22. Jason Kingsley
Chapter twenty-two
Jason Kingsley
A low groan escapes me as I stand and stretch. After barely sleeping the last two days, I desperately needed that nap. I glance at the sunrise alarm clock on my bedside table, my eyes widening when I see that it’s closing in on five-thirty. That was more of a sleep than a nap, but hopefully Willow did the same and I haven’t abandoned her for too long.
I scrub my face in an attempt to overcome the groggy feeling clouding my brain, then slide on the tennis shoes I barely took off before crashing onto my bed, and walk out into the hall. Willow’s door is open. I glance inside and see that the bed is mussed, but she’s not in it. I walk through the living room and kitchen, even check the laundry room, but she’s nowhere to be found.
It’s only when I return to the living room and look out the French doors that I notice her familiar figure leaning on the wood fence blocking off the horse pasture. I make my way out onto the porch and stop to take in the view. It’s good that she’s facing away from me right now, because she’d probably think I was up to something with the awestruck grin on my face.
She’s beautiful . The sun is setting, casting a warm glow over her and the horses in the field. Her long brown hair is floating in the cool autumn breeze. For a moment I contemplate if I ever woke up. It feels as though I must be dreaming. That’s my wife out there. How many times had I imagined a scene so similar to this one? The only thing missing is a baby on her hip.
I rake a hand through my hair, tugging on the strands in an attempt to pull myself together. I’m a fool, I think as I walk down the wooden steps. She’s not truly mine, and I don’t deserve to think of her in that way. I didn’t win her affections, didn’t date her or spend nights cuddled up watching her favorite movies. I haven’t met her parents or learned her deepest secrets. I’m just a way for her to stay in the country to help her grandmother.
“I hope you haven’t been up long,” I say as I approach.
Willow glances over her shoulder, a serene smile on her lips that makes my steps falter. Have I seen her so at peace before? I hope I never forget how she looks right now in my field with that little smile. Even if she breaks up with me when all this is over, I don’t want to lose this memory.
“I’ve only been awake maybe thirty minutes. I guess we both needed to catch up on sleep.”
I stand beside her and lean on the fence, watching the horses graze in the fading sun. It’ll be time to put them up soon, but there’s nothing quite like watching them beneath an orange sky.
“I’m glad you were able to rest. Since the sun is going down, we maybe should postpone the tour until tomorrow,” I say, stealing a glance at her.
The warm glow of the sunset brings out streaks of caramel in her dark hair. I have a strong urge to brush back the strands lying against her cheekbone. And an even stronger urge to kiss her after.
“Yeah, that sounds like a good idea. I should probably check my work email and some social media stuff. I just couldn’t resist coming out here to watch them for a while.” She gestures toward the horses.
“I noticed the stables at Granny Mae’s house. Did you grow up around horses?” I ask, hoping to learn something new about my wife.
Her peaceful smile fades into something more wistful, and those pretty gray eyes of hers turn misty.
“I did,” she says quietly. “My grandaddy raised horses and trained them too. I spent every summer outside with him. He taught me everything about caring for them, and how to ride too.”
“I bet you had a lot of fun those summers,” I say, sensing that there’s more to the story.
“It was the best part of my year, hands down. There were plenty of days where I left the house at dawn and didn’t come back until dark. And even then I wished for more time. There never seemed to be enough.” Her voice cracks. On instinct, I reach an arm around her. She leans into me. “He passed away three years ago. After he died, my dad came and sold off the horses so that Granny didn’t have to worry about them. I understood why he did it, but every time I see that empty barn it feels like I’ve lost Granddaddy all over again.”
I run my hand up and down her arm. The soft sound of her crying breaks my heart. I turn my head toward hers and press a kiss into her hair. “You’re welcome to spend as much time as you like with the horses. They’re yours too now. They each have their quirks, but they’re good, well-trained horses. There are trails all along our property. I take them out often, so they’re used to the terrain.”
She sniffles. “That sounds really nice. Thank you, Jase.”
She surprises me by shifting to hug me fully around my middle. I wrap her up in my arms and close my eyes.
“Thank you for sharing with me.” I hope she can hear the sincerity in my words.
“Thank you for listening.”
“Always, Lo, always.”
I’m leaning against the kitchen counter nursing a cup of coffee early the next morning when a sleepy Willow shuffles out into the living room. After sleeping most of the day away yesterday, my sleep schedule is off. It must be the same case for Willow, or she’s an early riser. I can discipline myself to wake up when I need to, for things like training, but I prefer staying up late to waking up early. It’s why I always feel like I play my best during night games. Something about the crisp evening air sharpens my senses.
Not that my senses are dull this morning though. They couldn’t be with Willow around. She lights my every nerve up in the best way.
“Good morning, beautiful,” I say, keeping my voice low.
Her nose scrunches and I chuckle.
“Would you like some coffee? Or if you’re in the mood to commit a crime against society, there’s Diet Coke and limes in the fridge.”
She lets out a soft laugh. “I want to be mad at you for your teasing, but it’s sweet that you got my favorite drink.”
It makes it hard to hate you. Isn’t that what she said on that fateful night that was the catalyst to this moment right here? Looking at her now, standing in my– our –kitchen in blue silk pajamas, it’s hard to believe that night wasn’t so long ago. So much has happened since then, and yet I’m still unsure where I stand with her. Willow trusted me enough to be vulnerable yesterday, and I can tell she likes me more than she lets on, but what does that mean in the long run? My mind feels like a ripped-open bale of hay. I don’t know how to sort out my thoughts and feelings.
“Jase?” Her voice brings me back to the present.
“Hm?” I hum as I come to.
“I asked if you had any sugar for the coffee. I don’t feel like committing any crimes today,” she teases, but her gray eyes are watchful. “What are you thinking about so intently over there?”
“There’s sugar in the cabinet above the coffee pot, same as the mugs,” I tell her, gesturing to the almost-full pot nearby. “And I was just thinking of the best way to show you around the property, if you’re up for it?”
“I’d like that.” Her smile is warm. I pretend for a moment we’re truly husband and wife, sharing early morning coffee and talking about the day ahead. Though if that were the case, I’d have thrown her over my shoulder and taken her back to bed as soon as she came out in those little shorts…maybe never left the bed at all.
I clear my throat, averting my gaze. “As soon as you’re ready, we can go.”
“Let me drink some coffee to feel less like a zombie, then I’ll change and be ready to go.”
“I’ll go get changed myself,” I say, not looking at her again.
I’m glad she’s going to change, though I know it won’t help. It doesn’t matter what she wears, I’m hopelessly attracted to her. And to further torture myself, I’m going to show her around on one of the four-wheelers. She’ll be pressed against me, but I won’t be able to do a thing about it. I could take the side-by-side, but I must be a masochist because I can’t pass up the opportunity to have her close to me.
Leaving her in the kitchen, I take my coffee cup to my bedroom. Once I’ve shut myself inside, I take my time pulling on my jeans and a long sleeve henley, then grab my boots and don my Stetson hat. Will I need the hat this early in the morning? No . Am I hoping that Willow’s love of horses indicates a love for cowboys? …maybe .
If I have to be tortured, I’m going to try to have her at least be tempted in return.