21. Ethan
Ethan
I woke sometime in the night, Calder’s strong arms still wrapped around me.
It took me a moment to realize where I was and how I’d gotten there.
But the moment I caught his scent, that warm masculinity with a hint of car grease, I knew I was safe.
However, that wasn’t the only thing I noticed.
There was a definite stiffness against my ass.
It surprised me, considering how much he’d fought against the idea of liking men.
But at the same time, cocks rarely listened to sense.
Still, I didn’t want him to wake up and be uncomfortable, so I tried to pull away.
However, the moment I did, I felt his arm muscles tense, holding me tight against him. He buried his face in my neck, breathing deeply. “No,” he murmured, holding me against his chest. “Warm…”
His voice was thick with sleep, but the way he held me felt deliberate, possessive even.
I could feel his heart beating against my back, faster than it should be for someone who was supposedly asleep.
The hard length of him pressed more insistently against me, and I had to bite back a soft moan.
It had been too long since I’d gotten this kind of attention.
"Calder?" I whispered, testing to see if he was really awake.
A low rumble vibrated through his chest, almost like a growl. His lips brushed against the sensitive skin of my neck, not quite a kiss but close enough to send electricity racing through my veins.
"Smell so good," he murmured, his voice rough and gravelly. His nose traced along my hairline, and I felt him inhale deeply again. "Can't... can't let go."
My pulse quickened as his grip on me tightened. This wasn't the hesitant, conflicted Calder from earlier. This was something more primal, more desperate. I could feel the tension in his body, the way his breathing had changed.
"Calder," I said again, turning slightly in his arms to face him.
His eyes were open now, but there was something different about them in the dim light. They seemed to catch what little moonlight filtered through the curtains, almost glowing. The intensity of his gaze made my breath catch.
"I'm sorry," he said, but he didn't release me. If anything, his hold grew tighter. "I should let you go, but I..."
"But you what?" I asked softly, my hand coming up to rest against his chest. I could feel the rapid thrum of his heartbeat beneath my palm.
"I can't," he admitted, his voice breaking slightly. "I know I should, but I don’t want to."
The raw honesty in his voice made something warm unfurl in my chest. Here was this strong, protective man admitting his weakness, his need. And that need was for me. "Then don't," I whispered, surprising myself with my boldness.
His pupils dilated, and for a moment I could have sworn I saw flecks of gold in his brown eyes. "Ethan..."
"I want this too," I said, pressing closer to him, the truth spilling out of me before I could stop it. "I want you. I have for a while now.”
The admission seemed to break something in him. His mouth crashed against mine with a hunger that took my breath away. This kiss was different from the one in the rain, less desperate, more claiming. His tongue swept across my lower lip, and I opened for him eagerly.
A groan rumbled low in his throat as I tangled my fingers in his dark hair, pulling him deeper into the kiss.
His hand found the hem of my t-shirt, his calloused fingers trailing fire across my skin as they explored the planes of my stomach.
Every touch sent shockwaves through my system, making me arch against him.
"Fuck," he breathed against my lips, his voice wrecked. "You're driving me crazy."
I could feel how hard he was through the thin fabric of his boxers, his arousal pressing hot and insistent against my hip. My own cock was straining against the confines of my underwear, desperate for friction, for contact, for him.
"Please," I whispered, not even sure what I was begging for. All I knew was that I needed more of him, needed to feel his skin against mine.
His hand slid lower, fingers dancing along the waistband of my boxers. "Tell me what you want," he demanded, his voice rough with desire.
"You," I gasped as his thumb traced circles on my hipbone. "I want you to touch me."
The sound he made was purely animalistic, somewhere between a growl and a moan. His hand slipped beneath the elastic of my underwear, wrapping around my aching length. I cried out at the contact, my hips bucking involuntarily into his grip.
"Feel good," he asked, his lips finding the sensitive spot just below my ear.
“Mm-hmm,” I hummed back. “Don’t stop.”
His strokes were slow and deliberate, building a fire in my veins that threatened to consume me.
I reached for him, my hand finding the hard outline of his cock through his boxers.
He hissed at the contact, his hips jerking forward.
"Off," I managed to gasp, tugging at the waistband. "Take them off."
We moved together in a tangle of limbs and desperate kisses, shedding our remaining clothes with clumsy urgency. When we were finally skin to skin, both of us naked and wanting, I thought I might die from the sheer intensity of it.
Calder's body was magnificent in the moonlight, all hard muscle and golden skin. Dark hair dusted his chest, trailing down to where his impressive length stood proud and ready. I reached for him, wanting to explore every inch, but he caught my wrist.
"Not yet," he said, his voice strained. "I won't last if you touch me like that."
Instead, he pressed me back against the pillows, his mouth trailing hot kisses down my throat, across my collarbone. When his lips found my nipple, I arched off the bed with a sharp cry. The sensation was electric, shooting straight to my groin.
"Calder," I panted, my hands fisting in the sheets. "Please, I need—"
"I know what you need," he said, his breath hot against my skin. He positioned himself so that our cocks were aligned, the heated length of him sliding against mine. The friction was exquisite, sending waves of pleasure coursing through my body.
"Is this what you want?" he asked, his voice rough with need as he began to move against me, our cocks sliding together in perfect rhythm.
"Yes," I gasped, my hands finding his shoulders, nails digging into his skin. "God, yes."
He captured my mouth in another searing kiss as he ground against me, the pressure building between us. I could feel the slick heat of his arousal mixing with mine, creating a delicious friction that had me teetering on the edge already.
"You feel so good," he murmured against my lips, his movements becoming more urgent. "So fucking good."
I wrapped my legs around his waist, changing the angle and creating even more delicious pressure. The sound he made was purely feral, his control slipping as he thrust against me with increasing desperation.
"Calder," I breathed, feeling the familiar tightness building in my core. "I'm close."
"Cum for me," he commanded, his forehead pressed against mine, those golden-flecked eyes boring into me. "I need to see it."
His words were my undoing. With a cry that I barely recognized as my own voice, I came hard between us, my release coating both our stomachs as my body shuddered with pleasure.
The sight of me losing control seemed to push him over the edge, and with a deep groan, he followed me into bliss.
We lay there afterward, breathing heavily, our bodies still entwined.
Calder's arm tightened around me possessively, and I felt him press a gentle kiss to my temple.
"Ethan," he said softly, his voice filled with something I couldn't quite identify. Wonder, maybe. Or fear.
"Yeah?" I replied, still catching my breath.
"I..." He paused, seeming to struggle with the words. "I've never done anything like that before."
I turned in his arms to face him, seeing the vulnerability in his expression. "Did you like it?” I asked, wanting to make sure everything was okay.
“Yeah,” he nodded, still a bit bewildered. “It was a lot better than I thought it would be.”
“I’m glad,” I smiled, leaning up to kiss his chin. “I don’t want you to regret it.”
“I don’t,” he said simply. Then something shifted in his gaze then, becoming more intense, more possessive. "You're mine," he said, the words coming out like a declaration rather than a question.
The certainty in his voice should have frightened me, but instead it sent a thrill through my already sated body. "Am I?"
"Yes," he said firmly, pulling me closer. "And I'm yours. No matter what anyone says.”
“Are you sure?” I asked, holding his face in my hands. “I don’t need promises, Calder,” I added softly. “I just like being with you.”
“No,” he replied sternly. “I mean it. You’re mine.” He paused. “Is that okay?”
I nodded. “I’ll be yours. But let’s see where it goes before you propose to me, alright?” I couldn’t help chuckling slightly. “Frotting is fun, but there’s a lot more to explore before you commit to this forever.”
A low growl rumbled through his chest at my words, and his eyes flashed with that strange golden light again. "I know what I want," he said, his voice carrying an edge of something primal that made my skin prickle with awareness.
"Calder," I said carefully, studying his face in the moonlight. "Your eyes just... they're doing that thing again."
He blinked, seeming to come back to himself. The golden glow faded, leaving just those familiar brown eyes, but now they held a flicker of panic. "What thing?"
"They were glowing," I said softly. "They’ve done it before…"
He went very still beneath me, his entire body tensing. "You're imagining things. It's just the moonlight."
But I wasn't imagining it. I'd seen enough strange things in my life to know when something wasn't normal. And there was something about Calder, something I couldn't quite put my finger on, that felt... different. Otherworldly, almost.
"Calder," I started, but he was already pulling away from me, sitting up on the edge of the bed.
"We should clean up," he said, his voice carefully neutral. "Get some more sleep."
I watched as he padded naked to his bathroom, his movements fluid and graceful in a way that seemed almost too perfect. When he returned with a warm washcloth, his walls were back up, that vulnerable man from moments ago hidden behind his usual guarded expression.
"Here," he said, gently cleaning the evidence of our passion from my skin. His touch was tender, reverent even, but I could feel the distance he was trying to create.
"Don't do that," I said, catching his wrist. "Don't pull away from me again."
His jaw clenched. "I'm not pulling away."
"You are," I insisted. "Every time we get close, every time you show me something real, you retreat. What are you so afraid of?"
For a moment, I thought he might tell me. His mouth opened, closed, and I saw that familiar war playing out behind his eyes. Then he shook his head, pulling his hand free. "It's late," he said, avoiding my gaze. "We both need rest."
Frustration bubbled up in my chest, but I forced it down. He'd given me more tonight than ever before, shown me a side of himself I suspected few people ever saw. Pushing him now would only make him retreat further.
"Okay," I said quietly. "But I'm not going back to the guest room."
Relief flickered across his features. "Good. I... I like it better with you here."
We settled back into bed, and despite the tension, Calder's arms came around me again. This time, though, I could feel the restraint in his touch, the careful control he was exerting over himself. "Calder?" I whispered into the darkness.
"Yeah?" His voice was a low rumble against my back.
"Whatever you're hiding... I hope someday you'll trust me enough to tell me."
His body went rigid against mine, his breathing suspended for several heartbeats.
When he finally exhaled, it came out as a shaky sigh that stirred my hair.
But I didn’t give him a chance to respond before I said goodnight and rolled over.
Whatever he was hiding, he needed time to work it out. I could wait.