Chapter 18
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Sophia
It takes us two hours to run to the nearest store to buy a few supplies and things for dinner and breakfast and then one more hour to get to the campground and pick up our tents. Penn somehow has them all put up in a matter of forty-five minutes.
And by dinnertime, we’re all sitting around a campfire roasting hot dogs and marshmallows because Jordan requested we do this the proper way. That was followed by a debate between Jordan and Penn on what exactly the proper food was for camping, and in the end, I grabbed things and threw them in the cart, stating that “M was taking over and that’s what was for dinner.”
“What’s that sound?” Rex asks as we hear something behind us.
“Probably a raccoon or something,” Penn says, shrugging as he turns his hot dog.
“Do raccoons make that much noise?” I whisper, turning to look behind us.
“I mean…they can,” Penn answers.
“What other animals are out here?” Jordan asks before grabbing his burnt hot dog and slathering it with mustard.
“Bears, maybe like a deer or something, or a bobcat?” Penn suggests.
“Fuck no! I’m sleeping in the car. Bears and bobcats?” Rex says standing suddenly.
“Dibs on the passenger seat,” Jordan says. “It reclines all the way.”
“Tate,” I whisper as I look into the woods, hearing another rustle of leaves. I take a step closer to him.
“Get behind me, Soph,” he says quietly as he puts a hand out, guiding me to stand behind him.
“I have a stick,” Penn says from our left.
“Great, what are you going to do, smack the bear?” Tate hisses, his hand now gripping my arm.
“This was a horrible idea. There are no stars. I swear it’s going to rain. So much for perfect camping weather.” I give a scathing look to Penn who shrugs. “And we’re probably getting eaten by a bobcat,” I groan, suddenly feeling like an idiot for coming on this ludicrous road trip. Then I yelp as an animal walks out of the underbrush.
All of us freeze and Penn shines a flashlight on it.
“Oh shit!” Tate yelps as a skunk walks by us.
We all jump back, clearing out the camp in less than five seconds flat. Penn hides behind the car and Tate and I take shelter behind a large rock.
“What the fuck was that?” Jordan asks as he cracks open the door. He’s somehow made a bed across the front seats and Rex has the back seats folded down with a bunch of blankets and bags tucked between them to make one giant bed for his tall frame. Neither looks comfortable, but I suppose they’ll make it work.
“A motherfucking skunk, that’s what,” Penn says.
The skunk is unfazed as he walks right through the middle of our camp and then back into the woods on the other side of the clearing.
We all breathe a sigh of relief when it doesn’t spray any of us.
“Well, that was…fun…” Penn says as a raindrop falls on my cheek.
“Shit, it’s raining,” Tate states. We glance at the car but there’s no room. A crack of lightning in the distance sends Penn, Tate, and me scurrying into tents. The sky opens and rain pours down on us.
“Sorry, guys. The tents are waterproof though,” Penn yells as he gets in the nearest one.
“This way,” Tate says as he opens the largest tent, and we dive inside.
I zip up the door behind us and we both sit panting in the middle of the tent. Our clothes soaked. My hair sticks to my face. I’m about to offer to go to another empty tent but my phone buzzes in my pocket.
I pull it out, grateful it’s dry. It’s Cal.
I pick it up. “Cal?” I say loudly.
“Mom? What’s all that noise?” he asks.
“It’s raining. What’s up, sweetie?”
“Is Tate there? I have a question for him,” he says.
I roll my eyes and hand the phone to Tate. “It’s for you,” I say dryly.
“Hello?” Tate answers. He listens for a moment. I can’t really make out any words over the rain, but after a few seconds, he smiles. “Sure, buddy. I’d love that. We get back in a few days. I’ll try to make time before I leave or I can come back another time.”
He’s quiet for a few more seconds. “Sure thing. You want to talk to your mom?” He pauses. “Oh, OK. I’ll tell her. Oh, hey, Lizzie. Yes. We just saw a skunk. Yep. A real one. I know, right? Yeah, she’s here. Hold on.”
He hands me the phone grinning. I raise a curious eyebrow as I take the phone. “Lizzie?”
“Hey, Mom. How are you?” Lizzie asks.
“Good. How’s camp? How’s Dad’s?”
“It’s great. We miss you. Tate said you saw a skunk,” she says excitedly.
“That we did. I’ll tell you all about it when we get back in a few days,” I say. “It’s raining pretty hard, kiddo. Can I call you guys back tomorrow?”
“Sure. Have fun!” she says.
“Love you guys,” I add.
“Love you too, Mom,” Lizzie and Cal both yell into the phone before hanging up.
I place the phone back in my wet pocket and then pull it out and place it in a dry corner of the tent. I shiver as I realize how cold it is.
“Your kids are cute,” Tate states.
“I s-suppose s-so,” I stammer as I shiver, wrapping my arms around myself to keep warm. “F-fucking P-Penn and h-his d-dumb ideas.”
Tate chuckles and begins to take off his wet shirt. Shit, why now? It’s bad enough I know how his lips and tongue feel on mine, but now I have to see him half naked again? Thanks, universe, for the continued torture.
“Come here. We need to stay warm,” Tate urges as he presses his body against mine, enveloping me in his warm embrace.
I shiver against his chest, his hands running up and down my drenched t-shirt.
“Soph, we need to get this wet shirt off you,” he says against my ear.
I tense. He hasn’t seen me naked like that. My white sports bra has got to be see-through at this moment. Ugh!
“I won’t look. I swear,” he promises as he starts pulling at the hem of the top. I hate that he’s right. I would rather accidentally lose my shirt in front of my neighbors than be here half naked against him. What is he going to think of my stretch marks and my saggy skin?
I begrudgingly hold up my arms and he pulls the shirt off. It lands with a wet thump on the tent floor as he presses me back to him. Then he pulls down his shorts and tosses them to the side. I feel his fingers against my shorts buttons. He fumbles as he undoes them, and they fall to the floor.
“Come on, under the sleeping bag,” he urges as he tugs me down, unzips the bag, and gets inside, helping me lie next to him before he throws the top back over us.
We lie there shivering against each other.
“What’s your earliest memory?” he asks, his hot breath warming the shell of my ear.
“What?” I ask confused as I crane my neck to look up at him.
“Your earliest memory,” he repeats.
I lean my head back on his chest as I think. Is he trying to distract me? Because it’s working.
“Uh, I was maybe two or three. My older brother, Casey, chased me and I fell and cut my head. I had to get five stitches,” I say.
“Really?” he asks.
I nod and take his hand, running his finger over the scar just above my left ear. He feels it and keeps his hand there.
“He felt horrible. So, the next day when he went with his friend to the county fair, he won me this enormous stuffed bear. I still have it,” I laugh.
“He sounds like a good brother,” Tate says.
I shrug. “He has his moments.”
“He lives near you?” Tate asks.
I shake my head. “He works in marketing up in Boston. But we see each other at Thanksgiving when our little sister, Henley, hosts it.”
“You’re lucky to have siblings,” Tate says quietly.
“You don’t, do you?” I ask as I frown, trying to remember what I know about Tate. He’s talked about his grandparents, but not much about his parents.
“No, at least not that I know of,” he answers.
“What’s your earliest memory?” I ask.
He’s quiet for a long beat and I want to recall my question because I can feel his entire body go rigid beneath me.
I lift my head and stare down at him. “What’s wrong?” I whisper as I search his eyes.
He swallows. “My earliest memory is CPS coming to my house,” he states.
Fuck. I didn’t know about that.
“I—I’m sorry,” I manage as I touch his cheek, wishing I hadn’t opened my big mouth.
“It’s OK. You didn’t know. No one does. I don’t talk about it. My records are sealed,” he says.
I lean my head back down and hug him. He hugs me back.
“You can talk about it if you want. I won’t tell anyone,” I offer. “Or you don’t have to,” I add quickly, realizing I sound like an idiot.
His hand rubs my arm. He’s quiet and I think he’s not going to talk, but then he does. “I was four. I had just started school. I know my mom sometimes acted weird, but I loved her. One day she forgot to pick me up because…being high does that to you. Anyhow, my teacher was worried, so she called CPS. And that was the start of the end. Or at least the end of my living with her. She went to rehab a few times. Got too fucked up later on and died in a car accident when I was twelve. My grandparents took me in when I was seven and raised me.”
“What about your dad?” I ask.
“I never met him. Hell, I don’t even know if he knows I existed. I’ve never gone looking. I just…I don’t want any more disappointment,” he admits.
I don’t know what comes over me, but I place a soft kiss on his chest. “I’m sorry,” I murmur.
Tate suddenly rolls us over and hovers over me, staring down at me with a look that I can’t decipher.
“Never be sorry, Sophia,” he says as he searches my eyes. I can see the hurt boy inside him. I haven’t noticed it before. Well, hell, I haven’t really looked. But so many things make sense now.
“Is…that why you want a family?” I ask.
He nods. “Yeah.” He pauses and he tips his forehead down to mine.
“It’s OK to want what you never had,” I whisper.
“Do you have any idea how wonderful you are?” he asks as he runs his nose along mine.
“What?” I ask, startled by his words. But then a loud clap of thunder outside has us both jumping. I start to scream in surprise when Tate’s lips land on mine, dousing my scream as his tongue runs over mine.
I don’t know if it’s lying here in my underwear with him, the storm, the sharing of childhood stories and deep truths, or the half a beer I had with my hot dog, but I find myself closing my eyes and kissing him back. His mouth feels so warm against mine, even warmer than our acting kiss. One hand runs over my body as the other supports his weight. He traces my side and I melt into his touch. His fingers run along the underside of my breast, his thumb grazing my erect nipple. Holy shitballs! I’m making out with Tate.
A guttural sound leaves his throat as he palms my breast. I feel his erection dig into my belly as a I release a deep breath. The stories are true. This man is enormous…everywhere. I’ve felt his erection against me when we practiced kissing and in bed earlier but feeling it like this…it feels different, bigger, harder.
His fingers skate down my abdomen and toy with the hem of my soaking underwear. I spread my legs, giving him access. It’s all the consent he needs as his hand dives beneath the wet fabric. His middle finger glides over my folds and I groan into his mouth as he sinks a finger inside me. The palm of his hand presses against my clit, giving me the friction I so desperately desire.
“Yes, right there,” I moan. Who am I? The fleeting thought leaves my head as fast as it entered it because Tate adds a second finger and whatever movement he’s doing down there has me going from zero to sixty in five seconds flat.
“That’s right, gorgeous. Let go, Soph. Let me make you feel good, M,” he whispers in a low voice against my lips. I fall deeper into a sex-laced trance with each one of my nicknames falling from his lips. He curls his fingers inside me as he presses his palm harder into my clit and I explode. He swallows my cry with another deep kiss as I tremble beneath him, my hands gripping his upper arms.
When I finally sink against the ground, I open my eyelids and find him searching my eyes.
“You’re even more gorgeous when you’re coming undone beneath me,” he says with a slow smile and quick kiss to the corner of my mouth.
“Is that a movie line?” I ask, my voice breathy as I try to get air in my lungs.
“No, it’s a Sophie line,” he says, using my pen name.
“If you’re trying to prove that you could play a book boyfriend on the big screen, you really didn’t have to take it so far,” I whisper.
“I’m not trying to prove anything, Sophia, except that I can make you feel good,” he assures me.
And I realize right then and there, I’m so totally fucked. Tate is the real deal. He’s everything I ever wanted and everything I can’t have.