21. Amelia
Chapter 21
Amelia
I helped Agnes gather her things. Then I helped her take them to the taxi waiting outside. After that, I tidied up the room that we’d ransacked together while looking for her old jewelry box.
Deep down I knew I was stalling. I was buying time because I wasn’t ready to face Matteo just yet. He’d told Agnes that we were together but I wasn’t sure if he actually meant it. He probably just told her that because it was the obvious answer.
It hurt to think of things that way, but it was difficult to control my thoughts once they started to spiral. I imagined our conversation. I pictured him saying he hadn’t meant what he said, and I could feel my heart hurting from just the thought of it. It was almost impressive how much we could hurt ourselves with our own thoughts. I was creating scenarios in my head and making my own heart bleed.
Talk about masochism.
I straightened the sheets until they lay perfectly flat against the bed. And then I straightened them again. Finally, I had to admit to myself that this had gone on long enough. I couldn’t hide from Matteo forever.
I left Agnes’ room and went in search of Matteo, determined to rip this painful Band-Aid off quickly so I could begin my recovery process. I found him in his bedroom. I’d been so absentminded in my search that I forgot to knock. I just pushed the door open.
Matteo lounged on a couch in the corner, his legs stretched out as he scrolled through his phone. He’d changed out of his suit into something more casual. A pair of gray sweatpants. He wasn’t wearing a shirt.
I’d seen Matteo shirtless many times, including last night. Still, something about the uncertainty about our relationship had me shielding my eyes and apologizing. “I’m so sorry.”
“No need to apologize,” he said. Amusement laced his voice.
Through the spaces between my fingers, I could see him walking up to me. He stood in front of me and pulled my hands down. “We should talk.”
I nodded in agreement, and he pulled me to the couch he’d recently vacated. We sat close, our knees brushed together, and I found myself thinking about earlier. Right before Agnes interrupted us, he’d been about to kiss me. I wanted him to kiss me now.
I hid my desire as I asked, “Did you mean what you told Agnes?”
“Of course. We’re together or at least… I want us to be together.” He lifted a hand and brushed my cheek lightly with his thumb. “What do you want, Amelia?”
I closed my eyes as I leaned into his touch. His thumb traced the rise of my cheekbones before dipping to the lines of my jaw. “I want the same thing. I want to be with you. I want you.”Matteo smiled. “Say that again.”
“I want you.”
I’d repeat it as many times as he wanted me to. I’d shout it from the rooftops if he asked. That was how happy I was to be with him again. After five agonizing years of not being with him, agreeing to date him felt like agreeing to breathe. It was natural. It was essential. It was right.
He dipped his head to claim my lips and I lost myself in the headiness that his touch always gave me. I’d never stopped loving this man. Not when my parents forced me to end things with him. Not when I almost married Lucas. Not even when he told me he didn’t want to be with me.
Nothing had made me stop loving him and I didn’t think anything ever would. I bit back the confession that threatened to spill out of me. This wasn’t the time to tell Matteo that I loved him. It was too soon. Our relationship was technically still new.
We would both need time to adjust to this shift in our dynamic. I decided to give us that time instead of forcing things. One day, I would tell Matteo that I loved him but today wasn’t that day and that was okay. For now, I could simply relish the taste of his lips and bask in the warmth of his affection for me.
It wasn’t love but we were getting there.
***
Our new normal came to us naturally. We started and ended every day in each other’s arms. Some nights were spent making love. Others were spent talking and getting to know each other all over again. We’d become different people in the time we’d been apart, and I longed to get to know the new Matteo.
I wanted to know the small things like what kind of music he listened to now and the big things like what it was like to start his business. I wanted to know everything. Matteo was just as curious. And so many nights were spent becoming reacquainted with one another.
We also became reacquainted with each other’s bodies. Despite the time that had passed between us, Matteo still knew exactly what to do to make me weak in the knees. My body responded to him in a way it never did with anyone else. It was as if every part of me had been made just for him.
As the days passed, I spent so much time in Matteo’s room that it seemed only wise to move some of my things into it. My room was just across the hall but it was stressful to travel that distance when all I wanted was clean underwear.
Matteo had no problem with me moving my things into his room. There was a section of his walk-in closet that was unused so I occupied it. My brightly colored clothes looked incongruous beside his monotonous suits. There were several of them but they were either black, gray, or dark blue.
I certainly didn’t expect him to wear a yellow suit but his closet could benefit from a bit of color. Maybe something brown or light blue. I made a mental note to buy Matteo a new suit. It had been so long since I’d gifted him anything.
We spent our nights and early mornings together. During the day we both went to work and, in the evenings, we visited restaurants around the city. Each restaurant was more expensive and more opulent than the last. It was like Matteo was constantly trying to outdo himself.
I suspected that the actual person he was trying to outdo was his past self. Five years ago, Matteo couldn’t afford to take me to expensive restaurants. We’d dined in small diners and local eateries, sipping on milkshakes and scarfing down burgers.
In terms of elegance, those old dates couldn’t compete with the places he took me to today. But to be honest, I missed the simpler times and the simpler dates that came with it. Maybe it was stupid of me, but our emotions didn’t always make sense. In truth, they rarely did.
I made my decision on a Friday night. I was going to plan my next date with Matteo. We would visit a diner in the area. It would be like old times. I also decided to keep my plans a secret from Matteo. All he knew was that I was planning a date for us.
“Why won’t you just tell me?” he asked as Eddie drove us to the diner.
“Consider it a lesson in patience,” I said, jokingly.
Matteo scowled at me in response. Then his expression softened and he smiled. “I’ll go with you anywhere.”
The simple statement warmed my heart. It was a promise. One that I intended to hold him to. Eddie pulled into the driveway of the diner and Matteo looked away from me. His eyes darted up at the neon sign that had already lost a few letters.
He gave me an incredulous look. “This is where we’ll be having dinner?”
“Yep!”
I got out of the car before Matteo could tell Eddie to turn around. He stepped out too. I had to practically pull him into the diner just to get him inside. I’d ask Eddie for help but he had an event to attend nearby. I’d told him to take his time because Matteo and I would be here for a while. Matteo looked like he had different plans.
He didn’t hate diners but I could tell he thought I deserved more. If only he knew that this was all I wanted. I wanted to be alone with him in a quiet diner with strawberry milkshakes in our hands, not sitting in some fancy restaurant where everyone knew who he was, and we never had any real privacy.
After much persuasion, Matteo and I sat in the corner booth and placed our orders. I smiled when the waitress set the burger and milkshakes down on the table half an hour later. “Enjoy your meal,” she said as she walked away.
I bit into my burger, savoring the sweet taste of the sauce. Then I took a sip of my milkshake and sighed in contentment. “I missed this.”
Matteo scoffed at my statement. “I doubt that.”
His words were like a blade that lanced through the cloud of happiness I’d been floating on all evening. It hurt to hear him speak that way about me. I hadn’t moved since the moment he said it. My blinking eyes were the only things that moved as I stared at him.
Sadness cloaked me as reality dawned on me. This was how Matteo saw me, how he would always see me. I would never stop being a conceited snobbish princess to him.
He didn’t see me any other way.