CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT
Asher
“Look. Asher and I . . . it’s nothing major,” Ledger says to his two brothers.
I’m listening intently, and my feet falter a few feet away from the trio.
“It’s just a fling that will be over in three or four weeks when I’m done with my penance in Cedar Falls and get to come back home. Simple. Easy. Done.”
And there it is.
The answer to the question I’ve been too damn afraid to ask.
Or more like too chicken to ask.
My heart drops to my feet. There’s no other way to describe it. Our silence on what this is between us was for a reason.
To him, it’s just a fling.
To me, it’s . . . I swallow down the swell of emotion that surges inside of me. Emotion I’d prefer to ignore at this point.
I take a few steps back behind the corner so I can gather my wits. So I can take a deep breath and fight the tears burning in my eyes. So I can convince myself that I was stupid to think this might be anything other than a short-term, convenient affair with incredible sex.
Because good sex doesn’t mean love, regardless of what our past held.
“Asher. There you are,” Ledger says when he turns the corner to find me standing there preparing to face him.
“Hi.” I hope my smile is convincing. “I was just stopping to give my feet a break. They’re not exactly used to wearing heels all night.”
“That bad?” he asks, but when he steps closer, he brings his thumb and forefinger to my chin and holds my face still. His eyes search mine. “I’ve hurt you, haven’t I?”
How did he know I overheard him with his brothers?
I scramble for a response, but he beats me to it.
“I apologize for bringing you here to celebrate a man I’m sure you’re not too fond of.
Truth be told, I’m not entirely sure how I feel about him right now either.
I was selfish to make you sit through that.
To make you come here. I wanted you here for me and didn’t think of how it would make you feel. ”
“It’s okay. I’m glad I could be here for you,” I murmur, partially relieved he doesn’t know I overheard him, partially not.
“Thank you.” He brushes his lips gently over mine in that way that makes me simply want to melt into him. Even after hearing his proclamation. “But this wasn’t much of a date in the city you love. Let me make it up to you.”
“Ledger—”
“Shh.” He kisses me tenderly again. “There’s nothing more I’d love to do.”
He grabs my hand and starts heading for the elevator. “Ledger? We can’t just leave. You’re the host.” He enters the empty elevator car and holds his hand out to me. “You have to be here.”
He tugs me so I land against him, and the second the door closes, his lips are on mine in a searing kiss filled with greed and lust and about ten things in between.
“My brothers can handle it,” he murmurs against my lips.
His hands go up to thread through my hair and then stop when he realizes the epic number of bobby pins stopping him.
“We have to be back to Cedar Falls by six a.m.”
“But it’s almost eleven at night. Where—”
“We’re in the city that never sleeps, Asher. My city. We might as well take advantage of every waking moment we have.”
His city. For the moment we have.
We gorge on ice cream sundaes at Serendipity 3 in our fancy clothes.
We stop by a drugstore after that, Ledger giving me a piggyback ride through the aisles, to buy a pair of flip-flops because my feet are sore, and I don’t want my heels to hold us back.
Ledger holds my hand as we walk through the city, guiding me through sidewalk traffic as I stare up at the buildings towering above me.
We take silly selfies in Times Square. He patiently waits while I window-shop in the darkened storefronts on Park Avenue.
My stomach turns as he shows me the observation deck of the Empire State Building.
We stroll through what he deems is the safe part of Central Park.
It’s exhausting and rejuvenating and I allow myself to focus on the here and now. Not the fling or the time limit Ledger imposed unknowingly earlier.
And when our bodies are exhausted and the moon disappears from the skyscraper-lit sky, we begrudgingly make our way to the airport and the waiting jet. We’re greeted with welcome smiles from a crew whom I’m sure expected to already have been to Montana and back by now, but you’d never know it.
We’re in the air within minutes. And soon after, Ledger reclines our joined seats and pulls me against him. He covers me with a blanket and wraps his arms around me so that I rest my head on his chest.
We lie like this for some time, but it’s when he presses a kiss to the crown of my head and murmurs my name that the truth collides.
I don’t respond to him, letting him believe I’m asleep.
Tears well in my eyes, and I’m not sure why. Is it that I just need a moment or is it that I’m hiding from him?
I’m glad you chose me.
Now that there’s quiet and my mind can reflect, the events of the night have caught up to me. And that’s comforting. I love spending time with him. He makes me feel incredible.
That’s also scary because . . . because of how much I love him.
The acknowledgment jars me.
But I already knew this, didn’t I? That Ledger was easy to love?
Maybe I hadn’t realized that I was in love with him, but somehow it happened.
Little by little. Discussion by discussion.
Kiss by kiss. Laugh after laugh. I’d fallen back in love with Ledger Sharpe.
I can’t chalk it up to lust anymore. To simple attraction.
The want to see him every waking minute.
Because yes, there’s all that, but there’s also a need deep in my soul to be with him.
There’s that tug on my heart every time I see him and the emptiness that fills it when we’re not together.
I lie there in stunned silence for some time, sorting through my thoughts, my options, and how each one will devastate me in one way or another. And when Ledger’s breathing evens out and his soft snores fill the plane, I dare to look up at the only man I’ve ever loved romantically.
A man who, for a small moment in time, I thought I had a future with. The man who publicly claimed me tonight, suggesting he was glad I chose him. And to think I believed it was all true.
I’m going to let him go.
I’ll enjoy the time we have left. I’ll love him within the confines of my heart alone.
This time, I’ll end it on my terms.
Because for once in my life, I won’t be taken by surprise when someone I love leaves me.
This time, I’ll choose to be on my own again.