Chapter 15 - Zelda
Zelda
Following Ash out the back door and into the yard after overhearing that argument wasn't an option.
I had to go and I didn't question whether he'd want my presence.
Ducking out in the middle of a conversation with Diana and Magnolia about the ice cream sandwich bar planned for the wedding's after-party wasn't the best show of manners but I hoped they'd understand.
He'd been a walking pile of rubble, a man demolished, and for the first time since he'd curled up on my shoulder and slept, I believed he needed me rather than any warm body offering comfort.
I'd heard almost everything Ash and his father Carlo said and it nearly killed me to stay put in the kitchen. There was no way I could've allowed him to escape into the yard alone after that. I couldn't do that to him, not when I knew the dirty secrets he didn't want to share.
All along, I'd suspected he was proving himself to someone who'd convinced him he wasn't enough of something. Now I'd identified the who and the what.
Knowing Ash—because yeah, we did know each other in a thorough, inexplicable way—I didn't expect he'd take to kicking rocks or bloodying his knuckles on tree trunks or even screaming profanity into the woods.
But I hadn't anticipated finding him so thoroughly lost, as if there was nowhere for him to go.
And I hadn't anticipated the blistering firebolt of need lancing through me when we'd kissed.
In this thicket of unexpected, the biggest one I hadn't seen coming was my insistence he play fair if he was certain he wanted to play with me. I'd never set boundaries like that before or held firm to them when going with the flow was always the most serviceable, obvious solution.
Perhaps growing and healing was nothing more than making one right choice after another, even when those choices felt like the opposite of everything I'd always done.
Also, allowing my casually controlling boss-roommate-snuggle-buddy to pin me to a tree and kiss me like our lives depended on it was a completely right choice.
"Your mother is going to be wondering where we are," I managed between kisses.
"We could leave now. Just sneak out the side and go. They won't even notice. Magnolia is the main attraction this month."
"Mmm-mmm," I murmured, the only disagreement I could manage with his tongue in my mouth. "I think they'd notice."
"If anyone's waiting for us, my mother would ring the—" Right on cue, the clang of a bell broke the woodsy silence. "Fuck."
I wrapped my arms around Ash's shoulders when he dropped his head to my chest. "That sounds like a chuck wagon bell."
"It is," he said to my breast. "When we were kids, my mother never wanted to holler out the door for us to come in. Then she found the bell."
When Ash kept his head down and my legs locked around his waist, making no movement whatsoever, I asked, "How about it? Ready to go back in there?"
After an exaggerated sigh, he eased me down to my feet, wincing as he shook out his injured arm. "It's nothing," he said before I could ask. "It's fine."
While I smoothed my skirt and tucked my shirt back in, I glanced around the sheltered space. Gesturing toward the far end of this alcove, I asked, "Is that what I think it is?"
Ash turned, looking in the direction I pointed. Then he belted out a deep laugh. "If you're thinking it's my mother's secret herb garden, it is."
That nice lady with the reupholstered dining room chair cushions was growing a field of marijuana. Who would've guessed? "Are you serious?"
"I told you, my parents are hippies at heart."
"And that's why your mother has a bumper crop of weed hiding behind her blackberry bushes?" I asked.
He shook his head like dealing with his mother's antics was a real hardship.
I knew it wasn't and I enjoyed his impatience for that reason.
"It's on the edge of the property and insulated from view well enough to prevent notice.
If anyone asks, she pretends she has no idea what it is.
She told one of her neighbors it's an invasive but protected species so they shouldn't treat it with any chemicals. "
"This isn't the last thing I would've guessed about your mother but it's not in the top quartile," I said.
"She used to tell us she used the leaves for brewing salves and tinctures." He dragged a finger down my arm, raising goose bumps as he went. "It made sense since she was always drying her own herbs and canning vegetables and god knows what else."
"Salves and tinctures," I repeated to myself. "And to think, you gave me shit about working at a spirituality shop."
"What can I say? You're rather overwhelming. I handled that by being a dick." He shoved his hands in his pockets. "I feel like you know this about me."
I wasn't certain when I'd become overwhelming or what it was about me that overwhelmed but I'd heard this enough along the way to know it was a core piece of my me-ishness. You're a lot. It was the kind of comment that slapped on both sides while leaving the crumbs of a compliment in my lap.
Perhaps those words wouldn't have landed with such force if I hadn't spent so much time crimping myself into a shape that others could accept and embrace. But that was the gravity of it all and it hurt now because I'd realized it should've hurt before.
"You know this, right?" Ash prodded. "You know I have occasion to be a dick and you know how to put me back in my place for it." He waited a beat. "Right?"
I touched my fingertips to my lips, tracing the freshly swollen lines as I replayed his words in my mind. "I'm not overwhelming. You were overwhelmed. That's about you, not me."
"Okay." Ash watched me as he rubbed a hand over his shoulder.
It seemed to be bothering him. He probably shouldn't have held me against that tree.
Even if it was the single most spectacular event of my life as I knew it.
"Okay, yeah. I was overwhelmed. I was fucking leveled by you—and I still am.
" He reached out his hand to me and I took it.
"What does that face mean? What did I do wrong just now? "
I let him lead us along the path toward the house. "Nothing." I shook my head but he probably didn't see. "I'm just thinking."
"No, your thinking face looks like gears turning behind your eyes and you chew on your bottom lip.
" When the path narrowed between the raised beds, Ash stepped behind me, settled his hands on my waist, and steered me through the garden.
"It isn't your worried face because that one involves defined frowns.
I wouldn't wager money on it but it isn't your irritated face either since that one is all about slicing me in half with your killer eye beams."
"When did you have time to catalog my faces?" I asked, all while knowing I'd unconsciously done the same to him.
"I'm a man of many talents. One of those talents is being able to think about multiple things at once." We stopped at the base of the back steps and I turned to face Ash. "One more thing before we go in there."
He slipped his hand along my cheek and into my hair as he leaned down to kiss me. I sighed and softened when he gathered my hair in his fist, holding me steady as he banished all consideration of my overwhelming effect on people.
Nearby, someone cleared their throat while Ash's tongue flicked over mine. He rumbled a grumpy mmm-mmm in response and banded his arm around my lower back.
"I wouldn't mind but the food is getting cold," his mother called. "And I'm not about to allow Zelda to sit down to a cold supper."
"But it's acceptable for me?" he asked, his lips hovering over mine.
"You're not a guest. I'm stuck with you, young man, and nothing I put on the table is about to change that," she replied. "But I'd like Zelda to come back again. That's not likely to happen if her rice is cold and dry."
"I see how it is," he replied with a chuckle. "We'll be there in a minute."
"I'll be watching the clock." The screen door banged shut behind Diana as she returned inside.
He delivered a quick kiss to the corner of my mouth. "What did I tell you about my family wanting to keep you?"
I busied myself with straightening his collar and brushing away nonexistent dust. "Will you make it through this? Will it be all right for you?"
He glanced at the house, giving it a scowly study.
"Yes, for two reasons. First, my mother doesn't allow any work conversation at the table.
And second, despite the disagreement you overheard, my dad is a laid-back guy and won't continue being upset once a conversation has ended.
He isn't resentful. He doesn't hold on to anger or grudges.
We don't agree on matters of business but it doesn't overflow into other areas, thank fuck for that.
All things considered, he's remarkably easygoing. "
"Must be all the weed."
Ash replied with a deep nod. "You're right on that front."
"It must be frustrating though," I added. "Having a heated disagreement one minute and then sitting down at the table as if nothing happened the next. Maybe not frustrating but—I don't know—disequilibrating."
He stared at me for a moment, his jaw stiff and his head cocked like I'd said something terribly incorrect or maybe invasive. No, his cool study told me it was very invasive and he wasn't accustomed to anyone invading him.
Then, "How did you know that?"
I flicked a bit of pollen from his shirt. "Because it's how I'd feel. Like I never knew where I stood with someone. But maybe that's just me."
"No, it's not you. That's exactly it. One minute we're tearing everything apart, the next we're bullshitting about the Bruins.
It wasn't always like this but now—" He blew out a breath as he blinked up at the roof and chimney.
"It's a mess right now and I don't know how to fix it. I don't think I can."