7. Amelia
Chapter 7
Amelia
I sat in the kitchen long after Matteo left. I had wanted to know why he agreed to let me stay here so I asked him. His answer left me even more confused.
He said he didn’t know. What did that mean?
I sighed and finally dragged myself to my room, where I ran myself a warm bath. I still hadn’t taken time to unwind after the long flight. After unpacking, I went to the kitchen, and I was too focused on my conversation with Agnes to feel the jet lag.
Now, after that weird conversation with Matteo, it was all coming back to me. The fatigue hit me like a freight train, and I sank into the bath with a deep sigh. Living with Matteo wouldn’t be easy, but I believed we would work it out.
We’d managed to have a somewhat civil conversation this evening so that meant we could at least tolerate each other. That counted for something, right? I hope it did.
I held my breath and plunged my head into the water. When I came up, I pushed all thoughts of Matteo aside. He wasn’t the reason I came to New York. I came here to get away from my parents and get my life together. At twenty-seven years old, I still hadn’t done anything with my life that was solely for me. I’d been living my life for my parents, but it was time to change that.
I tried to think about what I wanted to do in New York, but my mind kept going right back to Matteo. I wondered if I would be free to chase my dreams while living in a house with a man who didn’t like me. As I dried myself off that evening, I decided to at least try to be cordial with Matteo. At the end of the day, he was doing me a favor. I’d shown up in a new city with no plans and he was kind enough to let me stay in his house. That was enough reason to be cordial.
During the first week of living with Matteo, I quickly realized why it was so easy for him to grant my father’s wish. We might have been living together but we may as well have been a thousand miles apart. I barely saw him and when I did, he barely spoke to me.
Two days after I moved in, I ran into him in the kitchen. I could tell from the suit he was wearing that he was about to go to work. He stood by the counter, sipping a cup of coffee and staring out into the open space. I knew him well enough to know when he was deep in thought.
For a moment he didn’t even notice me.
“Good morning,” I said with a smile.
Matteo turned to me and nodded. “Morning.”
“Are you leaving for work now?”
“Yes.”
He turned to face me fully and I saw that a few of the buttons on his shirt were undone. I found myself instinctively moving forward before I remembered that I wasn’t allowed to do that anymore. There was a time when I was the person who buttoned his shirts and fixed his crooked ties. That time had long passed, and I was no longer that person to him.
I stepped back and balled my fist. It was difficult to be this close to him and yet be so far away. To talk to him and have him be so short with me. Each time he spoke, he only said one word. I tried not to let it bother me and I kept the smile on my face.
“How is work by the way?” I asked.
“Fine.”
That was the last thing he said before he left. He walked past me and I turned to watch him go. He didn’t even glance back at me or say goodbye. Maybe I was expecting too much of him. He wasn’t being rude to me. He was just… distant. I guess I wasn’t allowed to complain about that. After all, we weren’t a couple.
I spent the first few days of my stay trying to make the most out of living together. But after getting shut down multiple times, I decided to let it go. If Matteo wanted to be distant roommates then that was what we would be. I wasn’t going to force anything more out of this.
I had tried but clearly, this was how he wanted things to be. The last straw for me was when he came home a few evenings later. Agnes had made an incredible dinner of pan-seared salmon pasta primavera, which she told me was his favorite. Matteo’s palate seemed to have changed a lot in the years we’d been apart.
“Welcome home,” I said when he walked into the kitchen. He murmured a curt response but that didn’t deter me. On that day, I was determined to make things work. I knew we wouldn’t be together again but I hoped that we could at least be friends. “I was thinking we could have dinner together in the dining room.”
I waited for him to say something Finally I asked, “Did you hear me?”
He still didn’t answer. He simply poured water into a glass and drank. When he was done, he looked at me like he was seeing me for the first time that evening.
“Matteo?”
“What?” he asked harshly.
His tone made me want to give up but I forged on. “I suggested we eat dinner together in the dining room.”
“Look, Amelia. I’m in no mood for this. I had a stressful day at the office and I’m tired. Good night.”
That was the moment I decided to give up on making this work. I gave up on trying to be friendly with him. I decided that I would avoid him the way he was avoiding me and I wouldn’t attempt to make any kind of conversation. It was only the second week of us living together but I’d already lost hope of us ever becoming friends. Clearly, that was a fruitless mission.
I shifted my focus from Matteo to other things. I was in New York City for crying out loud. I should be exploring the sights and having new experiences not wallowing over a man who wanted nothing to do with me.
The last time I was in New York, I was with my father and even though I contributed nothing to his meetings, he had forced me to attend them all. That meant I had no time to see much of anything.
I started my exploration at Central Park. I vaguely remembered visiting the park years ago but seeing it again made me fall in love. I loved watching the happy family have lunch together. I loved watching kids throw their frisbees. And I loved watching the couples who looked as if they were in their own world.
I guess there was a reason I came here first. Maybe a part of me was still thinking about the park back in California. The place that had meant so much to Matteo and me. Now that park had two painful memories that I would give anything to forget.
Visiting Central Park made me feel renewed. Here, Matteo and I hadn’t said any hurtful words and we hadn’t broken each other’s hearts. The place was like a fresh start.
Too bad a fresh start was the one thing I couldn’t get.
***
After seeing the city I began my hunt for a job. I needed to be employed by the time I left Matteo’s house. It was the only way I could truly detach myself from my parents’ control. If I continued to depend on them financially, they would always have a way to interfere in my life.
At the moment, nothing was more important than finding a stable job. Not only would it give me the money I needed to be independent, but it would also give me a reason to leave the house. Exploring the city was fun but I was ready to do something meaningful. I wanted to wake up every day and know that I had somewhere to be.
I knew getting a job wouldn’t be easy, especially for someone like me. I had no real job experience, except if organizing my father’s files and listening in on his boring meetings counted as work. I’d spent all my life catering to my parents and that left me with nothing for myself.
Thankfully, what I lacked in experience, I made up for in connections. After returning from a trip to the Empire State Building, I pulled out my journal and flipped to the last page. There I’d scribbled down the numbers of everyone I knew in New York. I was closer to some more than others but I called them all and placed my request just the same.
After making some phone calls, I had a few interviews lined up with various companies. I knew I had to put in the work to prepare because getting the interview didn’t mean I’d gotten the job.
I was about to close my journal when my eyes snagged on a familiar name. Lisa Miller. Lisa and I went to college together. We were close when she lived in California but after her move, we grew apart. I realized this was the perfect opportunity for us to reconnect.
“Hi Lisa,” I said once the line connected. “It’s Amelia.”
Lisa gasped loudly. “Amelia? Amelia Pierson?”
“That’s the one.”
“Oh wow! It’s so great to hear from you! How have you been?”
“I’ve been good,” came my half-hearted response. Maybe because the honest answer to that question was ‘not good at all’. I passed the question back to her. “How have you been?”
“I’m okay. Just trying to survive New York,” she said with a tired sigh.
“Yeah, about that. I’m here.”
“Here? Where?”
I couldn’t help laughing. “Lisa, I’m in New York.”
“No way!”
We ended up making plans to meet up that evening and it was great to finally have someone to go out with. I took a bath, picked out my clothes, and got ready at my dressing table. I’d settled on a dark blue denim skirt, a white top, and black boots. I chose a dull red color for my lips to match the bag I was carrying.
My mother would probably have a heart attack if she saw me dressing like this. As far as she was concerned, the only type of clothing I was allowed to wear was from high fashion designers.
I smiled at myself in the mirror, grateful to be away from my mother’s influence and in a place where I could dress the way I wanted to. I texted Lisa to let her know I was on my way out. Then I grabbed my bag and walked towards the door.
When I pulled it open, I was shocked to see Matteo standing outside. He looked like he was about to knock. I raised my brow in a mixture of surprise and confusion. We’d barely spoken over the last few days so the last thing I expected was to see him standing outside my door.
He spoke first. “You’re going out.”
It was more of a statement than a question, but I answered anyway. “Yes.”
“Have fun.”
That was it. He walked away. On any other day, I might have followed him. I desperately wanted to know why he was standing outside my door. What would he have said if I wasn’t going out?
I didn’t have a chance to find out. I got a message from Lisa telling me she’d gotten to the restaurant, and I didn’t want to keep her waiting. After one final glance in the direction Matteo left in, I walked down the hallway and stepped into the elevator.
A few minutes later, I was sitting with Lisa at the restaurant. We placed our orders and the waiter left. I smiled at my friend. We hadn’t seen each other in six years but she still looked the same. Her blonde hair was held above her head in a loose bun and her glasses sat on top of her nose. Behind them, her beautiful green eyes shone brightly.
“It’s been so long since I’ve seen you,” she said with a wide smile.
I returned her smile with one of my own. “You haven’t changed a bit.”
“Neither have you. How are your parents? Are they still micromanaging everything you do?”
“My parents are fine and yes, they still micromanage my life. But thankfully, I am on a journey to breaking free of their tight hold,” I said, dramatically.
Lisa chuckled. “Well, I wish you good luck, my friend. By the way, how is Matteo?”
Her question destabilized me for a moment. Lisa didn’t seem to notice. She carried on speaking. “The last time I saw you, you were madly in love with him. You used to talk about your future together all the time. How are things with him? Are you guys married now?”
“Um… no. The thing is that we…. broke up,” I said, doing my best to keep my composure.
Lisa was right. A few years ago, I used to spend hours talking about and planning my future with Matteo. That future was a dead dream now. My parents had urged me to kill it and I obliged. It broke my heart to know I would never have the life I dreamed of. Matteo would never love me again.
When I returned home later that night, I met Agnes cleaning up in the kitchen. “You went out?” she asked me, looking confused.
“Yes, I met up with an old friend. We had dinner.”
Her confused expression deepened. “Really? I thought you had dinner with the boss.”
“Why would that happen?” I asked as I took a seat at the counter.
“He told me to make dinner for two and serve it in the dining room.”
I considered what she was saying but I knew it wasn’t possible. Matteo would never willingly have dinner with me. “He must have had someone else over then.”
“No, it was for you. When I told him dinner was ready, he said he would let you know himself so I went to rest.”
I thought back to earlier that evening when Matteo had shown up at my door. I couldn’t believe he’d come to invite me to have dinner with him. It was the most he’d ever done since we started living together.
I felt strangely guilty for leaving him to have dinner alone while I went out with Lisa. I considered apologizing but I knew that wouldn’t do anything to help. I thanked Agnes and walked to my room. I paused briefly by Matteo’s door and for a moment, I wondered what would happen if I knocked. Would he be happy to see me? Would we talk things out? Would we finally reconcile?
I didn’t get the answers to those questions because I never knocked.