14. Forever
14
Forever
WINTER
There are multiple ways to wake up on your birthday. To say most females don’t usually expect their significant other to try and organize something special for them would be a big fat lie. Maybe he’ll go for a cute and yummy breakfast in bed. Maybe he’ll play with your hair until you wake up. Or maybe he’ll open the door, jump on top of you like a maniac—all the while making sure to bury you under his entire body weight—and scream, “Happy Birthday!”
I should’ve known Haze Adams would choose option number three.
“What part of let me sleep got lost in translation?” I groan and rub my eyes. I told him not to wake me up early on my birthday, which also happens to be my day off this week. Yesterday, he nodded. But did he have any intention of listening? Of course not.
“Sorry, I thought you said ‘please wake me up early so we can do the things my amazing boyfriend has planned for me,’” he says in a ridiculous high-pitched voice.
“I don’t sound like that.” I push him off me.
“I don’t sound like that,” he says, still in his incessant voice, and I chuckle.
“The dinner party is like…” I pause and reach for my phone on the nightstand. “Ten hours away. I have a whole day before what you planned. Good night.” I lift the blanket over my head.
He quickly pulls it off me and swats my cheek with kisses. “You’re adorable.” Kiss. “You actually think…” Kiss. “I didn’t plan…” Kiss. “Anything else.”
I glance at him with a raised eyebrow.
“You didn’t?”
“Oh, I did.”
“What?” I’m a tad more nervous to hear the answer than I should be. If he says bungee-jumping, I’m throwing up on the spot.
“Come on. Get up. Breakfast’s waiting.” He kisses my cheek as a parting gift and carries himself off our bed.
“Wait, you made breakfast?” My stomach grumbles at the mere mention of food. Haze rarely cooks. I know he’s much better at it than me from the number of times he saved me from burning down the apartment, but for some reason, he hates doing it. I smelled food as soon as I woke up but didn’t suspect that he could be behind it. “I thought it was Kendrick.”
“He spent the night at Allie’s. He’s only coming home for your party.” He says before he walks out.
I’ve never run out of my bedroom quicker.
A feast is waiting on the perfectly set kitchen table.
“Do I smell bacon?” I shriek, and he smiles.
Man, our love story is almost as beautiful as my story with food.
“You did all this?”
He nods. “You like it?”
“Do I like it?” I fling my arms around his neck. “Are you serious? This is amazing. I thought you didn’t cook.”
“I do today.” He pecks my lips. “For you.” I could cry when he motions to sit down and serves me. “Now, eat. We have a long day.”
“Nope. No way. You are not blindfolding me.” I run around the kitchen, and Haze chases after me. “That sounds like the beginning of a bad porno.” After we devoured what I can confidently say was the best breakfast I’ve had in a while, he told me to get dressed. He didn’t tell me where we were going, just said to keep it casual and comfortable.
“I promise it’ll be worth it.” He catches up to me and corners me against the front door.
“Whydo you need me blindfolded?”
“I can’t have you seeing where we’re going. It’s a surprise. Please .”
I sigh. He seems to have put a lot of effort into this. Might as well play along.
“Fine.”
Satisfied, Haze wraps the bright red scarf he found in my stuff around my head and ties it into a tight knot.
“I’ll help you to the car.” He captures my hand into his and opens the front door.
“Wait. Why couldn’t you just wait until we got into the car to blindfold me?” I say as Haze leads me to the elevator.
He scoffs. “Where’s the fun in that?”
I roll my eyes. “Jerk.”
“Prude.”
Haze saves me from certain death—and by certain death I mean tripping over flat surfaces multiples times on the way out of the building—and guides me into the passenger seat of his car. He even buckles up my seat belt while poorly muffling his laughter.
“I can hear you mocking me, you know.”
“Congrats. You have ears.”
He shuts my car door. A few seconds later, the driver-side’s door opens, and I hear him get in. We take off in a loud purr.
“Are you ever going to tell me where we’re going?”
“Nope.”
“Can you at least give me a hint?”
He pauses, debating. “It’s something you’ve always wanted to do.”
A million options gnaw at me, but I’ve told this guy about so many of my hopes and dreams in the past that I can’t seem to decide which one is more likely. Hopeless, I force patience upon myself. After a few minutes of silence, Haze scoffs.
“What? What’s so funny?”
“You should’ve seen that lady’s face. Pretty sure she thinks I’m kidnapping you.”
I chuckle, imagining a blindfolded girl randomly sitting in the car next to you in traffic.
“We’re here.”
“Can I take it off?” I urge.
“Not yet.” He parks the car. I’m so excited I shift in my seat and not so patiently wait for him to come and get me. As soon as he does, I word-vomit all the questions raging in my brain, only to get a “You’ll see.” Walking toward the unknown, I hold on to him for dear life.
“Careful, there’s a step,” he warns.
I raise my foot. Nothing. I can’t find anything that even resembles a step.
“Higher.”
Still nothing.
“There’s no step!”
“I know. I just wanted to see you struggle.”
Why am I dating him again?
“I hate you,” I whine, and he laughs, smacking a kiss to my temple.
“There’s a step,” he says again.
Annoyed, I’m careful to ignore him, but my feet hit concrete and I almost trip. Strong arms catch me at the last minute.
“What are you doing? I told you there was a step.” He laughs louder.
“Haze, I swear to God, if I didn’t need your guidance so much, I’d punch you in the face right now.”
“You’re so hot when you’re mad.”
“I’m not with a blindfold on?” I mock.
“Winter, you could wear a potato sack and still turn me on.”
Before I can answer, a door opens and a bell chimes above our heads. I’m assuming we’re in some sort of store. But which store? I’m nowhere near figuring that out.
“Hold still.” He unlatches my hand from his arm, and I feel him untie my blindfold. Bright light hits my eyes.
I blink a few times.
“Can I help you?” A woman’s voice emerges on my right.
My eyes jump to her. The woman behind a large counter.
“Yeah. I have an appointment at 12:30,” Haze says.
The woman says something else and walks off. I didn’t hear a single word. No, I didn’t listen to a single word. I’m way too busy shitting my pants. I’m in a bright red room. Designs and drawings cover every available wall. A bright neon sign hangs above the now deserted counter. Tattoo shop.
“Surprise.” Haze throws his hands up, his voice heavy with doubt.
“You… You can’t be serious right now.” I step back, as if I’m about to sprint out the door. “I… I can’t do this.”
“Yes, you can.”
“No, I can’t.” I shake my head.
“Why not?” He reaches for my hand and laces our fingers together.
“Because I haven’t thought this through. It’s a big decision, Haze. A tattoo’s for the rest of your life.”
“So? They have a bunch of books to show you. I’m sure you’ll find something.”
“And if I don’t?”
“Then we’ll just come back some other time. It’s your birthday gift. Your choice.”
“But… What’s my mom going to think?” I only realize the absurdity of what I’ve just said when I catch Haze’s frown. He knocks some sense into me without speaking. I can’t believe that, after all this time, I still have it in me to worry about this woman’s opinion. After she abandoned me on my birthday too many times to count, after she denied me love and affection during my entire childhood, part of me still wishes, deep down, that she’ll change her mind one day. That she’ll wake up and love me. The way a parent should.
Because even after every fucked-up thing Lauren Kingston has done… she’s still my mom.
“Hey, listen to me.” He moves toward me. “You spend too much time worrying about other people. This is for you. No one else. You said you’ve always wanted a tattoo. Well, now’s the time.”
He’s right. There are so many things I never did because I wanted my mother’s approval. Getting a tattoo was just one item on the list. I also didn’t get my hair dyed. My ears pierced. All because she spent my teenage years calling Allie’s wrist tattoo self-harm and saying colored hair was for attention seekers.
“Isn’t it going to be expensive?” I wince.
“That’s not for you to worry about.”
“But—”
“Winter, stop. I know you want this. Let me give it to you.”
His pale eyes soothe me. I inhale a breath and walk straight into his arms. No warning. He’s surprised but grants me the hug I need, resting his chin on the top of my head.
“Thank you,” I whisper, and he holds me for as long as I want. This is one of the things I’ve always loved about him. Some people merely hug you back . Haze just hugs you.
“Why don’t I get you one of their books?” He smiles when I break free from him. I lose myself in his clear eyes, and the answer comes to me, or rather, it appears to me, because it was always there, hiding in a tiny, isolated corner of my heart—just waiting to reveal itself.
“I don’t need to look at the books.”
His eyes bore into mine.
“I know exactly what to get.”
“Just breathe, okay? You’re doing great,” Haze says, and I make a mental list of all the reasons why I’m an idiot. Getting a tattoo is already a pretty painful experience as it is, but my dumb ass had to go and get one on the left side of my rib cage which ranks pretty high on the don’t get a tattoo here scale. Before we started, I asked Haze what getting his sleeve had felt like. He said it was like getting scratched by a cat a few times. He was right on.
Except that the cat is a tiger.
And a few times is forty-five years.
“How much longer?” I blink back tears.
“Almost done,” Jeff, the person who will possibly be responsible for botching my tattoo and ruining my life, says.
“Why won’t you tell me what you’re getting?” Haze stresses. I told him it concerned us, but insisted on meeting with the tattoo artist alone to share what I had in mind. I also insisted that Haze keeps his distance. I want him to see it when it’s done.
Yes, I’ve been crying like a baby for a few hours, but the good somehow outweighs the bad. I feel free, happy. In a way, I’m rebelling against my mother’s expectations. Finally letting go of my need for her approval.
“Winter, I swear if you’re getting my name tattooed…” Haze warns.
“What kind of idiot do you take me for, Adams?” I turn to Jeff. “Is that even a thing? Do people still do that? Getting someone’s name tattooed?”
The tattoo artist smiles. “Sadly, they do.”
A few more minutes of never-ending pain pass me by before Jeff washes away some of the excess ink on my skin and tells me he’s done. He tells me all about my tattoo aftercare and asks me if he can post the tattoo to his social media. I accept. He puts a filter on the picture in front of me, presses Post, and sends me the final result. Swaying from side to side, Haze can barely contain himself. Then comes the time for the big reveal.
When he sees the ink under my left breast, he exhales a shallow breath, swallowing feelings that escaped his grasp. Somehow, he’s not as flattered as I thought he would be. He seems… rather upset, actually. I tell myself that it’s just a lot to live up to. If he were to dump me, he’d have to live with the fact that I have a constant reminder of him on my body, but it’s my decision, and I stand by it.
He speaks after a while. “You shouldn’t have done that.”
“I wanted to.” I glance down at the picture the tattoo artist sent me in awe. It’s everything I wanted it to be. A single meteor surrounded by stars as it free-falls . A wink to the meteor shower Haze and I saw on the night of our first kiss. Actually, the meteor shower we missed because we were making out, but let’s not get technical.
That night on the beach is the moment that fucked it all up for us. The moment we knew we were screwed. Or at least, I did. Because that’s when I realized that I was falling for the one guy I shouldn’t .
Hard.
Some moments are so precious, some memories so important, that you want them to be more than a part of your story. You want them to be a part of you.
Forever.
And that’s what Haze is.
Just like the ink on my skin…
We’re forever.
Even if I lost him, even if we fell so far from each other that we couldn’t fall back, I’d always have a piece of our story. A story nothing, not even time, could wipe away. He hooks his hand around the back of my neck and crashes his mouth to mine, but somehow, this kiss feels like a promise. Like our lips made a deal. They say birthdays represent moving forward, growing up and welcoming the future.
Mine’s different.
Mine’s a trip down memory lane.
And it’s the most beautiful trip I’ve ever taken.
When I check the time on my phone, I realize that, while I’ve waited a long time for my birthday, time sure didn’t wait for me. It’s already past five and we’re mere hours away from the dinner party Haze organized.
I decided to have two birthday parties this year: one with my friends, and one with my dad and siblings tomorrow. My mom will most likely come up with some last-minute event she can’t get out of. Allie texted me that she and Kendrick will be at the apartment at eight, which means we should probably be heading home soon, but I don’t want this day to end.
After I made a life-lasting decision in a matter of minutes and got a tattoo, Haze took me to one of my favorite restaurants for lunch. We inhaled our body weight in food, talked and laughed for a few hours, and I even got free cake. Then we decided to go for a walk around town . So far, this day has been perfect.
The kind of perfect you usually don’t enjoy while it’s here and miss once it’s gone.
The sky is darkening by the second, here to remind us that, as much as we’d like to, we can’t escape the cold anymore. Soon, we’ll wake up to a pitch-black city, have barely a few hours of sun a day, then go back to complete darkness by 4:00 p.m.
“Is it six already?” Haze’s eyes widen. “We have to go.”
“Back home?”
“Not yet.”
“Then where?” Don’t tell me after all this, he has another surprise for me. My heart can’t handle any more of this cuteness.
“We have one last stop on the list.” He speed walks through the streets, dragging me with him. He knows where he’s going, that much is certain. I did wonder why he insisted on walking in this specific area.
“What? No blindfold this time?” I tease.
“What’s the point? We already can’t see shit. Thanks, Canada .”
Sniggering, I try to keep up with him. Ten minutes of walking lead us to a park my dad and I used to visit often when I was a kid. A water fountain lit up by yellow lights is bordered by a broad concrete path. Surrounded by tall skyscrapers and businesses, the park adds much-needed green space to the working area.
“Cute walk in the park, huh? And you say you’re not romantic.” I rest my head on his shoulder, tangling my arm with his.
“What? No, we’re going to the fishing store close by,” he says, and my mouth drops for a second. Until he laughs.
“Shut up.” I bite back a grin.
The stars are nearly impossible to see, due to all the city lights, but once in a while, I’m lucky enough to catch a glimmer. Haze says they’re planes, but I like to believe they’re shooting stars, passing in my life to remind me that I have nothing to wish for anymore. Haze brings our intertwined hands to his lips and places a kiss upon my knuckles. I look at him and I know…
My wish came true.
I’m so cheesy I think I might puke.
When we get to the fountain, Haze stops.
“Right here,” he says to himself.
“Why here?” I ask.
“Because it’s perfect.”
“Perfect for what?”
He takes a breath. “For this.”
He gets down on one knee.
My heart stops.
“Haze Christopher Adams, what the hell are you doing?” My hand flies to my mouth. He doesn’t speak for a while, leaving me to fend for myself against my last two brain cells.
Then he smiles and takes my hand.
“You know I suck at things like this… but I have to try. Because you deserve it. You deserve someone who tries.” He clears his throat. “My whole life, I thought I was alone. And I was. But… not because people kept on leaving me . Because I kept on convincing myself that they would.” He stops to collect his thoughts. “Before you, I was an asshole. Still am, to be honest.”
I laugh through the tears. Shit, when did I start crying?
“But back then, I was an asshole with a mission. To keep everyone away. No connections, no real feelings. I thought it made life easier.I lived on this fucked-up belief that we come into this world alone, we live alone, and die alone. When Desiree was murdered…” He pauses, needing a second. “I became terrified of loving anyone else. Because I knew how it felt to lose them. To have that void in your chest, eating at you, begging for something that’ll never come back. To have to live with it every day. I thought I couldn’t survive another void. But then… you happened. You just walked straight into my life and called me out on my shit. You challenged me. Made me question everything. And when you kicked down my walls without blinking, I realized that while I’d kept my entire life trying to keep people’s hearts at bay, I should’ve spent more time protecting my own.”
The tears are blinding me.
“I love you. And I want to keep waking up next to you. I want to watch you burn our pancakes, and I want the movie marathon, even the chick flicks where I constantly fall asleep. I want it all. And I want you. Forever. So I’m asking you…” He pauses. “Winter Kingston, will you do me the honor…”
I swear, in that moment, it feels like every never-ending math and history class I’ve ever had teamed up to make this wait unbearable.
His blue eyes collide with mine.
Time stops.
Then he says it.
“Of accepting this dog?”
Wait, what?
I’m so shocked when the words escape his lips that I almost lose my balance, tumbling a few steps until the backs of my knees hit the stone of the fountain behind me.
That’s when I hear a dog’s barking.
I turn around and see Vic, Haze’s friend, standing a few feet away from us. In his arms is a puppy. A Shiba Inu. Exactly the dog I wanted. Speechless, I blink at Haze in disbelief. Since I ended up touching him at the last minute during our dumb game, he told me that I lost and had to kiss my dog goodbye. I was so mad at myself. Was he planning this all along?
He rises from the ground and pulls me closer with one move. “I heard you when you said that we’re too young. And I respect your wishes, so I’ll wait. For as long as it takes. Until you agree to marry me someday. But when you’re ready. And on your own terms. Consider this puppy the first step toward the rest of our lives. My promise to you.” He rests his forehead against mine.
I finally bring myself to speak. “Let me get this straight. You just did this entire speech… to give me a promise dog?”
He stops to think for a second.
“Pretty much.”
God, I love this idiot.
That’s my cue. I start sobbing, and I mean full-blown sobbing. Without giving the waterworks on my face a single thought, Haze slams his lips to mine, his fingers banding around the back of my head. I kiss him back but can barely breathe, trying not to choke on my own mucus. We break away for air.
“You’re crazy,” I say between sniffles.
“Can I say it?”
I immediately know what he means. I usually limit his cheesy lines. But not anymore. Not right now.
“Knock yourself out.”
“I’m crazy for you .”
Laughing, I throw myself into his arms, but I don’t stay there for long. I’m way too excited to meet the new love of my life. Haze motions to come closer, and Vic makes his way to us. My heart threatens to burst out of my chest when he hands me the bundle of energy that is now my baby. The overexcited puppy wiggles around and gives my cheek a long lick.
That’s it. I’m in love.
“Hi, Waze,” I whisper and pet him behind his ears. His wagging tail hits me repeatedly.
“Waze?” Haze mocks.
“Yeah, it’s our ship name.”
“Isn’t that like an app?” Vic mocks.
“Not anymore it’s not.” I shrug, and the guys laugh.
A shiver brushes my finger, and I look down to see a tiny snowflake melting on my hand. Joy floods my chest. It’s snowing—really snowing. It’s not melting this time.
It’s here to stay.
This is the first time Haze’s ever really been in the snow. As any first-timer would, he stares up at the sky and unfolds his hand to catch a bit of magic. A collection of snowflakes trickles down onto his palm. Waze barks as if to remind us of who’s the real star here.
“Waze, meet Haze.” I march toward my boyfriend, who also gets a lick from the agitated pup. Haze laughs and traps my hand into his before saying, “Happy Birthday, Kingston.”