Chapter 20
Pen
Too many emotions run through me to fully understand why I'm shaking. It's a soft tremor, but if anyone looks at my bouquet with too much attention, they'll see it.
I'm around the corner of the building with my dad, waiting. I take a deep breath. It's a secluded area, designated for the bride-to-be to prepare to walk down the aisle. Soon, the harp playing inside will go quiet for a minute, to announce the moment I will appear on my dad's arm.
With my eyes closed, I visualize what's to come. It will help bring down the nerves. It's a trick I learned from Bear, that he uses for games sometimes.
The venue is beautiful, and it shows clear in my mind's eye.
We liked it the moment we saw the pictures online.
The whole property has a cozy, old village look that we loved.
Bear said it was romantic. Then he used his influence and fame to shamelessly outbid other couples trying to book the venue when a cancellation came through.
An old greenhouse will frame the ceremony.
The wrought iron structure has gone a seafoam color with the passage of time, renovated to look like a large gazebo.
They kept the ceiling glass to protect from the weather, while removing it from the sides.
This way, the walls are open to the outdoors, the many flowering bushes at the edges, and the trees behind them.
Fifty chairs, full with friends and family, wait for me.
At the end of the aisle, Leon and the bridal party wait as well against a flower arch.
After we're married, we'll go to an outdoor patio for cocktail hour, while they reset the gazebo for dinner.
We won't pose for staged portraits. Instead, we asked the photographer to keep snapping pictures to grasp hundreds of tiny, special moments.
The background will be beautiful every time.
Large flagstones with candles, flower pots of different sizes and shapes, leafy garlands with white ribbons and sparkling lights, will be the backdrop for us and our guests.
The old state house that overlooks the venue from a hill nearby will set the tone, too.
It's gorgeous and airy and perfect for a summer wedding.
I open my eyes and lick my lips. The time has come.
Leon and I will sign papers that hold real promises.
We'll be legally bound. We didn't have time for a prenup, but we agreed to look into a postnup— apparently a real thing— to make sure this is fair to both of us and the decisions we make while married.
I take another deep breath.
"Don't be nervous," my dad whispers. "You're marrying your best friend. Do you know how many people dream of that?"
I gaze at him for a beat. When I was little, I loved looking at old pictures of my parents.
There was an old album for their wedding alone.
I can't remember my mom's dress or what the cake looked like.
All I paid attention to was their smiling eyes, and the way they seemed so light and happy that day.
Today, my dad looks very much like an older version of the man in their wedding pictures. It brings that same lightness right to my chest. My heart turns calm, until my blood itself runs like the cutest little prairie creek.
He smiles. It centers me. Nerves are unnecessary, when I'm marrying Bear.
The music in the building pauses, and it changes into an arrangement of an old song Bear and I used to love.
"Lista, hija?"
"Are you ready?" I smile. "You've been waiting for this moment for a long time."
My dad keeps going through medical tests,and being told he needs to remain low stress and optimistic. The happier he is, the better it will all be.
"I'm more than ready." He offers me his arm. "I'm ecstatic."
I grin. "Perfect."
With certain steps, he guides me around the building. A small turn later, and we take our place at the main entrance to the gazebo. It looks just like in my mind, except fifty-plus smiling faces gaze my way.
I can't pay much attention to them. My eyes are on Leon at the end of the aisle.
He looks incredible. His suit is the perfect shade of tan for the summer, with a white shirt and a chocolate-brown tie and pocket handkerchief. The shades were picked by a very smart someone, who must have known it would make his eyes look more blue than usual.
His hair is styled to perfection. His beard is dark and his scar is an intriguing notch on his lip. His eyes shine as he gazes at me.
My stomach flips. I smile and barely stop myself from waving at him, as my dad and I take the first step toward my groom.
Bear takes a long look at my dress. Even from this distance, I see the small reactions to it— the twitch on his eyebrow, the curl to his lips— that tell me he likes it too.
What's not to like? I never thought I'd like lace but, in this dress, it works.
Little feather-like designs in off-white thread decorate the crop top I wear, with a boat neckline, half-sleeves, and a scalloped waist line.
Below it, an A-line tulle skirt falls to just a few inches below my knees, full of volume and movement as I walk.
It shows off my new favorite pair of shoes, a low heel blue set with studded straps.
The stilettos and lingerie he saw me in were both too much for today.
Leon shakes his head like he can't believe what he sees. I grin. Dad and I reach the officiant, and Bear gives me a small smile.
After all these years, we're here.
I turn to my dad like we planned. He's tearing up. I was so focused on Leon that I hadn't noticed.
"Oh, Papá," I whisper.
"You're a beautiful bride, hija." He kisses my cheek. "I'm so proud of you."
He helps me onto the small dais where the ceremony will take place.
He stares up at Bear. "Every time I imagined this moment, I thought I'd crack a joke. Now I find that all I want to say is that I'm proud of you, too. I'm grateful it's you here with my daughter. There's no one I'd rather have as a son-in-law."
"I'll take care of her." Bear's voice isn't too loud, just for my dad and I.
I think he's feeling a swell of emotion, too.
"I know," Dad says. "That's why I'll save the jokes for the speeches later."
He brings our hands together and goes to find his place next to my mom in the front row.
All feelings swirling inside settle when I gaze up at Leon. His smile brims with so much tenderness, I can't help but trust everything will be all right.
"You look beautiful," he says.
"You look very handsome," I reply.
He smirks to hide a wide smile. "Let's do this."
We asked the officiant to keep it simple, and her first words go by quickly.
She mentions the gift of marrying your best friend, and the miracle of finding your forever love in someone that has been there with you through it all.
The words settle inside of me in that space where my affection for Leon lives.
They glow and, with their light, they ink new words into a book that feels like a sacred text.
Ancient and delicate, full of powerful truths about being alive.
But soon it's time for the vows, and butterflies take hold of my stomach.
Evie passes me my notes. I unfold the thick watercolor paper I used to write everything down, take a deep breath, and stare up to Bear.
"Leon." I smile. "You know me better than anyone else, so you won't be surprised to hear that I never thought I'd marry.
In fact, I made several very public declarations that insisted I didn't care enough for romance to keep looking— and I really didn't care.
So I stopped looking. Now imagine my surprise when I started planning this wedding, and choosing a dress, and telling people I was your fiancée, and I was happy.
I'm so happy to be doing this with you. Who better to promise things to than the kid who moved-in next door twenty years ago and never left my side? "
My throat tightens. It's a surprise, but I ignore it. I'm taken by the soft way in which Leon looks at me.
"Bear, you're one of the best people I know.
With your generosity, loyalty, perseverance…
I'm the luckiest person alive. That's why I promise I'll give back by taking care of your heart.
I will do everything in my power to make sure you get everything you've ever dreamed of.
We'll keep going on adventures together, and I'll be an ear when you need one, and I'll stay here, caring about your happiness as much as my own.
Maybe even a bit more than that. You need someone who puts you first, too. "
I fold my piece of paper again and give it back to Evie. My heart skips every other beat. This is so real, maybe too real, and I'm starting to believe every word of it.
Oh. My. Well, the words were true. All of them. The feeling in my chest glows, and I'm so happy I could burst, so I won't ruin this by remembering it's supposed to end one day. Emotion fills Bear's eyes, and my body echoes every ounce of them.
"Penélope Duarte," the officiant says. "Do you take Leon Karlsen to be your spouse?"
"Yes, I do."
The officiant gives me Leon's grandfather's ring and I place it on his finger. Those feelings in my chest— they multiply.
I take a shaky breath and chuckle. I didn't expect to respond like this.
Bear studies me. His eyes search mine. I blink a few times, and smile to reassure him.
Everything is okay. Very okay. More than okay. I can let myself feel this joy. No need to worry about believing in this too much, so much so that I reach a place I can't come back from. Everything is under control.
"Leon, please share your vows," the officiant says.
Bear nods and clears his throat. "Pen. The moment your parents came to introduce themselves to the new neighbors with you in tow, we were inseparable.
You invited me to play with you in your backyard and it set us on a path that led right here to this moment.
There's nothing I would change about our history, because marrying you feels right. "
I can't help it. I grab his sleeve between my fingers. Like I need reassurance back, and only his proximity will achieve the kind of peace I crave.
Blue flames flicker intense in his eyes.
"There are people who make the world a better place just by being in it.
Pen, you're one of them. I admire your openness to life, your determination to make it be everything you want and never settle for less, and how you care for community and connection.
How one day you met this kid next door and never let go.
Like you claimed me for yourself and that was it.
We'd be friends forever. You can't imagine how much that has always meant to me. "
I gulp. I'm tearing up just like my dad.
He takes a breath that shakes just like mine does. "One day I'll prove to you that I've always seen you in my future. That every time I imagine what's to come, it's you I see. If soulmates are real, you must be mine."
I can't fully hide a gasp. He glances at me and rubs his lips with his free hand— his left. Fairylights glint on his ring.
He takes another breath. "If I'm confessing that in my vows, it's because I need you to understand how important you are to me.
You're my best friend, Pen. My favorite person.
My compass. Whoever came up with the idea of soulmates must have had someone like you in their life.
I count myself lucky that I get to show you this way, too. "
He smiles when he sees the tears welling in my eyes. I blink them away and smile, too.
"Leon Karlsen," the officiant says. "Do you take Penélope Duarte to be your spouse?"
"Yes. I do."
He puts the wedding band on my finger.
Holy fuck, we're really doing this.
The officiant's voice gets stronger. More joyful, as she speaks to her mic. "With these rings, I pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride!"
I gaze up at my best friend. Tingles run through my body, I feel so much. I'm getting swept up by the moment, because butterflies explode in my stomach.
Leon cradles my head, like he did all those years ago. The last thing I see is the small, unassuming smile on his mouth, before he presses his lips to mine.
Everything turns gold inside. A sun— maybe a supernova. This light source glows with the power to travel for a thousand light-years, across space and time, stronger than galaxies and the cells in my body, because it takes hold of every corner within me.
The pace of time changes again. Something got rewritten in the fabric of reality.
He ends the kiss and looks at me with twinkling eyes. I can't process what's going on. All I know is we're not kissing anymore and that is unacceptable.
Before I know it, I chase his lips. I kiss him. Arms around his neck, resting my weight on him, up high on the tips of my feet. Without realizing what I'm doing, I'm asking for more.
It only takes him a second to respond, but time still runs in slow motion. He kisses me back. A stray thought points out that wedding kisses aren't like this… but no kiss has ever felt like this.
All things shift. Light refracts around us like when it goes from air to water, but more. Unique. Like nothing before. Like the pressure of his lips on mine has power not only over my anatomy, but the laws of physics themselves.
Next thing I know, I'm held in his arms and bent at the waist. People whoop and applaud.
I gasp. It ends the kiss, but not the dip position he's holding me in.
My mouth is open in surprise. Bear looks awestruck. I'm still bent at the waist, hanging on by a thread and by his strong arms.
"After a kiss like that," the officiant says, "who's ready to party and celebrate this groom and his bride?"
Leon helps me stand by his side. My fingers shake, but I don't think anyone notices— they're hidden in Bear's large palm. I hold on and use his hand like an anchor. People look at us. My parents grin, Bear's parents laugh, and our friends and guests continue applauding.
I smile but it's a reflex. Bear reacts first and, after a dry chuckle, he glances at me and takes us back up the aisle.
Holy fuck. That did not feel like the kiss in my backyard. It felt… I felt…
Oh my God.
I can't process what happened or what it means. There's no time, and nothing is firing properly in my brain anyway. I'm still dizzy from the way Bear dipped me, and the feeling of his lips on mine, and his tongue, so assertive, and I—
Wow. Yeah. What?
As was planned, people follow us straight onto the outside patio.
We walk into the wonderfully decorated area, hands still held tight.
A server waits for us at the center of the patio, with two champagne glasses on a tray.
They have ‘Mrs’ and ‘Mr’ etched on the surface.
Neither Leon or I make an attempt to drink them yet.
We only exchange a quick look, before our parents get to us. They hug us. Then it's our friends' turn.
I smile through it all but, inside, something has changed.
Shit.
In fact— holy fuck.