Chapter 14 - Ash #4
I hooked my arm around her shoulders, yanked her tight to my body, and kissed her.
I wasn't especially kind in the manner I took her.
There was no gentle brushing of lips, no respectful hand placement.
It was rather unhinged—I was unhinged—and my body seemed to interpret this as the proper moment to calm down and tighten up all at once.
I could breathe again, I could think beyond the headache behind my eyes, and I also wanted to burn down anything that dared to separate me from this woman.
I already knew her subtle scent and the way she felt against me, and now I knew I should've done this a long time ago.
She flattened her hands on my chest and bunched my shirt in her fists, forcing me closer, pressing me harder to her torso.
"Yeah?" I murmured against her mouth. I needed her to want this the way I did. Unhinged and fiery and all this overwhelming relief.
She reached up, cupping her hand around the back of my neck. "Yes."
"Thank god."
Everything fell away as I melted into Zelda.
My hands roamed over her body, cataloging her with more than a little entitlement while her tongue wiped out everything I'd ever known of kisses and affection and desire, replacing it with a screeching kettle of instructive lust. She was delicious comfort, one that lulled me into a sense of buoyant peace—before biting my lip and laughing as I blinked down at her in delirious awe.
"Again," I managed, and she complied, taking my jaw in her hands and raking my bottom lip between her teeth.
She smiled up at me with those strange eyes and the smile that understood unspoken things. "Like that?"
"Again. More."
There was a second where Zelda paused, her eyes glittering as she no doubt held in a quip about my domineering ways. If she only knew the half of it.
She pushed up on her toes to meet me as I locked my arm around her lower back, my hand coming to rest on the tender round of her ass.
When we crashed together this time, in this backyard jungle with a mountain of disapproval and meddling waiting for us on the other side, I knew there was nowhere else I wanted to be. There was nothing else I needed.
A twig snapped behind us and I groaned into Zelda's mouth because only one person arrived at my parents' house by way of nature walk. "My brother has terrible timing," I whispered.
"Just passing through," Linden said. "Don't mind me."
I kept my lips fused to Zelda's as I cut a glance in his direction. He raised a hand in greeting as he passed, the other wrapped around the neck of a growler of beer. Since Linden minded his own business like a champ, he kept his gaze fixed on the path toward the house.
"On your way, then," I called.
He waved once more and made an effort at eliminating himself from our hideaway but the moment was gone.
When he disappeared past the branches and vines, I said to Zelda, "There are fifteen different things we should talk about right now but I'd very much prefer to kiss you again. Would you allow that?"
Zelda locked her arms around my neck. "That depends. Will those fifteen things drive you crazy and distract you while you're kissing me?"
I dropped my hands to her thighs, gripping the thin fabric of her skirt.
I had to grit my teeth to keep from ripping it, instead really edging it up as I spoke.
"There's nothing in the world that could distract me from you.
Not a single thing has distracted me from you since you sat down and started hollering at me, and that's the rock-solid truth.
My mother could come out here and whack me with a rolled-up gossip magazine.
My father could launch into another lecture about my priorities.
Hell, currency as we know it could end and I'd just want you to bite my lip one more time. "
"Why now?"
"Because I've figured out you're something I need," I replied helplessly. "And I think I might be something you need too."
She sucked in a breath and I didn't miss the watery shine in her eyes before she buried her face in my shoulder.
"Are those good tears? Like, He finally did something right and didn't fuck it all up tears? Or hurt tears?" I asked.
She shook her head and I assumed—risky as that was—she was saying no to the latter.
"If they aren't hurt tears, tell me I can kiss you again. If that's what you want."
Zelda kept her head in the crook of my shoulder long enough to start me wondering whether I'd gotten it wrong, whether I'd miscalculated everything. She lifted her head and looked up at me with unshed tears pooled in her eyes and it seemed certain I'd fucked it all up.
"Are you going to change your mind later?" she asked.
I dropped her skirt because the only clear, direct instinct I could find among the clutter of lust and stress and hunger was to wrap my arms around her and hold her tight enough to feel her heart pounding against me.
And, yes, perhaps rocking my shaft into her belly would relieve the throbbing ache there. "What are you asking, love?"
"I want to know if you're going to want me when it's convenient and push me away when you remember you're the boss and I'm—"
"No, I'm not doing that again. I hate that I've done it more than once, hate that I've done it at all. I've tried pushing you away and in case it wasn't clear, I missed you too much every time I did it. It was a shoddy attempt at trying to keep all the out-of-control pieces of my life in order."
"If you shared some of those pieces maybe they wouldn't feel out of control anymore," she said.
"As you've noticed, I'm not great at that," I admitted. Zelda laughed, sudden and bright, and I walked her backward until she was wedged between me and the first available tree. "And maybe you've also noticed I'm obsessed with you, you adorable evil genius."
"You don't have to say that because we kissed. What I do need is for you to stop throwing me away when your thoughts get the better of you."
"I said it because I meant it," I replied. "And just so you know, you're never inconvenient. The rest of the damn world is inconvenient and you…you are not that."
She tipped her chin up as her lips curled into a playful grin. "That's a funny way of saying you don't know what to think of me."
I think I could fall in love with you.
I didn't say it out loud but as I studied her mismatched eyes and the strands of blue woven through her dark hair, I wondered where those words came from.
I'd never spoken them to a romantic partner before, never came close to it.
Yet every time Zelda asked me for some confirmation of my intentions, a promise to be less of a jackass where she was concerned, I responded with more certainty and affection than I believed I possessed.
I leaned into it. I took another step on shaky ground because I'd already blown up my relationship with my father and my world was a fresh mess and I wanted her.
That was it—I wanted Zelda in every possible way, for as long as possible.
And here, with her back against the tree and my palm sliding down her thigh and her hands clawing at me, I dipped my head to taste the sweet spot on her neck and said, "I think everything of you. "
"You think I'm an evil genius," she whispered as she drove her fingers through my hair. God, I loved that. "Somehow I've never heard that one before."
"Adorable evil genius," I said, punctuating each word with a kiss to her neck. "What if you've never heard it because not everyone can see it?"
I leaned back, watching as Zelda considered this. I couldn't explain the reasoning but I needed her to agree with me on this. I needed to be the one who saw her because she saw me too and it was both distressing and incredible.
She raked her fingernails over the nape of my neck and scalp as she stared at me, a glint in her eyes that appeared cautious.
A moment loaded with all the things we didn't say passed before she ran her tongue over her top lip.
Then, "I'm happy that family wasn't seated together.
I'm happy I yelled at you too. And I wish you hadn't been injured but I liked being the person who took care of you. I'd do it all again."
I did the only reasonable thing and sealed my lips to Zelda's as I thrust my aching shaft against the heart of her.
I hitched her knee to my waist and there was no confusion about my intentions.
I wanted her—and I wanted that thought building between her legs until I got her behind closed doors again.
It was the most brazen, shameless thing I'd done in this hideout—or anywhere—in at least twenty years.
"Promise me you won't freak out later," she whispered. She said this as she hitched her other knee on my waist and fought her way into my mouth with her tongue.
I heard one of her sandals hit the ground, then the other.
With her ankles locked at the base of my spine, she urged me closer, squeezing out every bit of air and light until we were as connected as any two fully clothed people could be.
This wasn't the first time we'd stolen all of each other's space and blanketed ourselves in vulnerability but this was the first time we did it while accompanied by an abundance of deep-dug truths.
"I have no intention of freaking out later.
Later involves taking you to bed and hoping to hell you make good on that threat to sleep naked.
With me. While I kiss every inch of your adorable evil genius body, if you're amenable to that.
Just promise me you won't make any more noise about leaving to stay with strangers on the other side of the city. "
Zelda dropped her head back against the tree trunk and a downpour of winged maple seeds fell around us. "Be honest. It was the pancake sandwich that sold you."
I shook my head. It wasn't the pancake sandwich. Just as wars weren't launched in response to a single incident but a progressive mounting of tension and shows of aggression, neither was love. "Quiet now, love. Let me have you. Let me keep you."