pulsing with a want, but I refuse to give in. Pushing my thighs together to try and alleviate the ache that presents itself, I focus on exfoliating my whole body before shaving everywhere. I didn't want to wash my hair until the morning.
I spent my time carefully removing every inch of non-existent hair from my body just to keep my hands busy, but that only lasted for so long and the need was still there, burning deep inside of me.
Frustrated, I pushed up from the bath, water sloshing over the sides and splashing on the floor. Groaning, I wipe the excess water up with the bathmat, dragging my foot in a sweeping motion, trying to remove as much as I can.
My skin is silky from the bubbles, red and blotchy from having the bath far too hot than I should have but I felt a little better so that was the main thing.
Wrapping my body in the warm fluffy towel, I pad across to the sink unit and splash my face with cool water before I cleanse and tone my face.
I frown at the small pimple that appears on my chin and groan inwardly.
Why now.
Stomping into my bedroom like a hormonal teen, I drag the drawer open and grab my make up bag and fish for my pimple stickers. I needed something to tone it down, I didn't need it angry tomorrow for the wedding.
Reaching for the sheet, I peel off the small pink love heart and pop it over the area and pray to the skin Gods that these will help.
Plopping on the bed, I eye my slightly open closet and see my dress for tomorrow and I feel the base of my neck scatter in a dusting of shivers.
I still remember how I felt in that dress. How he made me feel in that dress.
He gives me just enough to keep me hooked, but not enough to fully satisfy me.
Cruelly drip feeding into my bloodstream and just as I feel myself about to crash, he is there topping me up again.
I tilt my head to the side and move my eyes to the open bedroom door.
Clenching my thighs, I let my gaze drag to the bedside unit to where I placed the toy that Brooke gave me to test, but haven't been brave enough to touch yet. But tonight, well, maybe I was feeling a little more brazen than normal because before my brain could catch up, I was reaching for the box and scanning the instructions.
Ripping the seal off the side, I lifted it and felt the burn on my cheeks pinch as a reminder just how naive I was when it came to things like this.
Everything with Rune was Vanilla.
I didn't mind. It was never mind blowing, but it was enough to satisfy me.
Sometimes.
My mind flashes back and I play over the times when he would disappear into the bathroom to clean himself up and I would use my hand to finish myself off or get more from my body than he could.
Shameful.
But needed.
Reaching for my phone that sat on the comforter behind me, I opened the camera and scanned the QR code as I waited for the app to download. I tapped my fingers on the box, impatient as I read over the instructions again.
Typing in my account information quickly, the lobby opens, and I find myself staring at a screen completely dumbfounded by what was in front of me.
Sighing, I click on the phone icon and dial Brooke's number.
She answers on the fourth ring.
“Hey girl, how's the Hamptons?” she asks, and I hear the sound of a glass being placed down.
“Real nice,” I rush out, my eyes back on the door. “You okay? How's Jeff?”
“I'm good thanks, and Jeff is fine...” she trails off, “aren't you Jeff, don't you love auntie Brooke?” and her voice goes from low to baby in nought point five of a second.
“Good.”
“What’s up?”
“Your app...”
“Oh,” and I can hear the devious smirk that is on her lips already.
“Shh,” I face palm myself.
“What about it?”
“How do I use it?” I whisper and then click her onto loudspeaker.
“Right, you've made your profile yeah?”
“Yea,” I swipe out of our call and open the app again.
“Right, set your location and how far of a radius you want to go.”
I stay silent as I fill that out, doesn't bother me.
“Done,” I mutter.
“Cool, right then you need to look at the settings and whether you want full control, half or none...” she trails off and I feel myself quivering.
“What would you suggest?”
“Honestly?” and I hear the sound of a cork popping.
“Honestly,” my breaths shallow.
“Give them full control.”
“Seriously?”
“Seriously.”
So I do, I turn it to full control.
“Then what?”
“Have you taken the equipment out yet?”
“No.”
“Right, take it out its packaging, should be sealed.”
“One sec,” I place her on the bed and fumble to get it open. My brows pinch. “I wasn't expecting it to look like this.”
It's a small contraption. One part goes inside and that's silver like a bullet, whilst the other is silicone and rubs against your clit.
“Okay, so you could split it if you wanted to. Penetrative or clitoral stimulation...” I slam my hands to my face but not before dropping the sex toy into my lap. “It can be used for couple play too...” she trails off.
“It's just for me.”
“Oh,” and I can tell she is shocked but I can't say anything. If they knew this would be so much easier.
“Anyway…”
“Anyway, people can join your room, you can start off conversation, dirty talk... whatever you want, or you can literally just play by yourself and then someone can join.”
“Right.”
“Is that all you wanted? You needed instructions on how to fuck yourself...”
“Bye!” I flame red and cut the phone off.
I stare at the app, and I know I don't want to play alone... so I open a room and wait.
Standing, I walk over to the doorway and then continue onto the hallway.
“Nate?” I call down and wait a moment or two but there is no response.
Thank God .
I walk back into my room and close the door behind me. Unwrapping the towel from my body, I let it fall to the floor before I move towards the bed and lay myself down.
My heart throbs in my chest but I am not about to back down now.
My phone pings and I see someone has entered the chat.
Shit.
I cast my eyes at the username.
DenyarH.
I roll my lips, fingers fumbling for the dildo and clit stimulator.
DenyarH: Evening, James_xo
Oh God. Am I really doing this?
James_xo: Evening
I watch as the ticks turn pink and then three bubbles pop up.
DenyarH: I see you have switched it on to full control... I am looking forward to this.
My heart flutters in my chest, my stomach twisting in anticipation and I can feel my arousal already coating my thighs.
James_xo: I have, this is my first time using this... so...
DenyarH: Don't worry baby, I’ll go easy on you ;)
Fuck.
James_xo: Do I let you know when I am ready?
I felt like such a dickhead.
DenyarH: No love, it'll tell me when I can start playing.
I nod as if he can see me and drop the phone beside me.
Parting my legs, I swirl my trembling finger over my clit, warming myself up. Not that I needed to, my finger glides through my pussy like silk.
I was wet.
And it was all because of Nate.
I know this is wrong, but it's not wrong if I am imagining everything is him, is it?
My other hand stretches for the toy, and I inhale as I slip the dildo part of the toy into my soaked pussy and position the vibrator on my clit.
I count to five and lift my phone.
DenyarH: There we go, are you ready for me to make your legs tremble?
I have no idea who I am talking to, but it was hot, nonetheless.
James_xo: Yes.
Because what else was I meant to say.
DenyarH: Good girl, I am going to talk you through it, tell you what I wish I was doing to you whilst your pussy is getting fucked by me.
And I clench my pussy around the toy, my clit throbbing and I know I’ll probably cum in five minutes.
DenyarH: Already tightening your pussy, this is going to be fun.
I don't reply. Just wait.
Within seconds, the dildo pulses inside of me, stroking my walls and rubbing my g-pot and before I can even have a minute to enjoy the pleasure that burns through me, the vibrator buzzes, pulsating against my clit and a moan slips past my lips.
My eyes roll in the back of my head as I let myself relax, my hips rotating and the want to touch it to feel what it is doing if high, but I don't.
My fingers curl around the comforter beneath me, my eyes fluttering closed as I start to think of Nate, back at the club.
But instead of telling me he won't touch me, he does.
His fingers skim over my hips, trace the curve of my ass before slipping between my legs from behind, rubbing my pulsing clit through the lace material.
“Oh God,” I widen my legs, lifting my pelvis as I roll my head, looking down between my legs and my lips part as I watch my pussy getting fucked by a complete stranger who is controlling it through an app.
Glancing at my phone, I see an onslaught of messages.
DenyarH: I bet you look so pretty right about now.
DenyarH: Just imagine my tongue is stroking your clit, my fingers buried deep inside your tight pussy.
DenyarH: Are you close baby? Am I close to making you cum?
And as I read the last message, the pulsing becomes more intense, faster, rubbing the burning ache. It's too much but not enough at the same time. My hips rotate, my pussy grinding over the cool, silver dildo as the vibrator is still softly assaulting my clit.
DenyarH: I'm removing my tongue, slipping my fingers from you as I move my hot mouth to your nipples, sucking them into my mouth.
As I read his words, my hand is on my breasts, kneading and rolling my nipples between my fingers.
DenyarH: My cock is so hard for you, practically dripping with pre-cum and desperate to be deep inside your hot, wet, tight cunt.
I moan, widening my leg as I feel the toy slip deeper inside of me, pulsing in and out.
DenyarH : I'm climbing between your legs, teasing the head of my cock in your pussy, teasing you whilst my tongue wraps around your pert nipples.
Oh God.
Oh God.
DenyarH: Imagine I am slowly pushing into you, stretching you out until you can't take no more.
Why is this so hot.
I am clammy.
My skin on fire.
Pussy throbbing with an ache for release.
DenyarH: My thumb is rubbing your swollen clit, and my cock is slipping in and out of you at a slow pace, in and out, in and out.
My moans echo around the room and I take one last glance between my legs.
DenyarH: You're going to come aren't you? My cock is pounding you now, my skin hitting yours.
I don't care how bad this is, because before I can even think about it a moment more, my orgasm is shattering me into a million pieces, the vibrations on my clit faster, burning in the most delicious way as the dildo has sped up, gliding in and out and my pussy is aching.
DenyarH: I’m spilling my hot cum into you, filling you to the hilt.
DenyarH: I’m coming so hard into my hand, fuck, I wish I was with you.
I finally come back down from my earth-shattering orgasm. I glance at the phone and my chest is rising and falling quickly.
DenyarH: I hope your first time was memorable.
James_xo: It was...
James_xo: Thank you.
I click out the chat, closing the app and removing the toy before taking myself and my toy to the bathroom. I clean myself and the toy up before I pack it away and slip it back into my drawer.
My whole body is still tingling and suddenly I need more.
But I fear this will never be enough.
I fear that I will never get over never having Nate.
Even if it was once.
Once would kerb my addiction.
Just. One. Night.
I pick my phone up and look at it in disgust, what did I do.
Sighing, I open the messages and type out to Brooke.
Me
Wow.
She reads it instantly.
Brooke
Told ya xo.
Throwing the phone back onto the bed, I grab some fresh pyjamas and move myself downstairs. I grab a glass of water and then sit on the sofa before dragging one of the cosy blankets out from the basket and covering myself up.
I wasn't cold.
But I still felt tingly and sensitive, plus the blotchy skin on my chest tainting me with my post orgasm and I didn't want Nate to know what I had been doing.
It was like a dirty secret.
My cheeks flamed and I still when I hear the sound of a car. Lifting my head from the sofa I look out the large window and relief sweeps over me when it's not Nate.
Flicking the television on, I flick through the channels aimlessly and nibble on the inside of my bottom lip.
I wish my dirty ten minutes helped me feel better, but it's just made the desire grow and I honestly have no idea how much longer I can refrain from being with him.
I scoff.
He wouldn't let it happen.
He is too in his head.
He is the sensible one, and I suppose in a way I kind of am too, but I would let it happen. I would have the 'fuck it' moment, but he wouldn't.
He didn't seem the ‘ fuck it’ moment type of guy.
But who knows.
Maybe it will get too much for him.
I slam my hand down on top of the covers just as I land on Friends and I smile, my comfort show. Snuggling down under the covers, my belly rumbles and I am so ready for dinner.
Sighing, I push the last half an hour out of my head and focus on the tele knowing full well that he will no doubt be home any minute.
NATE
Pulled over in an empty parking lot, my cock in hand as I viciously jerk myself off.
I shouldn't have participated.
But as soon as the phone pinged up that she had made an account, I was intrigued.
She was putty in my hands.
If I couldn't have her the way I wanted her, then I would have her secretly.
Over a screen.
Controlling everything.
Pulling my boxers up just as I explode, I’m like a schoolboy coming in his underwear and trying to hide it.
My cheeks are red, lips parted and sore from the constant lip biting and my eyes are pinned to the phone screen and I hate that she has left, but excited to get home to see how she looks, to see what she's wearing, to see whether her orgasm will be evident on her face.
Letting my breathing calm, I eye over my shoulder then push my foot on the gas and head down the winding roads to go back home to our cottage where she is waiting for me.
I was starving.
The drive was short, and I was relieved to pull onto the drive, switching the lights off on the jeep then cutting the engine.
I needed a shower.
How the fuck did I let myself get so pent up.
Sighing, I reached for the takeout bag and slammed the car door. I gazed into the living room and smiled when I saw Friends playing in the living room, my comfort show.
Unlocking the door, I shut it softly behind me and call out, “I’m home.”
I feel like an ass because of course she knows that I am home.
“Hey,” she calls out as she begins to move towards the kitchen to pull the warm plates from the oven and putting them on the work surface before turning and grabbing knives and forks.
Once she is turned, my eyes sweep across her and I notice her little outfit.
Frilled shorts, matching tank with pretty little pink hearts fluttered over, ass creases hanging out and my cock twitches.
“I'm just going to jump in the shower... be dishing up.”
She spins to look at me, blinking and her blue eyes look misty and I give her a knowing smile.
The orgasm wrecked her.
“Oh, okay,” she says quietly and goes to put the plates back in the oven.
“Honestly don't wait,” I say quickly before I move upstairs and begin dragging my tee over my head, tossing it in the corner of the hallway. Once I am on the landing, I unbuckle my jeans and kick them off and then slam the bathroom door behind me.
I peel my cum filled boxers off, pushing them down my thick thighs and leaving them pooled on the floor. Turning the faucet on, the hot water spurts from the head almost instantly and I step under it and groan as the water hits my sore muscles.
I'm tense.
I know I am tense. I can feel it in my shoulders, my neck, my back.
The sofa definitely isn't helping but I'm not about to let her sleep on it.
I clean myself and wash my hair knowing full well I’ll be washing it again in the morning but I needed to clean myself of the day.
Turning the faucet off, I grab the towel and wrap it around me and her scent consumes me in an instance.
She smelt so good.
Like sunsets.
Meadows.
Boating on the lake.
Sun lotion.
Star gazing.
Cloudy lemonade.
All of the stuff that made your day a little better because the sun was shining, that's what she smelt like, sunshine and summer and I couldn't even describe it if my life depended on it.
Drying myself then running it over my hair, messing my dirty blond into a tousled mess before wrapping it around my waist.
I moisturise my skin then remove my contacts before I slip my glasses back up my nose and a sigh vibrates through my chest.
My palms are pressed against the marble of the sink unit and my head drops softly before my eyes move to my left hand, the gold band I have become so fond of wrapped around my finger.
Inhaling heavily, I stand and move towards her bedroom and open the closet. I grab a pair of gray sweatpants and slip them up my legs and move back to the bathroom to hang my towel up.
I pick up my discarded clothes and dump them in the black laundry bag in the bottom of the closet then turn and look at her bed.
Bedsheets and comforter crumpled, and I can just imagine her fingers curled as she grabbed the bedsheets, her orgasm exploding inside of her and I wish I could have seen her.
Wish I could have watched the way her mouth dropped as she came undone.
At home I would have been able to log into the camera and watch as I controlled the toy that ruined her inside and out, I would have been able to watch as she moaned and whimpered as I brought her pleasure without her even realizing it was me.
Shaking my head, I push the thoughts to the back of my mind and make my way downstairs.
I see her back and cosy on the sofa, smiling at Friends and I love this episode, the one where Ross and Rachel finally get their shot at it.
“Hey,” I turn to see the plates back in the oven, warming. “Why aren't you eating?” My brows pinch and when she finally looks at me, I am sucked straight into her soul through her glassy blue eyes.
“I wanted to wait,” and she shrugs her shoulders if it’s not a big deal.
But it is a big deal.
To me it is anyway.
“Oh,” is all I can muster, and I move through the archway and into the kitchen, opening the oven and then popping the oven gloves on. Placing the plates on the work surface she finally follows me and begins unpacking the cartons.
I watch intently, her facial expressions changing ever so slightly as she places them in size order, making sure they're lined up perfectly.
I smile, because I would do exactly the same.
Getting the knives and forks back out, I place them next to the plates and head for the refrigerator.
“Beer?”
She looks up at me, cheeks a little rosy and she nods.
Grabbing two, I twist the caps and then slide one across the work surface which she grabs and takes a sip of.
“So good,” she licks the excess off her lips, and I am jealous suddenly. “Want me to dish up?” she asks, and I shake my head.
“I'll do my own if that's okay?” and she just stares at me for a moment then gives a shallow nod before turning her focus onto the cartons and begins to dish up.
Noodles. Rice. Egg roll. Dumplings. Sweet and sour chicken.
Luckily, we both liked the same thing.
I watched carefully as she scooped her food out, placing it on her plate in separate piles and then topping it with sticky sauce.
My stomach grumbles and it's not until now that I have realised just how hungry I am.
She grabs two fortune cookies then swipes her knife and fork up as she takes a bite into her cookie, and I can't stop staring.
She catches me and freezes, beautiful blues widening. Her cheeks pinch and I give her a wink which only causes the blush to paint across her apples further.
“Nothing,” I answer her silent question and she ducks out the room but not before grabbing the bottle neck of her beer.
Once she is sitting on the sofa, cosied up under her blanket, I dish my dinner up.
Food all separated, and I place the sauce pot on my plate so it's not touching anything else. I eye the fortune cookies and as much as I would like to try one, I don't take one.
I'm funny about things being touched, with the exception of certain people.
I hate that I have put James in my danger circle as such, but I know as time goes on, she'll slip out of that circle and move over with the rest of the gang.
I just need time.
A lot is changing and quickly and I am still trying to keep up with it all, still trying to let things settle inside of me.
My chest aches but I ignore it.
I know it's my heart reminding me that it is still capable of love, that it's still valid, it's still there... waiting.
Grabbing my bottle, I follow her out the room and I see her eyes follow me as I sit on the armchair opposite her.
“Do you want me to move?” she asks, legs sprawled out in front of her and tucked under the blanket, a mouthful of noodles, eyes glistening.
“No baby, you're fine.”
Her mouth stops chewing for just a moment and if I wasn't watching her as intently as I was, I would have missed it.
She begins to chew again, her head slowly turning to face the tele.
“Do you want to watch something else?” she places her fork down and then lifts the television remote and hovers it over the coffee table.
I shake my head from side to side and break the eye contact between us.
“Leave it, Friends is my comfort show,” and she blinks a couple of times, like our souls have aligned for just a second.
“It's mine too,” she twists her noodles onto her fork before she sits wide-eyed at the tele.
I know .
“And I like to game,” I slip in and she nods, but this time she doesn't look at me.
“I know, I have seen your computer thing in the living room...” she pauses for a moment and scoops a spoonful of rice up, holding it in front of her lips. “I like gaming too, but maybe not the same as you. I like to play The Sims ... but not had much of a chance to play,” she shrugs her shoulders up and that does surprise me. I didn't know she gamed and for some reason there was something that made my chest ache heavily at finding out that I didn't know.
I just give her a nod, then taking a mouthful of noodles and washing it down with a beer.
We sit silently and eat as we immerse ourselves in the tele, in our comfort show.
And for the first time in a long time, I’m happy... content.
Once finished eating, we cleaned up and I fell back into the armchair, James dozing in front of the tele and my heart swells in my chest.
I've watched her sleep through the cameras many a time, but to actually watch her fall asleep with my own eyes, well, it's completely different.
I cross my feet at my ankles, and I am slouched against the back of the chair, my long finger tapping against the neck of my bottle.
Her breaths are shallow, mouth closed but I can hear her breathing through her nose. She is on her side, head nestled into the large scatter cushion.
Friends repeats are playing in the background still, but I’ve turned the tele down so it's only our breathing that we can hear.
I needed to move her, but I didn't want to move her at the same time.
I bring my bottle to my lips and take a small mouthful, and debate what I should do.
Do I move her, having her that close to me, risk having her arms lock around me, hands on my chest...
Or do I sleep here and leave her on the sofa.
Not ideal, I’ll wake stiff and aching but to be close to her, even though we have a rug and coffee table between us, I’m still closer than I have been in the whole time we have been together.
A soft whimper leaves her lips, and she rolls slightly, her leg moves and the blanket slips off her body and onto the floor.
I take another mouthful of beer and then lean forward, placing my near to empty bottle onto the coffee table and drum my finger against my lip before rubbing and pulling on my bottom lip.
Her shorts have risen and my greedy eyes roam over her long, toned milky legs.
I smirk, letting my eyes reluctantly lift to her face.
How can one woman be that beautiful.
She puts the rest of them to shame.
How was that fair?
I sigh, letting my eyes fall to my own body.
I didn't miss the way she sneaked a look when she could, I done it on purpose.
I wanted her to look at me.
My cock twitches and I watch it bob underneath the material of my gray sweatpants. Pushing up, I can't be selfish, I bend and pick the blanket up and cover it over her, my fingertips brushing against her bare skin on her thigh and I have to restrain myself.
The control it takes for me not to kiss her, waking her up and telling her to trust me. I would cup under her chin, lifting her head back and asking her to open wide, she would know what was about to happen and she would do as I asked like a good girl. I would guide my long, thick cock into her mouth and sink it down her throat, my hand stayed cupped around her chin as I feel each time she swallows down or gags.
My fingers automatically drift to her face, a soft stroke against her delicate cheek has my heart stuttering in my chest and cartwheels in my stomach.
Dragging my eyes to the screen, I zone out for a while longer and just sip my beer.
Maybe I would just leave her... maybe.