15. Broken
15
Broken
WINTER
“What’s taking so long? They’ll be here soon.” Haze knocks on the door. As soon as we got home, I ran into our bedroom in the hope of finding a decent dinner party outfit. I’m guessing I should make an effort at least once a year and that “once a year” should probably be my birthday.
“I have nothing to wear.” My eyes wander around the floor, where the majority of my closet now lies. Haze swings the door open, crosses his buff arms over his chest, and leans against the doorway.
“What’s wrong with that?” I catch his perverted smile.
I grin and turn to Waze, who’s sitting on our bed with his tongue out. After he ran around his new home for a good half hour, he found happiness in our bedroom, which is where he’ll be sleeping from now on since I’m never parting from this dog again.
Haze told me on the way home that he decided to get me Waze weeks ago. He pretended he didn’t want a pet and agreed to play my stupid game entirely so I wouldn’t suspect his gift. As for the rather hot game he came up with? He just said a guy knows an opportunity when he sees one. Is anyone surprised? Didn’t think so.
I was a bit worried about the barking when we came home, but Haze said he’d already talked to the tenant downstairs. Turns out our neighbor is a lovely seventy-year-old half-deaf woman who didn’t even know people had moved in upstairs.
“What do you say, buddy?” I say to Waze as I hold up a black dress under my chin.
He tilts his head to the side.
“Good point. Too dark.”
Haze snorts. “You’re talking to the dog now? How many conversations am I going to get left out of?”
“Only the ones in which you’re not helping.” I pick up my second choice: a pale blue dress. “How about this one?”
Waze barks.
“Yeah, that’s the one. Thanks.”
Haze laughs as I change out of my clothes and slip into the dress. We hear the front door close.
“We got the stuff you wanted from the store,” Kendrick calls from the kitchen. “For God’s sake, are we feeding a country?” I scoff at his exaggeration. We asked them to get some bread and a bottle of wine— big deal.
“Just Winter,” Haze teases. “So, yeah,we are.”
I punch him in the arm on my way to the kitchen. The new addition to our family doesn’t miss a beat and follows us.
“There’s my favorite roommate!” Kendrick braces his grocery bags on the counter and drops to his knees. Waze enthusiastically runs to him, not giving a single thought to the fact that Kendrick is basically a stranger. Waze is more than a friendly dog. Waze is that dog who chills with the robbers and shows them the best things to steal around the house.
“Wait. You knew?”
Was I the only one completely clueless here?
“Of course I knew. He told me weeks ago. This one can’t keep a secret to save his life.” Kendrick mocks Haze, whose only reaction is to smile awkwardly and turn away.
Kendrick gets back up and pulls me into a quick embrace. “Come here, you. Happy Birthday.”
“Thanks.” I smile. “Hey, where’s Allie?”
“She had to take a call. She’ll be right up,” Kendrick explains. “Smells good in here. What’s for dinner? You still haven’t told us what Haze’s cooking.”
We stashed some of the food we ordered into the fridge while we waited for them to get here. I could hardly see myself leaving all that expensive food out on the table for an hour.
“Why does it have to be Haze? Is it so hard to believe that I cooked?”
Kendrick raises an eyebrow. “Well, yeah. Considering there isn’t any sign of a fire.”
Haze muffles a laugh, and I elbow him.
“None of us cooked. We were out all day. We ordered in,” I say. Kendrick doesn’t have a chance to reply, cut off by a loud, insistent knock on the door.
At first, I find it weird that Allie would knock.
Then I understand. My instincts were right.
She wouldn’t knock.
And the person hounding my door isn’t Allie at all.
“Stop. You need to go home. Now!” is the last thing I hear before the door bursts open and someone tumbles into my apartment.
Caleb.
Correction: a very drunk Caleb.
Squeezing a liquor bottle, he can barely stand. Allie comes in seconds after him, out of breath and panicked.
“Cale, you need to go. I’m serious.” She turns to us. “I’m so sorry. I couldn’t stop him.”
He must’ve been the one she was talking to on the phone.
“A tattoo?” Caleb shouts so loud I jump back a step. “You let her get a fucking tattoo?”
We all follow his hateful glare to Haze. So many questions emerge in my head. How does he even know about that?
I glance over at Allie, who shamefully stares at her feet. He found out from her. Only logical explanation. I texted her a picture of my tattoo as soon as we left the shop. Told her all about its meaning.
“Since when do you have a dog?” Caleb spits at the sight of Waze.
“Today. Haze got it for my birthday,” I reply.
Caleb’s eyes burn with fury. “Are you fucking serious right now? A dog and a tattoo? How far are you going to take this?”
What’s his problem with Haze?
“Cale, please, it’s her birthday. Don’t do this,” Allie begs.
“You think I don’t know that? I know it’s her fucking birthday.” He turns to me. “We used to spend all of them together, remember? Or did your perfect boyfriend make you forget that, too?”
Guilt twists my stomach.
“How long are you going to keep this up, huh?” Caleb shouts at Haze again. I expect for Haze to be unaffected, careless. What I sure as hell don’t expect… is the look in his eyes.
He’s scared.
No, he’s terrified.
“How many more ways are there for you to lie to her?” He rushes forward and pushes Haze, who barely loses his balance.
What the fuck?
It’s probably just drunk blabber. Don’t panic.
I frown. “Lie to me? What is he talking about?”
“Tell her!” Caleb pushes him again. This time, Haze pushes him right back without batting an eye. Caleb almost falls backward, gripping the closest piece of furniture.
“Tell me what?” It’s my turn to yell.
Haze can’t even look at me.
“What is he talking about?” I repeat.
“Tell her or I fucking will,” Caleb barks. When no answer comes from Haze, Caleb continues. “He’s lying to you, Winter. The bastard’s been lying to you for months.”
I shake my head. “What? No. He wouldn’t do that.”
Haze’s gaze finally meets mine. His eyes are red, his jaw clenched. He doesn’t speak. But his eyes do.
They’re filled with anger, pain…shame?
“I followed him. A few days ago, when you were at Allie’s. I followed him to his so-called job .” He makes air quotes with his fingers. “And you want to know what I found out?”
“That’s enough.” Haze threatens Caleb with a step, but Caleb walks out of his reach.
“He never ever went to the auto shop. He probably doesn’t even work there.”
“Caleb, stop!” Haze growls, but I can hear the desperation in his tone. He’s begging him. Unfortunately for Haze, there’s no compassion, no second chances to be found in Caleb’s eyes. Nothing but pure anger.
“Tell her. Tell her why you really came to Canada. Tell her the truth for once in your goddamn life.”
I keep waiting to wake up from this nightmare. For Haze to give me a rational explanation or deny Caleb’s accusations, but he never does.
Instead, he reaches for my hand. “Baby, please, just… come with me. I’ll explain everything. Just let me take you somewhere else.”
“No, tell me here.” I move away from his grasp, growing terrified.
Caleb pulls his phone out before I can blink.
That’s when I hear it.
The voice.
“Yeah. I just need you to cover for me if she calls.”
Haze’s voice.
Caleb flips his screen over to us.
It’s a recording.
Color instantly spills out from Haze’s face.
“You don’t get it… I can’t. And even if I could, what the hell would I say? ‘Hey, babe. You know how I moved to another country with you and said it was because I love you? Well, I lied.’”
I stop breathing.
“The real reason I came with you is because I found out my sister’s killer might be here. Yes, I’ve been looking for him. For years, actually, and I never told you.”
Anything he says after that is a blur.
Tears fill my eyes, and my throat starts to hurt so bad I’d rip out my own vocal cords if I could.
I take my lower lip between my teeth in a miserable attempt to stop the tears from pouring down my face. Needless to say, I fail. They say each heart breaks differently. One’s heart might break due to infidelity. Another’s might break when confronted with death. There are a thousand reasons why a heart shatters into a million pieces. But for me…
One recording, a few seconds, one button.
That’s what did the trick.
“He didn’t come for you. He never did. Not so fucking perfect now, is he ?” Caleb’s bitter words echo in my brain. It feels like the oxygen in my lungs has been replaced with acid. Like I’m breathing something toxic.
Each breath feels like death.
It’s like I’m breathing heartbreak.
The pieces of the puzzle assemble themselves in my head. His weird behavior, the shady motel address in his pocket , the random phone call at the airport. How he suddenly changed his mind on a whim. I was a mess, begging him to come with me. To fight for us. When he ran up to me, whisked me into his arms, granted my wish, I thought I was dreaming…
God, I’m such a fucking idiot.
It was a lie.
All of it.
All along.
“Winter, wait, please. Just listen to me…” He tries to grab my hand again, but I yank it away. “I never meant to keep it from you. I wanted… I wanted to tell you so many times, I swear.”
“You lied to me for months?” My voice breaks. It’s so weak, so tiny, almost nonexistent. Exactly the way he made me feel.
When he doesn’t deny it, it becomes real.
It dawns on me. It’s true.
He made me believe that he was giving up his entire life for me. That he loved me so much he was willing to leave his home. I straight up asked him if he was lying to me, and he looked me dead in the eyes and lied some more. He let me make that bullshit promise about being honest with each other while he knew…
I think I’m going to be sick.
I back away without realizing, and Haze matches my every step. I need to get out of here.
“Winter, you don’t understand. I was trying to protect you. I…” he says with teary eyes.
I can’t find it in myself to listen to a single word he says. Anticipating my every move, he walks slowly like he’s afraid he might scare me off. Like he’s afraid if he so much as blinks, I’ll disappear forever. I glance around the room. At Kendrick, Allie, Caleb. Waze. The pity in everybody’s gaze crucifies me.
I lose it.
For the second time today, I start to cry. But the difference is, these tears aren’t tears of joy. Acting on impulse, I run to the bedroom and throw the suitcase I keep in the closest on my bed. I start filling it up with the first clothes I can find—dirty clothes, clean clothes, I don’t even care to check.
“Winter, please.” Agony laces his tone. “Don’t do this. I’m begging you.”
The second his hand approaches me, I snap. “Don’t touch me.”
I can barely see him through the tears.
“There’s so much you don’t know. Let me explain.” He tries to grab my wrist again, but my hands fly up to his chest and push him away. I’m packing so fast it’s hard for him to keep up. Hell, it’s hard for me to keep up. I must have like three decent outfits in there, but it’ll have to do. I get my toothbrush in the bathroom and dash down the hall while he chases after me. Caleb is gone. Looks like he did what he came here to do, destroyed what he needed to destroy, and took off.
“What can I say to make this right? Tell me. Tell me what to do, please,” he begs.
“Don’t you get it? Nothing!” I swivel around to face him. “There’s nothing you can do. We’re done. It’s over, Haze. We’re over.”
He doesn’t speak for a few seconds.
Then he shakes his head.
“You… You don’t mean that.”
“Yes, I do.”
It seems to hit him like a hundred trucks.
His mouth drops open.
A tear slowly escapes his eye.
Then two.
Then three.
Until he’s full-on crying in silence.
Fuck, I can’t watch this.
“But…” He stops and whispers a faint “I love you.”
My heart splinters right in the middle. I shake my head. Don’t you dare fall for it, Winter.
“Stop lying.” I wipe the tears off my cheeks.
He won’t go down without a fight. “I’m not! Winter, I love you. I love you so fucking much. You have to know that. Please tell me you know that.”
“We’re leaving. Come on.” Allie steps in, grabbing my arm.
He doesn’t miss a beat, following us. “Yes, I lied. Yes, I’m the biggest piece of shit on earth, but I never lied about the way I feel about you. I didn’t make this up. I didn’t make us up. I love you.” His voice is weak, fragile—like cracked glass threatening to break. “Winter, please, I… I can’t lose you.”
In one last desperate attempt, he successfully snatches my hand into his. I don’t have the strength to reject him. Our eyes meet for a second—the longest, deadliest, most unbearable of seconds. His teary eyes flicker with hope. Hope that I destroy in one move.
I take my hand back.
“Waze, come on,” I call over my shoulder, and the pup runs to me. I pick him up into my arms. Kendrick grabs my suitcase without me asking. Then Allie, Kendrick, and I walk out of the apartment together.
One step.
Two steps.
Three steps.
Four steps.
Counting the steps leading to a heartbreaking moment might seem like a bit of a stretch, but for some reason, I’m doing it. Right now. I’m counting my steps.
Five steps.
Six steps.
As if it’ll somehow get easier as the distance between us grows. It doesn’t. But you know what does grow?
The pain.
When the sting of my fresh tattoo makes me wince, I’m reminded of the pretty words I fed myself a few hours ago.
Just like the ink on my skin,
We’re forever.
Well, I guess…
Forever ends now.