Sterling #3
“She is. I wonder if she’s already started looking into this for me.”
“Get full custody but also know that they might throw a bunch of terms at you like grandparent’s rights.
They might attempt to cause disruption in your life but we’re going to do what we can to prevent that.
” I’d seen and heard secondhand information from enough of my peers to understand that when money was involved, the gloves were off.
Add to that, they felt wronged because of his lack of concern for their daughter and these people were dangerous.
Not only were they grieving, they were bitter and being denied what they thought was rightfully theirs: Ami and Aldrich’s money.
“Thank you, Sterling. You and Billy are really just the only people keeping me together right now.” Aldrich’s head was propped in his hand for a second as he drove before he remembered himself and sat up fully.
“With her job, I’m sure she’s got some experience with crazy and I do too. So we’ll use what we have to keep you protected.” I looked at Ami who was still sleeping peacefully through all of this.
“I feel like you need a raise.”
I laughed even though I knew he was being serious.
It was crazy to me that I hadn’t taken care of this child at all yet and he was already trying to give me more money.
“Right now we need to get her home. She needs to get settled into her new surroundings and I have a few suggestions for you when we get back to your home.”
“Which would be?”
“Carrying her. And not high and tight like you would a football. I mean carrying her against your chest so that she can hear your heartbeat. Right now, it’s probably the only sound that will soothe her efficiently.
We talked about the incubator disrupting the bonding she needed especially since she didn’t get to fully bake.
Skin to skin is going to be crucial for her and that starts tonight. ”
The first night alone with a new baby was always trying. I’d been a night nanny before and of course had taken care of children in the hospital but these circumstances were different. It felt way too good to have this little baby on my chest. The type of thing life was made of kind of good.
Her father had gotten us home and done skin to skin with her for about two seconds before he was running like a ghost was out to get him.
Whatever demons he had were back on him and now it looked as though he were going to give in.
I didn’t want to be angry at him about it because he could protect himself.
I just hoped he didn’t miss out on spending time with his daughter because of the demons that chased him.
I’d done a quick scan of social media in the wee hours of the morning and I hadn’t seen Ami’s grandparents releasing information about him.
I was still mildly shocked that this man allowed me to name his daughter.
I’d simply wanted to save him from embarrassment of affirming people’s potentially negative view of him and this situation.
The nurse who’d been helping us might be good at her job, but one wrong word spoken to a friend would’ve set tongues wagging.
It was another reason his team had ensured the nurses were taken care of. People protected those that they liked.
It was now just past dawn, and Baby Ami was crying softly as we waited for the bottle to warm up.
I was thankful she had a healthy appetite and had the appropriate number of wet and dirty diapers.
I kept rubbing her back to comfort her in the sling I wore to keep her close.
I wasn’t sure where Aldrich was in the house and I didn’t want him to be discomforted by hearing her crying out.
Even if he was in his feelings I knew he was still protective of her and her crying would probably have him stressed out.
“It’s alright, precious.”
I had mixed feelings for this little girl.
I hated that I pitied her, but I did. The idea of her mother never coming back and never knowing her was something that broke my heart.
The indifference of her father let me know something else was going on but I didn’t want to give in to my curiosity to see what the what was.
I needed to do my job objectively and I didn’t want to have these hard-ass feelings toward this baby’s father if I knew he was an extreme fuckboy.
And the crazy thing was that wasn’t the vibe I got from Aldrich at all.
In the few days I’d been here waiting on Ami to be released, he’d been fairly easygoing and seemed to have a lightness about his spirit.
It was only when the subject of Ami, her mother or their situation was brought up that his entire mood changed.
He seemed to shut down and burrow within himself.
I wanted to help him out because it would only be a benefit to his little one and the bond they needed to build after I was gone.
She squirmed again and I couldn’t help but lean in and take in that new baby smell.
I ignored how I was already attached to her and the way my stomach clenched when I thought about leaving her.
When we first got home last night something happened and I swore this little girl burrowed her way into my heart with the first sleepy yawn she gave me.
“Come on, little baby let’s get you started on your happy song lessons right now.
” I put music on in her room very low to see how she liked it.
Instead of playing traditional lullabies I played a new artist I’d found who composed classical music with elements of African tribal elements interwoven.
Her violin was magical and I needed Ami to have a good appreciation of music and self early in life.
Her aggravation simmered down as she noted a new stimulus to her environment and I got her bottle together while she tried to understand what was going on and what she was hearing.
It switched to another song on the playlist and I had to smile watching her little face still as she listened to the music.
Neither of us knew what she’d been exposed to with her mother but since Black American culture seemed to be the largest export America had, I was sure she’d had some exposure to it in the womb.
“What you doing?”
I was startled as hell but I couldn’t jump the way I wanted to and scare the shit out of this little girl.
I turned slowly and looked at her father who had interrupted our jam session.
His room was around the corner and on the other side of the hall so he shouldn’t have been able to hear the music from where he was.
“Sir, tell me you know what this song is. Or at least where it’s from.”
“No. I don’t. What is this?” He was leaning against the door frame of her room, watching each step I took.
“This is Will Smith’s Aladdin. Literally the only man who could have furthered the torch after the late great Robin Williams in the role of the Genie. How did you not watch that movie?”
“Because I’m an adult.”
I waited for him to say something else but when he didn’t my mouth dropped open in shock. “You take that back!”
He cracked up at my shock but I could tell he didn’t understand why I was so offended. “What am I supposed to take back? I am an adult. I’m not watching cartoons.”
I put the nipple of the bottle to her lips after I adjusted her so she was higher on my chest. The move raised the hem of my shirt and I hurriedly tugged the bottom back into place.
The clothes I’d slept in were oversized, a habit I always had to hide my shape and I didn’t want to look sloppy on what was technically my first day on the job.
“Where is your whimsy? Where is your joy?”
“Whimsy? You make it sound like I’m supposed to be dancing like Michael Jackson in The Wiz.”
I pointed at him excitedly because I knew I had something to work with. “That’s exactly it. Life is too fucking hard not to find something that makes you happy. Tell me you don’t listen to music before a game.”
“Of course I do.” His eyes were on Ami who hadn’t immediately taken to her bottle because she was too transfixed by the sounds.
I’d had to squirt just a little of the milk on her lip to remind her she was hungry.
She started to go to work after that and her taking her bottle had her father's rapt attention.
“Because it shifts your mood, right?”
“Yeah it helps me focus.”
“And that’s all this is. Instead of having you continue to be heavy it shifts your heart to feeling lighter.
Even if it’s for a moment. Besides, some of the greatest scores in music history came out in the 90s.
It might’ve been slightly before our time but tell me you didn’t grow up watching and looking at the classics. ”
“Yeah, when I was a kid.” He spoke like I should’ve naturally assumed his response.
“Did it make you happy then?”
“Yeah.”
“So why wouldn’t it now?”
Aldrich opened his mouth and then closed it abruptly, seeing that he had nothing he could counter my argument with. He silently hemmed and hawed before a smile broke over his face.
“Fair enough, but that still doesn’t explain what you’re doing with her. She’s a baby.”
“Yes, and sounds can still soothe. They play music for babies in the womb, kids find comfort in their family’s voices even before they meet them. It’s like when kids react to a parent’s voice by kicking in the belly. That excitement translates.”
“I’m not too sure how she was relating to the world when she was on the inside.
I never got the chance.” His eyes darkened and I hated that this situation was such a minefield.
But trying to avoid what would piss him off was a potential detriment to her and I couldn’t let that happen.
“Then focus on the now. That’s all you can change, right?
” The soft high pile light tan carpet felt good under my bare feet.
I would eventually get a rug when Ami became mobile to prevent the carpet from getting destroyed.
“Yeah…I guess.”