36. Nolan
Nolan
“P ayne,” Krueger yells my name from his office.
A dozen guys from the team turn to look at me with raised brows.
“He sounds pissed,” someone remarks.
I pull a team sweatshirt over my head and cross the few yards to his office.
“Door,” Krueger barks.
I turn around and close it, wondering if this is about Saturday night or my missed practice.
Krueger’s gaze remains on the door for several seconds and then he turns to me, the shadow of a smirk on his face.
“I don’t know who’s out there.” He takes a seat at his desk, officially becoming Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.
“I don’t know what you and your friends did, but whatever it is I don’t want to know.
” He pulls a playbook from under his desk.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I say, shaking my head.
He smirks and then his expression turns stoic. “Peters's injury has become aggravated. I’m sorry to say he’s going to have to sit out the rest of the season to get surgery.”
“Effective when?”
“Now.”
I lean back in my chair, relief coursing through me so it feels like my feet aren’t touching the ground. “What does that mean?”
“It means I’m in charge of the offense. I’m meeting with McKinley in two hours to see if he thinks the offense can be ready to implement the two new plays we’ve been working on for Saturday’s game.”
“Does it matter?” I ask. “I mean, will it matter? We’re out of the playoff. The best we can do is make a bowl game”
“We don’t know who’s made it to the playoff game, yet. They still have to win to guarantee their positions,” Krueger says. “As we know, a lot can change with a single game.”
Hope thrums dangerously loud in my chest. “Will we remain benched?”
Krueger’s head snaps up. “Not a chance.” He slides the playbook to me. “I put that new play we drew up a couple of weeks ago in here. I want you to run it by McKinley.” He grabs more playbooks. “If you want to meet and discuss your options for the draft, I’ll make time.”
“You think even after sitting out last week, there’s a chance?”
“I think you’re the only one who doesn't and unless you change that, you're going to sacrifice a lot.” He stares at me for a moment.
“Your future will be my priority, but if you decide you want to stay and play another year so you can graduate, there will always be a place for you on my starting lineup.”
“Thanks, Coach.”
He nods. “Come on. I have to announce this change to the team. Act shocked since I know I can’t pay you to act mournful.” He pushes back from his desk.
Hudson and the others are waiting as I follow Krueger out of his office.
“A quick announcement. We’re about to be royally fucked over because Coach Peters is going to have to sit out the rest of the season.
As you know, his hip injury has continued to worsen, and his orthopedist has informed him he can’t put the surgery off any longer.
We’re going to have a tough time in his absence, but I expect you to all work hard and play with the same level of intensity that you would if he was on the field.
” I’d probably chew my tongue off before offering such a bureaucratic lie, but Krueger does it seamlessly.
He claps his hands. “Get to class. I’ll see you this afternoon. ”
Hudson’s gaze flashes to mine. I know he’s just as shocked as I am.
I tilt my head, indicating for Hudson to follow me to the exit.
It’s cold and dry today, amplified by the wind. Guys from the team file out of the facility and other athletes mill in and out of the nearby dorms. Hudson and I make it to the edge of the Northern Lawn before we stop.
“I can’t believe they were able to pull this off so fast. I thought it would take weeks. It didn’t even take a full day.”
Hudson shakes his head. “I didn’t, either. I thought we might get the chance to play in the bowl game. Shows you how much can change in a day.”
His words resonate in my chest.
“We’re going to need to work hard this week. If we dominate this game, it will reflect well on Krueger, and hopefully, keep him active when Peters returns,” Hudson has his calendar pulled up on his phone. “I’ll see you in a few hours?”
I nod. “I have global business with Hadley.”
“Have you fixed that yet?”
“I’m on my way to do it now.”
“What’s taking you so long?”
I flip him off.
Hudson chuckles. “Make it happen.”
I trek toward global business, debating how long Hadley was hoping I’d reflect. A week? Two weeks?
A lot can happen in a day.
“Nolan!” Katie’s voice stops me. I never see my sister on campus and haven’t seen her at all since Monday morning.
I try and gauge her expression as we walk toward each other.
“Why didn’t you tell me what happened between you and Shelby? Why didn’t you tell me she cheated on you?”
I lean back on my heels. Last year it would have been because hearing my ex’s name felt like a medicine ball to the gut, now, it’s because the line of questioning catches me entirely off guard. The pain is merely a memory, lighter than the wind. “How did that come up?”
“Why didn’t you just tell me the truth?”
I scratch the length of my jaw, recalling the conversation that ended our nearly five-year relationship. “I didn’t want you to hate her. It wasn’t just her fault things ended; she just burned the wreckage before it could sink.”
“Literally,” Katie remarks.
“I thought you guys would work things out. I never expected her to turn her back on you.”
Katie shakes her head. “You should have told me. All this time, I thought you just broke up with her because you were bored, and the girls here chase you around like you’re a celebrity.”
I stare at her. “Is that really what you thought?”
Katie releases a sigh. “It’s what I wanted to think.”
I give an amused laugh.
“Hadley will forgive you, and if you want to move back into the basement once you guys resolve things, it’s yours. Hell, you can move upstairs if you want. I’m planning a bonfire for the contents of the spare room up there.”
“You guys shared a lot.”
She nods. “Don’t do it again, Nolan. Don’t risk her. She deserves more, and so do you.” She stares at me for a long second. “And you might need to pull out a little more than just the usual groveling. You might need a big gesture after this. You were gone over twenty-four hours.”
“I’m a fucking lightweight.”
She snickers. “You were fucking stupid.”
“That, too.”
“If you need my help or want me to put in a good word, just let me know. I’ll do whatever I can to help you win her back.”
I pull in a breath. “I’ll keep that in mind.”
“I’ll see you.”
I nod. “Hopefully sooner than later.”
She gives me a playful punch to the bicep and continues across the lawn. I watch her go, then head for the large brick building my class is held in.
Dark hair and sky-blue eyes catch my attention. Hadley’s holding the door open for a never-ending stream of students.
“You got stuck,” I say, taking the door from her.
Hadley eyes the students flowing from the door and then me. “They’re never going to stop. You’re going to have to let go.”
We have fifteen minutes before class begins. I slowly release the door, forcing the next person exiting to catch it. “Want to grab a coffee?”
Hadley holds up the coffee already in her hand.
“Want to talk?”
She seems to consider her answer for a few seconds before slowly nodding. “Sure.”
We meander, going nowhere in particular aside from away from the high-traffic areas. “How did your speech go?”
Her lips curl and her eyes flash with excitement. “I passed.”
“I knew you could do it.” I hold my hand up for her to give me a high-five. “That’s amazing. You should be proud of yourself.”
She nods, but the fire in her eyes has dimmed. “Why’d you go out? Why didn’t you invite me to go with you?”
Her vulnerability sparks my own. “Hang on,” I set down my bag, and pretend like I’m pulling on boxing gloves.
Hadley furrows her brow. “What are you doing?”
“Preparing for our fight.”
Her eyes grow bright with a spark of humor as she shakes her head. “Maybe you should tattoo them on, so you don’t forget them next time.”
“Maybe.”
She grins a playful smile, and for a minute I don’t want to have this discussion.
I want to sweep this mess under the rug and flirt and banter with her.
I want to kiss her and make love to her and avoid all the shit that life sometimes offers and hold onto the good with her.
But then I recall her words, demanding the bad and the good, and I know I want to be there for her bad days and sad days and best days, and the fact she wants to be there for mine has me swallowing every last bit of my pride.
“Football was supposed to be my ticket to getting into a good college, and that was it. I never thought there would be more—I wanted to believe it, but I never allowed myself to.”
Hadley’s brow furrows with silent questions as her humor disappears. “What do you mean?”
“My dad was one hell of a baseball player. He turned down college because he was drafted by a major league right out of high school and went to play for their farm team, working his way up. He played for seven years and never made it to the major leagues. From the time I was a kid, he’s been telling me to focus on college, get a good degree, and focus on my career because athletes are a dime a dozen. ”
Her frown is sorrowful. “You’re not a dime a dozen.”
“Last Friday, one of my coaches asked if I’d considered entering the draft.
I don’t know how to explain it, but it made everything seem so damn real.
I went home thinking about what would happen if I were to be drafted.
I wouldn’t be able to finish college. I’d leave my friends.
I might never get to play. And I’d leave you.
” Leaving her was the part that had me spiraling.
“Then I realized you already know what you want and where you want to go and even if I do stay and manage to be drafted next year, it still wouldn’t work.
You’d still be going to Vegas, and I’d still be at the will of whatever team will take me. ”
“ Chooses you, ” she says.
“That was why I was a bastard on Friday night, but then Saturday, I let myself believe there was a chance that I could go pro. And that if there was a chance that could happen, there sure as hell was a chance that we could make it work. I could fly you to wherever I was on the weekends, and jet set to Vegas every time I had a day off. I actually believed it, and then Peters benched my ass, and it was as though a black hole sucked every bit of sense and hope from me. By the end of the game, I didn’t feel like I was good enough to even be on the team much less go pro, and all I could think was how you were going to leave, and I spiraled.
I know I fucked up and I know this doesn’t excuse what I did.
If I could rewind the clock and go back to Saturday night, I would, and I’d tell Lenny no and go home to you and sleep off my shitty mood and figure shit out, but unfortunately, I can’t. ”
Hadley shakes her head. “Even Katie thinks you’re going to be drafted. How do you not see how good you are?”
My surprise must show in my eyes because Hadley grins.
“Someone kind of wise once told me I had to stop underestimating myself.” She takes a step closer to me.
“Maybe you have to stop underestimating yourself and what we can do together.” She slides her hands around the back of my neck, and I set mine on either of her hips.
Touching her feels so damn good my entire body seems to sigh.
“I believe in you, Nolan, and I believe in us because you make me feel alive, and safe, and seen in a way that makes me want to hold on to what we have with both hands and never let go.” She tightens her grip.
My heart pounds in my chest as I encircle her waist, pulling her closer. “I don’t want you to ever let go because I’m so damn in love with you, Cutlass.”
Her smile turns radiant. “See? Fighting can be good.”
I tighten my grip as I shake my head and chuckle. I can wait until she’s ready to say the words. I already know she feels them, too. I see them in her gaze when she smiles at me, know it because of the way she trusts me, supports me, cares for me.
Her smile slowly fades, and she stares at me. “I love you, too, Nolan.”
Hearing her say it has me sealing my lips over hers, kissing her like it’s the first time, with my eyes wide open.
Hers are open, too. Only this time, she closes her eyes first and leans into me, trusting me with her whole damn heart.
I close my eyes and brush my tongue along her lips, and moan as she parts them.
We kiss like we’re starved, and then lazily, neither of us wants to part.
I lean my head against her forehead, breathing her in as my heart continues to beat the rhythm that only she can set because she possesses my heart and every other part of me. And I know without a doubt, she always will.