7. Izzy
7
IZZY
Going to the gym on your period is a different kind of torture.
I don’t know who I thought I was, but after barely getting through some cardio and a leg workout, I decided I deserved to give up. The others didn’t join me this time, even for moral support, but I know I need to get back into a routine. It’s the second week of school and I’m hoping that staying consistent at the gym will somehow motivate me to start enjoying hockey again.
I leave the locker room and enter the bathroom, splashing water on my face to cool down. I’m a red-faced mess, my hair sticking up at all angles even though I tried my best to wrestle it into a bun. I don’t bother attempting to fix the way I look because I’m going to shower as soon as I get back to my room anyway. I leave the bathroom, chugging what’s left of my water so I can refill it before I go back.
“You can avoid accidents like that from happening if you just quit.”
My ears perk up at the sound of Ryan’s voice. When I turn the corner, he’s there. But he’s not alone.
Noah is leaning against the wall, his head tipped to one side as he looks at Ryan, his face completely blank. Neither of them has noticed I’m here yet, so I keep listening.
“It was a cheap shot. I’m not going anywhere,” Noah says, his voice deep.
“You think I don’t know why you’re here? You won’t get away with acting like that while I’m around,” Ryan says.
Noah just sighs. All the rumours circulating this week must be getting to him. They’re bothering me, and it’s not even about me.
Ryan steps away from Noah, turning his back to him for a second as he runs his hand across his face, letting out a sarcastic laugh. In his mind, he must think he sounds intimidating but really, he sounds like the bad guy from a low-budget horror movie. It’s embarrassing to hear.
In that split second where Ryan has his back to him, I look at Noah and his mask drops. He looks dejected, his shoulders dropping as he tilts his head back against the wall. As soon as Ryan turns around though, that blank, unbothered expression is back.
That tiny glimpse of his true emotions is all I needed to push me forward, and then I’m approaching the two of them. In any other circumstance, I would never start a conversation with Ryan first, but desperate times call for desperate measures.
“Ryan,” I say loudly, dragging his attention away from Noah. I glance at him quickly, hoping the mask will drop, but it’s still there and he’s not even looking at me. “Leave him alone.”
“This has nothing to do with you, Isabelle.”
I clench my jaw at hearing my full name. He’s the only person who calls me that. Even teachers call me Izzy because it’s what I prefer. But when we started dating, Ryan wanted to be different from everyone else. So he insisted on calling me Isabelle despite me telling him multiple times that I didn’t like it. The more I look back on these things, I wonder how I put up with him for a few days, let alone months.
“You’re bothering my friend, so yes, it does,” I tell him, crossing my arms.
Noah finally looks at me then, his eyebrows knitted in confusion.
“You’re friends with this guy?” Ryan steps closer to me, shifting his full attention to me instead. It’s the perfect chance for Noah to escape, but he doesn’t. He just watches me.
“Haven’t you heard what everyone’s saying about him?” Ryan continues.
“None of it’s true,” I say.
I doubt I’ve heard even half of the rumours being spread about Noah but from the few interactions I’ve had with him, he seems harmless.
“Why are you defending him so much?” Ryan says, taking another step closer to me so I have to tilt my head up slightly to look at him. I keep my arms folded across my chest, trying to maintain some distance between us.
“Because I like him.”
Time freezes as Ryan stares at me, and he has that confused look on his face that he gets when he doesn’t understand his homework. At one point, I thought it was cute, but now he just looks like a gawping fish.
When my eyes flick to his side to look at Noah, his mask has slipped, and he’s staring at me, slack-jawed. Pure shock shows on his face as his hazel eyes go wide. He blinks comically a few times as if he’s coming back into his body after being taken out of it. He opens and closes his mouth like he did on the first day when he struggled to tell me that he played football. He looks cute.
“Noah, let’s go.”
I hold my hand out toward him, hoping he takes it without making too much of a fuss. Ryan looks back at Noah for a second, and his mask is back up as quickly as it dropped. I take the chance to mouth the word ‘please’ to Noah while Ryan can’t see. I just need the both of us to get away from him as soon as possible.
“Are you serious?” Ryan scoffs as Noah pushes off the wall and steps toward me. He doesn’t take my hand though. A tiny part of me wishes he did.
Once he’s next to me, we turn our backs on Ryan. I look up at Noah, giving him a quick, reassuring smile before gesturing with my head for him to start walking. He does, and I go with him, both of us leaving the sports building side by side.
I hold my phone up, opening the camera to use as a mirror. I fiddle with my hair, but really, I’m looking to see if Ryan is following us, and we need to speed this escape up. Luckily, he’s not.
Neither of us says a word as we walk back to the dorm buildings. It’s a chilly evening, and the weather is getting colder already, even though it’s only September.
I steal a glance at Noah. He has his hands tucked into his pockets, and his lips pressed into a thin line as he keeps his eyes focused straight ahead. I don’t know why Ryan is bothering him so much, but I don’t like it. His words come back to me, and I’m curious to know exactly what incident he was talking about.
“What was he saying to you?” I ask Noah, keeping my voice quiet because I’m still worried about scaring him off.
He turns his head to look at me, his eyes searching mine for a second like he’s trying to figure out why I care. He drops his gaze to the floor, shaking his head once before lifting it and looking ahead again. I keep my eyes focused on him.
“I don’t think he likes me much,” Noah says.
“He’s a loser, anyway.”
It’s childish, but it’s the first thing that comes to mind. I don’t think Noah expected me to say that because he lets out a small laugh, covering his mouth with the back of his hand.
“Thanks for stepping in,” he says timidly. “I really appreciate it.”
He turns his head to look at me again and catches me staring. I don’t look away even though he does, and I see the tips of his ears turning pink.
“I didn’t like the way he was talking to you.” I shrug. It’s as simple as that. Noah didn’t deserve to be cornered like that, especially not by Ryan.
I only then realise what I actually said.
“I don’t really like you,” I blurt, louder than I meant to.
He turns to me again, cocking his head to one side, with an eyebrow raised. This time, I’m the first to look away. I’m already struggling to get my words out, and somehow, it’s worse when he’s looking at me.
“I mean, I do like you, but not like that,” I splutter out, my words coming out faster than my brain can put them together. “I like you as a friend. Not that we’re friends. We don’t know each other that well yet, I guess. I’d like to be friends, if you’d want that. But it’s okay if you don’t?—“
“I get it, Izzy,” he says, humour in his tone.
When I work up the courage to look at him, his lips are tilted up at the corners. It’s the first time he’s said my name, and it sounds lovely.
He turns away from me again, his eyes focused ahead, but I want them on me. I feel like I got a step closer to seeing his real smile.
We face each other as we reach the split between the boys’ and girls’ dorms and come to a standstill.
“Thanks, again,” he repeats. “You didn’t have to do that for me.”
“It was nothing. If he keeps bothering you, let me know,” I tell him, my tone stern.
He lets out a soft laugh then but doesn’t cover it with his hand this time. A small crease that’s not quite a dimple appears on his left cheek. I’m not sure what was funny about what I said, but if it gets this kind of reaction from him? I’ll say it over and over again.
“I’ll see you tomorrow,” he says, taking his hands out of his pockets and raising one.
I’m not sure what part of my brain assumed he was going for a high five instead of a wave, but as soon as my palm connects with his, I regret it instantly. He tilts his head to one side, that small dimple appearing again. I do the most rational thing I can think of and run away from him.
When I’m safely in my room, I slam my door shut. I press my back to it, sliding to the floor, and knocking my head against it.
Why did I do that? A high five? And why did I make it worse by running away?
After a few moments of overthinking the entire interaction with Noah and making plans to move to another country, I stand up. It’s only just after seven, but I’ve decided the day can end right now.
I take a shower, washing my hair and noticing that my roots are starting to come through. I’ll have to bleach it again when I go home and see Violet.
I get changed into pyjamas and settle into bed with my laptop, book, and phone. I need multiple ways to distract myself so I don’t spiral and actually book a flight to the other side of the world with my savings.
I open up my phone, checking to see what the girls have been up to while they abandoned me.
Chloe
Shall we go off campus for dinner this weekend?
Amelia
Of course we should
Chloe
Can Josh come too?
Amelia
He can use one of his vouchers if he’d like to
I laugh, remembering the gift Amelia and I gave Josh last year. It was a set of vouchers we made ourselves, giving him a pass for various things like sitting with us at lunch, stealing Chloe away, and going out to dinner with us.
Chloe
I think he actually still has them
Amelia
Good!
Izzy
I see we’ve been making plans
Amelia
Izzy, your thoughts?
Izzy
I say he can join us without a voucher this time
BUT
Only if he brings us some of his sister’s cookies next time he visits home
Amelia
Oh that’s a great idea
Chloe
I will let him know
The smile on my face drops instantly when I see another text come through.
Mum
1 message
My finger hovers at the top of the screen, the notification staring at me for a second before disappearing. It’s been a week since I texted my parents to see if they’d gotten the letter from school about the evening talk. After a few days, I gave up any hope of getting a response, but it’s here.
Amelia and Chloe keep talking, but I don’t read anything else they’ve sent. I swipe out of that chat and tap on my mum’s instead.
Mum
We’ll check our schedules.
I lock my phone, throwing it to the side as I pull my blanket off. It feels like it’s suffocating me. My chest tightens, like there’s a rope tied around it constricting it. I try to take deep breaths, but it’s like there’s a weight on top of me, and I can’t get a full breath.
I stare at the ceiling, counting down from one hundred in my head, hoping that it will distract me and that this horrible feeling will go away. I rub at my sternum as I count, but it doesn’t get any better.
I push through, forcing myself to sit up and swinging my legs out of the bed. I grip the sides as I stare at the floor, counting again down from one hundred again.
After a couple more tries, I feel my breathing start to even out and lift my head. I steady myself, leaning over to my desk to switch my lamp on. The star bathes the room in a soft glow, and I trace the shape of it with my eyes.
Once I finally feel okay enough, I take a sip of water from my bottle on the desk and get back into bed. I keep the blanket off this time, curling into myself as I stare at my lamp.
I don’t know why I expected a different response.
I don’t know why it hurts so much.
My phone screen lights up, and I know it won’t be as bad as what I just read, but I don’t pick it up. Instead, I keep looking at my lamp, making silent wishes until my eyes close.