Chapter 31
Dominic
“She does not want to marry,” Dominic said, sweeping scatterings of hay into a single pile. “ She does not want to marry, dammit. She does not even believe in love!”
He smacked the prickly bristles of the broom down on the stable floor, kicking up errant strings of hay around his boots, and glared at Beast as if it were the animal’s fault. The massive, snowy-mountain-coloured horse stretched his neck over the stall door and flapped his upper lip.
Yes, Dominic had been reduced to talking to a horse.
Because it’d been a single day since Rayna had announced her abhorrence for marriage, and he was already losing his mind over it.
He’d needed someone to yell his woes at, but there was no person he could speak to, so the only other candidate had been the maddening woman’s horse itself.
So he was spending the evening sweeping the stables in Declan’s place and venting to the only creature he was sure would keep his troubles a secret.
“What am I to do now?” he asked, throwing a hand out.
“How am I to convince her that I…that she…” He dropped his hand on a pained, frustrated sound.
“She’s my wife. I would like her to be my wife.
I long for her to love me. I want her…to want me to stay.
Or for her to come with me. Something—anything—that will allow her to be mine. ”
His face twisted in a scowl as he jabbed a finger towards the open doorway. “But she…she wants nothing to do with love or marriage.”
What bloody jaded hero out of an adventure novel was trapped in her body? And how on Neves was he meant to defeat said hero and show her what he saw?
Marriage, laughter, children. Years of happiness that would paint lines on their faces.
He wanted it all with her.
But she wanted none of it.
The most frustrating part was that Dominic could understand why.
She’d been right to some degree. Marriage wasn’t for women what it was for men. He’d seen it with his own eyes amongst the ton.
He’d seen men treat it as more of an exchange that society expected them to do at some point in their lives, or multiple times even.
They took on the responsibility of a wife in exchange for legitimate heirs, someone to warm their bed, the money, and the influence and power her family name brought with her.
But to what degree they took on that responsibility was entirely up to them.
He’d seen some men soil their vows of marriage by keeping many a mistress and talking badly of their wives while drugged on opium amongst their friends. He’d even heard of some beating their wives and wearing it as a badge of honour when it was anything but.
And the women?
As their husbands’ property with no rights of their own, there was very little they could do to stop a man from mistreating them.
A woman’s husband could lock her up in a country estate, or dump her in a madhouse, or force her to be someone she wasn’t, and she could do nothing of it without the support of a father, brother, or male cousin.
Because society functioned on a man’s will, not a woman’s.
Yet women still married. In fact, they were eager to marry.
Dominic was ashamed to admit so, but he had silently judged the ladies of the ton who had shamelessly thrown themselves at possible suitors, treating other women like enemies and behaving rather cruelly just to marry a wealthy duke whose name was littered with scandal.
Only for the woman to titter about it so proudly as if she had achieved something grand.
After what Rayna had said, he was beginning to question his own judgement.
After all, how else was a woman meant to survive when men had restricted her ability to exist alone, other than by aligning herself with the most powerful man in the room, no matter how vile of a human he was?
At least then, she’d have some sense of power and security, preventing society from preying on her.
But give a woman freedom, money, a home of her own, the ability to have children, and safety without the need of a man, and there was no reason for her to marry, was there? Especially not a man who would disregard his responsibility or try to take away what she’d already gained for herself.
Dominic might not have understood as much if, in the past month or so, he hadn’t been forced to learn what it meant to rely on someone else for everything.
Food. Knowledge. Travel. Shelter. Money. Freedom.
Rayna, River, the people at the POTeM lab—they had dictated all aspects of his life since he’d arrived in the future.
They’d been generous to him, but oh, how it tasted bitter and burned at the edges of his pride when he thought about how helpless he was without them.
It was dispiriting and stifling not being able to do very much by himself.
Was that how it felt for women from his time?
While it had given him a new perspective to consider, Dominic still didn’t fully agree with Rayna that that was what every marriage was.
Marriage for him was about providing everything a wife needed and gaining her love. Loving her back and gaining her respect. Respecting her back and gaining her comfort. Comforting her too and gaining her trust. Trusting her with his life and gaining her for an eternity.
One was not meant to win more than the other, but their roles within it were different. And yet it was still a partnership built on cherishing each other.
That is what Dominic had witnessed around him.
From what his father had told him of his birth mother, even though their marriage had been arranged.
And from all the love his father had given Mother Penny before his passing.
Dominic hadn’t let his sister, Mary, marry until he’d been sure his friend, Flyn, would care for her with all his heart.
Dominic wanted the same for himself. He wanted that with Rayna.
He wanted her to rely on him the way a woman was meant to rely on her husband. Without ever worrying he’d fail her. But she had purposely closed her eyes to what love and marriage were really meant to be, and he didn’t know how he could coax her into opening them just for him.
Dominic folded over in defeat, dropping his forehead against the back of his hands piled atop the worn stick of the broom. “I am at a loss for what to do, Beast.”
Silence filled with the munching of the other horses in their stalls, and lazy clops of hooves echoed around him as he stared at the mess of hay on the floor.
Wet lips travelled over the back of his hair, wide nostrils sniffing and puffing across his neck.
“What?” Dominic grumbled.
Beast snorted over him and thumped his jaw on Dominic’s head. The broomstick stabbed the palms of his hands, and Dominic whipped up straight.
“Let me sulk in peace, you damned beast,” he snapped, waving an irritable hand around.
The horse flicked his head up with a huff, and if Dominic hadn’t known any better, he would have said Beast was laughing at his suffering.
He swung away. “Oh yes, mock me, why don’t you? You are undoubtedly on her side after all.” He began sweeping the pile of hay he’d disturbed, all while muttering under his breath. “Damned beautiful, stubborn, delightful, wicked, infuriating witch that she is.”
Beast’s hooves rustled through the hay in his stall as he snorted again.
“What?” Dominic threw over his shoulder. “Was my description inaccurate? How else am I to describe a woman who kisses me as if she wishes to drink my soul but refuses to marry me? She cares for me, yet she will not allow me to make her mine!”
The last scruff of the brush against the ground was still lingering in the air when someone cleared their throat behind him.
Dominic froze going into his next sweep. Cold prickles of shock crystallised across his back, before he flew around towards the opening of the stables.
Declan Griffin stood in the threshold and pinched the dent in what Dominic had learned was a cowboy hat as he adjusted it atop his head.
Fuck.
Dread climbed the pipeline of Dominic’s throat as he swallowed.
Had the older man possibly heard…
“I just came to check how you were getting on,” Declan said, striding towards him. “But it looks like I caught you in the middle of an intense conversation with Beast.”
He’d heard.
Dominic steeled his spine and attempted to offer the man a smile. “Not at all. I was merely telling Beast stories of my life as marquess.”
Declan searched his face the way a father did, knowing his son was lying. “Really? I thought your story was about Rayna?”
No, no, no, no, Dominic’s heart roared.
He’d promised Rayna. He’d sworn to her no one else would know about their relationship. He couldn’t let Declan know the truth. He didn’t want to break her trust.
“Why would you think that?” He dropped his attention to the hay and began sweeping the last of it into the growing pile. “I did not mention her name.”
“You didn’t have to.”
His movements slowed to a stop, and he lifted his head. The older man was focused on stroking Beast’s neck as Dominic figured out what to say.
“No such thing between her and me exists. We are merely…friends.” The word tasted awful in his mouth, but he said it as naturally as he could manage.
Except Declan’s mouth spread into a grin. “Very well then.”
The man turned back to Beast and caressed the horse as if the atmosphere wasn’t clammy with the obviousness of Dominic’s lie. But as he was deciding what move to make next that would guarantee him secrecy, Declan started speaking again.
“You know, Rayna was about a week old when I first held her in my arms. I remember it well, because it felt rather similar to holding my own daughter for the first time.”