Chapter 26
Brave – Sara Bareilles
Wilder
My fingers flexed in time with the thud of my heart, in time with the long strides I was pacing up and down the den while Seven Brides for Seven Brothers played on the huge screen in the background.
My temples were pulsing, too. I was just one great throbbing piece of anger not sure what to do with it.
The room reeked of fruit flavored candy and my fucking desperation to punch something.
“Uncle Wilder, you really need to stop pacing,” Bertie chirped up in a sigh, pausing the TV. “You’re distracting me from the film.”
I swung around to face her, the pain in my temples increasing with the movement. “Like it matters. You’ve seen it a million times already.”
The glare she gave me was reminiscent of Lily, yet it was impossible as they didn’t share even a fraction of DNA. Clearly the girl was a good student.
“You’re still annoying.” She gave a sharp blow of her cheeks causing her bangs to flutter in the breeze. “What’s got you so tense anyway?”
Settling back on the sectional, her arms crossed over her tiny chest, she was all sass and fire. Her deep pink cupid’s bow lips pursed in consternation as she stared up at me expectantly. When I took a beat she raised an eyebrow.
“I am not discussing it with a ten-year old.” The second eyebrow was raised, and she wiggled to get comfy, like she knew I’d give in eventually and spill my guts to someone who barely reached four feet tall and had only just stopped wearing light up sneakers.
“The girl I like doesn’t like me the same way. ”
“Tally ho.” The way she announced it so matter of fact winded me. Almost knocked me on my ass.
“What? How?”
“You look at her like daddy looks at Momma.”
I shook my head in time with my finger. “No. I am not doing this with you, Bertie. Where’s your dad, or Uncle Gunner?”
“Daddy is bathing Billy and Uncle Gunner is taking a nap with Aunt Cassidy.” She did little bunny ears around the word nap.
Probably because whenever the couples in this damn house needed alone time they all said nap with quote fingers.
Bertie had no idea what it meant but had started to use it, even when talking about her baby brother having one in the afternoon.
“And your mom?”
“Making dinner, please don’t interrupt her, I'm so hungry I could die.” She rolled her hand. “Carry on.”
“No.” Letting out a measured breath I took the remote from her and re-started the movie. “I’m going to find your dad.”
“Suit yourself.” Her voice was sing-song-y and quite obviously bored of being my confidante, for what use she was, i.e. none.
By the time I reached the stairs Nash was already on his way down, a freshly bathed Billy in his arms, smelling of powder, his dark curls stuck to his head and the two teeth he’d recently got sticking into his bottom lip as he grinned at me.
“Unca Wiwi.” Chubby little arms reached out for me, his hands tapping my cheeks as I drew closer.
“Hey, buddy. You smell nice.”
He chuckled, rubbing his cheek against Nash’s neck, all cute and shy.
“You got a minute?” I asked Nash, as he dropped a kiss to his son’s head.
“Sure, let me take him into Bertie. Meet you in the living room?”
As he walked away, my whole body relaxed. Typical of my brother. No questions about what I needed, or trying to put me off because he was busy. It was a simple yes.
When he joined me a few minutes later I’d practically worn a furrow into the rug.
There were half-moon indents on my palms, I’d been clenching so hard.
An invisible band tightened around my chest as I turned to my brother.
His eyes, so like my own, were soft and inquisitive, knowing and understanding.
“What’s up? How can I help?”
“I-I.” The swallow hurt my throat. Why were the words so hard to say? Why couldn’t I man up and admit what I was feeling? The turmoil between my head and my heart was overwhelming, like a white noise that wouldn’t stop. Always there. The constant static sound masking everything else.
“Let me guess.” Nash narrowed his eyes on me, hands hanging from his hips. So relaxed and confident that whatever help I needed he’d be able to give it. “Tally.”
I threw my hands in the air. “Does everyone around here know my business?”
“You told us you were having sex. You’ve been like a bear with a sore head for the last couple of days and according to Gunner she became sick this afternoon.”
Instantly the hairs on my arms stood on end and my spine stiffened. “What’s wrong with her? Is she okay?”
“Depends. Did she break your heart?”
“No. Not yet anyhow. She might. That also depends.”
“On what?”
“Whether she wants more than just sex, like I do.” My palms were slick with sweat as I wiped them against my jeans but at least the words were out.
I was finally floating to the top of the deep lake of denial after lying stagnant on the bottom for months.
Taking a gulp of air, like I’d never inhaled freshness into my lungs before.
“Well, well, he finally admits his feelings.” The supercilious smirk on my brother’s face would have earned anyone else a punch to the nose.
“I just don’t know, Nash.”
He shook his head and chuckled. “Didn’t we talk about your running to love?”
“But this is different.” I reared back. “And who said I love her?”
Nash rolled his eyes. “Please don’t bullshit me, Wild and no, it’s not different. It’s just a case of being brave and taking what you want.” He put a supportive hand on my shoulder. “And what you deserve.”
“What if I don’t deserve it?”
My lungs burned as I held my breath, waiting for my brother to tell me that I didn’t. That I would be lucky if Tally even spoke to me again. He smiled, the soft at the edges one that he used for his kids. For Lily, when he was about to tell her how much he loved her.
“You deserve the fucking world, Wild. And if Tally doesn’t see that then she’s not the one for you. So, like I said, be brave and talk to her, otherwise you’ll never find out.”
Nodding I swallowed back the fear. “I’m going to get showered and think about what I’m going to say to her. Can you tell Lily I’ll skip dinner?”
“Sure.” He chuckled and turned to leave. “And when you do decide to get some balls, wear the green shirt Lily bought for you. It complements your skin when Glenn is around.”
“Fucking idiot.” Nash waved his hand over his shoulder, no doubt on his way to give his wife all the gossip. I quickly moved to the doorway and leaned out. “And I did not say it was love.”
And the bastard just laughed…loudly.
I took my brother’s advice and wore the green shirt. Having given myself a good talking to, I was ready to talk to Brownie. Life was too short to keep treading water. Acting like I didn’t want what my brothers had. Maybe it was what I’d always wanted but just hadn’t found the right person.
I’d told Nash the truth when I said I wasn’t in love with her, but I could see myself being in the future. Truth—the not too distant future.
Every single morning, I woke up with a smile on my face, provided by her.
The sex was incredible, and I was more than satisfied, but I’d started to realize it was her who lit me up.
Her sass, her smile, her ambition and professionalism.
Her ass and tits were incredible, too, but they were just perfect extras.
She listened and understood, never judging.
“Look at you.” Gunner whistled as I walked into the lounge.
Nash had a sleeping Billy on his chest, while Bertie was tucked into his side. The TV was showing a Fast it was a guy I didn’t recognize with Sloane Evers who ran the Silver Peaks News. They stopped to kiss under the neon bar sign, hands exploring, giggles filling the night air.
I’d been an idiot thinking I wanted to keep moments like those between me and Brownie. Keep them in the privacy of her cabin. She deserved people to know how much she was wanted. How desirable she was.
Mind made up, I jumped out of my truck and into the cold night air.
The stench of stale beer and dumpsters hit me, so I kicked on toward the door.
At the huge plate glass window with the Downtown Bar & Grill painted in gold on it, I caught sight of the girls.
All three of them were laughing, heads thrown back, each with a wine glass in their hand.
It was Brownie, though, who shone the brightest. Her hair cascading down her back, a carpet of auburn waves enticing me, making me want to wrap it around my hand while I…
My breath fogged the glass as I leaned closer, pulse spiking at the sight of her smile.
She looked happy and relaxed, everything I wanted to be the reason for.
Sloane and her friend finally stopped making out and stumbled away giving a clear path to the door.
I couldn’t delay it any longer. I’d made it that far and I was going to talk to Brownie and tell her exactly how I felt about her.
The bass from inside vibrated through the door handle.
One deep breath. The cold air burned my lungs, but it felt like clarity.
It was time for the truth, even if it meant my heart got damaged in the process.