23. Willow Kingsley
Chapter twenty-three
Willow Kingsley
I pull my hoodie over my head and make a face at my reflection in the mirror. My hair is…something else this morning. I rake a brush through the knots and scrounge through my toiletry bag for a hair tie before pulling it into a low bun. Probably should have done that before leaving my room. My stomach clenches. My room. The thought of owning something in Jason’s house has my head spinning.
I look myself over once more, wondering if I should wear something a little nicer or put on some mascara. I press a hand to my stomach. No . Why am I caring what he thinks of me? This isn’t real. In fact, I should feel free to walk around here in my rattiest clothes and a messy bun.
My nose scrunches up at the thought of Jason seeing me in my favorite t-shirt. It has a few holes in some places I wouldn’t want him to get a glimpse of.
With a sigh, I step away from the bathroom counter…only to quickly walk back and spray on some perfume. I don’t want to smell bad. It’s not because of him, I’d do this no matter who I was with. Probably .
Before I give in to any other urges to beautify myself, I rush out into the living room. I almost trip over myself when I see Jason. Both of the French doors open, letting in the crisp morning air. He’s leaning against the doorframe, gazing out at the pasture. He’s got on jeans, a long-sleeved shirt, and–Heaven help me–a cowboy hat. I’ve seen him in a sweaty football uniform, a suit, and lounge clothes. I thought all of those made my knees weak. But this look? It might rival them all put together.
He glances over his shoulder, his face shielded by the brim of the hat. “You ready to go? I want to make sure we have plenty of time before the movers get here,” he says, his voice still hanging on to that early morning rasp.
I swallow. “I’m ready.” Did I just squeak? I clench my hands in the pocket of my hoodie. Get it together, Willow. He’s just a man.
He smiles down at me as I come closer, his green eyes sparkling in the early morning light. A very, very attractive man.
“I thought we’d take the four-wheeler. It’s the best for getting around the whole property.”
I nod, then manage to say, “Sounds good.”
Jason gestures to the waiting vehicle, and it hits me how close we’ll be. I glance at him. Did he do this on purpose?
“I’ll hop on first, then you can,” he says after closing the back doors.
“I’ve never ridden on a four-wheeler,” I confess as I follow him down the porch steps. My granddaddy always called these kinds of vehicles toys and never saw a need for them.
“Don’t worry about a thing. I’ll take care of you,” he says with a soft smile that heats me from the inside out. I’m reminded of his words from our wedding day: I’ll take care of you, Lo, if you’ll let me.
I answer with a reluctant nod, then watch as he swings one long leg over the vehicle. He puts the key in, then pulls something on the handle before looking at me. I bite my lip as I cross the remaining distance. He holds out his hand. I grab it and use it for leverage as I swing my leg over the same way he did. I try to keep some space between us, but there isn’t much.
“You’re going to want to hold on to me,” he says as he grabs the handlebars.
“Is that real advice or do you just want me wrapped around you?”
I can hear the grin in his voice when he says, “Both.”
I shake my head, but a smile already tugs at my lips. I wish his ridiculous flirting didn’t work so well on me.
Though I know it’s a mistake, I wrap my arms around his torso. I can feel the hard planes of his ab muscles through his henley. They tense at my touch. I keep my grip loose, but quickly tighten it when we take off more quickly than expected.
We drive to the side of the pasture, the horses’ heads following us as we go. I squeal when we take a hill like it’s a ramp. My stomach rises then falls. It’s like being on a rollercoaster.
Jason’s laughter floats on the breeze as he purposefully takes another hill faster.
“You’re going to throw me off!” I yell over the whipping wind and rumbling engine.
“Not if you hold on,” he calls back. Even over all the noise I can hear he’s being cheeky. All the same, I do hold on tight, grabbing fistfuls of his shirt. The cold air bites at my face and burns my lungs, but I’m smiling the whole time.
We skid to a stop and I laugh as my heart pounds. I haven’t had this much fun in a while. He gestures toward the fenced-in field we’re now at the back of.
“That’s where we keep the horses, as I’m sure you noticed. Though I do try to take them on the trails often, too. I’ll show you the stables on the way back.”
He starts driving again, but slower this time. I’m able to relax my arms and unclench my fists. I don’t let my hands fall to my sides though. He could take off at a moment’s notice. It has nothing to do with how nice it feels to lean against him.
“And this is our garden,” he says as we pull up to a smaller fenced-in area.
My stomach swoops. Our garden? He can’t mean what I think he means.
“Do you have people who work the farm?” I ask, trying to confirm that our means him and someone else that isn’t me.
“I know it’s hard to believe, but I’m capable of planting a garden myself.” His voice is light, but I worry I’ve offended him.
“No, it’s just–” I hesitate. “You said our garden.”
My face heats. I’m so glad he’s facing away from me right now.
Jason places a hand on my interlocked arms. “As in, yours and mine.” Is that trepidation weaved within his tone? “If you want it to be.”
His words sound like more than offering for me to tend a garden with him; they resemble the offer to tend the metaphorical one Augustus spoke about on our wedding day. But that can’t be right, can it? It’s much too soon for him to feel that way. He must be trying to make me feel at home in an odd situation, that’s all.
“That could be nice,” I say, cringing at how awkward I must sound.
“I think so,” he says in a low voice. Then he squeezes my wrist once before returning his hand to the throttle. “You ready to head down some trails?”
I tighten my grip. “I’m ready.”
Jason takes off again, this time toward a small gap in the trees. I squeeze my eyes shut as we get close, not entirely confident we’ll fit. But we do, and the air chills even more as we disappear into the shade of the forest.
We wind through the trees at a fast pace. I try to take everything in with wide eyes, but it’s mostly a blur of browns, oranges, and reds. That is, until we come upon a clearing.
Jason slows to a stop, more gently this time. I hadn’t realized that we were climbing higher the whole drive. I was too busy hanging on to notice. He cuts the engine, and I take that as my cue to hop off. I wobble a little, my legs feeling strange after the ride. Jason grabs my arm while I find my bearings.
“Thank you,” I murmur, meeting his deep emerald gaze. He merely nods, his hat dipping with the movement. My stomach dips too.
“This is probably my favorite spot,” he says as he gets off the four-wheeler.
I follow him to the edge of the small cliffside, gasping as I notice the small waterfall that flows into a bubbling creek. Leaves float atop the sparkling waters, looking like something out of a movie.
“It’s stunning,” I breathe as I take it all in. I could sit up here for hours.
“It’s the second most beautiful view I’ve seen today,” he says. The tone of his voice draws my gaze toward him. His expression is warm and open.
“What was the first?” I ask.
He lets out a soft laugh, as if he can’t believe I even asked. “You.”
Heat rises up my neck, but I ignore it and roll my eyes. “How many women have you used that line on?”
He tucks his hands into the pockets of his jeans, looking like the cowboy casanova he is. He watches me from beneath the brim of his hat. I shift beneath his gaze. “I’ve never taken a woman out here, so I haven’t had the chance to compare one to such a view.”
I turn back toward the waterfall, not able to look at him when he’s staring at me so intensely. As if he can see right through me. Past the doubts and the fears, straight to the growing want deep within me.
“I find that hard to believe,” I say.
I have to put up a fight. All of this is going too fast. This isn’t how I was supposed to get married. It’s not real, and I need to remember that. One day, when we’ve both got what we needed out of our arrangement, we’re going to part ways. The less of my heart I give over before then, the better.
“I know.”
My head whips over to him. “What do you mean?”
He smiles, but it’s laced with sadness. “I know what you think of me, Willow. I’ve been trying to prove you wrong for months now, though my efforts may have worsened things at times. I know who I was. I deserve this treatment, but I’m hoping that one day you’ll see me in a different light.”
His brutal honesty is something I’m unaccustomed to with him. Thus far he’s spoken in flirtatious remarks and teasing tones. The only time he’s set aside his flirting is to comfort me. This is the first time he’s laid himself bare like this.
Tell him. The thought springs up unbidden. I can’t. Not now. It’s too soon.
I look back at the waterfall. Jason brought me out here where he’s taken no one else, and he was vulnerable with me. Maybe it is time to admit why I’ve held such animosity toward him. I bite my lip. It all seems so foolish now. Will he hate me for keeping it from him? For holding it against him without his knowledge?
I open my mouth to blurt it out when Jason sighs.
“The documentary crew is ten minutes out. They want to get set up before the movers get here. We should head back.”
“Oh, okay,” I say. My courage evaporates like the dew beneath an afternoon sun. I climb back on the four-wheeler and rest my cheek against Jason’s back. Maybe if I can’t manage to say anything, my actions can speak for me.
We take off through the woods again, leaving behind the peace of the waterfall. I close my eyes and soak in Jason’s warmth, hoping that by the time I have to face the documentary crew, I’ll feel much more confident than I do now.