Chapter 16
Pen
Present Time
Time is flying by. It's only ten days until Leon and I get married, and we keep busy preparing for the ceremony and the party afterwards.
My fiancé is currently taking on a large portion of that work, as I'm also dealing with transitioning off work.
I told my friends and coworkers about my reasons for leaving and getting engaged, but they think the latter is real, and their shocked faces still make me laugh when I think about it.
Bear is also puppeteering something to do with my bucket list and our honeymoon trip, but he's keeping that part close to his chest.
Tonight the vibe is different. I'm curling my hair for once, and wearing a new dress I got especially for this occasion— a joint stag party. Our friends insisted and we gave in, as we kept the plan simple. The usual suspects at our usual club, all together like any other night.
Sigh. My dress is pretty. It's a gorgeous emerald green, with opaque fabric at the top that glitters the lower you go. It's an A-line cut, but the large rhinestones at the bottom give it weight and a fun swirl when I move.
I know I'm supposed to wear white, but I'm not the kind to sacrifice my personal taste for the sake of social customs. I may not have dated in a long time, but virginity isn't a thing I'm interested in portraying even by tradition.
The smoky gold eyeshadow highlights the point, in my opinion. It makes me feel sexy. Powerful, in a way.
I smile. Where I'm pretending this is just another get together with our friends, I think Bear is trying a bit harder than that.
He asked for a few hints about my dress, so he could try to match me.
It's the kind of thing I've learned to expect from him, and I'm curious about what he's going to wear.
I won't have to wait long. Three days ago I moved in with him. The process was utterly uneventful. We have lived together before, after all. Not to say anything about trips, sleepovers, and all of that. All we really did was set up my room at the other end of the hall from where his bedroom is.
All my excitement came from getting to check out what my room would look like.
Just as promised, it's painted a bluish gray, except for the wall behind my bed.
A gorgeous, multicolored wallpaper decorates that side, exactly like the picture I sent Leon.
It's big enough to look like a small studio apartment, sans kitchen.
It has enough room for a small bathroom and the vanity I sit on, finishing up my hair.
The only times I won't get to have my own space is when either set of parents visit. When that happens, I'll share Bear's bedroom suite. It's fine. After sleeping together for more than a week at my parents', we're experts at ignoring the fact we woke up all over each other every morning.
All right. The truth is it was me who crossed the line between us every night. But that was my unconscious body seeking his warmth. I had never been as cozy as those mornings waking up next to Leon. Nothing more natural than my brain forgetting Bear is my best friend for the sake of comfort.
I'm done with my hair, and I spray it lightly so the curls last longer.
As for those mornings waking up with him, not much else should be said.
If I noticed any… hardenings… of his anatomy each morning, that was his unconscious falling victim to biology.
Don't most penis-owning people get that when they wake up?
Just like any reactions my body might have had at the sight— the faster heartbeat, the curiosity, the lip-licking— it's all nature doing its thing.
I repeat the words in my head like a prayer. My body has always responded to him in the most inescrutable, subtle ways. Except they're rational. Hormones and neurotransmitters evolved to make people want to bond and have sex. We have never let those get in the way of the relationship we have.
I put my earrings on. Two knocks on the door take me out of my reverie.
"Come in," I call.
Bear appears. I zero in on his suit— a delightful dark green, matte fabric, with a more saturated green color on the tie, on top of a simple white shirt. He looks great, with a freshly edged and shaped beard, and his dark hair styled in that casual up style of his.
I bet he smells amazing, too.
"Hey," he says. "Almost ready?"
His eyes track me, checking out my outfit. Deciding if he did a good job with his suit, I bet. The only reason his eyes follow the line of my back, around my ass, and all the way to my thighs, is because they happen to be visible, nothing else.
"Do you like?" I ask.
Don't ask me why it comes out that way.
I lick my lips and turn on the small vanity bench, giving my back to the wall, and casually pulling the skirt of my dress down.
"This dress, I mean," I correct.
He blinks at me. A couple of thoughts seem to clash in his mind. I automatically reach for one of the curls around my face and run my finger through it. Round and round, a couple of times.
Bear clears his throat. "You look very pretty."
"Thank you. You look handsome."
He dips his chin. "It's the stag and stagette party, but it could also be the engagement party we didn't get, right? I wanted to put in some extra effort, and now I'm glad I did."
"Yeah? Why?"
I lick my lip. Is it because you knew I'd look pretty, Leon?
Whew, stop that, Penélope.
"Nevermind," I say. "Is the car here?"
"It'll be here in ten." He sits at the edge of my bed. "It's not why I knocked."
He takes a small rectangular velvet box from his jacket's inside pocket. He opens it. Three rings shine from within it, shaped from some sort of silver metal.
"Oh— they're ready?" I ask.
I gave Leon one of my rings for sizing, knowing he'd use it to get his family's jewelry ready, but this is the first time I see the heirlooms.
Two of the rings are smaller than the third.
One of them is a thin band with several small diamonds in a channel, surrounding a center, rectangular deep blue stone.
The other one must be the engagement ring, as it has a more elaborate design.
The center stone is relatively large, surrounded with beautifully crafted metal prongs made to look organic, almost like leaves and tiny branches.
It gives the ring a floral look, especially with the accent stones in the same shade of dark blue sitting like little water droplets.
"Wow." I run a finger through the stone and metal flower.
"Mamma didn't mention it, but my grandfather's ring was included in the set."
The third ring, larger than the other two, is a simple band with two parallel lines etched all around. A simple gray stone holds a solitary spot on the metal, flush against its surface.
My stomach flips, thinking of it on Leon's finger.
"They're gorgeous," I manage.
"I was wondering if you wanted to start wearing the engagement ring." He scratches his eyebrow. "Since we're going to a party and the wedding is coming up soon."
He's the one licking his bottom lip now. In this light, it's easy to make a connection between his eyes and the stone accents in the rings.
That dizzying feeling in my stomach intensifies.
I bite my lip. "Are you sure you don't want us to get something else for us? More casual? These rings are too beautiful. Wouldn't you rather keep them for Future Wife?"
That kills the little high showing up out of nowhere. My body goes silent.
But he shakes his head.
"No," he says. "I already started imagining them on your finger. They're yours."
I gaze at the rings again, then up at him like asking for confirmation.
Leon takes the engagement ring out of the box. "I don't like how people keep looking at your hand and not finding anything there."
He's talking about meeting our wedding planning team, or going cake tasting, or the time we had to pick decorations for the event. No one said anything. No questions were asked. But they did look at my left hand a lot, and it seems Leon noticed.
The dizzying feeling returns. It's a roller coaster again.
"I'd love to wear it," I confess. "We're engaged, after all."
He gives me a small smile and, without notice, goes down on his knee.
"Oh my God." My heart booms. It's such a powerful feeling, I wonder if it's possible for it to explode.
"Gotta do this right." He takes my left hand, but doesn't put the ring on yet. "Or as right as we can go about it."
"It's okay…" I manage.
He pushes the ring onto my finger. "Imagine we're at the lake. Mix the memories in your mind. That would make it more special, I think."
"This is special." My throat tightens. "It's… us."
Through the emotion clogging up my system, I search for better words. This moment is simple, the way our friendship has always been. Easy. Warm. Domestic? Fuck, I can't name it, but it glows inside.
It's real, spontaneous, and… secure. My friendship with Bear is where I find protection from the unpredictability of life.
"It's perfect, Leon."
His eyes, until then staring at the ring on my finger, with its stones glinting in the bedroom light, lift to me. The blue irises glint in exactly the same way.
"This may be unconventional," he says, "but it feels right."
I didn't expect it, but to feel the ring slide on and sit perfectly on my finger, it made the fit right at many levels. He's spot on. Maybe that's why emotion swells in my chest.
"It is right," I whisper. "Even if it's not everything it's meant to be for other people… it's right for us, for now."
My hand remains in his. The new stones I wear blink and tease me, asking me to stare at them some more, but I don't. I'm caught in the soft way Leon looks at me, and the small smile tilting his mouth.
"I'm proud to be the one you marry, Pen. I've been thinking about it. Of course, part of it is because you're my favorite human but, if I think more about it… it's because I admire who you are. So unapologetically yourself. Determined. Adventurous, and loyal too."
I gulp. A new wave of feeling rises in my chest, collecting in my throat, threatening to overflow. I think it's gratitude. Tenderness. Something sweeter mixes with it, like golden veins in ancient marble.
His smile widens somewhat. "When you gave up on dating, you said 'fuck what people expect of me.
' In a way, we're saying 'fuck the script' together this time, getting married as friends.
I love that I get to be a part of it. That we get to do this for your parents together.
And I love that I get to prove somehow that you were right.
When the men you dated tried to tell you that you were the problem, you didn't believe them.
You went for the life you wanted. You still do. What a badass."
I snort, but it comes out a bit watery. "You know the worst things about me. You've seen me ugly cry and held me anyway. Don't you think I'm the lucky one here?"
"No." He smirks. "But I'll leave the rest for my vows."
I shake my head. "You have to promise you'll keep them simple."
He raises an eyebrow at his watch and doesn't respond.
"Bear…"
I may not hold it together if his vows are more of the same.
He closes the velvet box in his large hand. "The car is here. Gotta drop this in my room, but let's go."
"Leon Karlsen!"
"Come on. We don't want to be late to our own party, do we?"