Chapter 27
Bear
The return to Seattle takes us right back to a busy schedule. Pen drives her parents around for a hundred appointments, while I spend those hours at the Thunderdome gym. I enjoy some time with my friends there, train, then go back home to spend time with Pen and her parents.
Today, instead of showering at TD after training like I usually do, I came straight home.
Tonight is the championship ring gala, and it changed the schedule we've fallen into.
I'm not sure when Pen is coming into our room to get ready, but my plan is to be almost done by the time she comes in. Just in case.
But we're running late, each caught up on another busy day. With clear efficiency, I lather soap all over, then wash my hair and beard. I sigh. Several bottles of the products she uses stand mixed with mine.
The ensuite bathroom is modern and designed for a couple.
The walk-in shower is hidden behind a wall, so there is no need for glass.
It boasts two shower heads, jets, and a stone bench.
There's a long alcove on the wall as well, in which our products wait.
Mixed together, so casual, like Pen and I lived together permanently.
My heart pumps a couple extra beats at the thought, and doubles its pace when her voice reaches me from across the wall.
"Don't mind me! I just need to do something quick."
My hands slow down as I rub suds onto my chest. "Hello, Pen."
I don't know what else to say. She can't see me, here behind the wall in the shower, but it still feels like an intimate moment somehow.
I can imagine it. She stands on the other side of the partition, where a side-to-side mirror, stone countertop, and two sinks give the bathroom its working space.
In my mind, Pen gets busy doing something that has to do with getting ready for the gala, while I'm on my side under the water. It's a couple-like vision.
"I'm sorry, I don't mean to intrude," she says. "But I don't want to be late. I promise I won't spy on you."
I purse my lips. "Don't worry about it."
My eyes roam over the second set of jets and rain shower next to me, empty at the moment. In another life, my wife could take a shower right next to me, on a night like this. As it is, my actual wife remains on the other side of the wall, and I can't decide what to do about it this time.
Especially when my eyes land on the large frosted window at the other end of the shower.
It is strategically placed to provide plenty of sunlight during the day.
Now in the evening, with the pot lights turned on inside, reflections come to life on the glass.
My hands still. I had never thought to check, but now that she's over there and I'm over here…
I can see her reflection on the glass. It's distorted, hazy, but there. I'm not an expert in the science of light and refraction, but I think if she were to look at the glass, she could see me too. Not clearly, but she could.
Fuck. If she were here next to me, with water falling down her skin, I'd help her wash her hair. I'd lather soap in my hands, and offer to help her cover the ground of her skin.
We'd be late to the party, for sure.
I gulp. The image doesn't last too long in my head before it has an effect down south. I stare at my cock with a frown.
Do not. Not now.
It's been a struggle, but I haven't jerked off yet, for the same reasons I didn't on our wedding night. If I'm the King of Blue Balls these days, it is to cross no lines, not even in my mind. Just call me Blue Balls Bear and let me live. I'm already barely hanging on by a thread.
Pen and I have been sharing a bedroom since her parents arrived. Sure, we wake up in each others' arms every time, but I manage to hide my hard-ons. No grinding of late. As soon as the alarm goes off, she grumbles about her plans for the day, then we laugh about something, and get going.
It makes it easier when I have to tell myself over and over that if things changed after our wedding, if I felt so much during our kiss, it was due to the immense affection I have for Pen. It was a peak friendship moment, that's all. My current sexual frustrations have nothing to do with any of it.
A few more days, and I might convince myself. If my chest aches when I think of it, it stands to reason it's like the pain that comes from too much exercise. My heart hasn't gotten a workout like that in recent years, simple as that.
Tonight? Naked in the shower, with Pen doing who knows what on the other side of the wall? Suddenly it gets harder— pun intended— to manage.
"I'm going to admit something to you," Pen says.
I grab the shower handle and ruthlessly set it to almost freezing. When cold water washes over me, I hiss.
"You okay?" she asks.
"What are you about to admit to me, and why does it sound like a warning?"
I rinse my hair and body in frigid water, and it helps. At least, this way I can blame my fast heartbeat on something new.
"Okay, here goes." She clears her throat. "You were right. Quitting was a great idea."
I smirk. "Maybe next time you'll listen to me without arguing."
"Oh, shush!" She laughs, hard. "As if."
I chuckle. "What made you see the light?"
My eyes dart to her reflection on the window, but I blink and look away.
"I wouldn't have had time to take my parents everywhere had I been working. Today alone we had two appointments for my dad and my DNA test."
I smile. Despite how difficult things have been emotionally since the wedding, this is one wonderful thing resulting from it all. It helps with the nerves about her dad's situation, and the unpredictability surrounding everything.
"Good," I say. "Take some time and recover. Cart your parents around, spend time with them, then rest. You'll figure out what comes next another time."
"I suppose that sounds about right."
Fully clean and appropriately cold, I turn off the water. Soon I've dried up enough, and wrap my hips in my towel.
I round the wall, and find Pen leaning close to her reflection, tweezers in hand.
"Oh," she says. "Right on time."
Her eyes travel over my form in the mirror. I try not to make much of it. I simply reach for my moisturizer and rub some on my face. She follows my movements as if mesmerized.
"Your turn?" I ask.
I'm losing my cool, and this is dangerous at another level. Better for everyone if she gets going and we keep busy. I have enough wisdom to know that.
She straightens and nods. "Yeah. Yes. Well. Don't want to be late!"
Pen leaves the tweezer on the counter. Like we've been doing this for years, she rounds the wall and disappears into the shower area. Before I know what's happening, she's throwing pieces of clothing onto the floor, right where I can see them.
She's getting naked just a few steps away from me… and all I want to do is round the damn wall and help her. Touch her. Kiss her. Please, I have to kiss her.
This pang in my chest— it glows. It grows. It gives me away.
Fuck.
I close my eyes. My hands land on the counter. My head hangs between my shoulders. Whatever I've been trying to tell myself goes out the window. My reasoning had been shallow and skin deep. I'd placed my hopes in it, but it only took some basic intimacy to show me how wrong I've been.
The truth is, I'm looking at Pen like a friend never would. That line I knew so well between us got blurred on our wedding day. I've been trying to keep it all caged but to no avail. And no matter what I try to read or how many shows I stop watching, my heart doesn't believe my alibis.
Hell, that organ doesn't care. It sees the kiss we shared and screams at me. And now I'm too aware of all the ways in which I want to have my wife.
The kiss, the need, the desire… they're all mixed, and they all have to do with Pen.
I can't let this affect us, but how the fuck do you contain an explosion?