Chapter 12
‘Who are you?’ demanded Cecil, the mayor, the following Monday morning when Jolene walked into his office.
Jolene stuck out her hand and grinned. ‘I’m your Christmas party planner from Accounts. Diane sent me.’
Cecil looked confused. He eyed the elf jumper she had carefully chosen for today’s meeting. It had a hat on it with a real bell. It was one of her favourites.
‘Diane sent you?’
‘Yes,’ nodded Jolene. ‘That’s it. Diane, tall, absolutely stunning, with a heart of gold but slightly scary.’
‘I know who Diane is.’
‘Good, well, she sent me and I come with notepad in hand and I’m ready to hang off your every word.’
That seemed to do the trick. Cecil seemed to like the idea of someone hanging off his every word and so invited her into his wood-panelled office. It was large and spacious and, unlike every other office in the building, was not crammed with desks and filing cabinets. Framed photos of mayors gone by lined the walls. Cecil took his green leather chair behind the desk and indicated for Jolene to take a seat in front of him.
She sat down with a slight jingle of her elf jumper and took off the top of her pen. She grinned. He grimaced back. They sat in silence.
‘So what is your vision?’ asked Jolene eventually.
‘For what?’
‘For the party.’
‘Oh, yes, the party. What I need you to get for me … sorry, what is your name again?’
‘Jolene.’
‘Jolene?’
‘Yes, Jolene.’
‘As in Dolly Parton?’
‘Yes, as in her song.’
‘Right, Jolene, I need you to get a picture of me on the front of the Gazette with local children looking like I’ve made their Christmas.’
Jolene wrote down every word he said. She looked up.
‘That doesn’t sound like a party,’ she said, confused. ‘I thought that’s what you wanted, not newspaper coverage.’
‘It doesn’t have to be a party exactly, just something so bloody amazing, such a spectacle, that the Gazette wants to plaster my face all over their front page.’
Jolene nodded. She bit her lip. She thought the mayor wanted to do something good, not just get his picture in the paper. She thought about the PowerPoint presentation she had prepared at home the night before. She hadn’t been told to put any ideas together by Diane, but she thought it would be helpful nonetheless. To try to take the burden of the mayor’s request off Diane. Think of a solution and present that to the mayor so Diane wouldn’t have to do any more thinking. However, she’d spent all night thinking about what might be magical for the kids. Not what would get the mayor in the paper.
The mayor was looking at her expectantly. She wriggled uncomfortably, which made the bell jingle on the front of her jumper.
‘Well?’ said Cecil. ‘Speak!’
Jolene put her laptop on the mayor’s desk with trembling hands. She wasn’t sure her suggestion was going to be what the mayor wanted at all. But she had no choice. She had to say something. She pulled her chair closer to the desk, turned her computer round and opened it up so that the mayor could see.
‘So,’ she said, showing the mayor a picture of stars and the moon on the screen. ‘I was thinking that the most important person to children at Christmas is …?’
‘Me?’ asked the mayor.
‘I’m sure you’re right up there, but I was actually thinking of Father Christmas and how all children love the idea of him travelling round the sky to deliver all the presents.’
‘Yes, yes, of course, but why are you showing me pictures of stars? What have the stars got to do with it?’
‘I was thinking that we could sort of have a party based on Father Christmas’s journey through the sky to get to the children of Bermondsey from where he lives, and I was thinking: where is the best place to look at the sky and imagine Father Christmas travelling thousands of miles?’
‘Greenwich Observatory?’ said the mayor, shaking his head. ‘What are you on about? What are we doing having a party in Greenwich? I don’t want pictures of Greenwich in the Gazette. I want Bermondsey in the papers. Bloody Greenwich gets far too much coverage as it is. Just because they invented time there or some other nonsense.’
‘No, I wasn’t actually thinking of Greenwich. Well, I was thinking, if it’s not too ambitious, what about the London Eye? We could take over some pods and look into the sky and see if we can see where Santa lives.’
‘And where is that?’ asked the mayor, raising his eyebrows.
‘We could say he lives on the brightest star in the sky and see if we can see it. Then I was thinking that maybe we have Santa ready and waiting when they get off the capsules. Like he’s travelled all across the sky to come to Bermondsey to see them especially.’
The mayor stared at Jolene. She thought perhaps she’d gone too far. She thought it was a magical idea, if she was honest. If someone had taken her on a journey through the sky and Father Christmas was waiting at the end, then that would have been pretty spectacular. She gave the mayor a nervous smile. He’d leaned back in his seat and was looking through narrowed eyes. She noticed a gravy stain on his tie. Bound to happen, she thought, given all the lunches he must be invited to as mayor.
She didn’t know if she should proceed or give him time to process what she had said. She waited a while longer, then flicked onto the next screen.
There was a picture of several smiling elves. ‘What would be amazing is if we could get elves to take them on the capsules,’ she continued. ‘They could be their elf guides through the skies, pointing out where Father Christmas lives and the route he might take. How magical would that be? And then they would disembark their capsule and the elves could escort them to Santa, who had landed behind County Hall and was waiting for them with presents.’
The mayor stared at her. ‘Where do I come in? I don’t want to be Santa. No one will know it’s me.’
‘Of course we’ll have to get a “real” Santa for that role. Er, maybe you could be Chief Elf or – I know – what about Mayor of Lapland. You’ve come along to help Santa out, make sure he gets to Bermondsey safely for this very important party.’
‘So I could just wear what I’m wearing?’ said the mayor. ‘Including my ceremonial chain.’
‘Yes,’ replied Jolene. ‘I mean, we might add a touch of Lapland. A little snow on your shoulders, maybe?’
The mayor was nodding thoughtfully, which Jolene took as a good sign. Abruptly, he stood up. And for the first time offered his hand.
‘Done,’ he said, pumping her arm up and down.
‘What’s done?’ she asked.
‘Your party. I like it. I like it a lot. So just get it done. Off you go. I’ll see you there.’
Jolene felt her jaw drop open. A mixture of shock and delight. He liked it. She could not wait to tell Diane. She would be absolutely over the moon. She was sure.
‘Brilliant, amazing,’ she grinned. ‘So glad you loved it.’
He paused. ‘Oh, I didn’t say I loved it. I’ll only love it if you get me on the front page of the Gazette in front of Bermondsey’s own London Eye with an elf and a small child … and Father Christmas, I suppose. You got that?’
Jolene nodded. ‘Got it,’ she said. ‘You can count on Accounts.’ She threw her head back and laughed. ‘Wow, that’s funny,’ she said.
‘You can go now,’ said the mayor, glancing at his watch. ‘Just tell me what time you want me and which of the press are coming.’
Jerry did not throw his head back and laugh when Jolene debriefed him and Diane later that day on her meeting with the mayor.
‘You told him what?’ he said.
He had started to breathe heavily and looked nervously towards Diane, who was sitting with her eyebrows arched.
‘Let me get this straight,’ Jerry said to Jolene. ‘You told the mayor he could have a trip on the London Eye with a load of children accompanied by elves.’
‘Do you not think that’s good enough?’ Jolene asked Jerry, feeling worried. She really thought she’d done an excellent job. She’d come out of the mayor’s office buzzing, practically doing cartwheels down the corridor.
But now Jerry was facing her and he did not look anywhere near as ecstatic as she was. She cast her mind back to Jerry’s instructions before the meeting with the mayor. A Christmas party he’d said, for the children. That’s what she had done and the mayor had been delighted. Jerry did not look delighted.
‘What did I say before you went into the meeting?’ he said to her.
‘A Christmas party for the children,’ she replied.
‘What else?’
‘Don’t be put off by how much the mayor looks like the Fat Controller?’ she replied.
‘What was the most important thing I said to you?’ he demanded.
Jolene really had no idea.
‘I don’t know,’ said Jolene. ‘Was it to make it really Christmassy?’
‘No,’ said Jerry. ‘That wasn’t it. I said very clearly, I thought, that you were to be very clear with the mayor that there was no money to spend. That whatever he wanted, it had to be cheap. And what you appeared to have agreed to is the hiring of the London’s biggest tourist attraction, the hiring of real-life elves and Father Christmas.’
Jolene blinked back at him.
She nodded. ‘And I promised the mayor his picture on the front of the Gazette .’
‘Of course you did,’ sighed Diane.
‘Surely people will offer to do all that for free, if it’s for the children?’ Jolene said.
‘Do you think?’ asked Jerry.
Jolene bit her lip. Actually she did think, but that didn’t look like the answer Jerry was looking for.
‘Elves!’ he went on. ‘Elves? You going to get elves for free, are you, at Christmas? You going to get elves full stop? Where on earth do you think you are going to rustle up elves at this time of year? Do you not realise how busy they are? It’s Christmas, for goodness’ sake!’
Jolene had to admit that finding elves at any time of year quite frankly might be a stretch.
‘I’m sorry, Diane,’ said Jerry, turning to the boss. ‘I thought I’d been clear.’
Diane was tapping her pen on the table rapidly.
‘I’m sorry,’ said Jolene, looking at Diane. ‘I didn’t mean to bring disrepute to the Accounts team.’
‘Shall I go back to the mayor and tell him it’s all been a big mistake and we can’t possibly do this for him?’ Jerry asked Diane. ‘I mean, what’s he doing asking this department to do this anyway? Why hasn’t he got one of his own team sorting this out?’
‘Because he’s got no money left in his budget and, stupidly, I’ve helped him out in the past,’ sighed Diane. ‘I found him some spare once in the Facilities budget that I keep back for emergencies. But there is no spare any more. Everything is cut back to the very bone.’
‘I’m so sorry,’ said Jolene. ‘I just thought he wanted to do something nice for the children and I got carried away. And … and … I wanted to show you that I could help. Do something for you because I don’t think I’m doing anything useful at all. And the one thing I can do is organise a party. I was social sec of our college. We had the best parties, everyone said so.’
‘This is a bit different from a disco in a college bar,’ stated Jerry.
Jolene shook her head. ‘I would never just organise a disco in a college bar. We always had a theme; we took socials to a new level. I convinced the dean to let us bring an entire travelling circus onto campus to teach us all circus skills as part of freshers week.’
‘Really,’ said Jerry sarcastically.
‘Why don’t you just let me have a go?’ pleaded Jolene. ‘Please, just let me try. I mean, as he admits, he doesn’t actually want a party, all he wants is a photo opportunity. Let me see what I can do? It’s not like you’ve asked me to do anything else. I’m so bored. Please let me do this.’
Diane continued to tap her pen for a moment. ‘I might be able to get you some elves,’ she said eventually.
‘Are you feeling all right?’ Jerry asked her.
‘Fine,’ said Diane.
‘Then tell us of these mythical elves that you know of,’ said Jerry.
‘You know some elves?’ asked Jolene in awe. She thought she might be sick, she was so excited. Her boss knew elves!
‘Well, my husband, he’s directing Snow White and the Seven Elves in the West End and—’
‘What are the chances?’ said Jerry, wide eyed. ‘I mean, what are the chances.’
‘And he has real elves in the show?’ asked Jolene in absolute awe.
‘No, of course not. They’re not real elves, they’re little people; you know dwarfs.’
‘So you could get hold of seven dwarfs/elves for the party?’ Jolene asked in awe.
‘I think there might be as many as nine, including understudies,’ replied Diane.
‘Would you ask them?’ asked Jolene, her hands clasped together in prayer. ‘Please would you ask them?’
Diane blinked back at her. ‘I can ask my husband to ask them. They might do it as a publicity thing for the pantomime, as well, if we said there would be press there.’
Jolene got up out of her chair and hugged Diane. ‘I knew it. I knew we would be able to find some elves somewhere. Sometimes you just have to dream big, then somehow the stars align and your prayers are answered.’
‘Hang on a minute,’ said Jerry. ‘You still need to hire the London Eye and get a Santa Claus.’
‘And what about the children? What did the mayor say about that?’ Diane asked Jolene.
‘Oh!’ said Jolene. ‘He never said. Will he be getting the children?’
‘Definitely not,’ said Diane. ‘He’ll expect us to just rustle some up out of nowhere. That will be the last thing on his mind.’
‘What about Stacey’s daughter’s class?’ said Jolene. ‘Like an end-of-Nativity party for them. Can we invite them?’
‘I don’t see why not,’ said Diane. ‘It would certainly solve one problem.’
‘I think we’re all forgetting something here,’ said Jerry, looking flustered. ‘The cornerstone of Jolene’s what-shouldn’t-be-epic party plan is the London Eye. And that’s never going to happen.’
‘The mayor said the London Eye is within the Bermondsey Council,’ said Jolene. ‘So would that help? Would the people who run the London Eye want to help the council once in a while – especially if it’s for the children?’
Diane stared at Jolene for a moment.
‘Perhaps you and me should pay them a little visit,’ said Diane to Jolene. ‘Maybe it is worth asking them.’
‘Really?’ said Jolene. ‘I don’t want to put you out at all. I could go on my own.’
‘Barbara, the GM, is a bit of a tough cookie. We’ll both go. You go and get on to her office and set a meeting up.’
‘Thank you,’ said Jolene, backing out of the office. ‘You won’t regret this, I promise. It’s going to be great.’
Jerry stood up and closed the door behind her.
‘Are you sure about this?’ he asked Diane. ‘I can have a word with the mayor’s PA and probably make this all go away.’
Diane shook her head, peering through the glass door at Jolene, already on the phone.
‘She’s showing enthusiasm,’ she said. ‘She wants to make stuff happen and we have done nothing but dampen her down. We should be encouraging people like Jolene, not crushing them.’
‘If you say so,’ said Jerry. ‘Erm, whilst I’ve got you on your own, can I just ask you something?’
‘Sure.’
‘Everyone would like to know what the timetable is for making a decision about the new structure.’
‘I need to make my recommendation before Christmas,’ Diane said, ‘unless I can think of another option, but I have no idea what. I’m sorry. It really sucks, I know. I’m very aware I’m going to ruin someone’s Christmas.’
Jerry sighed. ‘Well, my Christmas won’t be up to much anyway. Another microwave meal in front of the television for me, so you know …’ he shrugged.
Diane smiled at him. She suddenly felt bad that it was possible that Jerry was the person she spent most time with in her life and yet she really knew so little about him. ‘I’m sorry to hear that,’ she said. ‘No one special on the scene to share the day with, then?’
‘No such luck,’ said Jerry.
‘About time you found a man, isn’t it? You been on Tinder or Grindr or whatever it is people do these days?’
‘Not my scene,’ said Jerry. ‘I just loiter around coffee shops, hoping to get noticed.’
‘Oh, and how’s that working out for you?’
Jerry felt himself inexplicably blush.
‘Come on, spill,’ said Diane. ‘So far it’s been a tough day. Please make it better with some bona fide romance news.’
‘Oh, it’s nothing really. Nothing. I mean, it’s going to come to nothing, but I’ve been talking to a guy. Just at the coffee shop. I go there on my way home to delay the inevitable empty-flat nightmare. Anyway, he’s always in there. And we got chatting. And now he saves me a seat and we chat every day and, well, that’s it really.’
‘That’s it? He saves you a seat every day?’
‘Yeah. That’s it.’
‘Wow. And you like him?’
‘Oh yes. I don’t know. We just connect somehow. I’ve never known anything like it. He makes me feel like I’m the only person in the room. We’ve never even touched and yet I have never felt so close to someone.’
Diane swallowed. It sounded wonderful. How she wished she felt like that with Leon.
‘So have you never asked him out or anything?’ she asked.
‘Well, I have sort of asked him out now. Been bullied into it, really, by my friend from choir.’
‘You go to choir?’
‘Yeah.’
‘How did I not know this?’
‘You never asked.’
‘What kind of choir?’
‘A church choir.’
‘Wow. So you like to sing?’
‘Yeah. It’s kind of my escape. Sounds silly, I know.’
‘Not at all,’ replied Diane, looking at him in surprised awe. ‘Not at all.’
‘Anyway, Carol from choir told me to ask him to this candlelight carol concert thing we’re doing. She thought if he came that would prove he’s definitely gay and definitely likes me.’
Diane looked at him for a moment. ‘You’re not even sure he’s gay?’
‘I think he is; I just think he’s holding something back. I don’t know. He doesn’t really talk about himself at all. He says he has a complicated life. And that’s all he says. I wonder if he’s in a relationship, or married, even.’
‘Well,’ said Diane, ‘there’s nothing as complicated as marriage, I can tell you.’
‘I’d sure like to try complicated one day,’ said Jerry wistfully.
‘And did he pass the test? Did he say yes to the concert?’
‘He said he’d try,’ replied Jerry. ‘Said he’d do his best.’
Diane looked at Jerry. ‘Sounds like he has complicated commitments.’
‘I know. But I will live in hope.’ Jerry got up out of his chair, clearly wishing to close the subject. ‘Anyway, I’ll let everyone know that we’ll have news before Christmas on proposed head-count reduction. Thanks for telling me.’
‘I wish it was more positive news,’ said Diane, watching him leave, thinking how much Jerry deserved someone and how sad it was that he might be alone at Christmas. She really needed to make sure she made the most of Chloe being with her – and Leon, of course.
Jerry filled Stacey in on the bus on the way home that night.
‘I suppose it’s better to know as soon as possible,’ she said. ‘Means I can hit the ground running in the new year, looking for a new job.’
‘If it is you,’ said Jerry. ‘I have no idea which way she’s going to go, and don’t forget there will be a consultation period and they’ll have to look to see if they can place whoever it is in another job in the local government.’
‘I know,’ said Stacey. ‘But it’s hassle, isn’t it? And I need flexitime. Just as I thought my life was looking up and I had less to worry about, there’s always something that puts a spanner in the works.’
‘Oh my God,’ breathed Jerry. ‘I forgot to ask you about your date. How did it go? You need to tell me all about it.’
‘I went on a date,’ stated Stacey, her frown replaced by a smile. ‘For the first time in what – eight years!’
‘Insane,’ said Jerry. ‘Makes me want to weep for you. So how was it?’
‘Great, good. I mean, it ticked all the boxes of a great date. We met at a restaurant. A nice restaurant. Only adults, no children, no highchairs, no colouring-in sheets, no kids’ menu, no dodging pushchairs, no chicken nuggets, no soft play area, no chips squidged into the carpet, no rows and rows of ketchup. They had tablecloths, Jerry. I didn’t know restaurants did tablecloths any more. Velvet chairs that would have been destroyed by ketchup-smeared hands. But they didn’t seem to care. No worrying about dirt or grubby fingers or breakage issues. It was an amazing place.’
‘You have been a long time in the child wilderness,’ said Jerry. ‘You poor, poor thing. What did you eat?’
‘This was a revelation. I had something I wanted. Just me. Not something I ordered in case Grace decided she didn’t like what she’d ordered. Unbelievable.’
‘And how was the guy – you know, the man – the person who took you there? The other factor to this date.’
‘He was great,’ said Stacey. ‘We chatted, we talked about his work. I tell you, he has a really good job in the city. Like seriously good. He travels a lot and he seems to be at conferences all the time. We talked about the breakdown of his marriage and how hard it’s been on him, we talked about how difficult his ex-wife has made his life. It was great. Proper grown-up chat. You know: adult stuff. He made me feel like an adult.’
‘Mm,’ said Jerry, thinking that it didn’t seem as though they had talked much about Stacey’s life, but he didn’t want to burst her bubble by mentioning it.
‘Did he pay?’ asked Jerry. Always a make or break on a first date, he thought. Although the etiquette was a bit trickier when you were gay. It seemed very clear cut that the man always paid on a male/female first date.
‘He did!’ said Stacey. ‘He said he’d pay as long as we went back to mine for coffee. Which was very kind of him.’
‘So … er … did you …?’ asked Jerry.
‘Did we what?’
‘Kiss.’
‘Well, we tried,’ said Stacey. ‘Sort of. Grace kept appearing to sing us the donkey song so eventually we had to give up. Will said next time we’d go back to his. No idea how I make that work, though.’
‘Donkey song?’ Jerry asked.
Stacey laughed. ‘Oh, it’s the cutest thing, really. She wrote it with Yang. She’s totally fallen for him. Having said that, he was amazing. I never would have thought it. Grace was literally screaming, hanging onto my leg, before he arrived. Begging me not to go out. Then he came with food from his parents’ restaurant, got her eating prawn crackers, and she couldn’t have cared less where I went. Then when I came back, they’d written a song together about a donkey! She now talks about Yang all the time and sings the song all the time. It’s driving me mad.’
‘Wow,’ said Jerry, impressed. ‘Yang sounds like your regular Mary Poppins. I still cannot believe he offered to babysit for you. Just out of the blue like that?’
‘I know,’ said Stacey. ‘I didn’t pause to ask why. Just snapped his hand off, as you can imagine. Grace is absolutely desperate for him to babysit again and I can’t seem to make her understand it was a one-off. That he was just being kind.’
‘But what are you going to do about a babysitter if you want to keep on seeing Will?’
Stacey shrugged. ‘He’s coming over for dinner at some point soon. He seems happy to come to our flat. Especially if I’m feeding him, he says,’ Stacey laughed.
I bet he is, thought Jerry.
‘It was just so nice to be out,’ sighed Stacey. ‘And with a man who’s solvent and ticks so many boxes. Oh, and guess what. He mentioned they have a very swanky office party at the Tower of London. Oh my God. What I would do to go to that. Can you imagine? It would literally be like all my Christmases had come at once. Much better than our Christmas Coffee!’
‘So did he invite you?’ asked Jerry.
‘Not yet,’ said Stacey. ‘But I’m working on him. No idea what I’d do about a babysitter, though. Anyway, your turn. Update me on your Christmas kiss plans with coffee-shop man.’
‘Well,’ said Jerry. ‘I’m full of Christmas hope for this evening at the carol concert. In my head I’ll be standing at the front of the church in my robes and we’ll start with a rousing chorus of “O Come, All Ye Faithful” and I won’t have spotted him. But then, just as we get to the last verse, the door at the back will creak open and it will be him, and our eyes will meet across a crowded church and it’ll feel like a choir of angels is singing and the lights will glow behind his beautiful head, and it will seem as though the Angel Gabriel has arrived, and he’ll give me a small wave and then find a seat. Then every so often – and definitely during “Silent Night” – we’ll catch each other’s eye and grin shyly, you know, like this.’
Jerry took off his glasses and grinned in a very weird way.
‘Delightful,’ said Stacey. ‘That’s a weird sex face, if ever I saw one.’
‘Good, I’ve been practising,’ said Jerry. ‘Then afterwards, in the crypt, with the mince pies and mulled wine, he’ll approach me and say that’s the most beautiful music he has ever heard and then he’ll snog my face off.’
‘In church!’ exclaimed Stacey.
‘No, not really. That would be nice but I suspect it’s a fantasy too far. Actually, what will happen is he’ll walk over and ask if I have plans, and I’ll say no, even though there’s a choir drinks reception in the pub opposite, and then we’ll skip off to some lovely little bar he knows and he’ll tell me he’s been in love with me since the first time he met me and thank goodness for Christmas so he can finally share his true feelings. Then “Last Christmas” by Wham! will come on the sound system and we’ll fall into each other’s arms and share a Christmas kiss. And we’ll all live happily ever after.’
‘Amen,’ said Stacey.
‘Amen to that!’ agreed Jerry.
‘Maybe we’ll both get our Christmas kiss this year,’ said Stacey.
‘Wow,’ replied Jerry. ‘Wouldn’t that be something?’
‘Wouldn’t it just,’ said Stacey.