Chapter 16
Diane walked into her office and slammed down her files. Everyone jumped out of their skins. It had been a quiet morning so far – everybody had very much kept themselves to themselves – but there was something of an atmosphere. Jolene had hardly dared say a word to anyone. Stacey was running late due to an issue with the school over Grace’s continued insistence on wearing her donkey costume for all her classes, but everyone else looked as though they were attending a funeral.
‘Team meeting, now!’ shouted Diane from her office.
Everyone glanced at each other before getting up and dragging themselves into her office.
‘Right,’ declared Diane. ‘Who’s up for cancelling Christmas next year?’
Jolene’s eyes shot wide open. Diane’s eyes were blazing. She had a strand of hair out of place, which wasn’t like her. What on earth had happened?
‘Definitely me,’ muttered Jerry. ‘Can’t be cancelled soon enough, if you ask me. Most massive waste of time and effort ever!’
Jolene glanced over to him. He had been exceptionally quiet all morning. He’d kept disappearing and when he was at his desk just stared into space, which was weird as he was normally very focused on his work.
‘Are you OK?’ asked Jolene.
Jerry turned his full gaze towards her and for the first time she noticed his eyes were rimmed red, as though he had spent a large chunk of time crying recently.
‘No,’ he said eventually. ‘I’m not all right and the sooner this Christmas palaver is over, the better, if you ask me.’ He turned to look at Diane. ‘Where do I sign? I’m all in for cancelling Christmas.’
‘Well, I’ve been thinking,’ said Diane. ‘I can’t face the thought of having to make one of you redundant because of this stupid head-count reduction we’re being forced to do so I was wondering if there’s anywhere else we could cut costs.’
‘We’ve been through everything,’ said Jerry.
‘But what about the Cost of Christmas report you are working on, Yang?’ said Diane. ‘What have been your findings so far?’
‘Well, we’ve pretty much gathered all the costs and they do stack up to a large amount,’ he replied. ‘You also said we needed to try and work out what return we’re getting from this investment. Are we getting value for money? But the benefits of Christmas are so intangible.’
‘I think that’s the key,’ stated Diane. ‘If we can prove that the expenditure on Christmas is not value for money then we can firmly recommend that Christmas should be part of the cost-cutting exercise. If we can do that then we might save some jobs.’
‘I see what you’re saying,’ said Jerry, nodding. ‘If it’s a case of choosing between Christmas or employment then maybe we should think very hard about what goes into that report.’
‘That’s it,’ said Diane.
‘But … but, you can’t cancel Christmas.’ Jolene had to pipe up; she couldn’t believe what she was hearing. ‘It makes everyone so happy.’
Jerry turned to her. ‘No, it doesn’t,’ he retorted. ‘All Christmas ever does is entice you into this weird sense of hope that your life is going to be dramatically happier just because it’s Christmas, that you’re going to have this warm fuzzy feeling the whole time, and this perfect person is going to appear and love you and kiss you under the mistletoe, and it never bloody happens!’ He slammed his hand on the table.
Jolene jumped.
‘Christmas is the worst let-down ever known to man,’ declared Jerry.
He was so violent in his opinion, Jolene thought she might cry.
‘Wow,’ said Yang, ‘I mean, I don’t celebrate Christmas, but surely it’s not that bad. Did you have a bad evening?’ he asked.
Jerry just shook his head.
Diane leaned over and clutched his arm. ‘I had a crappy night too,’ she said. ‘Amongst other disasters, my daughter came home from uni and declared she wouldn’t be spending Christmas with us. She’s spending it with her new boyfriend’s family.’
‘Oh, gosh,’ said Jerry. ‘I’m so sorry. That’s tough. You see: Christmas is advertised as the best time to spend with those you love. And when that doesn’t happen – well – the disappointment it creates is unreal!’
Jolene watched as Jerry’s eyes filled up. Whatever had happened had been devastating.
‘This will be my fourth Christmas without Linda,’ said Barney quietly.
All eyes turned to Barney. Jolene swallowed. Ever since their night in the park when Barney had painted such a picture of his love for his wife and his wonderful Christmases as a family, he had totally shunned her. It was as if he was embarrassed that he had let her glimpse his sorrow and his loss. She was also still desperately trying to show him that she could be an asset to the team since he had basically told her that her entire generation were work-shy good-for-nothings. Unfortunately, the only thing she had been given to do was the mayor’s event and she wasn’t sure if Barney even approved of that.
Barney was staring back at them, a look of grim determination on his face. ‘You have no idea how bad Christmas can be,’ he said. ‘No idea. Christmas with only the memories of the people you love is the worst feeling in the world. All Christmas does is remind you of what you’ve lost. You just know you’ll never have a merry Christmas ever again.’
He didn’t cry, he didn’t shed a tear, just stared down at the table.
Jerry was the first to speak.
‘I’m so sorry,’ he said quietly. ‘I’d forgotten Christmas must be impossible for you, Barney. I’m an idiot. I mean, I’m upset about Christmas because someone didn’t ask me out, for goodness’ sake. What am I thinking?’
Barney looked at Jerry, and Jolene held her breath. She thought Barney might say something to Jerry he may regret. She’s noticed that Barney was always very quiet when Jerry talked about his love life. He was of a generation that might not be used to homosexuality being openly discussed and she wasn’t sure what his views were.
‘You only get upset when you really care about something,’ said Barney. ‘That’s what Linda used to say, anyway.’ He was looking straight at Jerry.
‘But if you can’t have the thing you care about, then that really hurts,’ replied Jerry.
Barney shrugged. ‘Maybe you just haven’t tried hard enough.’ He paused. ‘I had to try really hard to get Linda.’
‘What did you do?’ asked Jerry and Yang in unison. They looked at each other, embarrassed.
‘You don’t want to know,’ said Barney, with a shrug.
‘We do,’ urged Jerry and Yang in unison again.
‘Well,’ he said, shuffling in his seat. ‘If you’re really that interested: I got a job at the ice rink where she used to go skating. I knew the minute I saw her I wanted to marry her, but I couldn’t skate so I got a job giving out boots. Just at the weekend. I made myself talk to her a bit more every week. I asked her the Saturday before Christmas if she was coming to the Christmas Eve session. She said yes and I said I’ll see you on the ice then and she said – and I’ll never forget her saying this – she said, yes, that would be really nice.’ He swallowed.
‘Wow,’ murmured Jolene.
‘I couldn’t skate,’ he continued, ‘so she took my hand on Christmas Eve and guided me round and never let go.’
‘Wow,’ said Jerry, wiping a tear from his eye. ‘Now that is a great Christmas story.’
‘Six weeks I worked at the rink before Christmas Eve,’ he said. ‘Sometimes you just have to get yourself in the right place to get the girl, or guy, or whatever you want.’ He glanced pointedly at Jerry and then at Yang.
Diane gave a big sigh. ‘Thanks for sharing that, Barney. But we had really better get back to trying to save everyone’s job?’ She turned to face Yang. ‘Tell me exactly where we’re at with Christmas costs, Yang.’
Yang was still staring at Barney.
‘Yang,’ said Diane again.
‘Sorry, what was that?’
‘What stage are you at with the Cost of Christmas report?’
‘Oh, sorry. So Stacey and I have gathered everything we could think of from all the separate budgets. The thing is, it’s never been put together before. Of course, there are all the actual decorations, which sit in one budget, but then the electricity sits in another. Then there are the electricians and the maintenance guys, which sit somewhere entirely different. Then, of course, storage costs have never been attributed to Christmas at all and that’s a huge chunk of money. What I’ve also done is some forecasts of where these costs might go over the next five years, considering inflation and replacements, which I’ve tracked back from previous years, as well as rising energy costs. I would expect the cost of Christmas to have risen by twenty-two per cent in the next five years. Which interestingly is in line with what experts believe will happen to household spending on Christmas over the same period. Typically, family households spend 156 per cent of their monthly income on Christmas,’ said Yang.
‘Wow,’ said Diane. ‘It’s the most stressful time of the year by a long way and yet it’s costing me more than my summer holiday. Christmas is just a money pit. So it sounds like the costs are stacking up nicely. Now we just need to show that we’re not getting the required value from that expenditure. Any ideas, anyone?’
‘We did discuss doing a survey,’ said Yang. ‘Of the public in the area. We can draw up a questionnaire that gives us data on whether the public think they get value for money from what the council spends on Christmas. That should give us something.’
‘Good idea,’ agreed Diane.
‘I could do that,’ said Jolene. ‘I designed loads of surveys at uni. I’ve got a programme that you can plug the data straight into.’
‘OK,’ nodded Diane. ‘You work with Yang on designing a questionnaire, Jolene. We should do it soon. Whilst all the expenditure is on full display. Can you get yourselves organised for Friday? We don’t have much time.’
‘Definitely,’ said Jolene. ‘I can knock one up after this, Yang, and show it to you.’
‘Great,’ nodded Yang.
‘Then who’s up for going out into the field, asking the questions?’ asked Diane.
‘I will,’ Jolene immediately volunteered. Jerry and Yang quickly followed.
‘Do I have to?’ asked Barney.
‘I think your knowledge of the area would be really helpful,’ said Diane. ‘Why don’t you go out with Jolene, seeing as she’s not so familiar.’
‘Really?’ he asked, looking disappointed.
‘I’ll do all the hard work,’ said Jolene. ‘Ask all the questions, set it all up. All you need to do is tell me where to go.’ This could be her chance to show Barney what she was made of.
‘I think you two could make a good team,’ said Diane.
Barney grunted and gave Diane a funny look. ‘If you say so.’
‘Right, good,’ said Diane. ‘That’s settled. Let’s see where we get to. See how much the public would really miss Christmas if we cancelled it. Now, anything else?’
Jolene raised her hand.
‘It’s all right, you don’t have to put your hand up, Jolene.’
‘I’m just checking you’re OK for our meeting tomorrow at the London Eye, regarding the mayor’s party,’ she said to Diane.
Diane nodded. ‘I hadn’t forgotten. I need you to be very clear on what we’re asking for, Jolene.’
Jolene nodded enthusiastically. ‘I won’t let you down. And … and can I just check if we’re still doing the Secret Santa Project?’ asked Jolene. ‘That isn’t cancelled, is it?’
Diane looked at Jolene. ‘No, Jolene, I guess not.’
‘Good,’ replied Jolene. ‘I’ve had an idea for mine, actually,’ she continued. ‘Especially after today’s chat. Oops, I’ve said too much,’ she said, clamping her hand over her mouth. ‘Sorry.’
‘I’ve still no idea,’ said Jerry, miserably. ‘I just don’t know what this person wants.’
‘Talk to them,’ said Jolene. ‘That’s how I got my idea.’
‘Sure,’ said Jerry, looking unconvinced. ‘I’ll try.’
‘The thing is,’ said Diane, ‘we haven’t got time, have we? Well, I haven’t. I’ve no idea how I’m going to sort mine out.’
‘But we make time to shop, we make time to clean, we make time to cook, we make time to wrap all the stuff we’ve bought,’ said Jolene. ‘Maybe we should redirect some of that time to thinking about what would really make someone’s Christmas.’
Diane stared back at Jolene. She wished Leon was using some of the time he wasn’t having to use desperately trying to deliver the perfect family Christmas to working out what would make her Christmas. But then again she had no idea what on earth would make her Christmas this year either.