35. Hadley
Hadley
“T hey barely gave you any fries,” Katie says, glancing up for a waiter as we sit down for our impromptu lunch date.
“It’s okay. I’m not that hungry,” I tell her.
Her gaze swings to mine. “Is it another migraine?”
I shake my head. “I drank three different Christmas-flavored mochas this morning.”
“Do you want more coffee? Or hot chocolate? Maybe something else?” Katie grabs the menu she’d asked our waiter to leave so we could order dessert and begins flipping to the beverages.
“Katie?” I ask. “Does this have anything to do with Nolan?”
Her dark blue eyes lift to mine. “I feel terrible. I’m so mad at him for what he did and I don’t want to say I told you so, but I knew he’d ruin everything. Nolan always ruins things, and I’m terrified you’re going to tell me you want to move out and never talk to me again.”
I shake my head. “This won’t impact us at all,” I promise her. “Regardless of what happens.”
“I know you say that now, but once the sadness wears off, the anger’s going to settle in, I know. I’ve been in this position before.”
“Nolan and mine’s situation is a lot different,” I try to say it gently, with kindness and patience for Katie because I know she’s still grieving the loss of the friendship.
Katie shakes her head. “Nolan was selfish and impulsive and said she wanted too much of his time and attention, so he broke up with her.”
I munch through a fry, trying to sort through my confusion. “Is that what she told you?”
“They were fighting all the time. She was constantly crying.”
“I don’t know all the details, and I’m not saying they didn’t both have their faults, but they broke up because she cheated on Nolan.”
Katie jerks her head back. “What?” She looks shocked, confused, and a little apprehensive like she’s not sure she wants to believe me. “He didn’t say anything about that.”
I swallow. “Maybe he was embarrassed. Maybe he didn’t want it to impact your friendship.”
Katie blinks several times, her thoughts clearly everywhere but here in the small dinner. “Why would he have been embarrassed?”
I release a sigh it feels like I’ve been holding for the past seven months.
“Because when someone cheats on you, it’s easy to feel inadequate and wonder if you did something wrong.
Ezra didn’t really move back to Florida,” I admit.
“He and April were sleeping together, and I caught them together last May. He moved to Scotland with her.”
Katie slaps both hands on the table, the sound drawing the attention of several diners. “They did what? He moved where?” She shakes her head. “Do you have any other bombs to drop on me?”
I grin. “Not that I can think of off the top of my head.”
“She cheated on Nolan? Ezra moved to Scotland to be with April?” Her eyes go round. “I’m going to email her right now. I’m kicking her out of the house.”
“It’s okay,” I say, reaching across the table and setting my hand on her phone.
“I didn’t tell you or Hannah because I was embarrassed and I didn’t want you guys to hate her because as much as I want to hate her, I still care about her.
” I shrug. “And I’m hoping karma gives them a severe case of food poisoning. Monthly. For an eternity.”
Katie snickers. “You’re too nice. I’d have kicked her out and spray painted her car so every woman in a relationship knew to avoid her.”
I smirk. “Maybe Nolan knew that’s how you’d feel, and that’s why he didn’t tell you.”
Katie weaves her fingers into her hair. “I wish you had told me about April. We could still get our revenge. She left most of her belongings in the house.”
I chuckle as I reach for my water. “I don’t want to hold a grudge.
I didn’t love Ezra. I just couldn’t believe they were sneaking around behind my back.
I had to get checked for STD’s because I had no idea if she had been checked,” I shake my head.
“And how does a guy sleep with two different women living in the same house? How did she sleep with him knowing he was sleeping with me?” The questions spark the anger I just claimed I don’t want to possess.
“I know they were both at fault, but she was my closest friend, so her betrayal cut a lot deeper.”
Katie nods. “That’s how I felt toward Nolan. Betrayed.” She releases a long and heavy sigh that reminds me so much of Nolan before he left yesterday that my chest constricts, aching from missing him. “But it doesn’t change what he did to you.”
“Since no one knew where he was, I don’t think he was intentionally trying to hurt me.” I still want to defend him. I think I always will.
“Intentional or not, he still ghosted you.”
“And it still hurt,” I admit.
She gives me another sympathetic look.
“But I don’t want you to worry about this impacting your and I’s relationship. It won’t. I swear.”
Katie nods and finally turns her attention to the club sandwich she ordered. “I still think we should do something to get back at April.”
I grin, biting into my BLT. “Ezra’s allergic to grass and pollen, hates taking risks, and whines anytime he has to use public transit or can’t find an internet signal. I’m sure traveling with him is like being stuck in one of the Nine Circles of Hell.”
Katie finishes chewing. “I’m not sure that’s enough.”
Once again, I’m reminded how grateful I am that things didn’t turn out the way I had expected—the way I’d hoped. If April were still here, I likely never would have forced myself out of my comfort bubble to become closer to Katie or Hannah.
We part for afternoon classes where I receive a text from Evelyn with three book title suggestions for our first book club/cookie exchange happening in two weeks. I discreetly look each of them up and place my vote.
I spend the rest of the afternoon trying to focus and take notes, but my efforts are futile.
“Hey,” Hannah calls as I get home. “Something arrived for you.”
“From who?” I ask, taking off my coat.
Hannah tilts her chin. “Who do you think?”
“What is it?”
She grins. “It’s on the table.”
I take three steps before spotting the bouquet of flowers in varying shades of purple.
Weeks ago, while doing homework, a football game was on in the background.
Nolan asked me to pick what team would win, and I picked the team with the purple jerseys, telling him it was my favorite color.
I don’t know if he remembered or if it’s a happy coincidence, but something in my gut assures me it’s the initial.
As Nolan had pointed out, even in the beginning, there was something between us, something greater than either of us—something that makes being apart nearly unbearable.
“That’s not all,” Hannah says, stepping beside me. She points at the wrapped box on the chair. A card is crudely Duct Taped to the top.
“Is it a prank?” I ask.
She shrugs. “Nolan’s pretty smart when it comes to social cues. I don’t think he’d pull a prank right now.”
I open the card to read it first:
Since I’m not here to warm them up.
-Nolan
With my brow furrowed, I tear open the wrapping and discover a box covered in layers of Duct Tape.
“He has to know it’s too soon, right?” Hannah asks, looking less confident as I grab a pair of scissors from the knife block.
I slice open the box and find a dozen pairs of holiday print socks inside that Hannah laughs at as she rifles through the box. But that ache in my chest has returned with a vengeance, feeling like it’s about to swallow me whole.
With my heart beating unevenly, I text Nolan.
Me: Thank you for the flowers and socks.
Nolan: It’s going to be cold tonight. You might need to wear two pairs.
I wouldn’t if he were here.
* * *
I wake up with the startling realization that today is going to be a doozy. Not only do I have to give my final speech today for the first time, but I’m also going to be seeing Nolan in our shared global business class.
I get ready and head downstairs. Over the past several weeks, I’ve begun waking up earlier to have a few extra minutes with Nolan before he leaves. The house is quiet, and the basement door taunts me as I prepare the coffee pot.
I hate that he’s gone.
The doorbell rings, startling me out of my thoughts. It’s loud enough to wake the house. I cross to the front door, hope making each of my footsteps lighter as I look out the window to see who would show up at this hour.
Nolan isn’t outside. No one is.But a bag is sitting by the front door.
I unlock the door and grab the bag that I take with me to the kitchen table where I unpack the same pancakes, breakfast sandwich, and biscuits and gravy that Nolan had ordered when making his first truce following the prank with Lenny.
Katie appears, eyes still blurry. Like me, she needs coffee when she first wakes up.
“You didn’t stay at Carsen’s?” I ask.
Carsen appears behind her, looking at me and then at Katie. “She looks fine to me.”
Katie elbows him, eliciting a grunt.
“Is your family the groveling type?” I ask.
“My dad’s a firefighter. He misses most things.” She points at the flowers and breakfast on the table. “Nolan?”
I nod. “And you asked me to lunch and haven’t stayed at Carsen’s since you guys returned from Indiana…”
Carsen chuckles as he nudges his glasses a little higher. I didn’t know Carsen wore glasses. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him in his pajamas. They’re blue plaid flannel pants with a white undershirt. The only thing I’ve seen Nolan sleep in is sweatpants or completely naked.
Heat gathers in my stomach and I work to distract myself by fixing a cup of coffee. “You guys are fine to stay at Carsen’s. I promise.” I don’t try to say that I’m fine or even okay—I’m not, but I will be.
I take my coffee to the table, grabbing a fork as I go. It feels like forever and just yesterday that I sat down and had breakfast for the first time with Nolan.
“Do you guys want some breakfast?” I ask, motioning to the table.
Carsen sits down before the question is out of my mouth.
Katie and I split the pancakes and biscuits and gravy, Carsen devours the breakfast sandwich, commenting at least a dozen times that it was the best one he’s ever had. I want to text Nolan and laugh about it with him.
While Katie and Carsen discuss their plans for the remainder of the week, I pull out my phone to thank Nolan again.
Me: While I appreciate breakfast, you don’t have to keep sending things.
Nolan: How did your speech go on Monday?
Me: I have to give it again today.
Nolan: Well, then you need to fuel up. Today might be the last speech you have to give for that class.
Me: One can only hope.
While Katie and Carsen finish eating, I ask them to listen to me rehearse my speech, a special occasion piece I wrote for my future niece or nephew, twice.
“You’re going to nail it,” Katie tells me.
Carsen nods, eating the last bite of her pancakes. “It was great. Your pacing is perfect.”
“It won’t be once I’m in front of the class,” I tell them.
“Just imagine it’s us,” Katie says.
“Thanks for listening to me. I really appreciate it.”
“We definitely got the better end of the exchange,” Carsen says, helping me clear the breakfast mess.
“Thank Nolan when you see him,” I tell him. “I’ll see you guys later, and by later, I mean tomorrow. You don’t have to babysit me.” I pull on my jacket and grab my bag.
“Our house is more festive,” Katie says.
“I want you guys here if you want to be here, just don’t stay because you feel like you have to.”
Katie nods.
“Also, I bought the e-copy of the book we’re reading for book club and sent it to you and Hannah last night. It’s in your email.” I pull the front door open. “If you stay tonight, expect a pop quiz.”
She makes a face.
Carsen chuckles.
“Good luck with your speech,” Hannah says from the top of the stairs, still in her pajamas.
I wave, and head for my car.
The Public Speaking classroom is still dolefully beige, regardless of another quickly approaching holiday or the fact we’ve been in class for several months now. I try not to think about it as I take my seat next to Brielle.
“Hey! How are you?” she asks. “Are you feeling better?”
I almost forget I’d told her I wasn’t feeling well on Monday. I nod. “Much. Thanks. How are you?”
“I got your text about book club. Are you sure they won’t mind me tagging along?”
“No. Definitely not.”
“And it’s okay if I buy the cookies I bring?”
I grin. “Yes.”
Her smile grows wider. “Good because I bought the book last night, and I stayed up until almost three because I couldn’t put it down. I’m obsessed.”
Professor Hawkins enters the class, ending our conversation. Her gaze pauses on me for a moment.
For a while, I had hoped that maybe Professor Hawkins would surprise me like a great supporting character from a book or movie, and instead of being the gruff and rigid teacher rumors claim she is, she’d pick me and a few others to mentor and we’d become eloquent and fearless in our pursuit of delivering speeches that would transform the world.
I’m disappointed the rumors are painfully accurate.
“Miss Foster, are you ready today?”
“I am.”
“Then why don’t you kick us off.”
She leans against her desk as I slip out of my seat.
I pull in a breath to steady myself, recalling Nolan’s reaction the first time I’d read it to him, how he’d laughed and smiled, assuring me it was my best work.
I begin talking, welcoming my future niece or nephew.
This speech was my favorite to write and practice because unlike the others that have been about things I want to improve and emulate, this one includes all of my favorite things and is purely me.
I talk about Lanie, Geoff, our family’s business, my parents, how I plan to teach them to cook, and play pranks, and love books as much as I do.
I tell them about friendships and family.
I talk for six minutes without clearing my throat, or stuttering, and I only say um once.
For the first time, I pass a speech on my first try.