25. Noah / Izzy
25
NOAH / IZZY
NOAH
I collapse on my bed as soon as I get to my room.
I can’t lie to myself anymore. I like Izzy—way more than I should. I could barely focus on what we were watching; all I could think about was where her body was pressed against mine.
I wondered what would happen if I tried to kiss her. I’ve taken liberties before, kissed her cheek and hands when I probably shouldn’t have. But what would she have done if I’d tried to kiss her for real? If I turned my head and dipped it low enough to meet hers? Closed the distance between us and showed her how I really feel about her?
I didn’t want to leave her. If she had told me to stay, I would have done it instantly. If I had, would I have kissed her? Would either of us have finally admitted that we have feelings for each other?
I’m falling for Izzy.
But I also know there’s no happy ending for us.
In a few months, we’ll leave this place and never see each other again. I want to enjoy the little time I have left with her. If the only way to do that is to hide my feelings and keep pretending this doesn’t mean anything to me, then I’ll do that. Izzy’s already going through enough, and I don’t want to do anything that will hurt her. Even if it means getting hurt myself in the process.
* * *
I expected things to be awkward between Izzy and me after what happened in her room a few days ago, but we’re both pretending it didn’t happen. We fall back into our routine easily, but I know she’s got other stuff going on, so when she’s not there at the start of practice, I don’t think too much of it.
I run around the field with Josh, both of us working together expertly to make sure our goal stays clear. We successfully get the ball away right as Mr. Reid blows the whistle to signal a five-minute break before we swap sides. Josh runs up to me, hooking an arm around my neck as he ruffles my hair. I playfully shove him away from me, and we make our way over to the edge of the field to get some water.
I look around for Izzy, getting a weird feeling in my chest when I realise she didn’t come down. It’s not that I expect her to, but I’ve gotten so used to her being on the sidelines while I play that it strikes me as odd that she isn’t.
I pick my phone up from the ground, checking for a text from her but there’s nothing. An uneasy feeling runs through me, but I try to ignore it. She never told me she would come every week, so it’s fine if she misses one.
I scroll through our text thread, trying to figure out whether I should message her. I don’t want to seem too clingy, but I’m also curious about what else she could be doing right now. Mr. Reid saves me from looking too attached by blowing the whistle again and telling us to get back on the field. I drop my phone and water bottle and do just that.
I take up my usual position, keeping my eyes focused as the ball passes back and forth between a couple of the other guys. Something feels off though. I count how many guys are on the field and notice one is missing—Ryan.
My mind instantly thinks of the worst. Izzy isn’t here and neither is he. He was definitely here before we took that small break. Josh managed to get the ball away from him and we celebrated it with a high five once he’d passed it on to someone else.
I scan the surrounding area, looking up at the benches and past them to the sports building to see if I can spot either of them. My gut tells me something’s wrong, and I don’t ignore it as I run off the field and up the stairs. I can feel someone behind me, but I don’t turn back to look at who it is.
I keep going until I reach the entrance to the sports building, throwing the door open. My eyes lock on Izzy’s right as Ryan drops his head to hers.
* * *
IZZY
I lost track of time while studying, so I’m already late to watch Noah. I thought getting him a snack from one of the vending machines would make up for my lateness, so I came into the building, not thinking anyone else would be here.
But of course, it could never be that easy. Ryan stands in front of the machine, tapping the buttons until a drink drops down, and he bends to get it. He turns to look at me before I can get away.
“Isabelle. Fancy seeing you here.”
I heave out a sigh, walking past him to the other machine so I can get something for Noah. I refuse to let this boy take up any more mental space and stop me from doing what I came here to do.
I scan the machine to see what’s available, settling on a chocolate bar I’ve seen Noah eating a lot. I lift my phone to tap it to the card reader and pay, hoping Ryan has left.
Unfortunately, the uneasy prickle at the back of my neck tells me he hasn’t. When I turn around, he’s still there, watching me with a strange look as he leans against the wall. I stuff the chocolate bar into my pocket and head toward the door so I can leave and get to the field, but Ryan steps in front of it, blocking my way.
“Move,” I say, my voice stern.
Ryan doesn’t. Instead, he steps closer to me, and I back away from him, my crutches making it more difficult. I don’t want to be anywhere near him, though, so I keep going backward until my back knocks against the wall. He corners me in, stepping closer and closer to me until I have to tilt my head up to look at him.
“Move,” I repeat, more venom in it this time.
“No,” he says. “Come on, Isabelle. This game has gone on long enough.”
“What game?”
“Pretending you like the new guy. I know you’re only doing it because you feel bad for him. I’ll forgive you if you just apologise.”
I can’t believe he’s doing this again. I don’t know when he’ll get it through his thick skull that I want nothing to do with him.
“I have nothing to apologise for. Now move,” I say, trying to step to the side so I can get away from him.
He follows every step I take, and I’m one second away from swinging my crutch at him. But I’m better than that. And I refuse to get in trouble for hitting him when he’s the one harassing me.
“Okay fine, you don’t need to apologise. I’ll take you back anyway.”
Before I even realise what’s happening, he moves his face closer to mine in a move that he has done so many times before, but now has me feeling sick. I want to push him away, cover my mouth, do anything, but I freeze. Fear takes over and I can’t move.
My eyes dart to the side as I hear the door open. Noah rushes toward me, pulling Ryan away and shoving him aside.
“Did he hurt you?” he asks, his hands coming up to cradle my face.
I shake my head, my breaths coming out faster than I can keep up with. I keep my eyes focused on Noah as he tells me to breathe, that he’s here now, that he won’t let him near me again.
I didn’t notice Luke behind Noah before, but I see him now. He looks around the room, taking in the scene in front of him before he cocks his head to the side, his jaw clenched.
“Get out now, Ryan,” Luke says, his voice taking on a harsh tone I’ve never heard from him before.
I look back at Noah, a swirl of emotions in his eyes. I don’t see Ryan leave, but the slam of the door is indication enough.
“You okay?” Noah asks, and I nod.
I still feel frozen, like I’m not inside my body. My breathing calms down with every stroke of Noah’s thumb against my cheek.
“What happened?” I fix my gaze on Luke as he speaks. His eyes dart back and forth between Noah and me, clearly focusing on where his hands rest on my cheeks, but he doesn’t say anything.
“I don’t know,” I say quietly. “I told him to leave me alone, but he wouldn’t, and then he…”
Luke turns around, his hands folded behind his head as he looks up to the ceiling. He curses under his breath before he drops his hands to his hips.
“This ends now,” he says, looking back at us again. “Leave it with me. He’s not getting away with this shit anymore.”
My eyes sting and I blink rapidly to stop myself from crying. I refuse to let any tears fall because of that pathetic excuse for a human.
“Noah, can you get her back to her room?” Luke asks, focusing his attention on the boy who keeps me grounded like no one else has before.
“Of course,” Noah says, dropping his hands from my face. He moves to the side, giving me space to step forward and I do. He rests his hand on my elbow, a gentle reminder that he’s right next to me and not going anywhere.
“I’m going to speak to Mr. Reid about this. He won’t go near you again, Izzy.” Luke fixes me with a gaze that makes me believe him, before turning his attention to Noah. “You too, Noah. I’m sorry I didn’t step in earlier.”
Noah shakes his head, offering Luke a weak smile. His thumb runs across my elbow, like he’s calming himself now by touching me.
“It’s okay,” Noah says. “Are you good to go now, Izzy?”
I look up at him, nodding as I feel tears pooling in my eyes. I blink them away, hoping Noah didn’t see, but of course he did. He gently squeezes my elbow, his thumb running across it again. I take a step forward and both Luke and Noah start walking too.
We split once we’re out of the building, Luke heading back down to the field while Noah and I continue straight on to go back to the dorms. We don’t speak, but he keeps his hand on my arm the whole time until we reach my room. Noah opens the door for me before following me inside. I sit on my bed, and he sits right next to me, his thigh pressed against mine, as he wraps an arm around me.
Noah guides my head until it’s resting on his shoulder, and I feel like I can breathe properly for the first time. I lean into him, and when his free hand reaches over to take mine, I give it to him easily.
The silence is broken when my phone rings, but I don’t let go of Noah or move away from him as I reach into my pocket for it. I pull it out, along with the chocolate bar that started this mess. I throw it on my desk before I answer Luke’s call.
“I spoke to Mr. Reid and we both agreed that we need to take this to Mrs. Fisher now. I’ve got a meeting with her tomorrow afternoon to discuss what happened. You don’t have to do it right now, but it would be good for you and Noah to write down everything he’s done to you.”
I glance up at Noah, his gaze fixed on our joined hands. But the room is quiet enough that he can hear Luke even though he’s not on speaker. I can’t imagine how terrible it will be for him to rehash everything Ryan has put him through these past few months.
I squeeze his hand, silently telling him that I’ll help him with it if he wants me to. I feel Noah nod, but he still doesn’t look at me.
“Thanks, Luke. I’ll text it all to you tomorrow.”
“I love you, okay? I won’t tell Isaac if you don’t want me to.”
“I love you, too.” I tell him, regretting how mean I am to him sometimes. “And I think it’s best if we don’t tell him. It’ll only make him worry.”
“Okay, it’ll be our secret. I’ll see you tomorrow,” he says before he hangs up.
I drop my phone onto the bed beside me, exhaling deeply. Noah rests his head on top of mine, and I think the adrenaline rush is finally wearing off for him.
“Noah,” I say, but he shakes his head.
I want to tell him everything, but as soon as Noah pulls me in closer to him, erasing all the empty space between our bodies, I can’t. Instead, I take comfort in being held in his steady arms, and I cry.