Chapter 1
The moment of truth
Paddy
Stoney Grange, England – Present Day
Here we go. Here we fucking go. The moment of truth.
Am I strong enough to see this weekend through? I can already say that I don’t think I am, but this is the perfect opportunity for me to try and do something right.
As if it wasn’t bad enough that the last time I was here was three years ago, I’m already getting funny looks from everyone around me who’s also arriving. Some of them I recognise. Some of them I don’t.
Yes. It’s me, Paddy O’Keefe, the rebellious teen turned responsible adult. No, I’m not back for good, regardless of what my parents may have told you.
I can tell by the way Bill Brooks keeps his eyes locked on me while chatting to my parents, that he isn’t pleased to see me.
I don’t get why, considering he and I have literally never spoken.
Sure, we had our fair few run-ins back in the day, but the narrowing of his eyes makes me shake my head at him.
I take a breath and eventually climb out of my car, closing the door behind me. A quick check of the time on my phone has my pulse racing. Thirteen unread messages. Eleven missed calls. Yeah, things have got that bad. It’s not that I don’t care, it just hurts too damn much.
Laughter from nearby washes away my wayward thoughts.
The rapturous burst and the gentle, not-so-well-hidden snort when she’s done, I remember from when we were kids.
I know exactly who it’s coming from without having to look.
I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t the first thing to make me smile, and I mean genuinely smile, in weeks.
There hasn’t been much happiness lately, and coming back here today certainly isn’t going to change that. However, when I finally look at Morgan Brooks, she turns and walks inside the hall, not noticing me.
I missed my chance to steal a look at her. Still, I wonder if she’s thought about me in the time I’ve been away?
Then I shake my head. Why would she?
Maybe because she used to look at me like I was invincible. Always with that shy smile and eyes full of something I hadn’t quite understood until I was a little older. But that was then. So much has changed since.
Watching her through the window, she sits alone at a table, an understandable quiet energy exuding from her. She holds herself tightly. Almost as if uncertain. It’s clear that, despite my being away, my ability to recognise when someone prefers not to be where they are hasn’t changed.
Glad it’s not just me.
I’m saved from thinking much more about everything when my younger sister, Fi, comes and stands by my side.
I wouldn’t let her ride with me.
Honestly, as much as she and I still annoy the hell out of each other, I’ve missed her.
“Smile, Paddy. The party will be over before you know it.”
I swallow, second guessing my decision to retreat to Stoney Grange. Maybe I should have just stayed in London? Handle my shit rather than running away.
“Well, considering we’re not even inside yet, I’d say the odds aren’t in our favour of being home before the game starts.” Not that the game’s more important than being here, but I need to chill out for a while.
Fi hums with a smile, looking around the carpark. “What’s his problem?”
I follow her gaze to Bill who is still watching me like a hawk.
“Fucked if I know?” I stare down Morgan’s father like it’s a duel, willing myself not to look away first. I don’t like losing.
Which is pretty ironic considering it was my choice to leave Stoney Grange for good after I’d finished uni.
And yet, it was at that very moment I felt like I lost everything.
Instinct has me looking in Morgan’s direction inside.
A few moments tick by without her noticing me staring.
She’s definitely grown up in the past three years.
Her hair’s still the same, all rebelliously curly and wild, but I’m no longer looking at the teenager I once knew.
She’s a woman now. She’s wearing make-up.
Her breasts are fuller. Her body has tighter curves.
Shit. That’s so fucking inappropriate.
“You going to speak to her?” Fi asks gently.
I quickly look at my sister who’s watching me. There is absolutely no reason why I would walk over to Morgan and say anything. Sure, she used to follow me around when she had a not-so-secret crush, but she was never my friend.
“No.”
She leans back against my car as we wait for Mum and Pops. “Then Mr Brooks probably just wants to know how long you’re back for this time.”
And there it is. The burning question I know she’s been dying to ask since I got here. “Fi—”
“I’m glad you’re home,” she quickly interjects with softness, turning her body slightly towards me.
My eyes close, and I suck in a breath. “Until Monday, Fi.” Then I have to get back to reality. Sort things out.
I’m not sure what Mum will have promised her, but I can feel hope draining from her with every shallow breath she takes. She eventually looks up at me, and I give my sister the best smile I can muster. But it’s fake.
“How’s Hannah?” she asks, reading me, swiftly changing the conversation to keep me on my toes.
I run a hand through my hair before I cup the back of my neck, trying to tame the threads of tension beginning to ache there. “She’s fine.” I think.
Fi assesses me with cautious eyes. At the age of twenty-one, she shows a maturity far beyond her years. “You didn’t think to bring her with you?” She folds her arms across her middle.
I smile because I really didn’t. “No.” This isn’t the place for her. And considering she packed her bags while yelling at me, I’d say she wouldn’t have come anyway.
“Well, I’m glad she’s not here. She wasn’t the one for you.”
I quirk a brow at her, wondering how the fuck she always does that. One look. One word. And Fiona can read me like a fucking see through book. “That right?”
Fi nods. “What did you do?”
I look over my shoulder as if the answer is there, because fuck me, I can’t find the right one anywhere else. “You’re so sure I’m the problem, Fi?” I look at my sister as a few more people make their way inside the hall.
“You’re always the one trying to solve the problem, Paddy. Whatever happened, I bet you’re blaming yourself, robbing yourself of happiness.”
That cuts so fucking deep, she has no idea.
If I’m being totally honest, I’m not surprised that Hannah left.
What she did to me was unforgiveable. But I ruined her life.
Even though on paper we’re probably compatible, we had nothing in common.
There was never any connection. No spark.
As pathetic as it might sound to some, that shit is important to me.
“I am happy,” I try to protest, earning me a shake of Fi’s head.
She smiles widely with disbelief. “It’s a skill being able to read you so easily, and you are so full of shit. What happened? Really.”
I look down, avoiding having to look at her, but immediately look up, trying to prove her wrong. We’re at a standoff. Eyes locked through an ever-stretching silence. “I cheated on her.” I pull my shoulders back and take a deep breath.
My lie earns me an eye roll. Clearly, I am that transparent.
“People who don’t know you might buy the image you once had for yourself, Pads, but you won’t get away with it here, even if it is only until Monday.
” There’s a weird glimmer in her eyes all of a sudden, but Fi straightens herself.
“For you to actually come back here means something’s wrong. Like, seriously wrong.”
Her voice wobbles at the end, and I chew the inside of my mouth, seeing her getting upset. “Well, maybe you could stop reading me and use some of those skills to help this weekend run smoothly for me?” I playfully nudge her chin with a gentle fist, hoping to win her round.
Swatting me away, she sniffs before she speaks. “You told Mum yet?”
I shrug, earning me a sigh.
“Not that you ever listen to me, but please figure out a way to tell her that after three years her only son is leaving again in two days. Evie will be coming to stay with us soon. Mum can’t have that stress as well as yours.”
We both look up seeing Mr Brooks’ conversation end and both our parents making their way over to us.
“Because if you don’t, I will—”
“Patrick? Fiona?” Mum questions, closing the space between us.
I glare at Fi before she casually wraps her arms around my old man’s large waist, not giving anything away. “Dad.”
“Everything alright?” Mum asks, hugging me and then Fi in turn with a slightly worried look on her face. She’s carrying a plate of food to take inside, skilfully balanced in one hand.
“Fine. Everything’s fine,” I tell her. “What did he want?” I nod in Bill’s direction before exchanging a frown with my sister.
“Oh, nothing. He was telling us about his recent holiday.” She looks between me and Fi letting out a sigh. “Oh, for the love of God, what is it? Do I smell or something? You’re both acting weirder than usual.”
I huff. “No, that smell is just your food,” I try to joke, getting a dead arm from my dad.
“Twenty-four doesn’t make you too old for a good old-fashioned beating, boyo.”
I smile, rubbing my arm. “Missed you too, Pops.”
He holds out his hand, and I take it, before he’s pulling me into him.
I arrived home a few hours ago, but Dad was still working down the yard at his garage.
He looks well. Aged, but still the man I remember.
Three years of distance suddenly has my chest tightening and my fingers curling into the back of his shirt.
This is why I came back here. No words needed, just, this.
He sighs before asking, “You spoke to Morgan yet?”
Okay. Fi asking me that question, not that odd. My old man asking me it, weirdest shit I’ve ever heard.
My eyes narrow as I pull away from him. Why do I get the feeling I missed something?
“No? Should I have?” Because in all the years she hung around with Fi and a few of the other girls in our village, sure, we had plenty of conversations, but she was just my kid sister’s friend with the blonde curls and cute laugh.
Cute?
Taking a pause, my realisation catches me off guard. Not because it’s new, but because it isn’t. The feelings I had shrugged off as a kid, clearly mean more to me now than they ever did.
“Fi told me to ask you.” He waves a hand coolly. “Anyway, fancy watching the game later? The fridge’s loaded with your favourite.”
I nod, my teeth unclenching slightly. “Yeah. I’ll get the boys round too, if that’s alright?”
Pops dips his head.
“Which reminds me, everyone is invited back to ours afterwards,” Mum sings, earning herself a chorus of groans from all of us.
“Seriously?” I ask her, already wanting to drown my sorrows. Because Jake and Danny and my family is enough company for anyone. But everyone?
Pops signals for us to follow, and we all begin heading towards the church hall entrance.
“Oh, enough complaining, Patrick.” Her use of my full name never ceases to surprise me. “People have been looking forward to seeing you.”
I somehow manage to suppress a roll of my eyes when I make it to the door and hold it open for her.
Fi pipes up as she walks past me. “People don’t actually give two shits about what’s going on with Paddy.”
Exactly. “They just have nothing better to talk about and are all nosy fuckers.”
Mrs Dennison walks past as we head to the main room. She frowns, obviously having caught the tail-end of my sentence and my mum nervously waves at her before thrusting the plate of food in her hand my way.
“Patrick, make yourself useful and pass these around.”
With a scoff, I guide her hands away from me. “Absolutely not.”
We make it inside, the large doors closing behind us. “Fi, then?” Mum’s voice begins to rise which is unlike her. “Just someone please try to act normal here.” Her demand is angry but hushed.
I’m two seconds away from turning right back around and getting in my car, but I see Mum’s face redden slightly. “Alright,” I crack, knowing it's not worth the trouble. Instead, I smile tenderly at my old man and her. As much as I hate to admit it, I’ve needed them recently.
I still refuse to take the plate. “I’ll be normal,” I mutter, knowing that getting through this is going to be harder than I thought.
God help me.