Sterling #4
“What was your favorite Disney movie when you were a kid?”
“That’s easy, Lion King.” Aldrich’s face was balled up like I should’ve known that automatically.
“Then let’s go.”
Aldrich looked around the room confused. “Go where?”
“Let’s move and make memories. You said that you didn’t have the chance then, right?”
“Yeah.”
“Then do it now.”
“You’re serious.” He seemed surprised that I would suggest this and I couldn’t understand why.
“Of course I am. We’re going to get her fed and burped and then we’re going to be happy so that she can relax and we sing her to sleep.”
“You really ain’t playing.”
“Why would I be? We’re trying to develop healthy brain growth and attachments with this little one. She needs extra snuggles and cuddles because of her time in the NICU. So come on Daddy, let’s get it going.”
I knew I’d misspoken when I called him Daddy.
The way his eyes flickered up and down my frame and back again before coming back to my eyes had the heat in the room increasing.
I didn’t understand what any of this was about but I was going to pretend like I didn’t notice any of it and stay in my place of professionalism.
LIAR! The pulse in my pussy was definitely beating out like an 808 but we were going to ignore that and focus on the external beat.
“What do you need me to do?” I ignored the huskier sound to his voice and chose instead to take this opportunity to have him bond with his daughter. She was always going to be the most important thing.
“Would you like to feed her?”
“The hell…like the bottle? She's doing well on her own.”
“Unless your worthless nipples have lactated through some advanced evolutionary accomplishment then yes, a bottle.”
“Did you just call my nipples worthless?” When Aldrich looked down at his chest like he was offended I had to hold in my laugh so I didn’t startle Ami.
“What purpose do they serve on a man?”
“I…they…” He was grasping and wouldn’t come up with anything.
“Right. They’re basically the knobs on a false door or something. They’re just there for decoration. Symmetry even. But they don’t serve a purpose.”
“You’re really talking shit about my nipples?” He was chuckling like I was being funny but he couldn’t deny I was factual.
I shrugged and saw that Ami was almost done with her bottle since we’d been bantering for so long. “Highly inappropriate of me but the point had to be made.”
“But that’s like saying a woman who doesn’t breastfeed has worthless nipples.”
“That, Aldrich, is what we call a false equivalency. A woman has the choice to allow her nipples to do the work they were designed for or not. That doesn’t mean they aren’t capable.
Some need additional coaxing to make breastfeeding successful.
Yours are a faucet with no plumbing. See the difference? ”
“You’re telling me I’m biologically incomplete.” He was smiling but he’d folded his arms like his nipples not working now bothered him.
I slow-blinked because that seemed to be the most accurate way to describe a man’s nipples. “If you want to be technical…yes.”
“I feel like I need to prove myself somehow but I can’t fathom how that would work.”
“Start by burping your daughter.” I motioned with my head toward the sling.
She’d calmed down but rooted around my chest once I took the bottle from her.
It was the sweetest feeling of a little head bobbing around trying to figure out where her food was but it was also a little awkward.
Aldrich watched her behavior and I could see the hesitation written all over him.
“She’s so—”
“Little. Right. And you’re big and brawny and—”
“You think I’m brawny? Real shit?” He was grinning like I’d flattered him on purpose but I hadn’t. Not consciously. He even had the nerve to flex his biceps and I swore this man was trying to kill me. And not even softly.
“Sir—”
“Who says brawn anyway? Must be that northern shit again.”
“Okay, Cali.”
His response was a smirk before he motioned to her. “But for real. She weights like six pounds. You already warned me about holding her like the rock so I’m supposed to what? Cradle her and shit?”
“Yeah. Just put her up on your shoulder and rub. It’s not that hard.”
He shook his head and the curls he’d passed on to his daughter shook freely. “Cap. But I’ll listen to your ass for now.”
“How about you get settled in the chair and we can go from there?”
“Why I gotta sit down?”
“Because you were just worried about it being too much to hold her. If you sit down and make a mistake it’s a far less distance for her to fall if you mess up.”
“Gotdamn you think I’mma drop the girl?” The shock on his face was one that showed genuine offense despite his ass being the one to say he was scared.
Now I was getting exasperated. Trying to solve problems for this man was an exercise in futility. “You’re the one acting all weird! I’m trying to give you some tips to help you. If you don’t want them—”
“Nah! That’s on me. I don’t like feeling like people doubt my ability to do something. But you’re right. I need tips so I’mma sit my ass down just like you said.”
I needed him to stop being all…genial and easygoing.
My father would’ve looked at my mother like she was crazy for making any type of suggestion and my mother would’ve doubled down on her brashness just to browbeat him into submission.
They liked to think I was too young but I wasn’t.
I remembered how they would call it bickering but it was really jabs at one another that were akin to a heavyweight fight.
Neither was above hitting below the belt.
In fact, they seemed to race to see could take it to hell the quickest. Their inability to treat one another with respect was why I only dealt with people casually.
The idea of someone trying to use my vulnerability and information I’d only shared with one of my many therapists against me in an argument would be my thirteenth reason.
And frankly, I’d worked too hard at this life to have someone come along and destroy the peace I’d built.
“You don’t trust me?”
I snapped out of the trance my thoughts had me locked in and shook my head apologetically. While I’d been mulling over the past, Aldrich had sat down and even fit the nursing pillow around his waist. It was somewhat askew but he looked adorable sitting there nervously anticipating this task.
“My apologies. I got lost in my head. Of course I trust you, this is your baby.”
“If possession is nine-tenths of the law I think they’d definitely give you primary custody.
” I walked closer to him and gave only a neutral, noncommittal hum because I was glad he recognized he’d been avoiding her since we got home.
Since he was holding his hands out and Ami was kicking her feet, I put the wriggling mass of baby into his arms. He immediately wrapped his large hand around her body to keep her from falling off his shoulder and instinctively held in the crook of his arm so she was supported.
Definitely like a football.
“You don’t look like you’re that nervous at all.”
“I might’ve been watching the expert at all of this a few times.” He wouldn’t look at me as he rubbed her back and tried to coax a burp from her.
I had to smile because he was open to learning and I knew it was probably hard as hell for him to confess that out loud.
“You’re doing a great job.”
“She hasn’t even burped yet.”
“Wanting to learn and caring enough to observe instead of being a know-it-all is honestly one of the best things you could do.”
He battled his smile but those full lips of his spread wide anyway. The dimple in his cheek was sinful and I knew that Ami had gotten those from him. I took a step back because the last thing I wanted to do was hover over this man as if he were going to do something wrong.
“Nah, come on back, co-parent. You're not about to leave me assed out in case something goes awry.”
I smirked because now who was using SAT words? “Not awry.”
“I might get hit for a living but I retained the knowledge necessary to exist and network across all echelons of society.” He gave me a wink as Ami wiggled and rooted and I prayed she didn’t attack his nipple searching for more food.
Sensing her urgency he rubbed her back a little harder to get the gas out.
And here he goes being impressive again. I wanted him to care about the girl but dang maybe that was the wrong direction for us to go in. His ignoring her allowed me to not like him but now I was…something.
Definitely not finishing that thought.
Instead of focusing on my growing…something I gave him an encouraging smile as he watched her seemingly enthralled. “You might need to handle the middle of the night feedings since you seem to have this covered.”
He kept his eyes on her as he smiled and even I could tell how much he loved her. “I don’t think I’m there yet. I am gonna do more though. You’re here to be her nanny not her full-time caregiver.”
“You do realize that being a nanny is a full-time caregiver, right?”
“Yeah but you need a day off and shit. Hang out with your people.”
“I’m not from here. I know you and your agent and the ladies who took me shopping. That’s about it.”
He nodded his agreement but the look on his face spoke to something else. “We definitely got to change that. I can’t have you stuck up in the house alone.”
“I’m not alone. I have Ami.”
“Be serious, Ling.”
My jaw dropped at the way he’d shortened my name. I didn’t expect him to come up with something like Starbright, but Ling was a big no. “Absolutely not.”
“I told you I was going to find something else. Calling you Sterling is a mouthful.”
“It’s two syllables.”
He shrugged his shoulders and put his eyes back on his innocent daughter as he blatantly lied. “I’m lazy.”
“Since I know the type of discipline it takes to become a professional athlete I’m going to call bullshit on that.”
Aldrich’s head snapped up and the joyful surprise on his face made me wonder what had him so giddy. “Not Mary Poppins over here cussin! Say it ain’t so, Ling Ling.”
“Okay, that’s two syllables. Like my actual name and I’m an adult. I, of course, won’t use that language around Amisha—”
He chuckled and continued to rub her back. “Hell, she's gone hear it from me so you can go right ahead and relax on that.”
“Like I said. I wouldn’t ever cuss at your daughter—”
“Oh, we’d be packing your shit if you did. But cussin’ around her is different, Ling. You know that, right?”
I hesitated because we were not about to dive into the brutalities of my childhood.
My mother was fond of cursing at whomever she saw fit.
Be it me, my father or the staff at her home.
They would take the abuse because she paid well and she would take their silence as complicity to continue her reign of terror.
My mother was the most emotionally unregulated person that I’d ever seen but to let her tell it she was mother of the year.
Money might buy the things that can temporarily make you happy, but it doesn’t buy inner peace.
“Yes, I’m attempting to ease your mind about the level of professionali—”
Aldrich glanced back at Ami who had finally released her gas in multiple ways, before he looked up at me.
“Bruh, come sit down cause you gone make my neck hurt looking up at you like that. I’m already rigid as fuck to make sure I don’t mess up with her.
Come chill.” When he nodded to the spot directly next to him I wanted to ask if he was out of his entire mind thinking I was gonna be close enough to have his thigh touching mine. “Ling?”
“Right.”
I moved over to the footstool and left plenty of distance but tried to sit close enough that it wasn’t obvious I was shook. Because I absolutely was.
Aldrich smelled so good. Like most men, he had a myriad of scents but he must have taken years to know which would complement one another.
His cologne was Tom Ford Tobacco Vanille.
That was his around the house scent. When he went out he normally wore Oud Wood, which was another favorite.
He had a flashy style based on the photos I’d seen of him, but I could tell he was specific with what he liked and took pride in his appearance.
We sat in silence as he rocked back and forth with Ami on his chest. The scene was idyllic and I wish I had my phone to snap a photo for him.
He was looking at me and stealing glances at her as she started to drift.
I couldn’t help but smile at the picture they made.
Initially, Aldrich smiled back but suddenly the smile dropped off his face.
When he stood up carefully with his arm bracing Ami’s back, I knew he was heading out.
“Thank you for giving me some parent training today. I’m going to reach out to my mom who should be here in a couple of weeks for a couple of weeks.
You can get a lot of days off then, okay?
” He placed Ami in my arms almost regretfully before taking a step back.
“I’ve got to head out in about an hour but call me if y’all need anything while I’m gone. ”
He turned and walked back out of her room, putting back up the pieces of his wall of emotions that this tiny baby had knocked down in only a few minutes.
At least that meant there was still hope.