6. Noah
6
NOAH
Hiding in the bathroom between classes wasn’t exactly what I imagined during my first week of school, but here we are.
It was only a matter of time before people started talking. By the way the kid who interrupted us in Mrs. Fisher’s office looked at me, I’m betting he had something to do with what’s been happening. I thought I’d be able to get through the first week without anyone noticing me, a couple of days at least, but no.
I was already frustrated this morning as soon as I walked in and saw everyone staring at me. None of them even tried to hide that I was the main topic of conversation. But sitting next to Izzy made me feel worse.
I should have spoken to her, at least given her some kind of response, rather than pushing her away. She was one of the only few who didn’t join in with what everyone else was doing, but I know she heard it. Then the embarrassment overtook the frustration, and I couldn’t face talking to her.
In between classes, I’ve taken to running to this bathroom near the back of the science block, because no one seems to come here. I only found it because I was trying to avoid the crowds, turning down corridors until the glances and whispers finally subsided. Most of the classrooms here look deserted, so I’d be safe to sit in one of them, but hiding in a locked bathroom gives me even more protection.
I lean back against the sink, pulling my phone out to pass the time before next period, and of course, there’s a text from Ravi. He messaged me yesterday to ask how my first day went, and I told him that it seemed like it was going to be okay. I suppose I’ll have to tell him differently now.
Ravi
Football wasn’t the same without you at lunch
Noah
Does that mean you let in more goals than usual
My phone rings, a picture of us together after a match, faces red and sweaty, and our arms slung around each other’s shoulders. We’ve both got the biggest smiles even though we’d lost because we knew we played a great game together.
“Those are fighting words, Park.”
I huff out a light laugh, my mood instantly brightening hearing his voice and feeling a bit of normalcy.
“Hey, it’s the truth. You know I was your best defender.”
“Yeah, you were,” he sighs. “So, how’s day two going? Made any new friends yet?”
Izzy instantly comes to mind. I didn’t mention her yesterday. All I told him was that a classmate had shown me around. I don’t see our relationship going any further than that, so I didn’t think it was important to mention her by name. So why am I thinking of her now?
“I’m not really planning on that,” I tell him. “Most of them aren’t friendly, so I’m just keeping my head down and getting through the year.”
“Don’t close yourself off too soon,” he says gently. The concern in his voice is evident. I know he wants me to forget what happened with our old group and try to move on, but it’s easier said than done.
“They’ve got a team here,” I say, changing the subject. Ravi is polite enough not to call me out on it.
“Are you going to join?”
“The headteacher said I could try out for it tomorrow, but I don’t know,” I say, staring down at my feet.
“You should. You can teach those pretentious boarding school kids a thing or two.”
“I am one of those pretentious boarding school kids now,” I remind him.
Ravi laughs, and I can’t help but smile. He’s been a steadfast friend to me, and I’m glad he’s still making an effort with me even when we’re no longer at the same school.
The warning bell rings, and Ravi asks me to update him later on how the rest of the day goes. We hang up, and I turn to face the mirror to look over myself. I stare myself down, taking some deep breaths before I school my expression back to a plain mask as I prepare to face the judgemental stares again.
* * *
The next day passes pretty much in the same way. I go to classes, keeping to myself as much as I can, and then hide away in between them.
It’s all too easy to consider staying in my room once I get back to it, but my conversation with Ravi yesterday plays in my mind. I force myself to get changed into the navy shorts and T-shirt that make up the PE uniform. Then, I lace up my trainers before making my way to the playing fields. They’re all down a set of stairs, and there’s a few of them so that multiple sports can play at once, but it’s only the football team down here today.
The rest of the guys stand around talking to each other, stretching their limbs in preparation. I’m becoming quite talented at blending into the background, so I stand off to the side, tying and untying my laces just so it looks like I’m doing something.
“Stay away from my girlfriend.”
I look up to see the guy who annoyed Izzy the other day staring down at me. Robert? Riley? Rowan? Whatever his name is, his statement puzzles me. I stand up and realise he’s a little bit shorter than me, which gives me some kind of courage.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I say plainly, stepping to the side of him so I can walk away. He does the same and blocks my path, his hands in his pockets, and his head tilted to one side. “Can you move, please?”
“Or what? You’ll attack me, too?” he sneers.
I try my best to keep my expression flat. I know what they’ve all been saying behind my back. I just didn’t expect anyone to say it to my face.
“I just want to play football,” I tell him, hoping I can diffuse whatever situation he wants to start. I don’t have the energy to plead my case to this random guy who already seems to hate me without any reason.
“Boys, gather round,” Mr. Reid shouts.
I get one last glare from Robert? before he turns around and jogs toward Mr. Reid and the guy standing next to him, who looks barely older than the rest of us.
I trail behind, hiding myself at the back of the group in hopes that the teacher won’t make a big deal out of me joining, and we can start playing.
“Two things to go over before we start. First, we have a new teammate joining us. Noah, can you come to the front for a second?”
Well, there goes that hope.
The others clear a path for me to walk through, and I stand in front of Mr. Reid, wishing I could plug my ears so I don’t have to hear the murmurs behind me. He grabs my shoulder, turning me to face the small crowd.
“I’ve heard Noah was a great player at his old school so I’m sure he’ll have no trouble fitting in here. He’s a centre back so we’ll start with him there today and see how you all get on.”
They all nod to indicate they’ve heard, but I can’t miss the judgement on their faces. Riley? leans his head toward the person standing next to him, whispering and laughing about something without taking his eyes off me. He’s going to be a problem.
“Okay, you can go back to hiding now,” the old man chuckles.
He’s trying to make a joke, but it doesn’t feel that way to me. I move to the back of the group again.
“Second, you may have noticed I’m not alone today. Some of you might recognise Luke from your younger years. He was a student here a few years ago but now he’s here to help me out as part of his placement for his degree.”
I look at Luke then. He’s taller than everyone else here and looks like he could probably model as a side hobby. He grins widely as he claps his hands together.
“Great to be back, John,” Luke says, a cheeky glint in his eyes as they dart to Mr. Reid. The other boys stifle laughs as the older teacher clenches his jaw. “I was the best player he had so let’s see what you guys have got.”
“That’s enough from you,” Mr. Reid says, stepping in front of him. “Let’s start with some warmups and then we’ll go into a quick match.”
The others move into various spots on the field, settling into groups and passing balls back and forth to each other. I stay off to the side, stretching my legs and hoping both of them won’t notice I’m not taking part.
“Noah.”
Maybe I should stop hoping for things today. Luke approaches me with a ball in his hands.
“Do you want to warm up with me?”
“Sure,” I say, although I don’t think I really have a choice.
Luke drops the ball to the ground, kicks it over to me, and I pass it back to him. We do that for a couple of minutes, and Luke tries to make light conversation. He asks how my first few days have been and whether I like Coates or not. I answer him with short replies, but it doesn’t deter him, and he doesn’t seem offended by it either.
After that, he sets up a few rows of cones and tells us all to take turns dribbling through them before taking a shot at the goal. I find a place somewhere in the middle of the line, not wanting to be the first or last to do it.
When it’s my turn, I try to ignore the prickle I can feel on the back of my neck from the stares of the other guys. I don’t feel like I have anything to prove to them, but I don’t want to embarrass myself either. Luckily, I played a bit with the younger neighbourhood kids in Korea so I’m not too out of practice. I manage to complete it without touching a single cone, and the ball glides into the goal effortlessly.
“Great job, Noah,” Luke says, and I give him a tight-lipped half smile before standing off to the side.
The others complete the drill, and then Mr. Reid splits us into two teams. I don’t know if it’s a blessing or curse that I’m not on the same team as Rowan? because he seems to want an argument with me.
We all get into our places and Luke blows the whistle to start us off. I stay to the left of the goal, following every movement of the ball with my eyes so that I'm ready to intercept it once it comes anywhere near me. They all play pretty well, cleaner than I thought they would, too. None of them try any dirty tackles but maybe that’s because it’s only the first practice of the year and they’re all taking it easy.
Someone comes running toward me, guiding the ball with his left foot to get closer to his target. I sprint toward him, ready to get the ball away from him and the goal. I’m only a few feet away from him when I’m knocked off my feet, my back hitting the ground so hard that it takes all the air out of my lungs. I roll onto my side, my eyes squeezed shut as I try to take deep breaths, but it feels like nothing’s going in. A hand on my arm stops me from moving around.
“In through your nose, Noah. Out through your mouth.”
I follow Luke’s instructions, and breathing starts to feel easier after a couple of seconds. He helps me to sit up, one hand on my shoulder while the other rubs up and down my back.
“You good?” he asks.
I nod, looking up to see half of the guys staring at me, and the other half watching Mr. Reid talking to whatever his name is from earlier. They’re far enough away that I can’t hear what they’re saying, but Mr. Reid doesn’t look too happy.
I didn’t even see him coming toward me. I was so focused on the ball that he completely caught me off guard. I want to believe it was accidental, but there was no reason for him to be coming at me that fast or to even have contact with me in the first place.
I push myself up, dusting off my clothes as I stand. My arm stings a bit from where I fell to the ground, but apart from that, I think the rest of me is fine.
“Alright, let’s finish up early,” Mr. Reid says, walking away from the guy who now looks even more annoyed than before.
No one protests the fact that there’s still meant to be twenty minutes left of practice, they all just gather their things and start making their way up the stairs. I wait for most of them to leave, particularly the one who hit me, so I can keep as much distance between us as possible. Luke stays by my side, shifting back and forth on his feet.
“You were doing pretty well out there before that.”
“Just trying my best,” I tell him, shrugging my shoulders.
“I can tell.” He turns his head to look at me then, his blue eyes catching mine and I feel like he’s talking about more than football. “That was a dirty move. I’m sorry that happened to you.”
I don’t say anything. I want to pretend it was just part of the game and not because of anything else.
“Don’t pay too much attention to some of those other guys. I can see their type a mile off. Stay focused like you were, and you’ll be a better player than them any day of the week.”
“Thanks.”
I appreciate his words and the small amount of confidence he seems to have in me.
“I’ll be around school tomorrow, too. If you need anything, just come and find me.”
“I will,” I tell him, my heart warming slightly at his kindness.
He smiles, giving me one last tap on my shoulder before he catches up with Mr. Reid, who’s collecting the discarded equipment.
I pick up my water bottle and make my way up the stairs and across the green to get to my room. I drop to the floor as soon as I’m safe behind the closed door, my back against it. I pull my knees up to my chest, folding my arms around them and dropping my head.
Only three days in and everything’s already falling apart.
After a few more moments of wallowing in self-pity and considering the pros and cons of running away, my stomach rumbles. I skipped lunch today, opting to hide for that hour instead of facing everyone, and it’s catching up to me.
I stand up, undressing and taking a shower before getting changed into joggers and a hoodie. I figure there’ll be too many people at dinner for anyone to take notice of me so it’ll be easy enough to quickly grab something and come back to my room.
I start on my way to the dining hall, using my phone as some sort of comfort blanket as I keep my eyes trained on it instead of my surroundings. I send a quick text to Mina to see if she’s eaten, and her reply comes a few seconds later, saying she’s just left the dining hall. I open up my messages with Ravi, giving him the update that he asked for but leaving out the part where I was tackled to the ground.
The dining hall is bustling when I enter, and I hurry over to join the short line. I decide to stock up on snacks while I’m here, grabbing a ton of granola bars so that I can eat them during lunch. I get two slices of pizza, stacking them on top of each other before wrapping them in napkins so I can take them out.
I manage to get lost among the crowd and no one says a word about me or to me. I leave the dining hall, my pockets stuffed and hands full as I hurry back to my room.
Safe behind closed doors, I relax, settling down to eat my dinner. I open up my laptop, pulling up a streaming site so I can pick a movie to watch while I eat. I end up choosing a low-grade horror movie that has a ridiculous plot but it’s fun to watch.
Once the movie is over and my stomach is full, I get ready for bed. I brush my teeth, wash my face with a long-winded skincare routine that my mother insists I carry out, and change into sleep shorts and a white T-shirt.
I’m scrolling mindlessly through my phone in bed, when it rings, a cheery song playing. As much as I want to ignore it, exhaustion from the day setting in, I can’t. The only person who calls me on that app is my Halabeoji.
I glance at the time to see that it’s only a little after nine. He’s up earlier than usual. I roll over to face the ceiling, sliding my finger on the screen to answer his call.
“Hi.” Just like Appa, my voice usually gets deeper when I speak Korean. However, when I speak to my Halabeoji it gets higher. He always said I had so much aegyo —cuteness—when I was younger and I never outgrew it with him.
“Kkummie, how are you?” his voice grumbles through the phone, a softness to it.
The nickname sends a pang through my chest. Dream , he calls me. He said when I was born it was like all his dreams came true.
“I’m okay,” I tell him, my free hand clenching into the blanket I’ve tucked around me. “I played football today.”
“You study well, you play well. My grandson is so amazing,” he says, pride clear in his voice.
I already feel lighter just from these few seconds of talking to him. He never fails to make me feel good about myself even when I feel like giving up on everything. My hand relaxes, and I smooth the blanket down, resting my hand on my chest.
“Are you taking care of yourself?” I ask him.
Even though my parents make enough to support Eomma’s parents, he still insists on working. But he’s getting older, and I don’t like the idea of him being at a market all day when he could be resting at home instead.
“Of course. Don’t worry about me. How is your new school?”
I can’t lie to him so I twist the truth instead. I tell him the teachers are nice, the food is good, I like my room, all the small things that have made the past few days bearable. I almost mention Izzy but decide not to at the last minute. I’m not even sure why she popped into my mind.
He tells me about what he’s been up to, including the drama from the market of one person pricing their cabbages too low and how it’s affecting everyone else there. I listen intently, soaking up every word he says. Hearing his voice calms me. It makes me feel less alone in this place that is meant to be my home but doesn’t feel like it.
We talk for a while longer, shifting topics of conversation so much that I can’t remember how we even got on to some of them. I yawn and even though I try to cover it up, Halabeoji hears it.
“Sleep well, kkummie. I love you.”
I repeat the words back to him and we hang up. I throw my phone by my legs, turning to my side. I don’t know how the rest of the year is going to go, but I know Halabeoji will help me get through it.